Reasons Not to Fall in Love Part 3

I closed my eyes, fighting the humiliation that was causing my heart to squeeze painfully in my chest. "Finn, we don't work."

"We do!" he protested. "You don't want to be on your own any more than what I do. We need each other. And we can't just break up; imagine what that'll do to Theo."

I frowned, knowing he was throwing every emotional tool at me to try and make me not say the words that were right on the tip of my tongue. I hated him for bringing in those things, but those were the reasons I'd put up with him for this long already because I didn't want to take Theo's dad away from him, and because I was afraid. Afraid to be on my own, afraid to be a single parent, afraid to walk up to my mother and tell her that she'd been right about Finn all along. How would I look her in the eye after knowing that I should have listened to her all those years ago, when she saw that he was no good?

"Please, b.u.t.tercup. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. I'll try harder; I'll be better, I swear." As he spoke, his breath reeked of alcohol as it blew across my face. "Maybe we could get some counselling or something. I could learn how to be a better husband. Just don't give up on us, don't let me screw this up, please?" His hands slid up my arms, coming to rest on my neck, his thumbs stroking my jawline softly. "I'll do anything. Let me make this up to you. Just one more chance? Can we start over, we'll work it out? Please?"

My decision had already been made though and no matter how much he pleaded, how much his eyes bore into mine, how softly he stroked my face, I couldn't change my mind, not this time. I felt different inside. Starting over was scary and terrifying, but my pride had been wounded irrevocably by the sight I'd walked in on. I couldn't pretend any longer.

My words left my lips before I fully thought through the consequences of them. "Take your filthy, lying, cheating hands off me, and move the f.u.c.k out of my flat!" I hissed, raising my chin confidently. "I'm done. We're done." I took a deep breath before saying the last bit. "I want a divorce."

The words didn't hurt as much as I thought they would, in fact, it was almost a relief saying it, and they took some of the weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying around for the last twelve and a half years since we said the words I do'. The finality of the word divorce hung in the air and, in that split second, I actually felt proud of myself. I was finally making a stand and believing that I was worth it and that I deserved more even if more meant being on my own and starting life over again. I'd made the right choice.

April 2014 "And you're sure you're really OK?" Skye asked for the hundredth time.

I sighed and nodded in confirmation. "Of course I am. Will you stop worrying about me? This has been coming for a long time. To be honest, I'm glad it's over with," I admitted, shrugging.

She gave me a meaningful look and took the hairbrush from my hand, taking hold of my shoulders and turning me in my seat. "Let me do your hair."

I smiled gratefully. I knew that wasn't just what this was for; this was a supportive gesture because she thought I was going to be freaking out. I wasn't though. Like I'd just a.s.sured her, I was totally fine and this had been coming for a long time. It should have happened years ago and then maybe I would have had a little more self-confidence and self-worth.

Finn and I had our divorce finalised today, and a beautiful copy of my decree absolute had been delivered to me this morning in a stiff brown envelope. It had taken a lot of arguing before we finally got to this point. For some reason, Finn didn't want to make our split permanent and had fought the divorce at every possibly stage. Why he wanted to hang on to our destructive relations.h.i.+p, I had no idea though. We were never really any good for one another. We both knew it, it had just taken us almost fourteen years of being together to finally admit it. But I'd had to take the leap and make this change because I couldn't keep up the act any longer. I couldn't keep pretending that I was happy when, in reality, I was miserable. But finally today, eight months after I uttered the words I want a divorce', my wish was finally granted, and I couldn't have been more relived about it.

Coincidently, Brandon was throwing a rather large party because his business was celebrating a monumental three-year advertising contract that his company had just landed. The timing of the party worked out perfectly, and would be the perfect excuse for me to get off-my-face drunk without it looking like it was something to do with my divorce. Plus, I had a child-free weekend too because Theo was staying with Finn's parents for the weekend.

