Twenty Years of Hus'ling Part 17

He turned to me as if expecting me to answer; but I was suddenly taken with a severe fit of coughing.

The deacon said: "This gentleman came in at the blacksmith shop."

"Four cents," said the gate-keeper. We drove on, and when I began to laugh he asked what was up.

"Well, I'll tell you; I was just laughing to think how much more I am like Jim Fisk than you are."

"How so?"

"Well, sir, I might possibly tell eight lies for a dollar, but I wouldn't tell one for a s.h.i.+lling."

He seemed much chagrined, when I put the matter before him as I did. He said, in explanation, that he never believed in toll-gates, anyhow, had always advocated free turn-pikes, and thought it little harm to economize at their expense.

After discounting his note at the bank, I returned home to see how "the boy" was getting on.

A few days later I took the agency for another Patent, and gave up the dropper, which was too hard to sell. An acquaintance joined me, when we started on what proved to be a red-hot Patent-right campaign, and with the usual results of all Patent-right schemes.

When ready for a start, we had just about money enough to pay our expenses to Napoleon, Ohio, where we had decided to go. On arriving there we took quarters at a first-cla.s.s hotel, and began "hus'ling" to find a customer. When we had been there about ten days, the landlord, a very pleasant little gentleman, called my partner one side, and said he guessed he would have to ask us for a little money.

"Well," said Frank, "all right, sir; all right, sir. Make out your cussed old bill. I am not in the habit of being asked for money before I am ready to leave. However, you can make out your bill, and receipt it in full, sir!"

"Oh, no, no!" he remonstrated; "I'll do nothing of the kind, sir. It was not my intention to insult you, Let it go. Let it go. It's all right. I meant nothing out of the way."

Frank cooled down; and as he pa.s.sed by me said, _sotto voce_; "I guess we can stay all summer now, if we want to."

While at Napoleon, we had been in correspondence with several parties in different towns, who were known to me as traders. After spending two weeks there, we received a letter requesting us to visit a neighboring town, where there was a prospect for a good trade. We had succeeded in selling one Towns.h.i.+p right, which brought us cash enough for incidental expenses.

Hence we were unable to pay our hotel bill, and as the landlord was not in the office when we were ready to go, we simply left a note saying we would return later.

We were gone two weeks, barely paying expenses, and returned to Napoleon. Rus.h.i.+ng into the hotel office, we grasped the landlord by both hands, saying: "Did you think we had jumped our board bill, landlord?"

"Well, by golly, I didn't know what to think of it."

"Oh, pshaw! You ought to know us by this time. How are the nice cream biscuit? Suppose you've got some for tea, haven't you? Guess we'll wash.

Put us down for a good room, landlord. How are the folks, landlord?"

He said he had thought all the time we would turn up again, some day. We then explained the nature of our business, and told him he needn't be surprised if we left suddenly at any time; but he could always look for us back, sooner or later. We remained two weeks longer, with about the same success that had attended us before.

One day the landlord pulled a chair up by me, in the office, and said very mildly and pleasantly,

"Mr. Johnston, I have never yet asked you for money, and----"

"No," I quickly interrupted, "you never have, and I certainly respect you for it. If there is anything on this earth I dislike, it is a penurious, suspicious, narrow-minded landlord--always dunning his guests, and treating them like tramps. And I'd leave a man's house as soon as I could settle up and get out, if I was ever dunned by him."

"Well, I going to say, I never make a practice of dunning gentlemen who stop with me, and----"

"Well, that's right, landlord, that's right, and you'll make friends, in the long run, by not doing so. When I get ready to quit a hotel for good, I've got sense enough to ask for my bill, and then settle in full--and that is all anyone can ask for. How about the cream biscuit for supper, landlord?"

He said he guessed they were going to have some; and then asked how business was, anyway.

I told him our business had almost frightened us.

He said that was good.

Frank, who was sitting behind the stove listening to the conversation, said, as I pa.s.sed by him a moment later: "I guess he'll lay still now."

About this time we received a letter from a sewing-machine agent at Hicksville, saying he would trade a machine for a County right. We left forthwith, without even bidding the landlord good-bye.

It took us four days to trade for the machine, and money enough to pay our expenses for that time.

We s.h.i.+pped the machine to Napoleon, and returned there ourselves on the first train. When we entered the hotel, we both rushed for the proprietor, saying, as we grasped his hands:

"How are you, landlord? How is everything? Did you think we had left for good, landlord? Hope you didn't think we had jumped our board-bill?

Guess we'll take a wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. How are the cream biscuit? Suppose we'll have some for supper. How are all the folks?"

He looked a little woe-begone, and said he was glad to see us back; and he knew we would turn up soon.

The next morning we had the sewing-machine set up in the hotel office.

This seemed to console the landlord somewhat, as it was a brand new machine.

However, he appeared crest-fallen, a day or two later, when we sold it for forty dollars cash, and pocketed the money, saying nothing.

In a couple of days we took another sudden departure, for Bryan, Ohio, where we traded for an old horse, harness and wagon.

The horse proved to be an obstreperous, balky thing, and as contrary as a mule. I used all of my knowledge of horse-training, with no effect.

One day, just when he had balked, we met some boys near a corn-crib, on their way home from fis.h.i.+ng. One of them had a long fis.h.i.+ng-rod and a stout line, I gave him twenty-five cents for it and asked him to bring an ear of corn from the field. He did so, and after tying the corn to the end of the line, I held the pole over the horse's head, and let the corn hang about two feet from his nose. He started right off, and we had no further difficulty in persuading him to go.

[Ill.u.s.tration: EASILY PERSUADED.--PAGE 176.]

If we failed to hold the corn in plain sight he would stop at once.

We hacked around over the country, first one holding the pole and then the other, becoming so accustomed to it that we often wondered what people were laughing at, as we pa.s.sed them.

In a few days we arrived at Napoleon, drove up in front of the hotel, jumped out, ordered our horse put out, rushed in, grabbed the proprietor by the hands, with--"How are you, landlord? Did you think we had jumped our board bill this time? How are the folks? Guess we'll take a wash.

Put us down for a good room, landlord. Any cream biscuit for supper to-night?"

He said: "By gol, I didn't hardly know what to think of it, this time; but I thought perhaps you would turn up, after a while."

He seemed delighted that we had brought a horse and wagon with us, and we tried to sell it to him. He would have bought, only that the fish-pole-and-corn scheme had to be kept up, to make the horse go.

After about three days we again left; and then succeeded in making a very fair trade, coming into possession of a handsome pair of horses, harness and carriage, and two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, for six County rights.

We then traded the old horse for a small pony, which we sold for twenty dollars, and started for Napoleon, arriving there after an absence of about ten days.

We drove up to the hotel, ordered our horses put out, rushed in as usual, took the proprietor by the hand, and said:

"You just about thought we had quit you for good, this time, didn't you? Guess we'll take a wash, landlord. Put us down for a good room. How about the cream biscuit? Folks all well? Landlord, did you notice our team? It's the finest in the land. Have 'em taken good care of. By Jove!

We're glad to get home once more. You're looking fine, landlord. Have a cigar?"