The Physical Life of Woman: Advice to the Maiden, Wife and Mother Part 8

THE WEDDING TOUR.

Custom prescribes a journey immediately after marriage, of a week or a month or two. It is an unwise provision. The event itself is disturbance enough for the system; and to be hurried hither and thither, stowed in narrow berths and inconvenient carriages, troubled with baggage, and annoyed by the importunities of cabmen, waiters, and hangers-on of every description, is enough, in ordinary times, to test the temper of a saint.

The foundation of many an unhappy future is laid on the wedding tour.

Not only is the young wife tried beyond all her experience, and her nervous system hara.s.sed, but the husband, too, partakes of her weakness.

Many men, who really love the women they marry, are subject to a slight revulsion of feeling for a few days after marriage. 'When the veil falls, and the girdle is loosened,' says the German poet Schiller, 'the fair illusion vanishes.' A half regret crosses their minds for the jolly bachelorhood they have renounced. The mysterious charms which gave their loved one the air of something more than human, disappear in the prosaic sunlight of familiarity.

Let neither be alarmed, nor lose their self-control. Each requires indulgence, and management, from the other; both should demand from themselves patience and self-command. A few weeks, and this danger is over; but a mistake now is the mistake of a lifetime. More than one woman has confessed to us that her unhappiness commenced from her wedding tour; and when we inquired more minutely, we have found that it arose from an ignorance and disregard of just such little precautions as we have been referring to.

Yet it is every way advisable that the young pair should escape the prying eyes of friends and relatives at such a moment. Let them choose some quiet resort, not too long a journey from home, where they can pa.s.s a few weeks in acquiring that more intimate knowledge of each other's character as essential to their future happiness.

THE WIFE.

_THE WEDDING NIGHT._

We now enter upon the consideration of the second great period in the life of Woman. The maiden becomes a Wife. She is born into a new world.

She a.s.sumes new relations.h.i.+ps,--the sweetest, and, at the same time, the most natural of which she is capable.

The great object of the conjugal union is the transmission of life,--a duty necessary in order to repair the constant ravages of death, and thus perpetuate the race. In the fulfilment of this sublime obligation, woman plays the more prominent part, as she is the source and depositary of the future being. It is of moment, therefore, that she should not be altogether ignorant of the nature and responsibilities of her position.

Ignorance here means suffering, disease, and sometimes death. Let us then interrogate science in regard to these matters, among the most interesting of all human concerns.

The initiation into marriage, like its full fruition, maternity, is attended with more or less suffering. Much, however, may be done to avert and to lessen the pain which waits upon the first step in this new life. For this purpose, regard must be had to the selection of the day.

We have said that a time about midway between the monthly recurring periods is best fitted for the consummation of marriage. As this is a season of sterility, it recommends itself on this account, in the interest of both the mother and offspring. The first nuptial relations should be fruitless, in order that the indispositions possibly arising from them shall have time to subside before the appearance of the disturbances incident to pregnancy. One profound change should not too quickly succeed the other. About the tenth day after menstruation should therefore be chosen for the marriage ceremony.

It sometimes happens that marriage is consummated with difficulty. To overcome this, care, management, and forbearance should always be employed, and anything like precipitation and violence avoided. Only the consequences of unrestrained impetuosity are to be feared. In those rare cases in which greater resistance is experienced than can be overcome by gentle means, the existence of a condition contrary to nature may be suspected. Violence can then only be productive of injury, and is not without danger. Medical art should be appealed to, as it alone can afford a.s.sistance in such an emergency.

Although the first conjugal approaches are ordinarily accompanied by slight flooding, a loss of blood does not always occur. Its absence proves nothing. The appearance of blood was formerly regarded as a test of virginity. The Israelites, Arabs, and others carefully preserved and triumphantly exhibited the evidence of it as an infallible sign of the virtue of the bride. They were in error. Its presence is as dest.i.tute of signification as its absence; for it is now well known that widows, and wives long separated from their husbands, often have a like experience.

