A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 8

PEN. My honour'd lord, Say but the word, I'll force him from the door.

C. FRED. I say the word: do it.

SCUD. You, my lord's fine fool!

ABRA. Ay, he, sir?

SCUD. No! nor you, my lord's fool's fool.

SIR INN. 'Ware, boy: come back.

L. NIN. Come back, I say, Sir Abraham.

STRANGE. 'Tis such a forward child. [_Intrant Templum._[29]

SCUD. My pa.s.sion and my cause of griefs so great, That it hath drown'd all worthy parts in me; As drink makes virtue useless in a man, And with too much kills natural heat in him, Or else I could not stand thus coldly tame, And see them enter, but with my drawn sword Should hale her by the hair unto the altar.

And sacrifice her heart to wronged love. [_Aside._

KATH. On my life, it is so.[30]

STRANGE. Worthy friend, I am exceeding sorry to see this, But cannot help it.

SCUD. I'll follow, and unfold all in the church.

Alas! to what end, since her mind is chang'd?

Had she been loyal, all the earthly lords Could not have borne her so! what heinous sin Hath she committed, G.o.d should leave her then?

I never dreamt of lying with my mother, Nor wish'd my father's death, nor hated brothers; Nor did betray trust, nor lov'd money better Than an accepted friend--no such base thought Nor act unnatural possess'd this breast.

Why am I thus rewarded?--women! women!

He's mad, by heaven, that thinks you anything But sensual monsters, and is never wise Nor good, but when he hates you, as I now.

I'll not come near one--none of your base s.e.x Shall know me from this time; for all your virtues Are like the buzzes[31] growing in the fields, So weakly fasten'd t' ye by nature's hand, That thus much wind blows all away at once.

Ye fillers of the world with b.a.s.t.a.r.dy, Worse than diseases ye are subject to, Know, I do hate you all: will write against you, And fight against you: I will eat no meat Dress'd by a woman, old or young, nor sleep Upon a bed made by their stallion[32] hands.

Yet once more I will see this feminine devil, When I will look her dead, speak her to h.e.l.l!

I'll watch my time this day to do't, and then I'll be in love with death, and readier still His mortal stroke to take, than he to kill.

[_Cornets. Exit_ SCUDMORE.

_Loud music. Enter, as from the church_, SIR JOHN WORLDLY, NEVILL, _like the parson_; COUNT FREDERICK, BELLAFRONT, STRANGE, KATHERINE; SIR INNOCENT NINNY, LADY NINNY, SIR ABRAHAM; LUCIDA, WAGTAIL, PENDANT.

C. FRED. Sweet is the love purchas'd with difficulty.

BEL. Then, this cross accident doth relish ours.

STRANGE. I rather think ours happier, my fair Kate, Where all is smooth, and no rub checks our course.

_Enter_ CAPTAIN POUTS.

CAPT. POUTS. Are ye married?

C. FRED. Yes.

CAPT. POUTS. The devil dance at your wedding! But for you, I have something else to say. Let me see: here are reasonable good store of people. Know, all my beloved brethren (I speak it in the face of the congregation), this woman I have lain with oftener----

OMNES. How!

L. NIN. Before G.o.d, you are a wicked fellow to speak on't in this manner, if you have.

STRANGE. Lain with her?

CAPT. POUTS. Yes. Good morrow. G.o.d give ye joy.

[_Exit_ CAPTAIN POUTS.

SIR J. WOR. I am speechless with my anger. Follow him!

If it be true, let her be prov'd a wh.o.r.e: If false, he shall abide the slander dearly.

ABRA. Follow that list: I will not meddle with him.

SIR J. WOR. Why speak'st not thou to reconcile those looks, That fight stern battles in thy husband's face?

KATH. Thou art not so unworthy to believe him.

If I did think thou didst, I would not open My lips to satisfy so base a thought, Sprung from the slander of so base a slave.

STRANGE. It cannot be! I'll tell you by to-morrow.

I am no fool, Kate. I will find some time To talk with this same captain. Pouts d'ye call him?

I'll be wi' ye to-night.

KATH. Sir, you shall not.

What stain my honour hath received by this Base villain, all the world takes notice of.

Mark what I vow, and if I keep it not, May I be so given o'er, to let this rogue Perform his slander. Thou that wert ordained, And in thy cradle mark'd to call me wife, And in that t.i.tle made as my defence, Yet sufferedst him to go away with life, Wounding my honour dead before thy face; Redeem it on his head, and his own way, Ev'n by the sword, his long profession, And bring it on thy neck out of the field, And set it clear amongst the tongues of men, That all eyes may discern it slandered, Or thou shalt ne'er enjoy me as a wife.

By this bright sun, thou shalt not! Nay, I'll think As abjectly of thee as any mongrel Bred in the city: such a citizen As the plays flout still, and is made the subject Of all the stages. Be this true or no, 'Tis thy best course to fight.

SIR J. WOR. Why, Kate, I say----

KATH. Pray, pardon me: none feels the smart but I.

'Tis thy best course to fight: if thou be'st still, And like an honest tradesmen eat'st this wrong, O, may thy spirit and thy state so fall, Thy first-born child may come to the hospital.

STRANGE. Heaven, I desire thee, hear her last request, And grant it too, if I do slack the first!

By thy a.s.sured innocency I swear, Thou hast lost me half the honour I shall win In speaking my intent. Come, let's to dinner.

KATH. I must not eat nor sleep, [but] weep, Till it be done.

BEL. Sister, this resolution is not good: Ill thrives that marriage that begins in blood.

KATH. Sister, inform yourself I have no ladys.h.i.+p To gild my infamy, or keep tongues in awe.

If G.o.d love innocency, I am sure He shall not lose in this action.

STRANGE. Nor is't the other's life Can give her to the world my perfect wife, But what I do conceive. It is not blood, then, Which she requires, but her good name again; And I will purchase it; for, by heaven, thou art The excellent'st new-fas.h.i.+on'd maid in this, That ever ear shall hear a tale told of.

OMNES. But hear ye.

STRANGE. Good [people], save your labours, for by heaven I'll do it: if I do't not, I shall be pointed at, Proclaim'd the grand rich cuckold of the town; Nay, wittol, even by them are known for both.