A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 43

Thou must carry over wheat, pease, barley, oats, and vetches, and all kind of grain, Which is well sold beyond sea, and bring such merchants great gain.

Then thou must carry beside leather, tallow, beef, bacon, bell-metal and everything, And for these good commodities trifles into England thou must bring; As bugles to make bables, coloured bones, gla.s.s beads to make bracelets withal, For every day gentlewomen of England do ask for such trifles from stall to stall: And you must bring more, as amber, jet, coral, crystal, and every such babble, That is slight, pretty and pleasant: they care not to have it profitable.

And if they demand wherefore your wares and merchandise agree, You must say jet will take up a straw: amber will make one fat: Coral will look pale, when you be sick, and crystal staunch blood.

So with lying, flattering and glosing you must utter your ware, And you shall win me to your will, if you can deceitfully swear.

MERCATORE.

Tink ye not dat me have carried over corn, leader, beef and bacon too, all tis while?

And brought heder many babbles dese countrymen to beguile?

Yes; shall me tell you, Madonna I me and my countrymans have sent over Bell-metal for make ordnance, yea, and ordnance itself beside, Dat my country and oder countries be so well furnish as dis country, and has never been spi'd.

LUCRE.

Now I perceive you love me; and if you continue in this still, You shall not only be with me, but command me when and where you will.

MERCATORE.

Lady, for to do all dis and more for you me be content; But I tink some skall[168] knave will put a bill in da Parliament, For dat such a tings shall not be brought here.

LUCRE.

Tush, Mercatore! I warrant thee, thou needest not to fear.

What, and one do? there is some other will flatter, and say They do no hurt to the country, and with a sleight fetch that bill away.

And if they do not, so that by Act of Parliament it be pa.s.s'd, I know you merchants have many a sleight and subtle cast, So that you will by stealth bring over great store, And say it was in the realm a long time before.

For being so many of these trifles here, as there are at this day, You may increase them at pleasure, when you send over sea; And do but give the searcher an odd bribe in his hand, I warrant you, he will let you 'scape roundly with such things in and out the land.

But, Signor Mercatore, I pray you walk in with me, And as I find you kind to me, so will I favour ye.

MERCATORE.

Me tank you, my good lady. But, Master Dissimulation, here is for your fellows, Fraud, Usury, and Simony, and say me give it dem.

[_Exeunt LUCRE and MERCATORE_.

DISSIMULATION.

Ay marry, sir, these bribes have welcome[169] been.

Good faith, I perceive, Dissimulation, Fraud, Usury, and Simony shall live In spite of Love and Conscience, though their hearts it doth grieve.

Ma.s.s, masters, he that cannot lie, cog, dissemble and flatter now-a-days, Is not worthy to live in the world, nor in the court to have praise.

_Enter_ ARTIFEX, _an Artificer_.

ARTIFEX.

I beseech you, good Master Dissimulation, befriend a poor man To serve Lady Lucre; and sure, sir, I'll consider it hereafter, if I can.

DISSIMULATION.

What, consider me? dost thou think that I am a bribetaker?

Faith, it lies not in me to further thy matter.

ARTIFEX.

Good Master Dissimulation, help me: I am almost quite undone; But yet my living hitherto with Conscience I have won, But my true working, my early rising, and my late going to bed Is scant able to find myself, wife and children dry bread: For there be such a sort of strangers in this country, That work fine to please the eye, though it be deceitfully; And that which is slight, and seems to the eye well, Shall sooner than a piece of good work be proffered to sell; And our Englishmen be grown so foolish and nice, That they will not give a penny above the ordinary price.

DISSIMULATION.

Faith, I cannot help thee: 'tis my fellow Fraud must pleasure thee.

Here comes my fellow Fraud: speak to him, and I'll do what I can.

_Enter_ FRAUD.

ARTIFEX.

I beseech you be good unto me, right honest gentleman.

FRAUD.

Why and whereto? what wouldest thou have me do?

ARTIFEX.

That my poor estate you will so much prefer, As to get me to be a workman to Lady Lucre; And, sir. I doubt not but to please you so well for your pain, That you shall think very well of me, if I in her service remain.

DISSIMULATION.

Good fellow Fraud, do so much; for I see he is very willing to live, And some piece of work to thee for thy pains he will give.

FRAUD.

Well, upon that condition I will; but I care not so much for his gifts, As that he will by my name declare how he came by his great thrifts, And that he will set out in every kind of thing, That Fraud is a good husband, and great profit doth bring.

Therefore the next piece of work that thou dost make, Let me see how deceitful thou wilt do it for my sake.

ARTIFEX.

Yes, I will, sir; of that be you sure: I'll honour your name, while life doth endure.

DISSIMULATION.

Fellow Fraud, here comes a citizen, as I deem.

FRAUD.

Nay, rather a lawyer, or some pettifogger he doth seem.

_Enter a_ LAWYER.

LAWYER.

Gentlemen, my earnest suit is to desire ye, That unto your lady's service you would help me; For I am an attorney of the law, and pleader at the bar, And have a great desire to plead for Lady Lucre.

I have been earnest, sir, as is needful in such a case, For fear another come before me, and obtain my place.

I have pleaded for Love and Conscience, till I was weary: I had many clients, and many matters that made my purse light, and my heart heavy: Therefore let them plead for Conscience that list for me; I'll plead no more for such as brings nothing but beggary.

DISSIMULATION.

Sir, upon this condition that you will keep men in the law Ten or twelve years for matters that are not worth a straw, And that you will make an ill matter seem good and firmable indeed, Faith, I am content for my part you shall speed.

FRAUD.

Nay, fellow, thou knowest that Simony and Usury hath an ill-matter in law at this time; Now, if thou canst handle the matter so subtle and fine, As to plead that ill-matter good and firmable at the bar, Then thou shalt show thyself worthy to win Lady Lucre.

Therefore tell me if you can or will do it, or no: If you do it, be sure to get my lady's goodwill, ere you go.

DISSIMULATION.

By my honesty, well-rememb'red: I had quite forgot; 'Tis about that a fortnight ago fell out, the matter I wot.

LAWYER.

Tush, sir, I can make black white, and white black again.

Tut, he that will be a lawyer must have a thousand ways to feign: And many times we lawyers do one befriend another, And let good matters slip! tut, we agree like brother and brother.

Why, sir, what shall let us to wrest and turn the law as we list, Seeing we have them printed in the palms of our fist?

Therefore doubt you not, but make bold report, That I came and will plead their ill-cause in good kind of sort.

FRAUD.