A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ii Part 15

The two verses, which I rehea.r.s.ed before, I find written in the Book of Cato the wise Among good precepts of living a thousand more, Which to follow there he doth all men avise And they may be Englished briefly in this wise: Among thy careful business use sometime mirth and joy, That no bodily work thy wits break or 'noy.

For the mind (saith he), in serious matters occupied, If it have not some quiet mirth and recreation Interchangeable admixed, must needs be soon wearied, And (as who should say) tried through continual operation Of labour and business without relaxation.

Therefore intermix honest mirth in such wise That your strength may be refreshed, and to labours suffice.

For as meat and drink, natural rest and sleep, For the conservation and health of the body, Must needs be had, so the mind and wits to keep Pregnant, fresh, industrious, quick and l.u.s.ty, Honest mirth and pastime is requisite and necessary; For, _Quod caret alterna requie durabile non est_: Nothing may endure (saith Ouid) without some rest.

Example proof hereof in earth is well found, Manifest, open, and very evident; For except the husbandman suffer his ground Sometimes to rest, it woll bear no fruit verament; Therefore they let the field lie every second year To the end that, after rest, it may the better corn bear.

Thus then (as I have said) it is a thing natural, And naturally belonging to all living creatures, And unto man especially above others all, To have at times convenient pastance, mirth and pleasures, So they be joined with honesty, and kept within due measures; And the same well allowed not only the said Cato, But also the Philosophers, Plutarch, Socrates, and Plato.

And Cicero Tullius, a man sapient and wise, Willeth the same, in that his first book, Which he wrote and ent.i.tuled of an honest man's office: Who so is disposed thereupon to look, Where to define and affirm he boldly on him took, That to hear interludes is pastime convenient For all manner men, and a thing congruent.

He reckoneth that namely as a very honest disport, And above all other things commendeth the old comedy, The hearing of which may do the mind comfort; For they be replenished with precepts of philosophy: They contain much wisdom, and teach prudent policy; And though they be all writers of matters of none importance, Yet they show great wit, and much pretty conveyance.

And in this manner of making Plautus did excel, As recordeth the same Tullius, commending him by name: Wherefore this maker delighteth pa.s.singly well To follow his arguments, and draw out the same, For to make at seasons convenient pastimes, mirth and game: As now he hath done this matter, not worth an oyster sh.e.l.l, Except percase it shall fortune to make you laugh well.

And for that purpose only this maker did it write, Taking the ground thereof out of Plautus first comedy And the first sentence of the same; for higher things indite In no wise he would, for yet the time is so queasy, That he that speaketh best, is least thank-worthy.

Therefore, sith nothing but trifles may be had, You shall hear a thing that only shall make you merry and glad.

And such a trifling matter, as when it shall be done, Ye may report and say ye have heard nothing at all.

Therefore I tell you all, before it be begun, That no man look to hear of matters substantial, Nor matters of any gravity either great or small For this maker showed us that such manner things Do never well beseem little boys' handlings.

Wherefore, if ye will not sourly your brows bend At such a fantastical conceit as this, But can be content to hear and see the end, I woll go show the Players what your pleasure is; Which to wait upon you I know be ready ere this.

I woll go send them hither into your presence, Desiring that they may have quiet audience.

JACK JUGGLER.

Our Lord of heaven and sweet Saint John Rest you merry, my masters everychone; And I pray to Christ and sweet Saint Stephen Send you all many a good even!

And you too, sir, and you, and you also, Good even to you an hundred times and a thousand mo.

Now by all these crosses of flesh, bone, and blood, I reckon my chance right marvellous good, Here now to find all this company, Which in my mind I wished for heartily; For I have laboured all day, till I am weary, And now am disposed to pa.s.s the time, and be merry.

And I think none of you, but he would do the same, For who woll be sad, and needeth not, is foul to blame; And as for me, of my mother I have been taught To be merry when I may, and take no thought.

Which lesson I bare so well away, That I use to make merry once a day.

And now, if all things happen right, You shall see as mad a pastime this night, As you saw this seven years, and as proper a toy As ever you saw played of a boy.