My son had taken the split a lot better than I thought he would. Deep down he'd probably known that this was a long time coming too. He was almost fourteen now, so he wasn't exactly a child any more he knew how things worked. He'd caught me crying on more than one occasion over the years when I'd let Finn's escapades get me down. I'd never spoken to Theo about Finn's cheating ways, but it seemed that he knew anyway somehow. Even though he had always been a decent dad, Theo still held a lot of resentment towards his father for hurting me, and they were currently going through a particularly rocky patch that I hoped they remedied soon.

I smiled as my sister styled my hair, and wrapped my arm around Evie's shoulder. My niece was now eight years old. She was beautiful, and the perfect image of her mother except she didn't have Skye's feisty spirit, she was more laid back and chilled like her dad.

"Auntie Bronwyn, why didn't Theo come again?" she asked, pouting.

I smiled teasingly. Evie had a real soft spot for my teenager, though he didn't really like hanging out with an eight year old. "He's looking after his nan for the weekend. She needed him to help her with some stuff," I lied. Truth be told, Theo had been invited to the party too, but I'd just needed a little break from him. He was turning into a stroppy little thing, and we were clas.h.i.+ng every day at the moment. He definitely lacked a strong male presence in his life. The one he did have wasn't exactly a great role model, so Theo was hanging out in the streets, spraying on walls and being a general pain in the a.r.s.e. Last week he'd been brought home to me in a police car because he threw a bag of dog mess at a patrol car. Just yesterday he'd punched another boy in the face because the other kid laughed at Theo's old fas.h.i.+oned mobile phone. I was struggling, seriously struggling, and this weekend was supposed to give me a break.

"Aww, I miss Theo," Evie whined.

I patted her on the head. "Come stay at mine in a couple of weeks and I'll make him play with you for the whole weekend," I suggested, eyeing Skye in the mirror to make sure that was OK, because I could quickly backtrack if it wasn't. She nodded and Evie screeched happily, clapping her hands excitedly. I grinned slyly. That was punishment and a half for my little rule-breaker he was going to hate me for that one.

After Skye was done making my hair look really cute in a little up-do, I slapped on a little make-up and did a twirl. "How do I look?" I asked. I already knew the answer. I looked like a stressed, overworked single mum with no money. In one word, I looked exactly like I felt inside: s.h.i.+t.

Skye smiled and clasped her hands together. "You look beautiful, Bronwyn. Here, let me find you a necklace that would look perfect with that dress," she gushed, leaning over her dresser and pulling out a jewellery box, rooting through it with a small frown.

I laughed uncomfortably. "Skye, I can't wear your jewellery too. I already borrowed this dress," I protested, brus.h.i.+ng my fingers down the expensive designer silk dress I was wearing. I'd never had anything quite so luxurious or expensive wrapped around me. I couldn't take advantage of my sister any more than I already was.

She waved her hand dismissively. "Oh just hush already," she ordered, pulling out a delicate gold necklace with a beautiful flower hanging on the centre. I'd seen her wear it and it was always one of my favourites of hers, she knew that. "This would be perfect," she gushed, setting the box back down. "Turn around and I'll put it on you."

I groaned in protest, but turned as instructed, knowing she'd only whine and whine until I conceded anyway. When she'd set the beautiful thing around my neck, I looked at myself in the mirror and chewed on my lip. Skye looped her arm through mine and smiled. My heart sank. I felt so plain, ugly and worthless standing next to Skye. She was gorgeous, made even more so by the expensive highlights in her hair, the lash extensions and the manicure. She and Brandon had always been on the opposite side of the breadline to me. Skye had probably never worked a hard day in her life. Me, on the other hand... I could see the wrinkles forming around my eyes where I had stresses and worries that kept me awake well into the night. My nails weren't perfectly long and shaped like hers were; instead, they were short and broken because of too much was.h.i.+ng up in the kitchen of the cafe and scrubbing of office buildings. I looked like I was playing dress-up in her expensive-looking dress. I actually detested myself.

My eyes swam with tears, so I looked away to Evie. "What about you then, sweetie pie, are you getting all dressed up for Daddy's party?" I asked, looking down at her in her pyjamas.

