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"Well, what am I supposed to do?" She challenged all of a sudden. "Christoph hasn't gotten around to teaching me the appropriate way to hunt and no one's given me blood. He's gone for the night. Elektra told me to simply go to my room, but how does that help me? I really am sorry I was so reckless, but what did everyone think was going to happen? I need blood," she ranted until her breaths got the best of her and she began hyperventilating.
Brandon sandwiched her chest between his hands, placing one firmly just beneath her collarbone and the other between her shoulder blades in back.
"What. Are. You. Doing?" She asked, as her inhale hitched in her throat, causing the question to jut out of her in a staccato rhythm.
"Breathe," he said, as he pressed against her.
She tried to and found that the pressure of his hands helped her breathe deeply and slowly. When her upset subsided, he softened his hold, lowered his hand from her chest, and used the other to rub long strokes up and down her back, which helped her calm down even further. Then he guided her to sit at the back of the sled beside him.
"I feel like I have no control over myself," she admitted. "For a second I felt empowered with Christoph, but I lost that feeling. Now it's like I'm just as helpless as I was when I was human and knew I was dying."
Brandon stilled his hand so that it rested on the small of her back. He studied her face, though she was looking down at the leaves and brush that were scattered across the ground. It was getting dark, and the temperature was falling, but he didn't want to head back until Gwen felt comforted and restored. He brushed his hand through her short blond hair, tucking the longer pieces behind her ear.
"You'll get through it," he a.s.sured her. "It's only been a day."
Gwen gravitated towards him, sinking into his warm body so that her head was resting on his shoulder. As she moved in, he caressed his hand further until it rested on her hip, while at the same time the other hand crossed over her lap so that he could join his hands and hold her tenderly.
"I feel like there's something dark inside me that's itching to get out," she whispered. "I'm worried it'll take over and there will be nothing of me left in here."
"That's not going to happen," he said softly, as he drew her even tighter against him. "I shouldn't have been so hard on you. I'm just concerned. That's all. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. But I get that your actions seem beyond your control. In a lot of ways they are, but you still have a choice, deep down. You still have the power to hold yourself back from doing impulsive things. You have the power to ask for help."
Gwen felt his right hand disengage from his left and soon he was stroking his fingers through her hair and caressing the length of her neck then across her shoulder and down her arm until he couldn't reach any further, at which point he started from her head again, tracing the same path downward.
"When I was first turned," he resumed, speaking softly and continuing with his soothing caress. "I had a mind altering fever for weeks. I couldn't string two thoughts together, that's how consuming it was. It was like I was losing my mind and it terrified me. When the sickness pa.s.sed, at first I was relieved, but then I realized I still didn't really have a command over my thoughts, never mind my impulses. It was like there was someone else inside my head thinking for me, acting out, and I was watching it all, unable to do a thing about it."
"How did you gain control?"
"I had to be patient with myself. I had to trust my trainers."
"But what did you do when you got hungry?"
"I told them," he admitted. "And they provided an appropriate meal."
"Well that's what I need," Gwen said, her voice shaking with the intensity of that very need.
"Ok," he said. "Let's get you back."
Brandon helped her to her feet, but when he let go of her waist Gwen didn't release her arms from around his neck.
"Can you stand on your own?" He whispered, as he returned his hands to her waist reciprocating her embrace.
"Yeah," she said, though she didn't let go. She tipped her head back so that her mouth grazed his neck. He smelled so good, masculine and delicious. She didn't see the need to go anywhere. She could have what she wanted right here.
"Gwen, let's head back. I have to get the cub set up at the Sanctuary with its mother," he said, encouraging her to let go, though it wasn't exactly what he wanted.
He urged her back then looked into her blue eyes, which seemed hazy with exhaustion. The way her body felt pressing into his, sent smooth, burning excitement through Brandon. Their faces were so close, hers tilting up and his angling down. She looked beautiful and delicate. Then her lips parted and her eyes floated closed, as if she was asking him to kiss her.
Gwen was melting into him. She could feel his cool breath grazing her lips. She wanted to disappear into his kiss, but he hadn't pressed his mouth to hers yet. When she opened her eyes she noticed Brandon was looking past her, as though he heard something.
"What?" She asked unsure of what had stolen his attention.
