The Poems of Emma Lazarus Volume I Part 12

The vision, the beat.i.tude, were true: The agony was but an evil dream.

I speak not now as one who hath not learned The purport of those lightly-bandied words, Evil and Fate, but rather one who knows The thunders of the terrors of the world.

No mortal chance or change, no earthly shock, Can move or reach my soul, securely throned On heights of contemplation and calm prayer, Happy, serene, no less actual joy Of present peace than faith in joys to come.

This soft, sweet, yellow evening, how the trees Stand crisp against the clear, bright-colored sky!

How the white mountain-tops distinctly s.h.i.+ne, Taking and giving radiance, and the slopes Are purpled with rich floods of peach-hued light!

Thank G.o.d, my filmy, old disl.u.s.tred eyes Find the same sense of exquisite delight, My heart vibrates to the same touch of joy In scenes like this, as when my pulse danced high, And youth coursed through my veins! This the one link That binds the wan old man that now I am To the wild lad who followed up the hounds Among Ravenna's pine-woods by the sea.

For there how oft would I lose all delight In the pursuit, the triumph, or the game, To stray alone among the shadowy glades, And gaze, as one who is not satisfied With gazing, at the large, bright, breathing sea, The forest glooms, and s.h.i.+fting gleams between The fine dark fringes of the fadeless trees, On gold-green turf, sweet-brier, and wild pink rose!

How rich that buoyant air with changing scent Of pungent pine, fresh flowers, and salt cool seas!

And when all echoes of the chase had died, Of horn and halloo, bells and baying hounds, How mine ears drank the ripple of the tide On the fair sh.o.r.e, the chirp of unseen birds, The rustling of the tangled undergrowth, And the deep lyric murmur of the pines, When through their high tops swept the sudden breeze!

There was my world, there would my heart dilate, And my aspiring soul dissolve in prayer Unto that Spirit of Love whose energies Were active round me, yet whose presence, sphered In the unsearchable, unbodied air, Made itself felt, but reigned invisible.

This ere the day that made me what I am.

Still can I see the hot, bright sky, the sea Illimitably sparkling, as they showed That morning. Though I deemed I took no note Of heaven or earth or waters, yet my mind Retains to-day the vivid portraiture Of every line and feature of the scene.

Light-hearted 'midst the dewy lanes I fared Unto the sea, whose jocund gleam I caught Between the slim boles, when I heard the clink Of naked weapons, then a sudden thrust Sickening to hear, and then a stifled groan; And pressing forward I beheld the sight That seared itself for ever on my brain-- My kinsman, Ser Ranieri, on the turf, Fallen upon his side, his bright young head Among the pine-spurs, and his cheek pressed close Unto the moist, chill sod: his fingers clutched A handful of loose weeds and gra.s.s and earth, Uprooted in his anguish as he fell, And slowly from his heart the thick stream flowed, Fouling the green, leaving the fair, sweet face Ghastly, transparent, with blue, stony eyes Staring in blankness on that other one Who triumphed over him. With hot desire Of instant vengeance I unsheathed my sword To rush upon the slayer, when he turned In his first terror of blood-guiltiness.

Within my heart a something snapped and brake.

What was it but the chord of rapturous joy For ever stilled? I tottered and would fall, Had I not leaned against the friendly pine; For all realities of life, unmoored From their firm anchorage, appeared to float Like hollow phantoms past my dizzy brain.

The strange delusion wrought upon my soul That this had been enacted ages since.

This very horror curdled at my heart, This net of trees spread round, these iron heavens, Were closing over me when I had stood, Unnumbered cycles back, and fronted HIM, My father; and he felt mine eyes as now, Yet saw me not; and then, as now, that form, The one thing real, lay stretched between us both.

The fancy pa.s.sed, and I stood sane and strong To grasp the truth. Then I remembered all-- A few fierce words between them yester eve Concerning some poor plot of pasturage, Soon silenced into courteous, frigid calm: This was the end. I could not meet him now, To curse him, to accuse him, or to save, And draw him from the red entanglement Coiled by his own hands round his ruined life.

G.o.d pardon me! My heart that moment held No drop of pity toward this wretched soul; And cowering down, as though his guilt were mine, I fled amidst the savage silences Of that grim wood, resolved to nurse alone My boundless desolation, shame, and grief.

There, in that thick-leaved twilight of high noon, The quiet of the still, suspended air, Once more my wandering thoughts were calmly ranged, Shepherded by my will. I wept, I prayed A solemn prayer, conceived in agony, Blessed with response instant, miraculous; For in that hour my spirit was at one With Him who knows and satisfies her needs.

The supplication and the blessing sprang From the same source, inspired divinely both.

I prayed for light, self-knowledge, guidance, truth, And these like heavenly manna were rained down To feed my hungered soul. His guilt was mine.

What angel had been sent to stay mine arm Until the fateful moment pa.s.sed away That would have ushered an eternity Of withering remorse? I found the germs In mine own heart of every human sin, That waited but occasion's tempting breath To overgrow with poisoned bloom my life.

What G.o.d thus far had saved me from myself?

Here was the lofty truth revealed, that each Must feel himself in all, must know where'er The great soul acts or suffers or enjoys, His proper soul in kins.h.i.+p there is bound.

Then my life-purpose dawned upon my mind, Encouraging as morning. As I lay, Crushed by the weight of universal love, Which mine own thoughts had heaped upon myself, I heard the clear chime of a slow, sweet bell.

I knew it--whence it came and what it sang.

From the gray convent nigh the wood it pealed, And called the monks to prayer. Vigil and prayer, Clean lives, white days of strict austerity: Such were the offerings of these holy saints.