The temperament is not without its influence. In those of lymphatic temperament, pale blondes, who often suffer from local discharge and weakness, the parts being relaxed, there is less pain and little or no haemorrhage. In brunettes, who have never had any such troubles, the case is reversed. The use of baths, unguents, etc., by the young wife, however serviceable they might prove, is obviously impracticable. This great change sometimes also produces swelling and inflammation of the glands of the neck.

Marital relations ordinarily continue during the first few weeks to be more or less painful. General const.i.tutional disturbance and disorders of the nervous system often result. These troubles are all increased by the stupid custom of hurrying the bride from place to place, at a time when the bodily quiet and the mental calmness and serenity so desirable to her should be the only objects in view. Too frequent indulgence at this period is a fruitful source of various inflammatory diseases, and often occasions temporary sterility and ill-health. The old custom requiring a three days' separation after the first nuptial approach was a wise one, securing to the young wife the soothing and restoring influence of rest. Nothing was lost by it, and much gained.

In a little while, however, all irritation should subside, and no suffering or distress of any kind, whether general or local, should attend upon the performance of this important function. The presence of suffering now becomes indicative of disease. Of this we will speak hereafter.

SHALL HUSBAND AND WIFE OCCUPY THE SAME ROOM AND BED?

One-third of life is pa.s.sed in sleep. This period of unconsciousness and rest is necessary for the renewal of vital strength, and upon its proper management depends much of the health not merely of the husband and wife, but of their offspring. A great deal has been written upon the effect on health and happiness of occupying separate apartments, separate beds in the same apartment, or the same bed. This vexed question it is impossible to settle by absolute rules, suitable to all cases. In general, it may be a.s.serted that there are no valid physiological reasons for desiring to change the custom which now prevails in this and most other countries. When both parties are in good health, and of nearly the same age, one bed-chamber, if sufficiently roomy, may be used without any disadvantage to either. Such an arrangement is also to be commended, because it secures closer companions.h.i.+p, and thus developes and sustains mutual affection.

It is said that in Zurich, in the olden time, when a quarrelsome couple applied for a divorce, the magistrate refused to listen to them at first. He ordered that they should be shut up together in one room for three days, with one bed, one table, one plate, and one cup. Their food was pa.s.sed in by attendants, who neither saw nor spoke to them. On the expiration of the three days, it was usual to find that neither of them wanted a separation.

As before stated, there are conditions under which sleeping together is prejudicial to the health. A certain amount of fresh air during the night is required by every one. Re-breathed air is poisonous. During sleep constant exhalations take place from the lungs and from the skin, which are injurious if absorbed. A room twelve feet square is too small for two persons, unless it is so thoroughly ventilated that there is a constant change of air. In fact, a sleeping apartment for two persons should contain an air-s.p.a.ce of at least twenty-four hundred cubic feet, and the facilities for ventilation should be such that the whole amount will be changed in an hour,--that is, at the rate of forty cubic feet per minute; for it has been ascertained that twenty cubic feet of fresh air a minute are required for every healthy adult.

Very young and very old people should never occupy the same bed. When the married couple hold the relation to each other, in regard to age, of grandfather and granddaughter, separate apartments should be insisted upon.

Certain diseases can be produced by sleeping together. The bed of a consumptive, it is well known, is a powerful source of contagion. In Italy it is the custom, after death, to destroy the bed-clothes of consumptive patients. Tubercular disease has, within the past few years, been transferred from men to animals by inoculation. Authentic cases are upon record of young robust girls of healthy parentage, marrying men affected with consumption, acquiring the disease in a short time, and dying, in some instances, before their husbands. In these significant cases, the sickly emanations have apparently been communicated during sleep. When, therefore, either husband or wife is known to have consumption, it would be highly imprudent for them to pa.s.s the long hours of the night either in the same bed or in the same room.

WHAT KIND OF BED IS MOST HEALTHFUL?

