Smoke and Mirrors Part 17

When Ash returned, he dropped down onto the couch beside Cael, giving his hair a playful tug and chuckling at Cael's poke before he settled against Ash. It was odd seeing him so at ease in his relations.h.i.+p.

"Sweetheart, Sloane's gonna be cras.h.i.+ng here for a few nights."

Cael studied Sloane, his head c.o.c.ked to one side, the worry written all over his boyish face. "What happened? Is everything okay with Dex?"

"No," Sloane said with a sigh. This was going to be so much worse than he thought. Cael was just as protective of his brother as Dex was about him. Maybe Sloane was overreacting. Maybe Cael might understand where Sloane was coming from and could talk to Dex.

Sloane took a deep breath and told them everything that had happened with Shultzon, leaving nothing out, including his argument with Dex. Ash opened his mouth to reply, but Cael beat him to it.

"So you walked out on him? You accused his mom of walking away, and then you turned around and did the same?"

"Cael, it's not the same. You don't understand the history here. Everything Ash and I went through. My parents, this whole First Gen anomaly thing.... It's complicated."

Cael jumped to his feet, his anger coming off him in waves. "Don't you dare tell me it's complicated! It's not, Sloane. Do you have any idea how this must all be killing him? Finding out about his parents, about what Shultzon did? It sounds like Gina was trying to help, and she was killed for it. How could you walk out on him?"

"I didn't walk out," Sloane insisted. Was he really so surprised that Cael would take his brother's side in this? "I told him I needed some s.p.a.ce, some time to think."

"Away from him. You promised him you would both work through things together, and then you tell him you're leaving him."

"I can't sort this all out around him. My G.o.d, Cael. He looks just like her. When I look at him, I think of the day I met her at the CDC Registration Office. I think about how she could have said something to my parents and said nothing!"

"Have you thought that maybe she couldn't? Jesus, Sloane, they killed her! If she was gathering evidence, secretly investigating, don't you think she knew the kind of people she was dealing with? Have you considered that Shultzon might be lying? Picking and choosing which truths to feed you?"

"Sweetheart, come here," Ash said gently.

Cael shook his head. He grabbed his shoes off the floor before hurriedly putting them on. "I need to be with Dex. He shouldn't be alone." He gazed at Sloane, his gray eyes filled with hurt. "I'm disappointed in you, Sloane. He's always been there for you, always. He's risked his life, his reputation, his career, his future for you, and now, when he needs you the most, when he's asked you for nothing more than to have faith in him, you bailed."

"Cael-"

"If you weren't ready to be serious about the two of you, you shouldn't have marked him."

The words were like a slap to the face, especially since the same thought had shamefully crossed his mind. He'd been so sure.... No. He was sure.

Cael turned, gave Ash a quick kiss, then stormed off. He s.n.a.t.c.hed his jacket from the hook by the door and left, slamming the door behind him. Wow. So it was possible to feel worse than he'd been feeling before. Peachy.

"I'm sorry, Ash. The last thing I wanted was to mess things up for you."

"You haven't," Ash a.s.sured him. "It's not me he's p.i.s.sed at. I gotta say, bro, you managed to p.i.s.s off both brothers. That takes skill."

"Why can't they understand? Everything we went through? What if it could have been avoided? What if she could have done something?"

Ash frowned at him and shook his head. "Are you really going to risk everything you have, everything you've worked so hard for, for something that could have been?"

"The facility-"

"Is where I met you."

Sloane swallowed hard. He hadn't thought about that. "Yeah, it is."

"It's where we became brothers. Where we decided to become THIRDS agents so s.h.i.+t like that wouldn't happen to anyone else. So a.s.sholes like Shultzon would pay for their crimes." Ash sat forward, his hands clasped between his knees and his intense amber eyes moving from the floor to Sloane. "What happened was f.u.c.ked, and yeah, I wish it had never happened, but that got me on this path. It brought me to you, Cael, our family. I wouldn't change that for anything."

"What about my parents? My mom? You know what I did."