"We have to get back," he said urgently, as he left her so that he could pick up the unconscious bear. It took a great deal of maneuvering, but Brandon managed to scoop the bear into his arms. The dogs seemed to understand what that meant, because they padded over and aligned the sled next to him so that all Brandon had to do was muscle the bear down beside its cub. Once the ma.s.sive heap of fur was securely resting on the sled, he strapped it down then whistled. The dogs heaved the sled into motion and as it gained speed they trotted easily. "Come on," he told her, as he followed behind the sled.
Gwen hopped to it, found her place beside Brandon, and they started briskly after the sled making their way back to the Sanctuary.
Brandon seemed to be in a hurry. He quickened his pace, while Gwen kept up, until he was walking flush against the back of the sled. He gave a sharp whistle, causing the dogs to pick up their pace. The sled sped up and soon Gwen was nearly out of breath in effort to keep up at Brandon's side.
"What's the rush?" She asked. "Did you hear something?"
"It's just not a good idea to be out here so late," he said, dismissing her curiosity.
"Then why did you invite me out for a night walk in the first place?" She challenged.
"I wouldn't have walked us into this part of the Cascades," he said curtly.
Gwen remembered her ability to glide, which was an infinitely faster mode of movement, so she began gliding in order to catch her breath. Once she had, she took hold of Brandon's arm, allowing him to guide her. Despite the warmth of her touch, he was still clammed up and it caused Gwen to wonder what the precise danger was that he'd sensed. It was certainly causing him to race them back even though by now they'd put a mile of wilderness between themselves and the site she'd encountered the bears.
"Where would we have gone for our walk then?" She pressed, but Brandon seemed suddenly on edge and didn't answer. Not wanting to aggravate him, she let her question drop, but not her curiosity. Something had triggered his sudden urgency. The man who had an a.r.s.enal of tranquilizers strapped to his back and the strength to lift a two-ton bear had gotten spooked, and Gwen was highly interested in what on Earth could've possibly caused that.
They came to a clearing where the Sanctuary sat across the way and finally Brandon seemed to relax in her grip, as though the very sight of the building caused him to release all tension.
"Do you want to see where we keep the animals during their rehabilitation?" He asked, suddenly lightening up.
"Sure," she said.
They followed the dogs to a gate, which Brandon unhinged before they all pa.s.sed through. Beyond the gate sat several hundred acres of spa.r.s.ely wooded land that was sectioned off by domed metal fences that essentially formed a grid of cells for the animals. As they traversed the aisle that cut through the center, Gwen noted that each cell had to be a good seven-square-acres, which seemed to be a sizable amount of s.p.a.ce for an animal to roam while healing. A few of the animals cautiously approached the fence as they pa.s.sed. First a wolf, then in the next cell a bobcat, and on the other side, a black bear.
"We'll have to put the bear and her cub in the last cell up there on the left to give them as much privacy from the others as possible. Since she's rearing her cub she's more aggressive by nature and the smells and sounds of the other animals might make her anxious."
When they arrived at the last cell, Brandon asked Gwen to wait outside while he proceeded with his dogs. Once he entered with them, he shut the fence then unstrapped the bear and her cub. Gwen was in awe at Brandon's super strength. He lifted the mother bear off the sled with ease, though he certainly strained to do it carefully. Then he set the cub beside its mother and exited the cell, shutting and locking the fence behind him.
"Were we in a rush to leave the forest because you sensed whoever shot the cub was still out there?" She asked, making the connection all of a sudden.
"You could say that," he said.
"Well who was it?" She wondered.
"I don't know," he said, though something in his tone told her he had his suspicions.
The moon overhead was s.h.i.+ning down and casting an iridescent glow over Brandon, who was looking at Gwen with an unwavering gaze. His steel blue eyes looked black in the low light, which also gave his expression a dark allure. There was a glint in his eye that stirred up a reminder in Gwen that this was the man she'd envisioned to exude glamour in her training.
"Will the cub be Ok?" She asked, staring up at him.
"Joseph will check him out in the morning and administer antibiotics if the wound shows any signs of infection. Otherwise, it's just a matter of time before the cub is healed, and then we'll release him. He was shot in the gut so it wasn't life threatening."
