The Book of Humorous Verse - LightNovelsOnl.com
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Miniver loved the days of old When swords were bright and steeds were prancing; The vision of a warrior bold Would set him dancing.
Miniver sighed for what was not, And dreamed and rested from his labors; He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot And Priam's neighbors.
Miniver mourned the ripe renown That made so many a name so fragrant; He mourned Romance, now on the town, And Art, a vagrant.
Miniver loved the Medici, Albeit he had never seen one; He would have sinned incessantly Could he have been one.
Miniver cursed the commonplace, And eyed a khaki suit with loathing; He missed the mediaeval grace Of iron clothing.
Miniver scorned the gold he sought, But sore annoyed he was without it; Miniver thought and thought and thought And thought about it.
Miniver Cheevy, born too late, Scratched his head and kept on thinking; Miniver coughed, and called it fate, And kept on drinking.
_Edwin Arlington Robinson._
THE RECRUIT
Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "Bedad, yer a bad un!
Now turn out yer toes!
Yer belt is unhookit, Yer cap is on crookit, Ye may not be dhrunk, But, be jabers, ye look it!
Wan--two!
Wan--two!
Ye monkey-faced divil, I'll jolly ye through!
Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!
Ye march like the aigle in Cintheral Parrk!"
Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "A saint it ud sadden To dhrill such a mug!
Eyes front!--ye baboon, ye!-- Chin up!--ye gossoon, ye!
Ye've jaws like a goat-- Halt! ye leather-lipped loon, ye!
Wan--two!
Wan--two!
Ye whiskered orang-outang, I'll fix you!
Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!
Ye've eyes like a bat!--can ye see in the dark?"
Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "Yer figger wants padd'n'-- Sure, man, ye've no shape!
Behind ye yer shoulders Stick out like two boulders; Yer s.h.i.+ns is as thin As a pair of pen-holders!
Wan--two!
Wan--two!
Yer belly belongs on yer back, ye Jew!
Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!
I'm dhry as a dog--I can't shpake but I bark!"
Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "Me heart it ud gladden To blacken your eye.
Ye're gettin' too bold, ye Compel me to scold ye,-- Tis halt! that I say,-- Will ye heed what I told ye?
Wan--two!
Wan--two!
Be jabers, I'm dhryer than Brian Boru!
Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!
What's wur-ruk for chickens is sport for the lark!"
Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "I'll not stay a gaddin', Wid dagoes like you!
I'll travel no farther, I'm dyin' for--wather;-- Come on, if ye like,-- Can ye loan me a quather?
Ya-as, you-- What,--two?
And ye'll pay the potheen? Ye're a daisy! Whurroo!
You'll do!
Whist! Mark!
The Rigiment's flattered to own ye, me spark!"
_Robert W. Chambers._
OFFICER BRADY
THE MODERN RECRUIT
I
Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "G'wan! Ye're no lady!
Luk here what ye've done: Ye've run in Red Hogan, Ye've pulled Paddy Grogan, Ye've fanned Misther Brogan An' called him a 'gun'!
"Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you!
'An' what,' sez he, 't' 'ell,' sez he, 'Does the villyun mane to do?
Lock up the a.s.s in his shtall!
He'll rue the day I rue, F'r he's pulled the dive that kapes me alive, An' he'll go to the goats! Whurroo!'"
II
Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Ye pinched young Mullady F'r crackin' a safe!
An' Sinitor Moran An' Alderman Doran Is inside, a-roarin'
F'r justice, ye thafe!
"'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you!
'What's this,' sez he, 'I hear?' sez he-- An' the air, bedad, grew blue!
'Well, I nivver did hear av such gall!
But if phwat ye say is thrue, He's pulled a fri'nd av a fri'nd av me fri'nd, An' he'll go to the goats! Whurroo!"
III
Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Here's Sullivan's lady Cavoortin' an' riled; She lifted a locket From Casey's coat pocket, An' it goes to the docket, An' Sullivan's wild!
"'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you!
