A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ii Part 50

And if it be true that his servant did say, He hath utterly lost his friends' good-will, Because he would not their counsel obey, And in his own country[320] tarry still; As for this woman, which he shall marry, At Saint Albans always hath spent her life; I think she be a shrew, I tell thee plainly, And full of debate, malice and strife.

MAID. Though I never saw this woman before, Which hither with him this gentleman brought, Yet nevertheless I have tokens in store, To judge of a woman that is forward and naught.

The tip of her nose is as sharp as mine, Her tongue and her tune[321] is very shrill; I warrant her she comes of an ungracious kin, And loveth too much her pleasure and will: What though she be now so neat and so nice, And speaketh as gentle as ever I heard: Yet young men, which be both witty and wise, Such looks and such words should not regard.

MAN. Blanche, blab it out; thou sayest very true; I think thou beginnest at length to preach: This thing to me is strange and new, To hear such a fool young men to teach.

MAID. A fool! mine own Long-tongue! why, call'st thou me fool!

Though now in the kitchen I waste the day, Yet in times past I went to school, And of my Latin primer I took a.s.say.

MAN. Masters, this woman did take such a.s.say, And then in those days so applied her book, That one word thereof she carried not away, But then of a scholar was made a cook.

I dare say she knoweth not how her primer began, Which of her master she learned then.

MAID. I trow it began with _Domine l.a.b.i.a, aperies_.

MAN. What, did it begin with _b.u.t.ter de peas_?

MAID. I tell thee again, with _Domine, l.a.b.i.a aperies_, If now to hear it be thine ease.

MAN. How, how, with, _my madam lay in the pease_?

MAID. I think thou art mad! with _Domine, l.a.b.i.a aperies_.

MAN. Yea, marry, I judged it went such ways; It began with, _Dorothy, lay up the keys!_

MAID. Nay then, good night; I perceive by this gear, That none is so deaf as who will not hear; I spake as plainly as I could devise, Yet me understand thou canst in no wise!

MAN. Why, yet once again, and I will better listen, And look upon thee how thy lips do open.

MAID. Well, mark then, and hearken once for all, Or else hear it again thou never shall; My book, I say, began with _Domine, l.a.b.i.a aperies_.

MAN. Fie, fie, how slow am I of understanding!

Was it all this while, _Domine, l.a.b.i.a aperies?_ Belike I have lost my sense of hearing, With broiling and burning in the kitchen o' days.[322]

MAID. I promise thee thou seemest to have done little better, For that I wot in my life I never saw One like to thyself in so easy a matter, Unless he were deaf, thus play the daw.[323]

MAN. Come on, come on, we have almost forgotten Such plenty of victuals as we should buy; It were alms,[324] by my troth, thou were well beaten, Because so long thou hast made me tarry.

MAID. Tush, tush, we shall come in very good season, If so be thou goest as fast as I; Take up thy basket, and quickly have done, We will be both there by and by.

MAN. I for my part will never leave running, Until that I come to the sign of the Whiting.

[_Here the two Cooks run out, and in cometh the Young Man and the Young Woman his lover_.

THE YOUNG WOMAN.

Where is my sweeting,[325] whom I do seek?

He promised me to have met me here: Till I speak with him I think it a week, For he is my joy, he is my cheer!

There is no night, there is no day, But that my thoughts be all of him; I have no delight, if he be away: Such toys in my head do ever swim.

But behold at the last, where he doth come.

For whom my heart desired long; Now shall I know, all and some,[326]

Or else I would say I had great wrong.

THE YOUNG MAN.

My darling, my coney,[327] my bird so bright of ble:[328]

Sweetheart, I say, all hail to thee!

How do our loves? be they fast asleep?

Or the old liveliness do they still keep?

YOUNG WOMAN. Do ye ask, and[329] my love be fast asleep?

O, if a woman may utter her mind, My love had almost made me to weep, Because that even now I did not you find; I thought it surely a whole hundred year,[330]

Till in this place I saw you here.

YOUNG MAN. Alack, alack, I am sorry for this!

I had such business, I might not come; But ye may perceive what my wit is, How small regard I have and wisdom.

YOUNG WOMAN. Whereas ye ask me concerning my love, I well a.s.sure you it doth daily augment; Nothing can make me start or move; You only to love is mine intent.

YOUNG MAN. And as for my love it doth never relent, For of you I do dream, of you I do think; To dinner and supper I never went, But of beer and wine to you I did drink.

Now of such thinks[331] therefore to make an end, Which pitiful lovers do cruelly torment, To marriage, in G.o.d's name, let us descend, As unto this hour we have been bent.

YOUNG WOMAN. Your will to accomplish I am as ready As any woman, believe me truly.

YOUNG MAN. This ring then I give you as a token sure, Whereby our love shall always endure.

YOUNG WOMAN. With a pure pretence your pledge I take gladly, For a sign of our love, faith, and fidelity.

YOUNG MAN. Now I am safe, now I am glad, Now I do live, now I do reign; Methought till now I was too sad, Wherefore, sadness, fly hence again!

Away with those words which my father brought out!

Away with his sageness and exhortation!

He could not make me his fool or his lout, And put me besides this delectation.

Did he judge that I would go to the school, And might my time spend after this sort?

I am not his calf,[332] nor yet his fool; This virgin I kiss is my comfort!

YOUNG WOMAN. Well then, I pray you, let us be married, For methink from it we have long tarried.

YOUNG MAN. Agreed, my sweeting, it shall be then done, Since that thy good-will I have gotten and won.

YOUNG WOMAN. There would this day be very good cheer, That every one his belly may fill, And three or four minstrels would be here, That none in the house sit idle or still.

YOUNG MAN. Take ye no thought for abundance of meat, That should be spent at our bridal, For there shall be enough for all men to eat, And minstrels besides thereto shall not fail.

The cooks, I dare say, a good while agone, With such kind of flesh as I did them tell, Are from the market both come home, Or else, my own coney, they do not well.

I knew, before that I come to this place, We should be married together this day, Which caused me then forthwith in this case To send for victuals, ere I came away.

YOUNG WOMAN. Wherefore then (I pray ye) shall we go to our inn, And look that everything be made ready?

Or else all is not worth a bra.s.s pin,[333]

Such haste is required in matrimony.

YOUNG MAN. I think six o'clock it is not much past, But yet to the priest we will make haste, That according to custom we may be both coupled, And with a strong knot for ever bound fast: Yet, ere I depart, some song I will sing, To the intent to declare my joy without fear, And in the meantime you may, my sweeting, Rest yourself in this little chair.