A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 76

_Enter_ SIR AMADIN PUNY, SIR JASPER SIMPLETON, SIR ARTHUR HEARTLESS, SIR GREGORY SHAPELESS, SIR TRISTRAM SHORTTOOL, SIR REUBEN SCATTERGOOD.

SIR REU. Doubt nothing, my fellow-knights of Hornsey; the plot is so neatly and nimbly laid as it cannot but hold st.i.tch.

ALL. But be the favourites' suits got, Sir Reuben?

SIR REU. They are brought to our lodgings already. To try a conclusion, I have most fortunately made their pages our 'coys by the influence of a white powder, which has wrought so powerfully on their tender pulse, as they have engaged themselves ours back and edge. _Sunt munera vincula servis._

SIR TRIS. 'Tis true, but how shall we pursue this project, that we may act to purpose what your ingenuity has contrived?

SIR REU. Leave that to me; be it your care to follow my direction, and if I make not these haxters as hateful to our hussies as ever they were to us who were their husbands, set me up for a Jack-a-Lent or a Shrove-c.o.c.k for every boy to throw at!

The net is spread, and if they 'scape the noose, they must have more eyes than their own to discover it.

SIR AMA. Excellent, excellent! I long till I be at work.

SIR REU. It will admit no delay, Sir Amadin, I a.s.sure you. We have not overwatched this night to no purpose. This very morning by times we must be fitted with our properties, and with a scornful neglect pa.s.s by that rendezvous where our gamesome ladies expect their youthful Platonics.

SIR GRE. Revenge to me 's far sweeter than to live.

ALL. To't, to't; for love's sake, let us to't.

SIR REU. The plot is laid with such industrious skill, If this take not, I do not know what will.

[_Exeunt._

ACT IV., SCENE 1.

_Enter_ MADAM FRICASE, MADAM CAVEARE, MADAM JULIPPE, MADAM JOCULETTE, MADAM MEDLAR, MADAM TINDER.

FRI. How tedious morns these be in our expectance Of what we tender most?

CAV. Credit me, madam, My marriage-day from th' rising sun to night Seem'd not so long, though it was long enough-- As the slow-running course of this morn's visit.

JUL. Desires cannot endure protractive hours; The poet has confirm'd our thoughts in this, Placing our action far below our wish: "Sooner quenched is love's fire With fruition than desire."

JOC. That poet surely was neither Mantuan, Lucian, nor Claudian.

MED. No, sister; nor Alcaeus, Eubaeus, nor Apuleius; but some cold cuc.u.mber-spirit--Xenocrates, who never actually knew how to hug his mistress.

TIN. This is the hour and place.

FRI. It is so; and no doubt but our feathered favourites have overflown us.

SCENE II.

_Enter_ VINTRESS _and_ DRAWERS.

VIN. What do you lack, my princely beauties?

CAV. What your s.e.x cannot furnish us with, my dainty Dabrides.

Did you entertain no gallants lately?

VIN. Not any, madam; but gallants are men of their words; they will stand to their tacking upon occasion: will you be pleased, n.o.ble ladies, in their absence to bestow yourselves in a room; or, to procreate yourselves, take a turn in the garden?

MED. 'Slid, does she hold us for Andalusian studs,[163] that can breed by the air, or procreate of ourselves?

FRI. Well, her meaning is good; we will accept her offer, and take a walk or a cheerful repose at our pleasure: and in it let each of us, for want of more real objects, entertain an imaginary apprehension of their absent lover.

[_Knocking within._

DRAW. Anon, anon, sir; quick, quick as Erebus, good Jeremy! Uds so, what a chattering they make? I verily think our old t.i.tyre Tu's and Bugle Blews are come to town, they keep such a d.a.m.nable quarter.

2D DRAW. They knock as they were madmen in the percullis. Quick, quick; more attendants in the _Unicorn_. There goes none to the _Antwerp_. The _Lion_ and the _Roebuck_[164] have not one drawer to attend them. Who goes into the Ladies' Garden?[165]

1ST DRAW. We shall have a brave term, if we stir not our stumps better.

[_Exeunt._

_The Ladies' Garden._--JULLIPPE, &c.

JUL. Th' Elysian groves so richly beautified, Deck'd with the tufted verdure: watered With crystal rills, and cloth'd above conceit In native diap'ry: may emblems be Of this delicious platform, where each sense May sate its quest with sweet satiety.

JOC. And th' edifying sense with melody.

[_Voices of nightingales._

Hark, how that ev'ning quire of nightingales

[Sidenote: _Dum Philomela canit, spinum sub pectore figit: Crimen ut incestus se meminisse dolet._]

Warble with shrillest notes, p.r.i.c.ks at their b.r.e.a.s.t.s, Tereus' incestuous crime; as if't had been A fact inexpiable: wherein we doubt, What we should do, if [we] were put unto't.

This is a garden, sure, of great frequent.

CAV. Lucullus nor the Roman Argentine Had ne'er the like: nor with completer beauties More gracefully embellish'd: it might be Styl'd the Spring Garden for variety Of all delights: b.a.l.l.s, treats, and choice invites, Address'd for amorous parliance; and indeed To make the bargain up--you know my meaning.

FRI. Thou art a dang'rous beagle. What say you, ladies?

In this perpetual spring-like sweet retire, To gratify her court'sy and conduct, Who tender'd these respects: let's have a frolic-- A jovial frolic, till the Platonics come.

Whom we must chide, and with some discontent Tax for their slowness.

ALL. The motion's wondrous good; We all a.s.sent to't.

JOC. But in this a.s.sent Scatter such freedom as it may appear Our fortunes be our own: and that no eye Of jealousy or parsimonious thrift Can bound our humour. Let's call up the drawer.

[_They ring the bell._