A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 112

--"Apius and Virginia," 1575, sig. E 2. These lines are spoken by Haphazard, the Vice, and are used as if the expression were proverbial.

[371] Shrove-Tuesday was a holiday for apprentices and working people, as appears by several contemporary writers. So in Dekker's "Seven Deadly Sinnes of London," 1606, p. 35: "They presently (like prentises upon _Shrove-Tuesday_) take the lawe into their owne handes, and doe what they list."

[372] The omission of the preposition by Mr Reed spoiled the metre of the line.--_Collier._

[373] So in "Hamlet," act ii. sc. 2: "To the celestial, and my soul's idol, the most _beautified_ Ophelia." See the notes of Mr Theobald, Dr Johnson, and Mr Steevens, thereon. [See also Dyce's "Shakespeare Glossary," 1868, _in voce_.]

[374] [Old copy, _hides_.]

ACTUS SECUNDUS.

_Enter_ HOG _the usurer; with_ PETER SERVITUDE, _trussing his points_.

HOG. What, hath not my young Lord Wealthy been here this morning?

P. SER. No, in very deed, sir; he is a towardly young gentleman; shall he have my young mistress, your daughter, I pray you, sir?

HOG. Ay, that he shall, Peter; she cannot be matched to greater honour and riches in all this country: yet the peevish girl makes coy of it, she had rather affect a prodigal; as there was Haddit, one that by this time cannot be otherwise than hanged, or in some worse estate; yet she would have had him: but I praise my stars she went without him, though I did not without his lands. 'Twas a rare mortgage, Peter.

P. SER. As e'er came in parchment: but see, here comes my young lord.

_Enter_ YOUNG LORD WEALTHY.

Y. LORD W. Morrow, father Hog; I come to tell you strange news; my sister is stol'n away to-night, 'tis thought by necromancy. What necromancy is, I leave to the readers of the "Seven Champions of Christendom."[375]

HOG. But is it possible your sister should be stolen? sure, some of the household servants were confederates in't.

Y. LORD W. Faith, I think they would have confessed, then; for I am sure my lord and father hath put them all to the bastinado twice this morning already: not a waiting-woman, but has been stowed, i' faith.

P. SER. Trust me, he says well for the most part.

HOG. Then, my lord, your father is far impatient.

Y. LORD W. Impatient! I ha' seen the picture of Hector[376] in a haberdasher's shop not look half so furious; he appears more terrible than wildfire at a play. But, father Hog, when is the time your daughter and I shall to this wedlock-drudgery?

HOG. Troth, my lord, when you please; she's at your disposure, and I rest much thankful that your lords.h.i.+p will so highly honour me. She shall have a good portion, my lord, though nothing in respect of your large revenues. Call her in, Peter; tell her my most respected Lord Wealthy is here, to whose presence I will now commit her [_Exit_ PETER]; and I pray you, my lord, prosecute the gain of her affection with the best affecting words you may, and so I bid good morrow to your lords.h.i.+p.

[_Exit_ HOG.

Y. LORD W. Morrow,[377] father Hog. To prosecute the gain of her affection with the best affecting words; as I am a lord, a most rare phrase! well, I perceive age is not altogether ignorant, though many an old justice is so.

_Enter_ PETER SERVITUDE.

How now, Peter, is thy young mistress up yet?

P. SER. Yes, indeed, she's an early stirrer; and I doubt not hereafter but that your lords.h.i.+p may say, she's abroad before you can rise.

Y. LORD W. Faith, and so she may, for 'tis long ere I can get up, when I go foxed to bed. But, Peter, has she no other suitors besides myself?

P. SER. No, and it like your lords.h.i.+p; nor is it fit she should.

Y. LORD W. Not fit she should? I tell thee, Peter, I would give away as much as some knights are worth, and that's not much, only to wipe the noses of some dozen or two of gallants, and to see how pitifully those parcels of men's flesh would look, when I had caught the bird which they had beaten the bush for.

P. SER. Indeed, your lords.h.i.+p's conquest would have seemed the greater.

Y. LORD W. Foot, as I am a lord, it angers me to the guts, that n.o.body hath been about her.

P. SER. For anything I know, your lords.h.i.+p may go without her.

Y. LORD W. An' I could have enjoyed her to some pale-faced lover's distraction, or been envied for my happiness, it had been somewhat.

_Enter_ REBECCA, HOG'S _daughter_.

But see where she comes! I knew she had not power enough to stay another sending for. O lords! what are we? our names enforce beauty to fly, being sent for. [_Aside._] Morrow, pretty Beck: how dost?

REB. I rather should enquire your lords.h.i.+p's health, seeing you up at such an early hour. Was it the toothache, or else fleas disturbed you?

Y. LORD W. Do you think I am subject to such common infirmities? Nay, were I diseased, I'd scorn but to be diseased like a lord, i' faith. But I can tell you news, your fellow virgin-hole player,[378] my sister, is stolen away to-night.

REB. In truth. I am glad on't; she is now free from the jealous eye of a father. Do not ye suspect, my lord, who it should be that has carried her away?

Y. LORD W. No, nor care not; as she brews, so let her bake; so said the ancient proverb. But, lady, mine that shall be, your father hath wished[379] me to appoint the day with you.

REB. What day, my lord?

Y. LORD W. Why, of marriage; or as the learned historiographer[380]

writes, Hymen's holidays, or nuptial ceremonious rites.

REB. Why, when would you appoint that, my lord?

Y. LORD W. Why, let me see, I think the tailor may despatch all our vestures in a week: therefore, it shall be directly this day se'ennight.

P. SER. G.o.d give you joy!

REB. Of what, I pray, you impudence? This fellow will go near to take his oath that he hath seen us plight faiths together; my father keeps him for no other cause than to outswear the truth. My lord, not to hold you any longer in a fool's paradise, nor to blind you with the hopes I never intend to accomplish, know, I neither do, can, or will love you.

Y. LORD W. How! not love a lord? O indiscreet young woman! Indeed, your father told me how unripe I should find you: but all's one, unripe fruit will ask more shaking before they fall than those that are; and my conquest will seem the greater still. [_Aside._]

P. SER. Afore G.o.d, he is a most unanswerable lord, and holds her to't, i' faith.

Y. LORD W. Nay, you could not have pleased me better, than seeing you so invincible, and of such difficult attaining to. I would not give a pin for the society of a female that should seem willing; but give me a wench that hath disdainful looks;

For 'tis denial whets an appet.i.te, When proffer'd service doth allay delight.

REB. The fool's well-read in vice. [_Aside._] My lord, I hope you hereafter will no farther insinuate in the course of your affections; and, for the better withdrawing from them, you may please to know, I have irrevocably decreed never to marry.