My Friend Smith Part 40

Happily it was not all in vain. She consented, at any rate, to look after one or two of the matters in which I was most helpless, and I was duly and infinitely thankful.

In due time all was ready, and the hour arrived. All my terrors returned. I felt tempted to bolt from the house and leave my guests to entertain themselves. I _hated_ Beadle Square. And there, of course, just when I should have liked things to be at their best, there were three or four cats setting up a most hideous concert in the yard, and the chimney in the parlour beginning to smoke. I could have torn my hair with rage and vexation.

I seized the tongs, and was kneeling down and vigorously pus.h.i.+ng them up the chimney, to ascertain the cause of this last misfortune, when a loud double-knock at the door startled me nearly out of my senses. I had never realised what I was in for till now!

Horror of horrors! Who was to open the door, Mrs Nash, or I? We had never settled that. And while I stood trembling amid my smoke and eel- pie and half-boiled eggs, the knock was repeated--this time so long and loud that it must have been heard all over the square. I could hear voices and laughter outside. Some one asked, "Is this the shop?" and another voice said, "Don't see his name on the door."

Then, terrified lest they should perpetrate another solo on the knocker, I rushed out and opened the door myself, just as Mrs Nash, with her face scarlet and her sleeves tucked up above the elbows, also appeared in the pa.s.sage.

They were all there; they had come down in a body. Oh, how shabby I felt as I saw them there with their fine clothes and free-and-easy manners!

"Hullo! here you are!" said Doubleday. "Found you out, then, at last.

Haven't been this way for an age, but knew it at once by the cats.

Hullo, is this your mother? How do, Mrs Batchelor. Glad to see you.

Allow me to introduce--"

"It's not my mother!" I cried, with a suppressed groan, pulling his arm.

"Eh, not your mother?--your aunt, perhaps? How do you--"

"No, no," I whispered; "no relation."

"Not? That's a pity! She's a tidy-looking old body, too. I say, where do you stick your hats, eh? I bag the door-handle; you hang yours on the key, Crow. Come on in, you fellows. Here's a spree!"

Could anything be more distressing or humiliating? Mrs Nash, too indignant for words, had vanished to her own kitchen, shutting the door behind her with an ominous slam, and here was the hall chock-full of staring, giggling fellows, with not a place to hang their hats, and Doubleday already the self-const.i.tuted master of the ceremonies!

I mildly suggested they had better bring their hats inside, but they insisted on "stacking" them, as the Field-marshal called it, in pyramid form on the hall floor; and I let them have their way.

"Come in," I faltered presently, when this little diversion appeared to be ended. As I led the way into the parlour my heart was in my boots and no mistake.

They entered, all coughing very much at the smoke. What a seedy, disreputable hole Mrs Nash's parlour appeared at that moment!

"I'm sorry the chimney's smoking," I said, "a--a--won't you sit down?"

This invitation, I don't know why, seemed only to add to the amus.e.m.e.nt of the party. Daly proceeded to sit down on the floor, no chair being near, and the Twins solemnly established themselves on the top of him.

The others sat down all round the room in silence. What could I do? In my cool moments I had thought of one or two topics of conversation, but of course they ah deserted me now. All except the weather.

"Turned rather cold," I observed to Whipcord.

"Who?" exclaimed that worthy, with an alarmed face.

"I mean the weather's turned rather cold."

"Poor chap, pity he don't wear a top-coat."

"I say," said Doubleday, who had, to my great discomfort, been making a tour of discovery round the room, "rather nice pictures some of these, this one of Peace and Plenty's not half bad, is it, Whip?"

"Why you old a.s.s, that's not Peace and Plenty, it's a Storm at Sea."

"Well, I don't care who it is, it's rattling good likenesses of them.

Hullo, Twins, don't you be going to sleep, do you hear?"

This was addressed to the two brothers, from under whom, at that moment, Daly contrived suddenly to remove himself, leaving them to fall all of a heap.

In the midst of the confusion caused by this accident, it occurred to me we might as well begin supper; so I called the company to attention.

"We may as well begin," I said, "there's no one else to wait for. Will you take that end, Doubleday?"

"I'm game," said Doubleday. "Now then, you fellows, tumble into your seats, do you hear? We're jist a-going to begin, as the conjurer says.

I can tell you all I'm pretty peckish, too."

"So am I, rather," said Crow, winking at the company generally, who all laughed.

Awful thought! Suppose there's not enough for them to eat after all!

I began to pour out the coffee wildly, hardly venturing to look round.

At last, however, I recollected my duties.

"That's an eel-pie in front of you, Doubleday," I said.

Now at all the parties I had been to I had never before seen an eel-pie.

I therefore flattered myself I had a novelty to offer to my guests.

"Eel-pie, eh?" said Doubleday; "do you catch them about here, then?

Eel-pie, who says eel-pie? Don't all speak at once. Bring forth the hot plates, my boy, and we'll lead off."

"It's cold," I faltered.

"Oh, goodness gracious! _Cold_ eel-pie, gentlemen. You really must _not_ all speak at once. Who says cold eel-pie? The Field-Marshal does!"

"No, he doesn't," replied the Field-Marshal, laughing.

"Flanagan does, then?"

"No, thank you," said Flanagan.

"Well, you Twins; you with the cut on your chin. I wish one of you'd always cut your chin shaving, one would know you from the other. Any cold eel-pie?"

"Rather not," said the Twin addressed.

"Have some lobster?" I said, despairingly. If no one was going to take eel-pie, it was certain my other provisions would not last round. Why hadn't I taken Mrs Nash's advice, and had that unlucky dish hot?

"What will you take?" I said to Flanagan.

"Oh, I don't mind," replied he, in a resigned manner; "I'll take a shrimp or two."

"Have something more than that. Have some lobster?" I said.

"No, thanks," he replied.