Feather-beds are not conducive to the health of either s.e.x. Mattresses made of wool, or of wool and horsehair, are much better. The bed should be opened, and its contents exposed to the air and sunlight, once every year. Beds long saturated with the night exhalations of their occupants are not wholesome. A number of ancient writers have alleged--and it has been rea.s.serted by modern authorities--that sleeping on sponge is of service to those who desire to increase their families. The mattresses of compressed sponge recently introduced, therefore, commend themselves to married people thus situated. Hemlock boughs make a bed which has a well-established reputation for similar virtues.

The odor of cone-bearing trees has a well-known influence upon the fruitfulness of wedlock. Those who live in pine forests have ordinarily large families of children.

Excessive clothing at night is highly injurious. So also is a fire in the bed-room, except in case of sickness. If the body be too much heated during sleep, perspiration occurs, or the action of the heart is increased, and the whole economy becomes excited. Either condition prevents sound sleep and reinvigoration of the body. Wives in feeble health, and those liable to attacks of flooding, should therefore have a particular regard to the quant.i.ty of clothing on their beds.

THE DIGNITY AND PROPRIETY OF THE s.e.xUAL INSTINCT.

A distinguished medical writer has divided women into three cla.s.ses in regard to the intensity of the s.e.xual instinct. He a.s.serts that a larger number than is generally supposed have little or no s.e.xual feeling. A second cla.s.s of women, more numerous than these, but still small as compared with the whole of their s.e.x, are more or less subject to strong pa.s.sion. Those of the first cla.s.s can no more form an idea of the strength of the impulse in other women, than the blind can of colors.

They therefore often err in their judgments. The third cla.s.s comprises the vast majority of women, in whom the s.e.xual appet.i.te is as moderate as all other appet.i.tes.

It is a false notion, and contrary to nature, that this pa.s.sion in a woman is a derogation to her s.e.x. The science of physiology indicates most clearly its propriety and dignity. There are wives who plume themselves on their repugnance or their distaste for their conjugal obligations. They speak of their coldness and of the calmness of their senses, as if these were not defects. Excepting those afflicted with vices of conformation, or with disorders of sensibility,--which amount to the same thing,--all wives are called upon to receive and pay the imposts of love; and those who can withdraw themselves from the operation of this mysterious law without suffering and with satisfaction, show themselves by that fact to be incomplete in their organization, and deficient in the special function of their being.

There should be no pa.s.sion for one which is not shared by both.

Generation is a duty. The feeling which excites to the preservation of the species is as proper as that which induces the preservation of the individual. Pa.s.sionate, exclusive, and durable love for a particular individual of the opposite s.e.x, it has been well said, is characteristic of the human race, and is a mark of distinction from other animals. The instinct of reproduction in mankind is thus joined to an affectionate sentiment, which adds to its sweetness and prolongs infinitely its duration.

Many physiologists have a.s.signed to the feelings an important _role_ in conception, the possibility of which has even been doubted if there be no pa.s.sion on the side of the woman. Although this extreme view is not tenable in the light of modern research, yet all recent authorities agree that conception is more a.s.sured when the two individuals who co-operate in it partic.i.p.ate at the same time in the transports of which it is the fruit. It is also without doubt true that the disposition of the woman at that time has much power in the formation of the ftus, both in modifying its physical const.i.tution and in determining the character and temperament of its mind. The influence, long ago attributed by Shakspeare to 'a dull, stale, tired bed' in creating a 'tribe of fops,' is not a mere poet's fancy.

In this manner also may be explained the results of prolonged continence upon the offspring, for desires are usually vivid in proportion to the previous period of rest. The father of Montaigne, returning after an absence of thirty-two years, during which he was engaged in the wars of Italy, begot his son, so justly celebrated in French literature. The father of J. J. Rousseau, after a considerable absence in Constantinople, brought to his wife the reward of a long fidelity.

s.e.xual pa.s.sion exerts, therefore, a marked influence upon the future being before conception, by the impression made upon the elements which come together to form it. The question now occurs; What effect does its presence and gratification produce upon the parents? We answer; It is a natural and healthful impulse. Its influence is salutary. A marked improvement in the physical condition of delicate women often follows a happy marriage. This sometimes occurs even in those cases where, from the nature of the disorder, the reverse might be expected. The utility of the pa.s.sions, well directed, has become a maxim in medicine as in morality. And what pa.s.sion is more important and fervent than that of which we write? The fathers in medicine, and their modern followers, agree in ascribing to the pleasures of love, indulged in with moderation, activity and lightness of the body, vigor and vivacity of the mind.