"I'll tell you the same thing you told me about Arlo. You were just a kid. It wasn't your fault. After a lifetime of carrying that guilt, I finally let it go, because you were right. It doesn't mean it wasn't f.u.c.ked-up. Doesn't mean I don't miss him every day or wish he was here, but I know now that I can't change what happened, and what happened wasn't my fault. Just like what happened with your mom wasn't your fault. You were a terrified little kid. Who the h.e.l.l knows what would have happened if Gina Daley had said something. Maybe it would have saved your mom. Maybe the universe would have found some other way to f.u.c.k us both over. My point is, are you going to make Dex pay for the f.u.c.ked-up s.h.i.+t that happened in your past?"

"I'm not trying to make him pay for anything, Ash. I just don't know how to move past this mess with his mom."

"Everything that's happened has brought you two together. I might not believe in any of that fate s.h.i.+t, but you two are good together. Without you he's like a f.u.c.king excitable puppy, p.i.s.sing all over the carpet because he can't help it, and without him, your head takes you to dark places, and you wallow there, letting it consume you. How many times did I have to drag you out of your shadows, kicking and screaming?"

Sloane swallowed hard. "Too many," he admitted quietly.

"With Dex, you're like the guy you were always meant to be before any of that f.u.c.ked-up s.h.i.+t happened to us. This here, you how you are now, without the f.u.c.king running, is who you were meant to be, Sloane, and a lot of that is down to Dex."

Sloane didn't know what to say. What could he say? Ash was right. Sloane remembered what his days had been like after Gabe died. He'd been spiraling deeper into his anguish, letting it consume him.

"You said that this with Dex was it. A future together, a family. Is that really what you want?"

Sloane didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"You love him?"

"You know I do."

"Is that enough?" Ash held his gaze. "How much does he mean to you? What are you willing to give, Sloane?"

Sloane took a moment to think about what Ash was saying. It wasn't enough for him to love Dex. It wouldn't sustain them, wouldn't get them through the tough times, not if Sloane kept reverting to his old ways. He'd believed everything would right itself after he confessed his love to Dex, but now was when the real work started, when their love would be tested. When he would be tested. Dex would never falter. Sloane knew that much. After everything they'd been through, Dex remained true to his heart and his love for Sloane. He fearlessly charged ahead, confident in them. He had faith in them. In Sloane.

"He told me one of these days, he might not be there when I get back."

Ash pursed his lips in thought. "Well, then I guess you better stop f.u.c.king up."

"Really? That's your answer? Thanks, pal. I appreciate the support."

"What do you want me to say? He's right, man. How many times do you think he's just gonna stand there and let you crush him? If I'd been Daley, I would have sent your a.s.s packing months ago."

Sloane stared at him. Not what he'd expected, but okay.

"Don't look at me like that. You f.u.c.king marked him, Sloane. You offered him a link to your f.u.c.king soul. It wasn't just your word or a promise that you'd be there for him. You f.u.c.king offered him everything you are, and what did he give you? His life, man. Daley's marked for life. He's told you that you're all he wants for the rest of his life, and you p.i.s.sed on it. You were there at the bar that night, right? Both nights? Every time he walks out the door, he knows what he's risking, and he's doing it for you."

"I-"

"I love you. You're like a brother to me, but sometimes I just wanna kick your a.s.s." Ash got to his feet and headed for the stairs that led to his bedroom. "I'll grab you some pillows and blankets. Think about what you stand to lose for something that was out of his control. We've wasted enough time living in the past. Don't waste any more."

Sloane sat forward, elbows on his knees as he dropped his head onto his hands. Ash was right. Of course he was right. Everyone was right except Sloane. Had he really needed time to think about things, or was that just another one of his pathetic excuses so he wouldn't have to face his insecurities again? Every time he thought he'd conquered his fears, he was made painfully aware of how laughably wrong he was. Sloane's insides twisted when he thought of Dex, of his beautiful smile, of the love he had in his heart for Sloane.

"Here." Ash tossed some blankets and pillows onto the couch. He was about to turn away when he let out a sigh. Instead, he took a seat on the coffee table facing Sloane. "You need to ask yourself why you're sabotaging your relations.h.i.+p."

Sloane frowned. "You think I'm doing this on purpose? I love him, Ash. More than anything."

