Honey on Your Mind Part 28

Mrs. McIntyre's voice continued. "Holly would never choose a career over Jake."

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

Holly.

Holly, his pretty ex-girlfriend.

Holly, his pretty ex-girlfriend who wants him back.

Jake had told me things were over with Holly, and I believed him.

But I still felt...sick.

I remembered the look in his eyes after I gave him my keys. He'd looked so pensive and serious, but in a good way.

Or so I had hoped.

Did I have it all wrong?

Is this not what I think it is?

I needed to get some air. Immediately.

I tiptoed past the kitchen into the foyer and quickly sifted through the coats on the rack to find my jacket and purse. At that moment, I felt like walking out of the house and never coming back. She doesn't want me here...I have to get out of here...

Hoping they wouldn't hear me, I opened the door and slipped outside. I quietly closed the door behind me, then pulled my hat and gloves out of my coat pocket and put them on. I hurried toward the sidewalk. Within seconds, tears were streaming down my face.

No future?

Is that true?

Is Jake just leading me on?

What job in Los Angeles?

He and I hadn't ever really talked about "the future," and we hadn't been dating seriously all that long. But I loved him, and he loved me. Wasn't that enough, at least for now?

I dug my phone out of my purse and started walking. I removed a glove for a moment to call my dad. It was freezing, but I couldn't go back inside.

He answered right away. "Baby, hi there, merry Christmas!"

"Hi, Dad, how are you?"

"I'm doing just wonderful, thanks for asking. Betty just made us a tasty Christmas breakfast, and we're getting ready to open our presents. How are you?"

I closed my eyes for a moment and smiled. This was the first time I'd been away from my dad for Christmas, and I was so glad he wasn't spending it alone. I wondered if Betty would ever know how grateful I was to her for coming into his life. I felt more tears stream down my cheek. Why couldn't Jake's mom feel that way about me?

"I'm good, Dad, a little tired from working so much, but I'm good." I wiggled my glove back on and hoped my shaky voice wouldn't betray me.

"You having fun up there in Boston?"

"It's a little overwhelming meeting the whole family at once, but they're really nice." Most of them.

"I'm sure they love you, baby. How could they not love you?"

For a moment, I was tempted to tell him what I'd just overheard, but then I decided to change the subject.

"So, um, how are the wedding plans going?"

"So far, so good. Betty's a whiz at organizing. I tried to help a few times, but I just ended up in the way. So in the end we decided that she'll tell me where to be and when, and I'll show up in a tuxedo. I figured as long as I don't screw that up, everything else will be OK."

I laughed. "I like your style, Dad."

"You're still coming, right?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for anything. Andie and McKenna want to come too, if that's OK with you."

"Sure, baby, Betty would love to meet your friends. She's so proud of you, you know. She just loves watching you on that show of yours. She always says how she can't believe her soon-to-be daughter is on TV."

Daughter? Wow.

I thought of the year before, when I'd driven to Sacramento to spend Christmas with my dad in his small apartment, right before he started dating Betty. The day had been nice, but quiet, and a bit melancholy, as holidays always were with just the two of us. I'd shown up with Santa hats for us to wear, and we'd spent the afternoon watching basketball on TV.

"Dad?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything, baby."

"Do you still have those Santa hats I brought to your house last year?"

"Sure do."

"I know this may sound strange, but would you and Betty wear them today?" I could feel a lump forming in my throat. "It would...it would make me feel like a part of me was there with you."

"Why, of course we will. I'll get them out of the closet as soon as I hang up."

Suddenly I started to cry. "Thanks, Dad."

"Are you OK, baby?"

"I'm fine, just a little...cold. Will you please tell Betty I said merry Christmas?"

"Of course. She's right here if you want to tell her yourself."

I wiped the tears away with my glove. I could fool my dad, but Betty would know I was upset. "No, um, I really should be heading back inside now. But would you, um, would you please tell her..." My voice began to crack, and I fake sniffled to hide the fact that I was crying. "Um, will you please tell her...that I'm glad...that I'm glad she wants to be my...mom?"

"Will, do baby. She'll be thrilled to hear it."

"Thanks, Dad. I should really be getting inside now. They're going to be wondering where I wandered off to."

"OK, thanks for calling. You take care now, OK?"

"OK. Merry Christmas, Dad."

"Merry Christmas, Waverly."

I hung up the phone. I love you, Dad.

I stood still for a few moments, trying to absorb the conflicting emotions I was feeling. Love. Pain. Fear. Loneliness.