She nodded and gripped my hand, practically dragging me out of Skye's bedroom. In the hallway, I came face to face with Brandon. He smiled warmly as he looked me over in my borrowed clothes. "Wow, Bronwyn, you look amazing," he praised. It wasn't a creepy flirty comment though, he didn't view me like that, he certainly always treated me as his little sister too. In fact, I'd never seen Brandon look at anyone other than his wife unlike my cheating ex-husband. Skye never had any problems keeping her man's attention. He'd never strayed once; he was still as in love with her today as he was when they first got together all those years ago. I knew that was because Skye was a special person, and I was just... Bronwyn Reynolds, soon to be Bronwyn Johnson again as soon as I signed that change of name form.

"Thanks. I'd better go get Evie dressed. We have to leave soon, I guess," I replied, shrugging.

He nodded. "Yeah, about half an hour or so."

The party was being held in a function room in the biggest and grandest hotel just outside Bath. As soon as we walked into the room, I wanted to leave. I was incredibly out of my depth amongst these people. I'd met a few of them before at other events, but the way they held themselves made me cringe inwardly because I knew I would never blend in.

When a young, pretty waitress walked past me carrying a tray of expensive-looking canapes, I immediately felt like a fat, ugly frump. Her body, although covered in a smart uniform, was long and lean the total opposite of mine. She would have been the type of girl that Finn would sniff around if he had come with me tonight.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to stop thinking about Finn. No more tonight will that a.r.s.ehole's name cross my mind! I vowed. I decided that every time I thought his name, I would do a shot one that burnt my throat and made me heave.

Out of nowhere, a dark blonde head appeared at Brandon's side. My breath caught in my throat as it did every time I saw him. Harrison Baxter. The one that made my panties wet every time he smiled at me. I looked him over and tried not to swoon. He was wearing black suit trousers, s.e.xy little black boots and a grey b.u.t.ton-up s.h.i.+rt that he wore unb.u.t.toned a little, exposing the top of his chest. My tongue wet my lips as I imagined kissing that exposed patch of chest, running my lips down his body and maybe biting him a little.

His eyes flicked over to me, and a little grin crossed his face. Oh G.o.d. He was beautiful; I'd always thought that, ever since the first time I met him when Evie was born. Every time I saw this man he made my knees tremble and my hand itch to stroke his face and lick his luscious lips. Somehow, he managed to look better the older he got. I had no idea how, at thirty-seven, he was still single.

"Hey, Bronwyn," he greeted warmly, stepping closer to me.

I smiled back, trying not to ravage him with my eyes. "Hi. You all right?" I asked politely. My eyes flicked to the bar and I knew I needed a drink if I was to survive this party.

"Yeah I'm good. I didn't know you were coming tonight. You look great."

Great? Liar. I don't look great. I forced a smile and Skye disappeared off with Evie to find my mum who was apparently around somewhere. "Thanks. Nice party."

Thankfully, he and Brandon started talking about work then, so I slipped away hopefully unnoticed and headed to the bar, leaning on it heavily. When someone leant down next to me, I turned and smiled politely until I realised that it was the guy from the new Hugo Boss aftershave advert. My eyes immediately widened and somehow, it was like I'd developed a sudden case of Tourette syndrome. "Oh my f.u.c.k! You're... f.u.c.k... oh s.h.i.+t!" I cried excitedly, before slapping my hand over my mouth and blus.h.i.+ng profusely.

The guy recoiled, and a weak smile graced his lips as he looked at me like I was one of the little fangirls that probably followed him around daily. "Er... Hi. Can I get you a drink?" he offered, clearly uncomfortable with my psychotic staring that I just couldn't seem to stop doing.

I shook my head. My eyes were still wide and my throat was in the process of closing up because he was an actual, honest-to-goodness celebrity. "No, thanks," I croaked. I backed up and practically ran to Brandon, gripping his arm and trying not to jump on the spot. "Oh G.o.d, the guy from the Hugo Boss ad is here. That model, the hot one with the s.e.xy chin dimple!" I gasped.

Brandon laughed and nodded. "Yeah, so?"