"I don't doubt that. But it's pretty obvious a pattern is emerging here, Sloane. Everything was going smooth. You told him you loved him, suggested you move in with him, marked him, and you've been genuinely happy for the first time in your life, and then out of the blue, bam, you do something to royally f.u.c.k things up. You take one step forward only to take five steps back. Each time you do it, it's worse than the last. Why? The second you're comfortable and really happy, you do something to push him away and hurt him. What are you scared of? The other night you were talking about kids, for f.u.c.k's sake, and now this."

Sloane opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. He had nothing. Was he really sabotaging his own relations.h.i.+p? "Do you really think that's what I'm doing?"

Ash didn't reply, but his expression said it all. If the shoe fits. f.u.c.k. It was worse than he thought. "Thanks," Sloane murmured, taking one of the pillows. "Thanks for letting me stay too."

"No problem. And I say this in the most loving way possible. Work out your s.h.i.+t and go home to your boyfriend."

Sloane nodded. He set up his makes.h.i.+ft bed on Ash's couch and lay down. He doubted he'd be getting any sleep. After tossing and turning, he grabbed his phone. Tapping the screen brought it out of sleep mode. A selfie Dex had taken with him greeted him. They were squished together, Dex kissing Sloane on the cheek, Sloane laughing. Ash had teased him about the picture, telling him he was turning into a teenage girl. Sloane hadn't cared. He loved the impromptu photograph. Loved the sweetness of it. Sloane had been happy.

Sloane lost count of how many times he almost called or texted Dex that night. Instead he turned off his phone and tried to sleep. Tomorrow he could lose himself in work.

Chapter 8.

SLOANE HADN'T slept a wink the night before, and when he got to work, he was surprised by the looks he got from his fellow Therian agents. A few wouldn't meet his gaze, while others shook their heads at him. What the h.e.l.l was going on? Heading for Ash's office, he opened his mouth to say something when Letty glared at him, purposefully b.u.mping into him as she swept by.

"What the h.e.l.l is up with everyone? What did I do?" Sloane asked, walking into the office.

Ash typed away at his desk's interface. "What's going on is that Daley showed up to work this morning looking like s.h.i.+t and without your scent all over him. We can sense s.h.i.+t, Sloane. Everyone likes Dex. You marked him, and now you're not with him. They're wondering if you were just f.u.c.king with him and now abandoning him."

"What? Since when is my relations.h.i.+p everyone's business? And what about what I feel? That doesn't matter?"

"Nope."

Sloane threw his arms up. "Seriously? Why am I the f.u.c.king bad guy here?"

"Because you were the one who walked out, broke his heart, and left him with your mark." Ash looked up at him. "Taylor's been sniffing around him, just so you know."

Sloane's fur bristled. Or at least it would have if he'd been in his Therian form. "I didn't leave him. Dex is still mine."

"From where they're sitting," Ash said, pointing out at the bull pen, "it doesn't look that way." Ash sat back, his expression concerned.

"What?"

"I don't know. It's weird. It's like you can smell the hurt on him, Sloane. It reminds me of the night in the club, when his scent changed. Like he's giving off these pheromones, this need for comfort. Taylor's not the only one who's been hovering. Hobbs, Seb, Hudson, h.e.l.l, even f.u.c.king Zach has been up here. He brought Dex Cheesy Doodles."

Sloane gaped at him. "Zach came up here from Unit Beta to give Dex cheese snacks?"

"Yep. I don't think it's a s.e.xual thing. Well, maybe for Taylor, but you know he's been all up in Dex's a.s.s from day one. Hobbs wouldn't do that to Cal. It's like our feral halves know he's wounded and want to comfort, which is weird because Dex isn't a Therian, so why would our Therian halves give a f.u.c.k? I mean, as Humans we do, because emotions and all that s.h.i.+t, but our feral halves?"

"Wait.... Our? You said 'our,' not 'their.'"

Ash cleared his throat and turned back to his desk.

"You too?" Sloane couldn't believe it. "You want to comfort him?"

Ash frowned down at his desk, his face flushed.

"You already did?" Sloane's eyebrows shot up. "You comforted him?"

"Like I said, it's some pheromone or some s.h.i.+t."

