A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 39

DISSIMULATION.

A name agreeing to thy nature [_Aside_]: but stay; here comes more company.

_Enter_ FRAUD _with a sword and buckler, like a ruffian_.

FRAUD.

Huff! once aloft, and I may hit in the right vein, Where I may beguile easily without any great pain.

I will flaunt it and brave it after the l.u.s.ty swash:[147]

I'll deceive thousands. What care I who lie in the lash?[148]

DISSIMULATION.

What, Fraud? well met. Whither travellest thou this way?

FRAUD.

To London, to get entertainment there, if I may, Of the three ladies Lucre, Love, and Conscience.

I care not whom I serve--the devil, so I may get pence.[149]

SIMPLICITY.

O Fraud! I know thee for a deceitful knave: And art thou gotten so bonfacion[150] and brave?

I knew thee, when thou dwelledst at a place called Gravesend, And the guests knew thee too, because thou wast not their friend; For when thou shouldst bring reckoning to the guests, Thou would put[151] twice so much, and swear it cost thy dame no less.

So thou didst deceive them and thy dame too; And because they spied thy knavery, away thou didst go.

Then thou didst go into Hertfords.h.i.+re, to a place called Ware, And because horses stood at hay for a penny a night there, So that thou couldst get nothing that kind of way, Thou didst grease the horses' teeth, that they should not eat hay: Then thou wouldst tell the rider his horse no hay would eat.

Then the man would say: Give him some other kind of meat.

Sir, shall I give him oats, vetches, pease, barley, or bread?

But whate'er thou gavest him, thou stolest three quarters, when he was in bed.

And now thou art so proud with thy filching and cosening art!

But I think one day thou wilt not be proud of the rope and the cart.

Take a wise fellow's counsel, Fraud: leave thy cosening and filching.

FRAUD.

Thou wh.o.r.eson rascal swad,[152] avaunt! I'll bang thee for thy brawling.

How darest thou defame a gentleman, that hath so large a living?

SIMPLICITY.

A goodly gentleman ostler! I think none of all you will believe him.

FRAUD.

What a clenchp.o.o.p[153] drudge is this! I can forbear him no more.

[_Let_ FRAUD _make as though he would strike him, but let_ DISSIMULATION _step between them_.

DISSIMULATION.

My good friend Fraud, refrain, and care not therefore.

'Tis Simplicity, that patch; he knoweth not good from bad, And to stand in contention with him I would think you were mad.

But tell me, Fraud, tell me, hast thou been an ostler in thy days?

FRAUD.

Tut, I have proved an hundred such ways; For when I could not thrive by all other trades, I became a squire to wait upon jades.[154]

But then was then, and now is now; but let that pa.s.s: I am, as thou seest me; what care I the devil what I was?

DISSIMULATION.

You say, you go to London: in faith, have with you then.

SIMPLICITY.

Nay, come and go with me, good, honest man; For if thou go with him, he will teach thee all his knavery.

There is none will go with him that hath any honesty.

A bots[155] on thy motley beard! I know thee; thou art Dissimulation: And hast thou got an honest man's coat to 'semble this fas.h.i.+on?

I'll tell thee what, thou wilt even 'semble and cog with thine own father: A couple of false knaves together, a thief and a broker.

Thou makes townsfolks believe thou art an honest man: in the country Thou dost nothing but cog, lie, and foist with Hypocrisy.

You shall be hanged together, and go along[156] together for me, For if I should go, the folks would say, we were knaves all three.

_Enter_ SIMONY _and_ USURY, _hand in hand_.

SIMONY.

Friend Usury, I think we are well near at our journey's end.

But knowest thou whom I have espied?

USURY.

No.

SIMONY.

Fraud, our great friend.

USURY.

And I see another, that is now come into my remembrance.

SIMONY.

Who is that?

USURY.

Marry, Master Davy Dissimulation, a good helper, and our old acquaintance.

SIMPLICITY.

Now all the cards in the stock are dealt about, The four knaves in a cl.u.s.ter comes ruffling out.

SIMONY.

What, Fraud and Dissimulation! happily found out.

I marvel what piece of work you two go about.

FRAUD.

Faith, sir, we met by chance, and towards London are bent.

USURY.

And to London we hie: it is our chiefest intent, To see if we can get entertainment of the Ladies or no.

DISSIMULATION.

And for the selfsame matter even thither we go.

SIMONY.