I am called Jack Juggler of many an one, And in faith I woll play a juggling cast anon.

I woll conjure the nowl,[175] and G.o.d before!

Or else let me lese my name for evermore.

I have it devised, and compa.s.sed how, And what ways I woll tell and show to you.

You all know well Master Bongrace,[176]

The gentleman that dwelleth here in this place?

And Jenkin Careaway his page, as cursed a lad, And as ungracious as ever man had, An unhappy wage, and as foolish a knave withal, As any is now within London wall.

This Jenkin and I been fallen at great debate For a matter, that fell between us a-late; And hitherto of him I could never revenged be, For his master maintaineth him, and loveth not me; Albeit, the very truth to tell, Nother of them both knoweth me not very well.

But against all other boys the said gentleman Maintaineth him all that he can.

But I shall set little by my wit, If I do not Jenkin this night requite.

Ere I sleep, Jenkin shall be met, And I trust to come partly out of his debt; And when we meet again, if this do not suffice, I shall pay Jenkin the residue in my best wise.

It chanced me right now in the other end of the next street With Jenkin and his master in the face to meet.

I abode there a while, playing for to see At the bucklers, as well became me.

It was not long time; but at the last Back cometh my cousin Careaway homeward full fast: p.r.i.c.king, prancing, and springing in his short coat, And pleasantly singing with a merry note.

Whither away so fast? tarry a while, said one.

I cannot now, said Jenkin, I must needs be gone.

My master suppeth hereby at a gentleman's place, And I must thither fetch my dame, Mistress Bongrace.

But yet, ere I go, I care not much At the bucklers to play with thee one fair touch.

To it they went, and played so long, Till Jenkin thought he had wrong.

By c.o.c.k's precious podstick, I will not home this night, Quod he, but as good a stripe on thy head light!

Within half an hour, or somewhat less, Jenkin left playing, and went to fetch his mistress; But by the way he met with a fruiterer's wife: There Jenkin and she fell at such strife For s.n.a.t.c.hing of an apple, that down he cast Her basket, and gathered up the apples fast, And put them in his sleeve, then came he his way By another lane, as fast as he may; Till he came at a corner by a shop's stall, Where boys were at dice, faring at all; When Careaway with that good company met, He fell to faring withouten let, Forgetting his message, and so did he fare, That when I came by, he gan swear and stare, And full bitterly began to curse, As one that had lost almost all in his purse.

For I know his old guise and condition, Never to leave, till all his money be gone.

For he hath no money but what he doth steal, And that woll he play away every deal.

I pa.s.sed by, and then called unto my mind Certain old reckonings, that were behind Between Jenkin and me, whom partly to recompense I trust by G.o.d's grace, ere I go hence.

This garments, cape, and all other gear, That now you see upon me here, I have done on all like unto his For the nonce; and my purpose is To make Jenkin believe, if I can, That he is not himself, but another man.

For except he hath better luck than he had, He woll come hither stark staring mad.

When he shall come, I woll handle my captive so, That he shall not well wot whither to go.

His mistress, I know, she woll him blame, And his master also will do the same; Because that she of her supper deceived is, For I am sure they have all supped by this.

But, and if Jenkin would hither resort, I trust he and I should make some sport, If I had sooner spoken, he would have sooner been here, For me seemeth I do his voice hear.

CAREAWAY.

All, sir, I may say I have been at a feast: I have lost two s.h.i.+llings and sixpence at the least.

Marry, sir, of this gains I need make no boast; But, the devil go with all, more have I lost!

My name is Careaway, let all sorrow pa.s.s!

I woll ere to-morrow night be as rich as ever I was; Or at the furthest within a day or twain: My master's purse shall pay me again.

Therefore ho! Careaway, now woll I sing _hei, hei_!

But, by the Lord, now I remember another thing: By my faith, Jenkin, my mistress and thou Are like to agree--G.o.d knoweth how-- That thou comest not for her incontinent, To bring her to supper, when thou were sent?