"Yeah, so? Yeah, so? Are you freaking kidding me? He's... oh my G.o.d, where the h.e.l.l is Skye, this conversation is obviously lost on you," I grumbled, looking around for her.

Harrison stepped forward, squinting through the crowd to see the guy. "Let me guess, he's a hot celebrity, and if you weren't married you would be trying to bed him," he stated, laughing wickedly.

I grinned. "I'm not married any more, but I won't be trying to bed him, that would just be embarra.s.sing. But gosh d.a.m.n he's fine. Seriously, I might swoon at any second so be prepared to catch me," I replied, not even a little bit joking.

Harrison's gaze snapped to mine as his eyes narrowed. "You're not married? Since when?"

"Since today." I shrugged.

He looked a little taken aback as his eyes flicked to Brandon. My brother-in-law nodded as if they were having some kind of secret conversation, and then Harrison turned to me with a smile that was so s.e.xy it made even the Hugo Boss guy leave my mind. "So you're divorced?" he asked, c.o.c.king his head to the side.

I nodded. "Yep." My throat was still dry, reminding me that I hadn't had a drink yet because of the whole running away from a hot celebrity thing earlier. "I want a drink. You want one?" I asked hopefully. Other than my mum and Skye, who were probably around somewhere, Harrison was the only other person who I knew in the room that I could be myself with.

"Yeah, come on. Let's go drink the free bar dry. I feel a drinking game is in order," he suggested, grinning conspiratorially.

My nose felt a little numb as I sat on the stool at the bar, slos.h.i.+ng back yet another drink as we played Truth or Dare. I was already drunk, so this game was getting better and better by the second. "OK, so I dare you to..." I looked around, trying to think of something good. "Go tell that guy over there that you're gay and that you'd like to buy him a drink," I instructed, giggling.

Harrison gasped and looked at me like I was crazy. "Eric? He's not even gay! I work with that guy," he protested.

I grinned, nodding. "I know." I chuckled wickedly. "If you want to wimp out..." I raised one eyebrow teasingly, knowing he'd never back out; it just wasn't in his nature.

He groaned in frustration. "I'm starting to hate this game," he muttered, pus.h.i.+ng himself off of the stool, scowling at me.

"And I'm starting to think this is the best game ever invented!" I countered, shooing him with my hand and laughing.

I watched as he walked over to his co-worker and started talking to him. He put his hand on Eric's arm as he leant in, looking him right in the eyes. I must admit, he was playing his part better than I thought he would. When Eric's eyes widened and his shoulders stiffened, I burst out laughing as he moved his arm, letting Harrison's hand slide off his elbow. It was a clear rejection, and now Harrison was back-pedalling, holding his hands up in protest as he pointed to me in explanation. I chuckled wickedly and sent a little wave in their direction. Finally, Eric's shoulders loosened and they both laughed before Harrison slapped him on the shoulder and strutted back to me.

When he got back to me, he downed his drink before taking mine from my hand and downing mine too. He waved to the barman. "Another round, make them doubles this time," he requested before turning back to me. "Son of a b.i.t.c.h actually believed I was gay! Can you believe that? I thought he'd see through me immediately, but the b.a.s.t.a.r.d actually thought I was. .h.i.tting on him," he whined, shaking his head.

I choked on fresh air as I burst out laughing. "He thought you were gay?" I practically screamed through my laughs.

His hand clapped over my mouth as he looked at me pleadingly. "Just shus.h.!.+" he hissed. I licked the palm of his hand and he let go, closing his eyes and putting his head down on the bar, groaning. "I want to die."

I rubbed the back of his head soothingly but I couldn't stop laughing which really didn't seem to help him much. "Aww poor baby. Maybe you should go tell him how many girls you've screwed over the years. Will that help your male ego?" I teased, leaning forward and resting my head on his back. I sighed as his smell filled my lungs. He literally smelt good enough to eat. He was so comfortable that I wanted to go to sleep on him.

He s.h.i.+fted, so I pulled back and leant on the bar heavily. My head swam from the alcohol I'd consumed. "I'll pay you anything you want if you never mention this to anyone, especially Skye," he pleaded, giving me the begging look.

