Twenty Years of Hus'ling Part 41

I arranged with my clerk that when we saw the Doctor coming I would lean back in one of the office chairs, apparently asleep, and when he came in the clerk should pick up a pair of shears from the window-sill and suggest that he (the Doctor) should clip one side of my moustache off, and let me run around during the evening a laughing-stock to every one.

It worked to a charm. The Doctor jumped at the chance, and cut one side close to my lip, after which I was routed up, and was received by him with much coolness.

The clerk had posted every one to say nothing to me; and as I appeared as ridiculous as possible, and everybody laughed heartily, the Doctor felt that he had perpetrated a huge joke on me.

He was more than pleased when I happened to glance in the mirror, and discovered my predicament, as he was sitting in the office.

The cross-eyed girl was not referred to for several days; and when I did mention her, the Doctor changed color, and immediately became dejected.

Everything moved along smoothly for several days thereafter.

The Doctor, as before stated, was very fond of pie and coffee, especially apple pie, and generally preferred them the first thing before his regular meal, instead of waiting to have them served as a dessert.

Becoming dissatisfied with my dining-room and kitchen help, I had discharged them and hired an entire new force. When giving them instructions I gave the dining-room girls a description of the Doctor, and pointed out the seat he usually occupied; and cautioned them in particular not under any circ.u.mstances to give him pie or coffee.

They seemed curious to know the reason, and I explained that he was crazy, and the very moment he drank a swallow of coffee or ate a mouthful of pie he became raving at once, and would be liable to murder the whole lot of them; and the doctors had given strict orders never to let him have either.

That day we had apple pie for dinner, and I managed to have one of the boarders, who always sat at the same table with the Doctor, get into the dining room a little ahead of him, and to have some apple pie and a cup of coffee by his plate. The Doctor entered as usual, and after looking over the table, said:

"Bring me some apple pie and coffee."

"We have no pie or coffee, Doctor," was the girl's weak and trembling reply.

"Do you claim you have none at all?" was his quick inquiry.

"None at all, Doctor," she answered.

"And haven't you had any for dinner?" was his next question.

"No, sir," she replied.

"The d----l you say! What's that over there?" he asked, pointing to his neighbor's plate. The girl stammered a moment, and said:

"Doctor, we are instructed not to give you pie or coffee."

"Who the d----l gave you such instructions?" demanded he.

"Well," said she, evidently wis.h.i.+ng not to compromise me, "the doctor says you mustn't have either."

"Great ----! what doctor said so? Who told you the doctor said so? Why did he say I should not have pie or coffee?" he shouted.

"Because he says you are crazy," she hesitatingly answered.

"Great Heavens! girl; it's you that's crazy!" and slamming his fist on the table, and jumping to his feet, he demanded an explanation instantly.

The girl ran to the kitchen, and the Doctor after her. The rest fled for their lives, screaming at the top of their voices and scattering in all directions. Some ran into the yard, some up stairs, and the poor frightened girl who had attempted to take his order took refuge in the cellar, the Doctor after her, yelling at the top of his voice, still demanding an explanation. He barricaded the cellar-way by swinging his cane and banging it against a tin wash-boiler near the entrance, and declared that the girl never should see daylight again unless she revealed the source of her information.

It was now about one o'clock, and the landlady had arrived on the noon train; and, after locating her newly painted hotel, came in just in time to catch us in the heat of the excitement, and the Doctor in the cellar in the midst of his controversy.

She demanded an explanation, and became very nervous when the cook excitedly told her that the Doctor had gone raving crazy, and had driven one of the girls down cellar.

She asked me why I didn't go down after him. I told her I didn't dare to.

Directly he came stamping up the stairs, swearing at the top of his voice, and said he just expected it was the work of that cussed red-headed d----l.

As he emerged from the cellar-way, with his wild defiant look and an oath on his lips, and saw the landlady standing in the doorway, he looked the picture of despair.

He faltered for a moment, during which time there was another general stampede. I was the first to start on the run, with the old lady following after, leaving the Doctor by himself. He tried to find some one to listen to him, but the moment he would venture near any one about the house, they would fly away at lightning speed.

The landlady asked how long he had been so and suggested calling a physician, or having him sent to an asylum.

After the matter had gone as far as I thought it should, and farther than I had any idea it ever would go, I began to explain that it was only a joke. But again the thing had gone too far. My dining-room girls immediately quit work, declaring that I couldn't fool them, as they had seen enough.

With considerable difficulty I satisfied the landlady that it was only a joke.

It then became necessary to satisfy her that the extensive improvements on the house had been a good investment. While up stairs showing her the changes I had made, I noticed the Doctor's door was opened, and that he was inside.

Suddenly we came to a room directly opposite his, which I had had papered and re-furnished, and she remarked that it suited her exactly, and that it showed good taste. I said, in a loud tone:

"Well, landlady, the Doctor suggested this, and I have depended largely on his taste and judgment."

We then stepped to the Doctor's door, and were invited in. She aided me as much as possible in keeping up a conversation, and complimented the Doctor on his exquisite taste.

He was immensely pleased, and after she left I remained with him a few moments.

He jumped up and closed the door, and was about to give me a tongue-las.h.i.+ng, when I antic.i.p.ated him by saying:

"Doctor, don't it beat thunder about that girl? Great Heavens! Had I known she was just out of the Asylum I never would have hired her. And isn't it strange that she twits every one else of being crazy? I wouldn't have her around ten days for the price of the hotel. But you will not be bothered any more, Doctor, for she is gone."

He gave me a very searching look, and said:

"Johnston, was it she or I that was considered crazy?"

"Well Doctor, I understand that she was crazy and you followed her down cellar to prevent her from committing suicide. At least that is the way the matter has been represented to the landlady and me."

"Well, I understood," said he seeming much relieved, "that they considered me crazy."

"O, my! Doctor! the landlady considers you one of the bravest and most courageous men she ever saw, to follow a raving maniac down cellar the way you did."

He said he was really surprised to learn that such was the case, as he had gotten quite a different idea.

A few days later my wife and boy arrived, as I had sent for them some days before.

The Doctor and I sold off our personal property and things moved on very harmoniously.

One day a lady called to consult him professionally and paid him five dollars in cash. This gave him renewed courage and he declared his intention of locating there permanently, as he not only believed it to be a good point, but he was rapidly becoming known and could very soon establish himself in a lucrative practice.

The business of the hotel increased, and to the landlady's astonishment, was making money. She could not understand how it had cleared so much, till I explained to her that I had raised the rates from one dollar to one dollar fifty and two dollars per day. She became much frightened and declared I would ruin her business.

I declared it would be run on those terms, or not at all if I run it.