A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 77

MEN. I cannot think such fellows have to do with Oblivio, since they never got anything to forget.

ANA. Again, these prodigal swaggerers that are so much bound to their creditors, if they have but one cross about them, they'll spend it in wine upon Oblivio.

MEN. To what purpose, I prythee?

ANA. Only in hope he'll wash them in the Lethe of their cares.

MEN. Why, then, no man cares for thee.

ANA. Yes, a company of studious paperworms and lean scholars, and n.i.g.g.arly sc.r.a.ping usurers, and a troop of heart-eating, envious persons, and those canker-stomached, spiteful creatures that furnish up commonplace books with other men's faults. The time hath been, in those golden days when Saturn reigned, that, if a man received a benefit of another, I was presently sent for to put him in mind of it; but now, in these iron afternoons, save your friend's life, and Oblivio will be more familiar with him than you.

SCAENA TERTIA.

HEURESIS, MENDACIO, ANAMNESTES.

HEU. Phantastes not at court? Is't possible? 'Tis the strangest accident that ever was heard of. I had thought the ladies and gallants would never lie without him.

ANA. Hist, hist, Mendacio; I prythee observe Heuresis. It seems he cannot find his master, that's able to find out all things. And art thou now at a fault? Canst not find out thine own master?

HEU. I'll try one more way. O yes![249]

MEN. What a proclamation for him?

ANA. Ay, ay, his nimble head is always full of proclamations.

HEU. O yes!

MEN. But doth he cry him in the wood?

ANA. O good sir, and good reason, for every beast hath Phantasy at his pleasure.

HEU. O yes! If any man can tell any tidings of a spruce, neat, apish, nimble, fine, foolish, absurd, humorous, conceited, fantastic gallant, with hollow eyes, sharp look, swart complexion, meagre face, wearing as many toys in his apparel as fooleries in his looks and gesture, let him come forth and certify me thereof, and he shall have for his reward--

ANA. I can tell you where he is. What shall he have?

HEU. A box o' the ear, sirrah. [_Snap_.]

ANA. How now, Invention, are you so quick-fingered? I'faith, there's your princ.i.p.al, sirrah, [_snap_], and here's the interest ready in my hand [_snap. They fall together by the ears_.] Yea, have you found out scratching? Now I remember me--

HEU. Do you bite me, rascal?

MEN. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Here's the lively picture of this axiom, _A quick invention and a good memory can never agree_. Fie, fie, fie: Heuresis! beat him, when he's down?

ANA. Prythee, let's alone: proud jackanapes, I'll--

HEU. What will you do?

ANA. Untruss thy points, and whip thee, thou paltry ----. Let me go, Mendacio, if thou lov'st me. Shall I put up the--

MEN. Come, come, come, you shall fight no more, in good faith. Heuresis, your master will catch you anon.

HEU. My master! where is he?

MEN. I'll bring you to him; come away.

HEU. Anamnestes, I scorn that thou shouldst think I go away for fear of anything thou canst do unto me. Here's my hand, as soon as thou canst pick the least occasion, put up thy finger, I am for thee.

ANA. When thou dar'st, Heuresis, when thou dar'st, I'll be as ready as thyself at any time. [_Exeunt_ MENDACIO _and_ HEURESIS.] This Heuresis, this Invention, is the proudest jackanapes, the pertest, self-conceited boy that ever breathed. Because, forsooth, some odd poet or some such fantastic fellows make much on him, there's no ho with him.[250] The vile dandi-prat will overlook the proudest of his acquaintance; but well I remember me, I learned a trick t'other day to bring a boy o'er the thigh finely. If he come, i'faith, I'll tickle him with it.

[MENDACIO _comes running back in great haste_.

MEN. As I am a rascal, Nam, they are all coming. I see Master Register trudging hither as fast as his three feet will carry up his four ages.

[_Exit_ MENDACIO.

SCAENA QUARTA.

MEMORIA, ANAMNESTES.

MEM. Ah, you leaden-heeled rascal!

ANA. Here 'tis, sir; I have it, I have it.

MEM. Is this all the haste you make?

ANA. An't like your wors.h.i.+p, your cloghead Oblivio went before me, and foiled the trail of your footsteps, that I could hardly undertake the quest of your purse, forsooth.

MEM. You might have been here long ere this. Come hither, sirrah, come hither: what, must you go round about? Goodly, goodly, you are full of circ.u.mstances.

ANA. In truth, sir, I was here before, and missing you, went back into the city, sought you in every alehouse, inn, tavern, dicing-house, tennis-court, stews, and such like places, likely to find your wors.h.i.+p in.

MEM. Ha, villain! am I a man likely to be found in such places, ha?

ANA. No, no, sir; but I was told by my Lady Lingua's page that your wors.h.i.+p was seeking me; therefore I inquired for you in those places, where I knew you would ask for me, an it please your wors.h.i.+p.

MEM. I remember another quarrel, sirrah; but--well, well, I have no leisure.

SCAENA QUINTA.