I looked back at the house. I wasn't ready to go back inside, so I decided to take a walk around the block. As I slowly wandered through the festive neighborhood, I studied the pretty houses lining the streets and wondered how the families inside were celebrating the holiday. Was I the only one who was part of a big party yet felt a little bit alone?

When I made it back to Natalie's, I stopped on the sidewalk and stared for a moment at the bright Christmas lights framing the front windows, then smiled weakly at the huge candy canes, elves, and sleigh decorating the snow-covered front yard.

It was probably the most welcoming home I'd ever seen.

I just wished I felt...welcome.

a a a Back inside, Jake and the guys were still watching the Knicks game. The score was tied, so they were all focused on the screen. I sat down next to Jake and leaned back against the couch.

"Your dad doing OK?" Jake whispered, his eyes still on the screen.

I nodded. "Yeah, he's good." I was grateful for the close game. If Jake hadn't been so distracted, he would have seen that I was upset, and I just couldn't deal with that right now. How would I reply if he asked me what was wrong?

A few minutes later, the Knicks' coach called a time-out. By then I'd pulled myself together, so I forced a smile and put my hand on Jake's arm. "How's Shane doing?"

"He's got twenty-five already. That guy's a machine."

"I still can't believe how tall he is. How did he fit in the bed in the dorms?" I remembered when I'd first met Shane a couple years ago, at a big tradeshow in Atlanta. He was there to do press interviews for a line of basketball shoes made by one of my clients, so we'd spent three days straight together. I'd never seen such an enormous man up close before. He made the media room look like something out of Alice in Wonderland.

"His feet hung off the end, that's for sure," Jake said.

"No joke. I thought I had big dogs, but that guy has some gargantuan dogs," Brett said. "They're like water skis."

We all laughed as the game came back on. I was grateful for the distraction and was beginning to feel a bit less rattled. Maybe later I'd get the courage to tell Jake what I'd overheard.

a a a With less than a minute to go in the fourth quarter and the Knicks up by one, Shane leaped to block a shot. He landed awkwardly and crumpled to the floor, grabbing his leg.

Jake immediately stood up. "That wasn't good. Oh, h.e.l.l. That was not good."

Tim shook his head. "That looked like it hurt."

Shane lay there on the floor, still clutching his leg as his teammates circled around him.

"You think it's his ankle?" Brett said. "Or his knee?"

Jake didn't reply as he stared at the screen. The team trainer ran out to attend to Shane, who was visibly in pain, and then they cut to a commercial break.

We all sat there in silence.

"d.a.m.n it," Jake finally said. "That looked really bad. I hope it isn't his ACL."

I looked at him. "What's an ACL?"

"A major ligament in the knee."

"At his age, that could be career-threatening," Tim said.

Shane was thirty-four.

"Really?" I said.

They all nodded silently.

"Oh no," I added quietly.

Jake paced the family room as we waited for the game to come back on. When it did, the commentators said that Shane was being evaluated by team doctors.

"Let's cross our fingers for good news," Jake said.

It wasn't good news. Jake made a few phone calls, and we soon learned that Shane hadn't just torn his ACL, he had torn all the major ligaments in his knee. Surgery was scheduled for two days after Christmas.

There was no way around it; Shane's career was in jeopardy.

a a a "Thanks so much for having me. I had a great time." I hugged Tim and Natalie at the front door several hours later. Jake's parents had left a few minutes earlier, and I was still defrosting from that good-bye. His dad had wrapped me a bear hug, but his mom had offered only another chilly, polite smile. I didn't want to offend her by going in uninvited for the hug or even a kiss on the cheek, so I'd just stood in front of her awkwardly until she'd turned away to get her coat. I'm sure everyone who witnessed it cringed.

Natalie hugged me back tightly. "It was our pleasure. I hope we see you again."

I hope so too, I thought.

"I really enjoyed meeting you," Michele said. "I'll be watching you on the show."

"You should tell one of your jokes on the show," Brett said with a laugh.

Jake poked his back. "Are you trying to get her fired?"

"If you don't watch it, I'm going to tell another one right here," I said.

As Jake and I drove back to the bed and breakfast, we mostly talked about Shane. I certainly wasn't happy he was hurt, but I was selfishly grateful for the diversion. Jake was clearly preoccupied, because if he'd been paying attention, he would have noticed that I'd barely made eye contact with him all afternoon.

a a a Early the next morning, we said a rushed good-bye at the bed and breakfast. My train wasn't until ten, but Jake had to fly straight from Boston to Chicago to meet up with the Hawks, so he needed to leave at the crack of dawn to return the rental car and catch his flight.

I was still half-asleep when he left.

"I'll call you later, OK?" he whispered.