A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 15

SCENE II.

_Enter_ CAPTAIN POUTS, _with a letter, and_ STRANGE, _like a soldier_.

STRANGE. O, these are Lambeth fields.

CAPT. POUTS. Strange murder'd on the weddingday by you, At his own bride's appointment, for my sake?

STRANGE. As dead as charity.

CAPT. POUTS. This sounds not well.

STRANGE. 'Zoons! you may say as well I am the man, As doubt he lives. A plague of your belief!

D'ye know this b.l.o.o.d.y ruff, which she has sent, Lest you should be incredulous, and this ring Which you have seen her wear.

CAPT. POUTS. I know the ring, And I have seen the ruff about his neck.

This comes of enforc'd marriages. Where was't done?

And how escap'd you?

STRANGE. Sir, receive it briefly.

I am her kinsman, and being newly come Over, and not intending to stay long, Took this day to go see my cousin Worldly (For so my name is), where I found all of them So deeply drenched in the bridal cup, That sleep had ta'en possession of their eyes.

Bacchus had given them such an overthrow, Their bodies lay like slaughtered carcases; One here, one there, making such antic faces, As drunkenness had mock'd at drunkenness.

In troth, their postures and their sleep, like death (For theirs was liker death than sober sleep), Remember'd me of body-scatter'd fields, After the b.l.o.o.d.y battles I have seen.

'Twas such a season, to make short my tale, As fate had said, "Now murders may be done And ne'er reveal'd." Approaching further, I Lighted upon a chamber, where your love Sat by this merchant, cast drunk on the bed-- She weeping and lamenting her mishap, a.s.sur'd both, of my daring and my trust, Fell flat upon the ground, then rais'd herself, Hung on my neck, then sunk down to my legs, Told all things pa.s.s'd to-day, and never ceas'd, Till I had ta'en life from that half-dead man Before, whom straight I strangled with this rope.

CAPT. POUTS. You have show'd some kindness to me: I must love you, sir. What did you with his body?

STRANGE. Having first, By her direction, put on these his clothes, That like the murder'd man the safelier I might pa.s.s with her, being her husband's shape, If any of the servants had been wak'd, She show'd me to a necessary vault, Within a closet in the chamber too, And there I threw the body.

CAPT. POUTS. Whence this blood?

STRANGE. That she herself first let out of his veins; Wherein she dipp'd the ruff about his neck, And said, "Go, bear this ensign of my love, To a.s.sure him what I dar'd for his dear sake."

CAPT. POUTS. Where is the maid?

STRANGE. Captain, a maid for you!

(But well you know, I hope, she is no maid) But maid or no maid, she is at my mother's, Whence I will bring her whither you'll appoint To-night; and let this tide convey all hence, For staying will be something perilous.

CAPT. POUTS. I will kill two men for you; till then I owe my life to you, and if ever racks, Strappadoes, wheel, or any torturous engine, Even from the Roman yoke to the Scotch boot,[51]

Force me discover you or her to law, Pray G.o.d the merchant may respire again.

But what a villain have I been to wrong her!

Did she not tell you how I injur'd her?

STRANGE. She said you challeng'd her, and publicly Told you had lain with her; but truth's no wrong.

CAPT. POUTS. Truth! 'twas more false than h.e.l.l, and you shall see me (As well as I can repent of any sin) Ask her forgiveness for wounding of her name, And 'gainst the world recover her lost fame.

Kind soul! would I could weep to make amends!

Why, I did slander her at the church-door.

STRANGE. The more base villain thou. [_Strike him._

CAPT. POUTS. Ha! what's the news?

STRANGE. Thou unspeakable rascal! thou, a soldier!

A captain of the suburbs, a poor foist,[52]

That with thy slops and cat-a-mountain face, Thy bladder-chops and thy robustious words, Fright'st the poor wh.o.r.e, and terribly dost exact A weekly subsidy, twelvepence apiece, Whereon thou liv'st; and on my conscience, Thou snapp'st besides with cheats and cutpurses.

CAPT. POUTS. Heart! this is some railing poet.

Why, you rogue!

STRANGE. Thou rogue--far worse than rogues--thou slanderer!

CAPT. POUTS. Thou worse than slanderous rogues; thou murderer!

STRANGE. 'Tis well-remember'd: I will cut thy throat, To appease that merchant's soul, which ne'er will rest Till some revenge be taken on thy tongue.

CAPT. POUTS. I'll kill thee first, and in thy vital flood Wash my hands clean of that young merchant's blood. [_Fight._

STRANGE. You fight, as if you had fought afore.

I can still hold my sword: come on, sir.

CAPT. POUTS. 'Zoons! can you ward so well? I think you are One of the n.o.ble science of defence.

STRANGE. True, o' th' science of n.o.ble defence I am, That fight in safeguard of a virtuous name.

[_Cadit_ CAPTAIN POUTS.

CAPT. POUTS. O, now I understand you, and you stand over me. My hurts are not mortal, but you have the better. If your name be Worldly, be thankful for your fortune.

STRANGE. Give me thy sword, or I will kill thee.

CAPT. POUTS. Some wiser than some! I love my reputation well, yet I am not so valiant an a.s.s but I love my life better. There's my sword.

STRANGE. Then get upon my back: come, all shall be well. I'll carry thee unto a surgeon first, And then unto thy wench. Come, we are friends.

CAPT. POUTS. G.o.d-a-mercy. 'Zoons! methinks I see myself in Moorfields, upon a wooden leg, begging threepence.[53]

STRANGE. I thank thee, heaven, for my success in this.

To what perfection, is my business grown!

Seldom or never is right overthrown.

[_Exit with_ CAPTAIN POUTS _on his back_.

_Enter_ PENDANT, _and_ MISTRESS WAGTAIL _with work, sewing a purse_.

PEN. They say every woman has a springe to catch a woodc.o.c.k: remember my instructions, and let me see what a paradise thou canst bring this fool into. Fifteen hundred a year, wench, will make us all merry; but a fool to boot! why, we shall throw the house out at window. Let me see, there are two things in this foolish, transitory world which should be altogether regarded: profit and pleasure, or pleasure and profit--I know not which to place first, for indeed they are twins, and were born together. For profit, this marriage (G.o.d speed it!) marries you to it; and for pleasure, if I help you not to that as cheap as any man in England, call me cut.[54] And so remember my instructions, for I'll go fetch Sir Abraham. [_Exit._

WAG. Your instructions! Nay, faith, you shall see I have as fruitful a brain as a belly: you shall hear some additions of my own. My fantasy even kicks like my b.a.s.t.a.r.d: well, boy, for I know thou art masculine, neither thy father nor thy mother had any feminine quality but one, and that was to take a good thing when it was proffered. When thou inherit'st land, strange both to thy father and grandfather, and rid'st in a coach, it may be thy father, an old footman, will be running by thy side. But yonder comes the gentle knight and my squire.

_Enter SIR ABRAHAM and PENDANT stealing.[55]_

WAG. Unfortunate damsel! why dost thou love Where thou hast sworn it never to reveal?