A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 36

FEE. Angry with me? why, d.a.m.n me, sir, and you be, out with your sword.

It is not with me, I tell you, as it was yesterday; I am fleshed, man, I. Have you anything to say to me?

BOLD. Nothing but this: how many do you think you have slain last night?

FEE. Why, five; I never kill less.

BOLD. There were but four. My lord, you had best provide yourself and begone; three you have slain stark dead.

FEE. You jest!

BOLD. It is most true. Welltried is fled.

FEE. Why, let the roarers meddle with me another time: as for flying, I scorn it; I killed 'em like a man. When did you ever see a lord hang for anything? We may kill whom we list. Marry, my conscience p.r.i.c.ks me. Ah!

plague a' this drink! what things it makes us do! I do no more remember this now than a puppy-dog.

O b.l.o.o.d.y lord, that art bedaub'd with gore!

Vain world, adieu, for I will roar no more.

BOLD. Nay, stay, my lord: I did but try the tenderness of your conscience. All this is nothing so; but, to sweeten the tale I have for you, I foretold you this feigned mischance.

FEE. It is a tale belonging to the widow.

BOLD. I think you are a witch.

FEE. My grandmother was suspected.

BOLD. The widow has desired you by me to meet her to-morrow morning at church in some unknown disguise, lest any suspect it; for, quoth she,

Long hath he held me fast in his moist hand, Therefore I will be his in nuptial band.

FEE. Bold, I have ever taken you to be my friend. I am very wise now and valiant; if this be not true, d.a.m.n me, sir, you are the son of a wh.o.r.e, and you lie, and I will make it good with my sword.

BOLD. I am whate'er you please, sir, if it be not true. I will go with you to the church myself. Your disguise I have thought on. The widow is your own. Come, leave your fooling.

FEE. _If this be true, thou little boy Bold,_ [_Cantat._ _So true, as thou tell'st to me,_ _To-morrow morn, when I have the widow,_ _My dear friend shall thou be_.[125] [_Exeunt._

SCENE III.

_Enter_ MAID, _like the footboy;_ SELDOM _with_ PITTS _and_ DONNER, _a couple of serjeants_.

MAID. Sir, 'tis most true, and in this shall you be Unlike to other citizens, that arrest To undo gentlemen: your clemency here, Perchance, saves two lives: one from the other's sword, The other from the law's. This morn they fight, And though your debtor be a lord, yet should he Miscarry, certainly your debt were lost.

SEL. Dost thou serve the Lord Proudly?

MAID. Sir, I do.

SEL. Well, such a boy as thou is worth more money Than thy lord owes me. 'Tis not for the debt I do arrest him, but to end this strife, Which both may lose my money and his life.

_Enter_ LORD PROUDLY, _with a riding-rod_.

PROUDLY. My horse there! Zounds! I would not for the world He should alight before me in the field; My name and honour were for ever lost.

SEL. Good morrow to your honour. I do hear Your lords.h.i.+p this fair morning is to fight, And for your honour: did you never see The play where the fat knight, hight Oldcastle, Did tell you truly what his honour was?[126]

PROUDLY. Why, how now, good man flatcap, "what-d'ye-lack?"[127]

Whom do you talk to, sirrah?

1ST SER. We arrest you.

PROUDLY. Arrest me, rogue? I am a lord, ye curs, A parliament man.

2D SER. Sir, we arrest you, though.

PROUDLY. At whose suit?

SEL. At mine, sir.

PROUDLY. Why, thou base rogue! did not I set thee up, Having no stock but thy shop and fair wife?[128]

SEL. Into my house with him!

MAID. Away with him! away with him!

PROUDLY. A plot, a trick, by heaven! See, Ingen's footboy: 'Tis by his master's means. O coward slave!

I'll put in bail, or pay the debt.

SEL. Ay, ay, ay; we'll talk with you within--thrust him in.

[_Exeunt._

_Enter_ INGEN _looking on his sword, and bending it; his brother like a man_.[129]

INGEN. If I miscarry, Frank, I prythee see All my debts paid: about five hundred pounds Will fully satisfy all men;[130] and my land, And what I else possess, by Nature's right And thy descent, Frank, I make freely thine.

BRO. I know you do not think I wish you dead For all the benefit: besides, your spirit's So opposite to counsel to avert Your resolution, that I save my breath, Which would be lost in vain, to expire and spend Upon your foe, if you fall under him.

INGEN. Frank, I protest, you shall do injury Upon my foe, and much disturbance too Unto my soul departing, die I here Fairly, and on my single enemy's sword, If you should not let him go off untouch'd.

Now, by the master of thy life and mine, I love thee, boy, beyond any example, As well as thou dost me; but should I go Thy second to the field, as thou dost mine, And if thine enemy kill'd thee like a man, I would desire never to see him more, But he should bear himself off with those wounds He had receiv'd from thee, from that time safe And without persecution by the law; For what hap is our foe's might be our own, And no man's judgment sits in justice' place, But weighing other men's as his own case.

BRO. He has the advantage of you, being a lord; For should you kill him, you are sure to die, And by some lawyer with a golden tongue, That cries for right (ten angels on his side), Your daring meet him call'd presumption: But kill he you, he and his n.o.ble friends Have such a golden snaffle for the jaws Of man-devouring Pythagorean law, They'll rein her stubborn chaps ev'n to her tail: And (though she have iron teeth to meaner men), So master her, that, who displeas'd her most, She shall lie under like a tired jade; For small boats on rough seas are quickly lost, But s.h.i.+ps ride safe, and cut the waves that tost.

INGEN. Follow what may, I am resolv'd, dear brother.

This monster valour, that doth feed on men, Groans in me for my reputation.

This charge I give thee, too--if I do die, Never to part from the young boy which late I entertain'd, but love him for my sake.

And for my mistress, the Lady Honour, Whom to deceive I have deceiv'd myself, If she be dead, pray G.o.d I may give up My life a sacrifice on her brother's sword; But if thou liv'st to see her, gentle brother: If I be slain, tell her I died, because I had transgressed against her worthy love-- This sword is not well-mounted; let's see thine.