A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 18

[_Exit._

1ST TAI. Now, my masters, are we to do; d'ye mark me? do--

3D TAI.[43] Do! what do?--Act, act, you fool you: do, said you, what do? you a player, you a plasterer, a mere dirt-dauber, and not worthy to be mentioned with Vermin, that exact actor: do, I am asham'd on't, fie!

2D TAI. Well said, Vermin, thou ticklest him, faith.

4TH TAI. Do, pah!

1ST TAI. Well, play; we are to play a play.

3D TAI. Play a play a play, ha, ha, ha! O egredious nonsensensical widgeon, thou shame to our cross-legged corporation; thou fellow of a sound, play a play! why forty-pound Golding of the beggars' theatre speaks better, yet has a mark for the sage audience to exercise their dexterity, in throwing of rotten apples, whilst my stout actor pockets, and then eats up, the injury: play a play! it makes my wors.h.i.+p laugh, i' faith.

2D TAI. To him, Vermin; thou bitt'st him, i' faith.

1ST TAI. Well, act a play before the king.

2D TAI. What play shall we act?

3D TAI. To fret the French the more, we will act _Strange but True, or the Stradling Mounsieur, with the Neapolitan gentleman between his legs_.

2D TAI. That would not act well.

3D TAI. O giant of incomparable ignorance! that would not act well, ha, ha! that would not do well, you a.s.s, you!

2D TAI. You bit him for saying _do_: Vermin, leave biting; you'd best.

1ST TAI. What say you to our Spanish Bilbo?

3D TAI. Who, Jeronimo?

1ST TAI. Ay.

3D TAI. That he was a mad rascal to stab himself.

1ST TAI. But shall we act him?

2D TAI. Ay, let us do him.

3D TAI. Do again, ha!

2D TAI. No, no, let us act him.

3D TAI. I am content.

1ST TAI. Who shall act the ghost?

3D TAI. Why, marry that will I--I Vermin.

1ST TAI. Thou dost not look like a ghost.

3D TAI. A little player's deceit, howe'er,[44] will do't. Mark me.

I can rehea.r.s.e, make me rehea.r.s.e some:[45]

"When this eternal substance of the soul Did live emprison'd in my wanton flesh, I was a tailor in the court of Spain."

2D TAI. Courtier Vermin in the court of Spain.

3D TAI. Ay, there's a great many courtiers _Vermin_ indeed: Those are they beg poor men's livings; But, I say, tailor Vermin is a court-tailor.

2D TAI. Who shall act Jeronimo?

3D TAI. That will I: Mark if I do not gape wider than the widest Mouth'd fowler of them all, hang me!

"Who calls Jeronimo from his naked bed? ha-ugh?"

Now for the pa.s.sionate part-- "Alas! it is my son Horatio."

1ST TAI. Very fine: but who shall act Horatio?

2D TAI. Ay, who shall do your son?

3D TAI. What do, do again? well, I will act Horatio.

2D TAI. Why, you are his father.

3D TAI. Pray, who is fitter to act the son than the father That begot him?

1ST TAI. Who shall act Prince Balthazar and the king?

3D TAI. I will do Prince Balthazar too: and, for the king, Who but I? which of you all has such a face for a king, Or such a leg to trip up the heels of a traitor?

2D TAI. You will do all, I think.

3D TAI. Yes, marry, will I; who but Vermin? yet I will Leave all to play the king: Pa.s.s by, Jeronimo!

2D TAI. Then you are for the king?

3D TAI. Ay, bully, ay.

1ST TAI. Let's go seek our fellows, and to this gear.

3D TAI. Come on then.

[_Exeunt._

_A table and stools set. Enter_ BRAVO.

BRA. Men of our needful profession, that deal in such commodities as men's lives, had need to look about 'em ere they traffic: I am to kill Raymond, the devil's cousin-german, for he wears the same complexion: but there is a right devil that hath hired me--that's Count Machiavel. Good table, conceal me; here will I wait my watchword: but stay, have I not forgot it--_Then_--Ay, then is my arm to enter. I hear them coming.

[_Goes under the table._