How far might such not tend to expiate A riotous world's indulgence? Here my life, Doubly austere and doubly sanctified, Might even for that other one atone, So bound to mine, till both should be forgiven.

They sheltered me, not questioning the need That led me to their cloistered solitude.

How rich, how freighted with pure influence, With dear security of perfect peace, Was the first day I pa.s.sed within those walls!

The holy habit of perpetual prayer, The gentle greetings, the rare temperate speech, The chastening discipline, the atmosphere Of settled and profound tranquillity, Were even as living waters unto one Who perisheth of thirst. Was this the world That yesterday seemed one huge battlefield For brutish pa.s.sions? Could the soul of man Withdraw so easily, and erect apart Her own fair temple for her own high ends?

But this serene contentment slowly waned As I discerned the broad disparity Betwixt the form and spirit of the laws That bound the order in strait brotherhood.

Yet when I sought to gain a larger love, More rigid discipline, severer truth, And more complete surrender of the soul Unto her G.o.d, this was to my reproach, And scoffs and gibes beset me on all sides.

In mine own cell I mortified my flesh, I held aloof from all my brethren's feasts To wrestle with my viewless enemies, Till they should leave their blessing on my head; For nightly was I haunted by that face, White, bloodless, as I saw it 'midst the ferns, Now staring out of darkness, and it held Mine eyes from slumber and my brain from rest And drove me from my straw to weep and pray.

Rebellious thoughts such subtle torture wrought Upon my spirit that I lay day-long In dumb despair, until the blessed hope Of mercy dawned again upon my soul, As gradual as the slow gold moon that mounts The airy steps of heaven. My faith arose With sure perception that disaster, wrong, And every shadow of man's destiny Are merely circ.u.mstance, and cannot touch The soul's fine essence: they exist or die Only as she affirms them or denies.

This faith sustain me even to the end: It floods my heart with peace as surely now As on that day the friars drove me forth, Urging that my asceticism, too harsh, Endured through pride, would bring into reproach Their customs and their order. Then began My exile in the mountains, where I bode A hunted man. The elements conspired Against me, and I was the seasons' sport, Drenched, parched, and scorched and frozen alternately, Burned with shrewd frosts, prostrated by fierce heats, s.h.i.+vering 'neath chilling dews and gusty rains, And buffeted by all the winds of heaven.

Yet was this period my time of joy: My daily thoughts perpetual converse held With angels ministrant; mine ears were charmed With sweet accordance of celestial sounds, Song, harp and choir, clear ringing through the air.

And visions were revealed unto mine eyes By night and day of Heaven's very courts, In shadowless, undimmed magnificence.

I gave G.o.d thanks, not that He sheltered me, And fed me as He feeds the fowls of air-- For had I perished, this too had been well-- But for the revelation of His truth, The glory, the beat.i.tude vouchsafed To exalt, to heal, to quicken, to inspire; So that the pinched, lean excommunicate Was crowned with joy more solid, more secure, Than all the comfort of the vales could bring.

Then the good Lord touched certain fervid hearts, Aspiring toward His love, to come to me, Timid and few at first; but as they heard From mine own lips the precious oracles, That soothed the trouble of their souls, appeased Their spiritual hunger, and disclosed All of the G.o.d within them to themselves, They flocked about me, and they hailed me saint, And sware to follow and to serve the good Which my word published and my life declared.

Thus the lone hermit of the mountain-top Descended leader of a band of saints, And midway 'twixt the summit and the vale I perched my convent. Yet I bated not One whit of strict restraint and abstinence.

And they who love me and who serve the truth Have learned to suffer with me, and have won The supreme joy that is not of the flesh, Foretasting the delights of Paradise.

This faith, to them imparted, will endure After my tongue hath ceased to utter it, And the great peace hath settled on my soul.

AFTERNOON.

Small, shapeless drifts of cloud Sail slowly northward in the soft-hued sky, With blur half-tints and rolling summits bright, By the late sun caressed; slight hazes shroud All things afar; s.h.i.+neth each leaf anigh With its own warmth and light.

O'erblown by Southland airs, The summer landscape basks in utter peace: In lazy streams the lazy clouds are seen; Low hills, broad meadows, and large, clear-cut squares Of ripening corn-fields, rippled by the breeze, With s.h.i.+fting shade and sheen.

Hark! and you may not hear A sound less soothing than the rustle cool Of swaying leaves, the steady wiry drone Of unseen crickets, sudden chirpings clear Of happy birds, the tinkle of the pool, Chafed by a single stone.

What vague, delicious dreams, Born of this golden hour of afternoon, And air balm-freighted, fill the soul with bliss, Transpierced like yonder clouds with l.u.s.trous gleams, Fantastic, brief as they, and, like them, spun Of gilded nothingness!

All things are well with her.

'T is good to be alive, to see the light That plays upon the gra.s.s, to feel (and sigh With perfect pleasure) the mild breezes stir Among the garden roses, red and white, With whiffs of fragrancy.

There is no troublous thought, No painful memory, no grave regret, To mar the sweet suggestions of the hour: The soul, at peace, reflects the peace without, Forgetting grief as sunset skies forget The morning's transient shower.

PHANTASIES.

(After Robert Schumann).

I. Evening.

Rest, beauty, stillness: not a waif of a cloud From gray-blue east sheer to the yellow west-- No film of mist the utmost slopes to shroud.

The earth lies grace, by quiet airs caressed, And shepherdeth her shadows, but each stream, Free to the sky, is by that glow possessed, And traileth with the splendors of a dream Athwart the dusky land. Uplift thine eyes!

Unbroken by a vapor or a gleam,

The vast clear reach of mild, wan twilight skies.

But look again, and lo, the evening star!