A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume I Part 3

STUDIOUS DESIRE.

That it cannot be plane I shall well prove thee: Because the stars, that arise in the orient, Appear more sooner to them that there be, Than to the other dwelling in the Occident.

The eclipse is thereof a plain experiment Of the sun or moon which, when it doth fall, Is never one time of the day in places all; Yet the eclipse generally is alway In the whole world as one time being; But when we, that dwell here, see it in the midday, They in the west parts see it in the morning, And they in the east behold it in the evening; And why that should so be, no cause can be found, But only by reason that the earth is round.

HUMANITY.

That reason proveth the earth at the least, One ways to be round, I cannot gainsay, As for to account from the east to the west; But yet, notwithstanding all that, it may Lese his roundness by some other way.

STUDIOUS DESIRE.

Nay, no doubt it is round everywhere, Which I could prove, thou shouldst not say nay, If I had thereto any time and leisure; But I know a man called Experience, Of divers instruments is never without, Could prove all these points, and yet by his science Can tell how many mile the earth is about, And many other strange conclusions, no doubt.

His instruments could show thee so certain, That every rude carter should them perceive plain.

HU. Now would to G.o.d I had that man now here For the contemplation of my mind!

STU. If ye will, I shall for him inquire, And bring him hither, if I can him find.

HU. Then might I say ye were to me right kind.

STU. I shall a.s.say, by G.o.d that me dear bought, For cunning is the thing that would be sought.

SEN. Well hit, quoth Hykman, when that he smote His wife on the b.u.t.tocks with a beer-pot.

Aha! now good even, fool, good even!

It is even thee, knave, that I mean.

Hast thou done thy babbling?

STU. Yea, peradventure, what then?

SEN. Then hold down thy head like a pretty man, and take my blessing.

Benedicite! I grant to thee this pardon, And give thee absolution For thy sooth saws; stand up, Jackdaw!

I beshrew thy father's son, Make room, sirs, and let us be merry, With huffa gallant, sing tirl on the berry, And let the wide world wind![15]

Sing, frisky jolly, with hey troly lolly, For I see well it is but a folly For to have a sad mind: For rather than I would use such folly, To pray, to study, or be pope holy, I had as lief be dead.

By Gog's body, I tell you true!

I speak as I think now, else I beshrew Even my next fellow's head!

Master Humanity, sir, by your leave, I were right loth you to grieve, Though I do him despise; For if ye knew him as well as I, Ye would not use his company, Nor love him in no wise.

HU. Sir, he looketh like an honest man, Therefore I marvel that ye can This wise him deprave.

SEN. Though he look never so well, I promise you he hath a shrewd smell.

HU. Why so? I pray you tell.

SEN. For he savoureth like a knave.

STU. Hold your peace, sir, ye mistake me!

What, I trow, that ye would make me Like to one of your kin.

SEN. Hark, sirs, hear ye not how boldly He calleth me knave again by policy?

The devil pull off his skin!

I would he were hanged by the throat, For by the ma.s.s I love him not: We two can never agree; I am content, sir, with you to tarry, And I am for you so necessary, Ye cannot live without me.

HU. Why, sir, I say, what man be ye?

SEN. I am called Sensual Appet.i.te, All creatures in me delight; I comfort the wits five, The tasting, smelling, and hearing; I refresh the sight and feeling To all creatures alive.

For when the body waxeth hungry For lack of food, or else thirsty, Then with drinks pleasant I restore him out of pain, And oft refresh nature again With delicate viand.

With pleasant sound of harmony The hearing alway I satisfy, I dare this well report; The smelling with sweet odour, And the sight with pleasant figure And colours, I comfort; The feeling, that is so pleasant, Of every member, foot, or hand, What pleasure therein can be By the touching of soft and hard, Of hot or cold, nought in regard, Except it come by me.

HU. Then I cannot see the contrary, But ye are for me full necessary, And right convenient.