"That's good," said Gwen with a twinge of guilt at her prior selfishness. She'd been blinded by hunger, and even though she still felt dull blood thirst, she'd come to her senses enough to see her impulse for what it really was, detrimental to a suffering animal's wellbeing. Brandon, as well as the werewolves and the s.h.i.+fters seemed to appreciate the balance of life, and Gwen was beginning to understand that what drove vampires was well outside of that balance. It disturbed her.
"I'm more concerned with you," he said, scanning her face for signs she wasn't well.
"I feel fine," she said, glancing down at her shoulder.
"That's not what I meant exactly."
"What did you mean?"
He paused on a breath, unsure of what to say or unwilling to say it then offered, "Let me walk you back to Little Bear."
The suggestion was disappointing. All afternoon she'd been looking forward to having time alone with Brandon. She'd fantasized about them strolling through the woods and getting to know one another, and now the whole evening had been spoiled by her vampire impulse to feed. Brandon wanted to deposit her in her room and be done with her, and it made her heart sink. Suddenly the dog she'd woken up with didn't seem so offensive. She'd give anything to go to bed with it, if for no other reason than to have a small sense of comfort in a world of uncertainties.
She nodded, accepting his offer to take her home, and they walked back in silence through the Sanctuary. When they reached the fence Brandon hinged it shut then they started across the campus. By the time they'd reached the Training Center, Gwen was acutely aware of the tension rising between them. No one had spoken a word, and yet she felt like there was so much she wanted to say. She was starting to feel the weight of this moment and didn't want it to slip through her fingers. She didn't want the night to end, and she needed to say that, say something, but something was holding her back. Fear, perhaps. She didn't want to be rejected. It felt like he had already turned her down. In fact it felt like whatever interest he'd had in her had been lost in the face of her selfish attempt to feed off the suffering cub. She honestly felt like Brandon might not be all that drawn to her anymore, that was if he ever had been. Now she wasn't so sure.
As they approached Little Bear, Gwen was in a heightened state of self-consciousness, as though every breath and every blink were drawing attention to her attraction to him. Brandon's arm brushed hers and it sent her heart racing. He glanced her way and it caused her breath to hitch in her throat. She had wanted to thank him for walking her home, for coming for her when she'd blown the whistle, for being the only person besides Christoph at the Sanctuary who believed in her (though she was pretty sure Christoph was being paid to do so), and for finding her at the bottom of the ravine and ultimately saving her life; She wanted to thank him for all of that when they came to a standstill just shy of the entrance to Little Bear, but felt like if she said any of that it would only come across as trite.
She turned to Brandon and gave him a shy, nervous smile without meeting his gaze. "Have a good night," she said to his mouth, which seemed like a safe enough place to be looking.
Brandon took a small step towards her. There wasn't that much room between them and he was closing the gap entirely. Gwen's exhale stuttered out of her, but again there were no words. She told herself not to close her eyes, not to expect anything like she had on the sled, which had been the source of her awkwardness.
She could feel his eyes on her, searching hers so she met his gaze finally. In that moment, Brandon leaned in, pursed his lips to hers, and finally kissed her. Gwen floated through the kiss. Her hands found his shoulders, as their lips pressed, and he wrapped her waist until they were fully embraced. His lips parted, deepening the kiss, and Gwen reciprocated, allowing him to explore the velvety curves of her mouth. Soon his hand cradled the back of her head, gently turning her face to better serve his growing pa.s.sion. Gwen melted into him, pressing the length of her body against his and holding him tight, as they kissed deeper and deeper.
She caught herself smiling on the cusp of each kiss, as the depth ebbed back into sensual and long held pecks.
"Why are you smiling?" He asked between kisses.
"This is nice," she offered then returned her lips to his.
His hands scooped her bottom and cupped firmly, which sent a wave of arousal rolling through her. Though it was a forward move, it turned her on in an instant and other possibilities came to mind. Would he want to come inside? She had to laugh at herself for that one. Of course he'd come inside. He'd want to. This was the same man who'd tricked his way into her bed last night.
The way his hands squeezed and ma.s.saged her b.u.t.t had Gwen quite hot and it occurred to her that she was considerably more aroused than she had been when she'd glamorized Christoph successfully. She could have Brandon in her bedroom whether he wanted to come or not, she only had to use glamour.