"Humans don't give off pheromones," Sloane explained through gritted teeth. Again. Frustrated. This wasn't possible. It was debatable, sure, but not scientifically proven.

"Well, this one does. So good luck with that."

Sloane couldn't help his curiosity, and a little part of him was enjoying his best friend's embarra.s.sment. "How did you comfort him?"

Ash mumbled something, but Sloane couldn't make it out.

"What?"

"I said, I brought him gummy bears, okay? Get the f.u.c.k out of my office and sort your s.h.i.+t out. This is all your fault."

"My fault? You're my best friend. Aren't you supposed to be understanding and s.h.i.+t?"

"Not when your f.u.c.king boyfriend is f.u.c.king with my head, looking like a f.u.c.king puppy who's been left out in the cold. It's not right, Sloane."

"So I'm supposed to just, what? Never argue with him? Walk on eggsh.e.l.ls around him?"

"This is different," Ash said through his teeth. "This isn't a spat with you sleeping on your own d.a.m.n couch or an argument where you both stomp your feet and pack up your toys. This is serious s.h.i.+t. You walked out on him, and something's sending off this thick fog of hurt. I don't know what the h.e.l.l is going on with Dex, but you two need to work it out before it catches Sparks's attention, if it hasn't already. I know she's given us a pa.s.s, but there's only so much she can cover up around here, Sloane."

Sloane had no idea how he was supposed to fix this, especially since he couldn't smell whatever the h.e.l.l Ash did. He could feel the hurt. It was deep in his chest. His arm itched, and his chest was tight, but he didn't smell anything different. It was all connected to Sloane marking Dex, but why now? And how long would it last? What else could they expect? He hated not knowing. It's not like there was another marked Human he could ask. h.e.l.l, the only other marked person he knew was Hudson, a Therian. As far as he knew, Hudson had never suffered from seizures. He didn't give off the kind of scent Ash was describing.

Sloane didn't know what he was going to say to Dex when he saw him, but they were partners. They'd have to behave like adults and do their job.

Dex wasn't in their office. In fact half the morning went by without Dex showing up. He was definitely in. Not that they needed to be behind their desks to work. They could connect to Themis from anywhere in the building on any device, be it their phones or tablets that they carried on them. Dex was probably working from Cael and Rosa's office, or maybe even Calvin and Hobbs's.

Sloane spent the morning going through the Reynolds case. Dylan Reynolds was denied bail and placed on suicide watch. The tests for Alicia Reynolds came back from the hospital, and Sloane quickly accessed the file only to find the results were inconclusive.

"You've got to be f.u.c.king kidding me." How could that be? There had to be something, a reason for the seizure. Everything came back inconclusive. CBC, lumbar puncture, MRI, EEG, toxicology screening all with the same results? "This is bulls.h.i.+t." Sparks's words ran through his head. All the tests TIN had performed on Dex had returned with the same results. Sloane was about to put in a call to Sparks when Calvin walked in.

"You're a d.i.c.k. You know that?"

"Thanks. I'll add you to my list of people who think I'm an a.s.shole. Is there something else you wanted, or is that it?"

Calvin shook his head. He opened the medium-sized book in his hand and tore out a page before walking over to Sloane, his expression dark. Sloane stood. If Calvin wanted to get into it, fine. Calvin searched Sloane's gaze. What he was looking for, Sloane had no idea. With pursed lips, Calvin shook his head and shoved the piece of paper at Sloane.

"I know it's none of my business, but whatever it was, I hope it was worth it."

With that Calvin turned and walked off. Sloane shut the door to his office and put the room in privacy mode. Cursing up a storm, he balled the paper up, then chucked it across the room. He paced the office, a white heat of anger spreading through him. None of them understood. Did they think he wanted this? That he didn't love Dex so much it was f.u.c.king tearing him apart? That he couldn't feel Dex on him? Smell him? Sense him when he was near? Wherever he turned, Dex was with him, whether he was physically there or not. He had every right to feel upset over what he'd learned. Dex wasn't the only one in pain. Why was he the bad guy here? Because Dex was the one who was marked? Because of these supposed pheromones? Did Dex know what he was doing? What his scent was doing? Sloane doubted it.