I smiled and patted his cheek. "I don't even think I'm gonna remember this in the morning, so you're safe," I joked, winking at him.

He laughed and settled back onto his stool, looking at me with pursed lips. "Let's carry on with the game. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," I slurred.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me you were getting divorced?" he asked immediately.

I laughed at that. "I thought you were gay," I joked.

"Not even just a little bit funny," he stated, looking at me warningly.

I giggled and thought about the truthful answer to that question. "Well, let's see. First off, why the heck would I? It's not something that you would be interested in. And secondly, I don't have your number," I replied, hiccupping.

He frowned and sighed. "Dare," he said after a minute of silence.

I chewed on my lip trying to think of something that would probably make him feel better after the whole coming out of the closet to his friend thing. "I dare you to kiss a woman in this room. Don't ask her permission, just walk straight up to her and plant a big fat kiss right on her lips," I suggested, crossing my arms over my chest and looking around to see who he would choose.

"Dare accepted."

Before I could even comprehend what was about to happen, he'd cupped my face in his hands and the soft lips that I'd been secretly fantasising about for the last eight years covered mine. I squealed from the shock of it, not knowing what to do. He didn't pull back. It wasn't just a peck on the lips; this was a full-on pa.s.sionate kiss. His eyes were closed and everything.

His smell surrounded me as his lips moved against mine, one of his hands slid down to the side of my neck. His thumb stroked along the edge of my jawline, and the pa.s.sion that washed over me almost knocked me off the stool I was perched on.

My eyelids fluttered closed as I kissed him back. My hands made their way to the side of his s.h.i.+rt, pulling him closer to me so that his legs brushed against the side of mine.

My mind was whirling so fast that it was making me dizzy. I'm kissing him. I'm seriously kissing Harrison Baxter right now!

When his tongue touched my lip, I almost died and went to heaven right there as a thousand b.u.t.terflies seemed to take flight in my stomach. I allowed him to deepen the kiss, moaning into his mouth as his taste filled all my senses. I hadn't felt like this in years, maybe ever. My whole body was practically aching, and I wanted nothing more than to crush myself against him and melt into his skin so I could live there forever. This was pure luxury sheer unadulterated bliss and I never wanted it to end. Unfortunately, all good things have to come to an end well, according to Skye they do anyway.

"What the heck are you two doing?" she hissed from next to me.

Harrison broke the kiss, but I couldn't open my eyes. I was lost in the luxury of how beautiful that one kiss was. I had never been kissed like that it my life. It was poetic and made me feel as if I were floating.

When my eyes finally opened I saw he was smiling down at me. His hands still cupped my face as his chocolate brown orbs locked on mine, s.h.i.+ning with excitement and l.u.s.t. I gulped and tried to focus on what Skye was saying, but I couldn't make out the words. She was obviously talking to me or rather, at me, but my brain refused to acknowledge anything but the six foot hunk of perfection who was standing in front of me.

I licked my lips, my brain not thinking about anything other than s.e.x fast, hard, nasty s.e.x with him. "Harrison Baxter, the things I want to do to your body would make you blush in the morning," I purred, smiling at him suggestively.

Something tugged at my hand so I looked down to see a hand taking my drink off me. Skye raised the gla.s.s to her nose and sniffed. "Oh man, whiskey? Really, Bronwyn? Harrison, why did you let her drink that?" Skye whined, shaking her head. "Bronwyn, you should stop drinking now, you know whiskey makes you flirty," Skye scolded.

Harrison laughed and took the drink off the bar as Skye put it on there. "I think you should carry on drinking the whiskey. I'd love to continue this conversation," he stated, winking at me.

I giggled and gripped the front of his s.h.i.+rt, pulling him towards me roughly which made his eyes light up. "Oh you would?"

