The Handy Cyclopedia of Things Worth Knowing Part 34

Here's to a long life and a merry one, A quick death and an easy one, A pretty girl and a true one, A cold bottle and another one.

The Man We Love.--He who thinks the most and speaks the least ill of his neighbor.

False Friends.--May we never have friends who, like shadows, keep close to us in the suns.h.i.+ne only to desert us on a cloudy day or in the night.

Here's to those who'd love us if we only cared.

Here's to those we'd love if we only dared.

Here's to one another and one other, whoever he or she may be.

The world is filled with flowers, And flowers are filled with dew, And dew is filled with love And you and you and you.

Here's to you as good as you are, And to me as bad as I am; And as good as you are and as bad as I am, I'm as good as you are as bad as I am.

The Law.--The only thing certain about litigation is its uncertainty.

The Lawyer--Learned gentleman, who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself.

A Spreadeagle Toast.--The boundaries of our country: East, by the rising sun; north, by the north pole; west by all creation; and south, by the day of judgment.

When going up the bill of prosperity may you never meet a friend coming down.

May the hinges of friends.h.i.+p never grow rusty.

Come, come, good wine is a good familiar creature, if it be well used.--Shakespeare.

Shall I ask the brave soldier who fights by my side in the cause of mankind whether our creeds agree?

May all single men be married, and all married men be happy.

Our Country's Emblem:-- The lily of France may fade, The thistle and shamrock wither, The oak of England may decay, But the stars s.h.i.+ne on forever.

The Good Things of the World.--Parsons are preaching for them, lawyers are pleading for them, physicians are prescribing for them, authors are writing for them, soldiers are fighting for them, but true philosophers alone are enjoying them.

My life has been like sunny skies When they are fair to view; But there never yet were lives or skies Clouds might not wander through.

The Three Great American Generals.--General Peace, General Prosperity and General Satisfaction.

America.-- Our hearts, our hopes are all with thee, Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears, Our faith triumphant o'er our fears, Are all with thee, are all with thee.

Our National Birds.--The American Eagle, the Thanksgiving Turkey: may one give us peace in all our States--and the other a piece for all our plates.

OPPORTUNITY.

Master of human destinies am I.

Fame, Love and Fortune on my footsteps wait.

Cities and fields I walk; I penetrate Deserts and seas remote, and, pa.s.sing by Hovel, and mart, and palace, soon or late I knock unbidden once at every gate!

If sleeping, wake--if feasting, rise before I turn away. It is the hour of fate, And they who follow me reach every state Mortals desire, and conquer every foe Condemned to failure, penury, and woe.

Save death; but those who doubt or hesitate, Seek me in vain and uselessly implore: I answer not, and I return no more.

--John J. Ingalls.

A health to Our Dearest.--May their purses always be heavy and their hearts always light.

An Irishman's Toast.-- Here's to the land of the shamrock so green, Here's to each lad and his darling colleen, Here's to the ones we love dearest and most.

And may G.o.d save old Ireland--that's an Irishman's toast.

Here's a health to the future, A sigh for the past.

We can love and remember, And hope to the last, And for all the base lies That the almanacs hold.

While there's love in the heart, We can never grow old.

Some hae meat and canna' eat, And some wad eat who want it; But we hae meat and we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit.

--Burns.

A little health, a little wealth, A little house and freedom, With some few friends for certain ends, But little cause to need 'em.

If I were a raindrop and you a leaf, I would burst from the cloud above you, And lie on your breast in a rapture of rest, And love you--love you--love you.

If I were a brown bee and you were a rose, I would fly to you, love, nor miss you; I would sip and sip from your nectared lip, And kiss you--kiss you--kiss you.

--Ella Wheeler Wilc.o.x, in Three Women.