STU. Yea, sir, beware yet what ye do, For if you forsake my company so, Lord Nature will not be content.

Of him ye shall never learn good thing, Nother virtue nor no other cunning, This dare I well say.

SEN. Marry, avaunt, knave! I thee defy!

Did Nature forbid him my company?

What sayest thou thereto? Speak openly.

HU. As for that I know well nay.

SEN. No, by G.o.d! I am right sure; For he knoweth well no creature Without me can live one day.

HU. Sir, I pray you be content, It is not utterly mine intent Your company to exile; But only to have communication, And a pastime of recreation With this man for a while.

STU. Well, for your pleasure I will depart.

HU. Now go, knave, go! I beshrew thy heart!

The devil send thee forward!

SEN. Now, by my troth, I marvel greatly, That ever ye would use the company So mich of such a knave; For if ye do no nother thing, But ever study and to be musing, As he would have you, it will you bring At the last unto your grave!

Ye should ever study princ.i.p.al For to comfort your life natural, With meats and drinks delicate And other pastimes and pleasures among, Dancing, laughing, or pleasant song; This is meet for your estate.

HU. Because ye say so, I you promise, That I have mused and studied such wise, Me thinketh my wits weary; My nature desireth some refres.h.i.+ng, And also I have been so long fasting, That I am somewhat hungry.

SEN. Well, then, will ye go with me To a tavern, where ye shall see Good pastance, and at your liberty Have whatsoever you will?

HU. I am content so for to do, If that ye will not fro me go, But keep me company still.

SEN. Company, quotha? then that I shall point-device, And also do you good and true service, And thereto I plight my troth!

And if that I ever forsake you, I pray G.o.d the devil take you!

HU. Marry, I thank you for that oath!

SEN. A mischief on it! my tongue, lo!

Will trip sometime, whatsoever I do; But ye wot that I mean well.

HU. Yea, no force! let this matter pa.s.s; But saidst even now thou knewest, where was A good tavern to make solace?

Where is that? I pray thee tell.

SEN. Marry, at the door even hereby; If we call anything on high, The taverner will answer.

HU. I pray thee, then, call for him now.

SEN. Marry, I will! How, taverner, how!

Why dost thou not appear?

TAVERNER.

Who is that calleth so hastily?

I shrew thine heart, speak softly; I tell thee I am not here.

SEN. Then I beshrew thee, page, of thine age!

Come hither, knave, for thine advantage; Why makest thou it so tow?

TA. For mine advantage, marry, then I come.

Beware, sirs, ho! let me have room!

Lo, here I am! what sayest thou?

SEN. Marry, thus: here is a gentleman, I say, That neither ate nor drank this day; Therefore tell me, I thee pray, If thou have any good wine.

TA. Ye shall have Spanish wine and Gascon, Rose colour, white, claret, rampion, Tyre, Capric, and Malvoisin, Sack, raspice, Alicant, rumney, Greek, ipocras, new-made clary, Such as ye never had; For if ye drink a draught or two, It will make you, ere ye thence go, By Gog's body, stark mad!

SEN. I wot thou art not without good wine; But here is a gentleman hath list to dine, Canst thou get him any good meat?

TA. What meat, master, would ye have?

HU. I care not, so G.o.d me save, So that it be wholesome to eat: I would we had a good stewed capon.

SEN. As for capons ye can get none, The king's taker took up each one; I wot well there is none to get.

TA. Though all capons be gone, what then?

Yet I can get you a stewed hen, That is ready dight.

HU. If she be fat, it will do well.

TA. Fat or lean, I cannot tell, But as for this I wot well She lay at the stews all night.

HU. Thou art a mad guest, by this light!

SEN. Yea, sir, it is a fellow that never fails: But canst get my master a dish of quails, Small birds, swallows, or wagtails, They be light of digestion?

TA. Light of digestion! for what reason?

SEN. For physic putteth this reason thereto, Because those birds fly to and fro, And be continual moving.