Skye sighed deeply. "Seriously, Bronwyn, this is a terrible idea. Remember we once made a pact to tell each other if we thought that the other was making a mistake that they would regret in the morning? Well this is yours, sweetie. I'm making an intervention," she said, looping her arm through mine and pulling me to my feet. I swayed slightly and pouted at her. I loved my sister dearly, but I actually hadn't had s.e.x in what felt like forever, because Finn and I had gone through an extremely rough patch before we finally called it quits and split. If I wasn't drunk there would be no way I would be making advances to anyone, because I didn't want people to see my body, but the alcohol was spurring me on. Maybe I could finally relieve some of this s.e.xual tension that I had built up inside.

"Intervention? That sucks," I grumbled.

She nodded before pointing at Harrison accusingly. "Bad, Harrison. No hitting on my sister, you know the rules," she scolded, slapping his chest playfully. I allowed her to drag me to the bathrooms and I tried to adjust my eyes to the bright lighting, but it was no use, everything was slightly blurry from the alcohol. "Bronwyn, I think we should get you some coffee. Harrison Baxter, really?" she said sarcastically, raising one eyebrow at me.

I shrugged and flopped onto the plush red velvet sofa that looked oddly out of place in a hotel bathroom. "He's so irresistible," I replied as if that was a legitimate excuse. "Besides, he kissed me, not the other way around."

She laughed and plopped down next to me. "From what I saw, you were doing your fair share of the kissing too," she countered.

I sighed and put my head on her shoulder. Tears were building in my eyes. It was probably just the alcohol or something, but I couldn't shake the feeling that when Harrison kissed me I just felt beautiful. For someone like Harrison Baxter to show the slightest bit of interest in me, I felt like a million pounds. But now I was cras.h.i.+ng back down to earth with a b.u.mp.

"What's wrong with me, Skye?" I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

She pulled back and stroked the side of my face. "Nothing. You're a beautiful person, both inside and out. You're just vulnerable right now what with the divorce and everything. Just give yourself time. A fling with Harrison isn't the answer to your questions. For him it would just be a one night stand, nothing more. You would wake up tomorrow feeling used and dirty. You two get on so great, don't ruin that for a quick roll in the sheets, OK?" She looked at me pleadingly.

I nodded in agreement. Of course, I knew she was right. We did get on great, and if anything had happened it would be awkward next time I saw him at a birthday celebration or something. But in the back of my head, a one night stand just sounded so incredibly appealing. One night of feeling special, one night of being wanted, one night of not feeling second best to some other girl. I wanted that so badly.

Skye sighed and hugged me tightly. "I've got go back out there. They're gonna do speeches in a minute I think. Why don't you get a taxi home to mine? You're wasted."

I smiled and nodded. Going home was probably a smart idea right now. I didn't exactly need any more drink, I didn't want to turn into an emotional drunk and ruin her night. "Yeah, I think I will go actually. You sure Brandon won't mind me sloping off early?" I asked, wincing.

"Of course not." She shook her head. "If you go to the hotel reception and tell them you're with Baxter and Hanklin Consultancies, they'll put your taxi on the company account. Brandon has a few taxis on standby tonight in case his clients take advantage of the free bar." She took my hands and gave me a tug to get me on my feet.

"I hope I didn't ruin your night," I said quietly.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head adamantly. "You didn't, don't worry. Now go home before you puke," she instructed, pulling me into a hug.

I smiled. "OK, thanks. And do me a favour, make sure you get laid tonight, all right? I can then live my s.e.x life vicariously through you, seeing as mine is non-existent." I winked at her teasingly.

She laughed and saluted me. "I promise to do my best," she vowed. "You have a key to mine?" I nodded in answer, pointing to my little clutch bag that dangled loosely from my wrist.

I watched as she headed back into the function room before I drunkenly walked to the hotel reception and asked them to get me a taxi to take me to Skye's house. Less than a couple of minutes pa.s.sed before the receptionist told me that a taxi was waiting out the front as requested. Kicking my shoes off, because I was wobbling drunkenly on my thin heels, I made my way to the front door. Just as I got there, a hand wrapped around my elbow and pulled me to a stop. I turned back, too drunk to be afraid that I was going to be mugged or abused. Luckily or maybe unluckily, depending on how you looked at it it was Harrison.

He smiled quizzically. "Where you going?"