And now they have all supped, thou wolt surely abi', Except thou imagine some pretty and crafty lie.

For she is, as all other women be, A very cursed shrew, by the blessed Trinity, And a very devil, for if she once begin To fight or chide, in a week she woll not lin; And a great pleasure she hath specially now of late To get poor me now and then by the pate; For she is an angry piece of flesh, and soon displeased, Quickly moved, but not lightly appeased.

We use to call her at home Dame Coy, A pretty gingerly piece, G.o.d save her and St Loy!

As dainty and nice as an halfpenny-worth of silver spoons, But vengeable melancholy in the afternoons.

She useth for her bodily health and safeguard To chide daily one fit to supperward; And my master himself is worse than she, If he once thoroughly angered be.

And a maid we have at home, Alison Trip-and-go: Not all London can show such other two: She simpereth, she pranketh, and jetteth without fail, As a peac.o.c.k that hath spread and showeth her gay tail: She minceth, she bridleth, she swimmeth to and fro: She treadeth not one hair awry, she trippeth like a doe Abroad in the street, going or coming homeward: She quavereth and warbleth, like one in a galliard, Every joint in her body and every part: O, it is a jolly wench to mince and divide a fart.

She talketh, she chatteth like a pie all day, And speaketh like a parrot popinjay, And that as fine as a small silken thread, Yea, and as high as an eagle can fly for a need.

But it is a spiteful lying girl, and never well, But when she may some ill tale by me tell; She woll, I warrant you, anon at the first Of me imagine and say the worst, And whatsoever she to my mistress doth say, It is written in the gospel of the same day.

Therefore I woll here with myself devise What I may best say, and in what wise I may excuse this my long tarrying, That she of my negligence may suspect nothing.

For if the fault of this be found in me, I may give my life for halfpennies three.

[_Hic cogitabundo similis sedeat_.]

Let me study this month, and I shall not find A better device than now is come to my mind.

Mistress, woll I say, I am bound by my duty To see that your womanhood have no injury; For I hear and see more than you now and then, And yourself partly know the wanton wiles of men.

When we came yonder, there did I see My master kiss gentlewomen two or three, And to come among others me-thought I see,[177]

He had a marvellous great phantasy: Anon he commanded me to run thence for you, To come sup there, if you would; but (I wot not how) My heart grudged, mistrusting lest that I, being away, My master would some light cast play; Whereupon, mistress, to see the end, I tarried half supper-time, so G.o.d me mend!

And, besides that there was such other company As I know your mistress-s.h.i.+p setteth nothing by; Gorgeous dames of the court and gallants also, With doctors and other rufflers mo: At last when I thought it time and season, I came to certify you, as it was reason; And by the way whom should I meet But that most honest gentleman in the street, Which the last week was with you here, And made you a banket and bouncing cheer?

Ah, Jenkin, quod he, good speed! how farest thou?

Marry, well, G.o.d yield it you, master, quod I: how do you?

How doth thy mistress? is she at home?

Yea, sir, quod I, and suppeth all alone; And but she hath no manner good cheer, I am sure she would gladly have you there.

I cannot come now, said he, I have business; But thou shalt carry a token from me to thy mistress.

Go with me to my chamber at yon lane-end, And I woll a dish of costards unto her send.

I followed him, and was bold, by your leave, To receive and bring them here in my sleeve.

But I would not for all England, by Jesus Christ, That my master Bongrace hereof wist, Or knew that I should any such gear to you bring, Lest he misdeem us both in some worse thing; Nor show him nothing of that I before said, For then indeed, sir, I am arrayed:[178]

If you do, I may nothing hereafter unto you tell, Whether I see my master do ill or well.

But[179] if you now this counsel keep, I woll ease you perchance twice in a week; You may say you were sick, and your head did ache: That you l.u.s.ted not this night any supper make, Specially without the doors; but thought it best To abide at home and take your rest; And I will to my master to bring him home, For you know he woll be angry, if he come alone.

This woll I say and face it so well, That she shall believe it every deal.

How say you, friends, by the arms of Robin Hood, Woll not this excuse be reasonable good?