But she didn't want to have him that way. It wouldn't be fair. Not to him, and also not to her. She deserved to know he was into her, and if she influenced him she'd never know for sure.
Their kisses slowed until they were only holding each other, nose to nose, lips brus.h.i.+ng, breathing in the sweet smell of one another's skin.
"I meant it before when I said you shouldn't be left alone," said Brandon, suggestively before sweeping his firm lips across hers so that she could feel the smooth tickling friction between them.
"Well I can't have a roommate apparently or I'll eat them," she said with a smile, as if to encourage him to be even more forward with her. It was fun to watch him wanting her.
"I could come in for a little while," he proposed then quickly added, "I could turn wolf and watch over you again."
"What if you didn't turn wolf, but came in for a little while?" She suggested, feeling bold.
"That would be ideal," he agreed, flas.h.i.+ng a crooked smile, then returned his mouth to hers, giving her a deep kiss and sliding his hands up her back until they landed in her hair.
Gwen smirked at him, eyeing the crooked curl of his lip as it lifted into an eager grin, then she turned for the entrance door and plucked her dorm key from her bosom, muttering to herself how ridiculous her dress was, and opened the door. When she returned her key to its home inside her dress, the material over her shoulder where the branch had torn through caught her eye.
"Oh," she said. "It's mended."
As they walked down the hall to her dorm room, Brandon eyed the dress fabric as well. "It's like it was never torn."
"Christoph still hasn't explained to me why it's necessary for me to look so stereotypical," she shrugged before clarifying, "Maybe it really does serve a purpose."
Gwen held her dorm room door open for Brandon to enter, then followed locking the door once it had closed. Brandon milled through the room, his broad shoulders rolling with each step that reminded Gwen he was a natural predator. He turned to face her when he reached the back wall. She felt like he was drinking her in. His eyes traveled down the length of her then up again, as a naughty smile spread across his face. She liked that her figure inspired that kind of hunger in him.
"Are you wearing anything under that dress?" He asked.
It was a seductive question and paired with his naturally deep voice that had arched up suggestively, caused Gwen to find herself suddenly aroused. Before she could answer, she sensed the dress' fabric shrinking. In the same moment Brandon's smile widened with surprise and when she looked down the dress had shrunk into black, silvery undergarments: a bra and panties.
"That's a great trick," he said.
"Oh my G.o.d," she said, as her hands whipped over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and privates. "Did you do that?" She laughed, though accusingly.
"I wish," he said.
Gwen focused, concentrating on her intention to conjure the dress and soon it returned, spreading out from the undergarments and reshaping around her, this time into a tightly fitting, sleeveless design with a low cut neckline and impossibly high hemline. She noted it still revealed an awful lot of her, but was a marked improvement so she didn't fuss to change it further.
"You did it with your mind," he stated, though it came across as a question.
"Well, I didn't realize," she said embarra.s.sed.
"I think it took a cue from your emotions," he concluded.
"Which you influenced," she said, blaming him playfully.
"Isn't that interesting. It's usually the other way around," he said then added off of Gwen's confused expression, "Vampires are the ones who influence, not the other way around." Brandon studied her figure then suggested, "I'd like to see you in nothing."
Gwen froze, knowing in an instant what he was trying to do and also knowing that unless she concentrated hard, pus.h.i.+ng his attraction to her out of her mind and avoiding her natural response to him, she'd find herself suddenly in the buff. But she couldn't fight it. And within seconds she was back to scrambling to cover herself up.
"You're being a dog," she scolded, this time annoyed, but at least her dress had reappeared.
"If you were more of a vampire, I wouldn't be getting away with it."
"Oh is that a challenge?"
"I think so," he teased. "What are you going to do about it?"
"Don't provoke me," she warned. "I could influence you and be drinking you all night."
Brandon let his smile drop, as a serious tone took over his voice, "That's what I want."
It was intriguing and didn't necessarily add up. Elektra had warned Gwen not to feed off of any of the s.h.i.+fters at Cascade. Why would Brandon want this? Yet she couldn't ask him. She didn't want to dissuade him from the offer.
When she said nothing, Brandon clarified, "I can't have you injuring animals out there. And I don't know Christoph's plans for keeping you fed."
"So you're just going to let me drink you?"
"Don't you want to?"
"I don't know. I've never done it before."