Tom Moore Part 58

Suddenly he felt his chair tip backward in a manner quite unwarranted by the care with which he was maintaining a delicate balance, and jumped to his feet with a loud yell, finding himself, when he turned, face to face with Mrs. Malone, who had entered unnoticed, the sound of her heavy tread being drowned by his melody.

"Fur goodness' sike!" he exclaimed wrathfully, "you must n't do sich rambunctious things, hole woman. You just scared me houter seven years'

growth hand I can't hafford to lose no sich hamount."

"Niver mind thot," replied the landlady. "It's many the fright you 've given me, you little tinker. Is Mr. Moore back from the country?"

"See 'ere, his n't the rent pide?" demanded Buster.

"Av course it's paid," replied Mrs. Malone, scornfully. "D' ye t'ink I have no t'oughts at all but about me rint?"

"Well," confessed Buster, "once hupon a time, hit sorter looked has 'ow you wuz bestowing considerable medication hupon that topic. Hif hit did n't, bli' me, that's hall, just bli' me."

"Is Mr. Moore back from the country?" repeated Mrs. Malone.

"Yes, your Majesty," replied the boy, with a low obeisance. "'Ee his.

'Ee returned this werry noon from the 'onts hof nachoor."

"It is just a week since he wint away," observed Mrs. Malone, reflectively.

"'Ow does yer keep count?" asked Buster, surprised at the accuracy of her remark.

"Faith, thot 's an easy mather," she answered, sagely. "Has n't Misthress d.y.k.e called to see him sivin times?"

"She 'as, your 'Ighness, she 'as."

"That's once for each day, and siven days makes a week, does n't it?"

"Hi never wuz a good 'and hat arithmetic, but Hi 'as faith in the correctness of your calculation," responded Buster.

"Siven times has she called and so disapinted each time that he has n't returned. Did yez give her his adthress?"

"Hi did not, coz has 'ow Hi expected 'im 'ome hevery day. Hit 'll do 'er good, Mrs. Malone. Disappointments is disciplinationary, hand disciplination his wot womens need. Hit mikes 'em contented like. Oh, Hi tells yer, Mrs. Malone, my wife 'll be han 'appy female. She'll 'ave a master, she will."

Mrs. Malone gave the boy a vigorous push that sent him staggering, and as Lord Castlereagh neglected to get out of the way, boy and dog suddenly a.s.sumed rec.u.mbent and by no means graceful att.i.tudes upon the floor.

"Arrah, get out o' thot," she remarked, complacently viewing the disaster she had wrought.

"My heye!" said Buster, in an astonished tone, "wot his this hany 'ow?

His. .h.i.t according to London prize ring rules, hor just knock down hand drag habout till death do hus part?"

"Give me no more airs, you little puckorn. The size of yez, talking about the holy state of matrimony!" said Mrs. Malone, rebukingly, as Buster climbed up to his feet, slightly jarred by the force with which he had taken his seat. "Did yez tell Mr. Moore that the young lady called?"

"No, Hi did not, Mrs. Malone, you hinquisitive ole party."

"Why not, me bucko?"

"Coz Hi wishes to surprise 'im, that's w'y," said the boy defiantly.

"Hand hif you lays 'and hon me agin, Hi 'll 'ave Lord Castlereagh bite you good hand 'arty where it 'll do you the most good hand be the least missed."

"Niver mind thot."

"Hi won't hif you won't, Hi 'm sure, Mrs. Malone, and as for the young lidy, she has n't been 'ere to-day," said Buster.

"Oh, never fear," returned Mrs. Malone. "Sh.e.l.l come, and it's glad I am that he 's back agin."

"W'y? Did you miss 'im?"

"Niver mind. It's the young leddy I 'm tinking of. Faith, suppose she got discouraged and stopped a-coming?"

"That 'ud show she was n't worth 'aving," replied Buster wisely. "Now see 'ere, Mrs. Malone, w'en she comes Hi wants you to let 'er hup widout hany announcement. Does you 'ear?"

"Oh, I hears, but for phwat should I do that, Mr. Buster?"

"You just leave it to me, your 'Ighness. Hi knows how these haffairs should be conducted."

"Oh, yez do, do yez?" said Mrs. Malone in a derisive tone, as she ambled toward the door. "It's in an orphan asylum yez ought to be."

"Not hat all," retorted Buster. "Hi 'as no time to waste hon 'aving horphings."

The worthy landlady met Moore in the hall as she quitted his apartments, and overwhelmed him with the heartiness of her welcome, but, mindful of Buster's instructions, said never a word concerning the visits of Mistress d.y.k.e. Moore, having made as speedy an escape as was possible without wounding the old woman's feelings, entered the attic, being received with much doggish delight by Lord Castlereagh, who seemed to ignore the fact that he had ceased to be a puppy several years before.

"Good hevening, Mr. Moore," said Buster politely, about to deliver the post to his master.

"Good evening, _Montgomery_," replied Moore, severely, drawing off his gloves.

"Montgomery?" echoed the boy, thoroughly disgusted. "Ho, don't call me that, sir, please don't."

"Well, that's your name, isn't it?"

"Ho, Hi knows. .h.i.t, alas!" said Buster, in an injured tone. "Hi knows. .h.i.t only too well. Wen Hi wuz too little to defend myself w'en put hupon, my hole woman hup and christens me Montgomery Julien Hethelbert, hand 'itches. .h.i.t hon to the family nime hof Spinks."

"Montgomery Julien Ethelbert--"

"_Spinks_. Yes sir, that's. .h.i.t. Wuz n't that a crime? That's wot stunted my growth, most likely."

"It seems plausible," observed Moore, in secret vastly amused.

"Yes, hit do," continued the boy, sadly. "Say, sir, won't you allus call me Buster?"

"No, sir," responded Moore, sternly. "You were fighting again this afternoon. As punishment for your pugilistic propensities I refuse to call you Buster again to-day."

"Ho, law!" exclaimed Buster, "but this 'ere punishment is horful. We wuz honly 'aving a gime, sir, just playin' like."

"Indeed? I happened to see you myself this time. I won't have you half killing the neighbors' children that way."

"You saw me? Oh, Hi say, was n't that a helegant gesture w'en I soaked 'im hon the n.o.b? Did n't Hi do 'im hup brown, eh? Hand that jolt hin the bread-basket wid my left fisty. Ho, that cert'nly wuz a pet!"

"Montgomery Julien," began the poet, severely.