Music, apart from its immense influence on the nervous system in general, seems sometimes to exercise a special action on the s.e.xual instinct. Science possesses at the present day some facts beyond dispute, which prove the great power of music in this respect.

ON THE INDULGENCE AND THE RESTRAINT OF s.e.xUAL DESIRE.

The act of generation is a voluntary one. But nature has so placed it under the empire of pleasure, that the voice of discretion is no longer heard, and the will is often led captive. Hence it is well, for hygienic reasons, to consider its laws.

The too frequent repet.i.tion of the reproductive act is known to be followed by consequences injurious to the general health. Too rigid continence is not unattended, in many const.i.tutions, with danger, for the victory over pa.s.sion may be dearly bought. Science recommends the adoption of a wise mean between two extremes equally destructive. By following her counsel, women may escape from the hysterical and other disorders which often wait as well upon excess as upon too great denial of that pa.s.sion, which claims satisfaction as a natural right.

As men have made laws upon all subjects, we need not be surprised to learn that they have legislated upon this. History informs us that the legislators of ancient times have not failed to occupy themselves with this grave question of conjugal economy. The ordinances of Solon required that the married should acquit themselves of their duties at least three times a month; those of Zoroaster prescribed once a week.

Mohammed ordered that any wife neglected by her husband longer than a week could demand and obtain a divorce. It is not, however, in these, and other enactments which might be quoted, that guidance is to be sought. The principles derived from nature and experience are more valuable than human laws, however venerable; for these too often serve only to reflect the profound ignorance of their makers.

Moderation should here prevail. Health is thus preserved and strengthened, and the gratification doubled. The art of seasoning pleasures in general, consists in being avaricious with them. To abstain from enjoyment, is the philosophy of the sage, the epicurism of reason.

Proper self-denial in the gratification of the wants of physical love is a source of good, not only to the individual practising it, but to the community, as we shall show hereafter. It may be observed for one's own profit only, or for the benefit of another. The latter is in the end more conducive to self-interest than the former. A double advantage is derived therefrom,--grat.i.tude and sympathy returned, and increase of appet.i.te and of power for future enjoyment. Excess of indulgence results in the pain of surfeit and the extinction of affection. Earnest love, satisfying itself with small gratifications, is a more copious source of happiness than that frequently quenched by full gratification.

What, then, is this moderation which both Hygeia and Venus command?

Here, again, invariable rules are not possible. Science rarely lays down laws so inflexible as those of the Medes and Persians. She designates limits. The pa.s.sage between Scylla and Charybdis is often a wide one.

The folly of the ancient statutes which have been referred to, consists mainly in their failure to recognise the diverse influence of age, temperament, seasons, etc.

It almost appears as if there were but one _season_ for generation, that in which the sun re-warms and vivifies the earth, trees dress in verdure, and animals respire the soft breath of spring. Then every living thing reanimates itself. The impulse of reproduction is excited.

Now, also, its gratification is most beneficial to the individual and to the species. Children conceived in the spring time have greater vitality, are less apt to die during infancy, than those conceived at any other time of the year. The statistics of many thousand cases, recently carefully collated in England, prove this beyond peradventure.

It is well known that a late calf, or one born at the end of the summer, is not likely to become a well-developed and healthy animal. This has been attributed to the chilling influence of approaching winter; but it is capable of another and, perhaps, a truer explanation. Nature's impulses, therefore, in the spring of the year are for the good of the race, and may then be more frequently indulged without prejudice to the individual. Summer is the season which agrees the least with the exercise of the generative functions. The autumn months are the most unfruitful. Then, also, derangements of the economy are readily excited by marital intemperance.