A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 97

Whither, distraught, roams my unruly thoughts?

It is the king I cosen of his choice, And he nill brook Earl Ethenwald should prove False to his prince, especially in love.

Then thus it shall be: I'll tell the king the maid is fair, Of nut-brown colour, comely and fair-spoken, Worthy companion to an earl or so, But not a bride for Edgar, England's king.

This will allay the strong effects in love Fame wrought in Edgar's mind of Alfrida.

Well, I'll to court, and dally with the king, And work some means to draw his mind from love.

_Enter a_ KNIGHT, SQUIRE, _and_ FARMER.

KNIGHT.

Neighbour Walter, I cannot but admire to see How housekeeping is decayed within this thirty year; But where the fault is, G.o.d knows: I know not.

My father in his lifetime gave hospitality To all strangers, And distressed travellers; His table was never empty of bread, beef, and beer; He was wont to keep a hundred tall men in his hall.

He was a feaster of all comers in general, And yet was he never in want of money: I think G.o.d did bless him with increase for his bountiful mind.

FARMER.

Truly, sir, I am sorry you are fallen into decay, In that you want to maintain household charge; And whereof comes this want? I will tell you, sir: 'Tis only through your great housekeeping.

Be ruled by me, and do as I advise you.

You must learn to leave so great a train of men, And keep no more than needs of force you must, And those you keep, let them be simple men, For they will be content with simple fare.

Keep but a boy or two within your house, To run of errands, and to wait on you, And for your kitchen, keep a woman-cook, One that will serve for thirty s.h.i.+llings a year; And by that means you save two liveries.

And if ye will keep retainers towards you, Let them be farmers, or rich husbandmen, For you shall find great profit, sir, in keeping them: For if you stand in need of corn or hay, Send but to them, and you may have it straight.

And if you kill a beef, let it be so lean, The butcher nor the grazier will not buy it.

Your drink is too strong, and tastes too much of malt: Tush, single beer is better far, both for your profit, and your servants' health.

And at a Christmas-time feast none at all, But such as yield you some commodity; I mean such as will send you now and then Fat geese and capons to keep house withal: To these and none else would I have you liberal.

KNIGHT.

Why, neighbour, my goods are lent me to no other end, But to relieve my needy brethren; but G.o.d, I hope, hath in store for me.

FARMER.

Ay, trust you to that, and you may hap die a beggar.

SQUIRE.

Why, sir, if he should not trust in G.o.d, in whom should he trust, for G.o.d is the giver of all good whatsoever?

FARMER.

True; and yet 'tis good for a man to trust to himself now and then; for if you be down, and bid G.o.d help you up, and do not help yourself, you may fortune lie and perish; and therefore serve G.o.d on Sundays, as you are appointed, and thereby hope to be saved; for by your alms-deeds you cannot, for if you give to the poor, there be many will say, he thinks to be saved by his alms-deeds; and thus you shall be ill-thought on for your good-will; and therefore learn to provide for yourself; let G.o.d provide for the poor.

KNIGHT.

I tell you, neighbour, my great grandfather and all my predecessors have been held in good regard for their good housekeeping; and (G.o.d willing) their good names shall never take an exigent[302] in me, for I will (G.o.d willing) keep such hospitality to my death, as my state can maintain; and I will rather sell my land to maintain housekeeping, than, keeping my land, make sale of my good name for housekeeping.

But, stay, who comes here?

_Enter two poor_ OLD MEN _and a_ BAILIFF.

ONE OLD MAN.

G.o.d save you, sir; I pray be good to me, for cham a poor man, and I cannot tell what you will do, for you say my horse hath broken into your corn, or your corn into my horse. But, indeed, my neighbour saw your boy drive my horse into a field. But I'll stand to nothing, now I am warn'd with a piece of paper and a little wax, to prepare to proceed to London; and there I am invented, I cannot tell for what.

The bailiff here hath arrested me, ere I was weary,[303] against my will; he said it was upon your suit, and yet he laid his hands on me; nay, more, on my shoulder--

ANOTHER OLD [MAN.]

And, sir, and it may please you, I borrowed certain corn; and I brought you your corn again, and yet you 'rrest me.

FARMER.

True, sir; but then was corn sold for four s.h.i.+llings a bushel, and now 'tis sold for two.

KNIGHT.

Ay, sir, but he borrowed corn, and promised To pay you corn again, and you can have But so much as you lent; for if He should pay you at the rate you demand, You would have for the twenty bushels you lent, Forty, which were neither right nor conscience.

FARMER.

O sir, I pray let me alone with my conscience. You would have me give all I have away to the poor, and want as you do. I pray, let me alone to deal for myself. Hear you, have you 'rrested them?

BAILIFF.

I have, sir, as you commanded me.

FARMER.

Then to prison with them, till they have paid such damages, as the law shall award them.

ONE POOR [MAN.]

Hear you, sir: if you should bid your boy break down a gap, and drive in my horse, 'twere little better than plain knavery; for my horse is as honest a horse as any is in this town.

ANOTHER.

Well, neighbour, we will have the horse examined Before an officer, and my boy Jack shall write What the horse speaks; and if the horse say a was driven In against his will, Then you may have the law of him, neighbour; For all the horses in the parish will be sworn For his horse. But I'll stand to nothing--

FARMER.

Well, to prison with them, till they have paid your due; away with them.

ONE POOR [MAN.]

Nay, I pray, be more miserable to me, and I will give you forty s.h.i.+llings, when I have it.

FARMER By the ma.s.s, the knave hath a pretty cottage: I'll see, and I can get that. [_Aside_.] Sirrah, You have an old cottage; if you will make Me that over by deed of gift, I am content To draw my action.

ANOTHER POOR MAN.

My house? why, 'tis my goods, My wife, my land, my horse, my a.s.s, or anything That is his. No, you caterpillar, I will never make Away my house; I will die first.

KNIGHT.[304]

But tell me, sir, How much would you have of them for their trespa.s.s?

FARMER.

Marry, forty[305] s.h.i.+llings, and yet I befriend them.

Why, sir, I hope you will not pay it for them?

KNIGHT.

But I will. Sirrah, bailiff, I will answer The poor men's debts, and come home to me for thy fee Anon. Go, old men; get you home, and praise G.o.d.

ONE POOR [MAN.]

Marry, Jesus bless you. Neighbour, how many such Good knights have you now-a-days?

ANOTHER.

Too few, neighbour; the more is the pity.

But come, lets away. [_Exeunt_.

KNIGHT.

But who comes here?