Herein is Love Part 8

If there is any one indispensable insight with which a young married couple should begin their life together, it is that they should try to keep open, at all cost, the lines of communication between them.

Everyone needs and should have premarital counseling, if only to help them to this all important insight. Here is a place where the church's ministry needs to be strengthened, since so many people turn to the church to have their marriages solemnized. Before each marriage is performed, the minister should meet with the couple and help them prepare for the relations.h.i.+p, and he should include in that preparation the guidance that will help them to understand how indispensably important to its preservation, and, therefore, to their life together, are all the means of communication between them. Fortunately, more and more ministers are a.s.suming this responsibility; and fortunately, also, more and more seminaries are providing instructions that teach ministers how to minister helpfully at this strategically important time. But much more needs to be done. Many marital breakdowns due to failure of communication could be alleviated, if not prevented, by giving young couples a.s.sistance when they are beginning their life together.

But communication is indispensable in all relations.h.i.+ps, and not only in the personal ones like marriage. In labor disputes, for instance, the bargaining relations.h.i.+p breaks down when either one or both parties abandon the attempt to communicate with the other. Therefore, we may conclude, in paraphrase of the Scriptures: If any man says that he loves G.o.d and will not try to communicate with his brother, he is a liar!

But what is communication, and why is it so difficult to achieve? Most people seem to think of communication as getting a message across to another person. "You tell him what you want him to know." This concept produces a one-way verbal flow for which the term "monologue" is descriptive. Much of the church's so-called communication is monological, with preachers and teachers telling their hearers, both adults and children, the message they think they should know. The difficulty with monological activity is that it renders the hearer pa.s.sive. It a.s.sumes that he is a receptacle into which the desired message may be poured. It eliminates the possibility of his active partic.i.p.ation in the formulation of the message, and seems not to heed that a part of the message is in the person who is to receive it.

Those who have studied the dynamics of communication and the process by which it occurs are convinced that the monological principle is contradictory to the nature of communication, and as a method is the least effective. Reflective observation of our own learning indicates that communication is most effective when we become a part of the process and meet the message with our own content. Furthermore, the monological principle is not one that was used by our Lord. He, Who was the full incarnation of love, made people partic.i.p.ants in the Good News that He proclaimed. We think, for example, of His conversation with the woman at the well, in the course of which she moved from her superficial understanding of water to His understanding of the water of life, wherein the meaning of her life was revealed to her.[21] Again, we think of the lawyer who put Him to a test by asking what he must do to inherit eternal life, and our Lord drew him out in such a way that he answered his own question.[22] The Gospels are full of such ill.u.s.trations of our Lord's method of communication. It is curious, therefore, that the church has settled for the opposite monological principle which is quite unequal to the task of conveying the full meanings of the gospel.

_Communication Is Dialogue_

Our Lord's method, which we may call the dialogical, has been vindicated by modern research into the dynamics of communication, which has demonstrated conclusively that the to-and-fro process between teacher and pupil, between parent and child, provides the most dependable and permanent kind of education. What is that to-and-fro between one who knows and one who does not? The monological argument against the dialogical process is that the ignorant and untutored have nothing to contribute, so that the addition of zero and zero equals zero. This kind of comment, which is made by surprisingly intelligent and otherwise perceptive people, and all too often by educators, demonstrates how little they know about the processes of learning. Nor does it follow that the dialogical principle forbids the use of the monological method.

There is a place for the lecture and for direct presentation of content, but to be most useful they should be in a dialogical context.

Furthermore, it is quite possible for a person giving a lecture to give it in such a way that he draws his hearers into active response to his thought, and although they remain verbally silent, the effect is that of dialogue. As a matter of fact, one should not confuse the different methods of teaching with the dialogical concept of communication. Both the lecturer and the discussion leader can be either monological or dialogical, even though they are using different methods. The person who believes that communication, and therefore education, is dialogical in nature, will use every tool in the accomplishment of his purpose. When the question needs to be raised, he may use the discussion method or perhaps some visual aid. When an answer is indicated, he may give a lecture or use some other transmissive resource. But his orientation to his task is based on his belief that his accomplishments as a leader are dependent partly upon what his pupil brings to learning, and that for education to take place their relations.h.i.+p must be mutual.

What is it that the learner brings that is of such great value to the teacher? What possibly can the child have that the parent needs in order to help the child learn and mature? The child, and every person for that matter, brings to every encounter meanings drawn from his previous experience which, in one way or another, prepares him for what is to be learned. In Chapter IV we considered some of the early, basic acquisitions of the individual; for example, the meanings of trust and mistrust acquired in his first year, of liberating autonomy or resentful dependence, and other meanings which influence to a high degree his openness to the teacher and to what the teacher has to give. In addition to these basic meanings, he has a whole host of others which he has picked up from his previous experience: knowledge of people, of himself, of the world in which he lives, of the nature of things, all of which he uses in response to the approach of parent, teacher, friend, or whoever may be apt to confront him with new truth.

We need to remember that the meanings the learner brings are far from complete and mature, and that he is in the process of growing and becoming more adequate. He wants to learn, but he does not want to learn at the price of his own integrity. In learning he wants to have the sense of acquiring new powers. Any approach to him that seems to diminish him in any way closes him as a responsive, learning person.

Furthermore, his experience thus far and its meaning produce in him questions for which he would like to have answers. The individual, therefore, brings to his meeting with others certain beliefs, att.i.tudes, understandings, knowledge, and questions, which, in one way or another, have prepared him or closed him to learning. A good teacher, accordingly, pays attention to what his pupil brings.

The teacher (and here I am not thinking of the professional teacher only) first makes it his business to find out about his pupil or about the person with whom he wishes to communicate. As teacher, he needs to know as much about his pupil as he needs to know about his subject. He wants to help him ask his questions, so that what is communicated will be an answer to his questions. All too often what we offer as answers fail because they are addressed to questions which have not been asked, and, therefore, do not have meaning for them. The parent and teacher, therefore, should seek to call forth and formulate the understandings of children in order that they may more readily hear and understand the new truth that is being presented.

The need to be aware of the meanings that each person brings to his educational encounters is equally relevant to disagreements between adults. Many a husband and wife, for instance, fail to deal with a disagreement or quarrel constructively because each is thinking only in terms of the meanings he brings to the conflict, instead of trying also to discover the concerns and meanings his partner brings. We all know that sometimes the real cause of a quarrel is not expressed, with the result that the quarrelers can only deal with the superficial meanings of the conflict and in ways that further alienate them from each other.

The responsibility for communication in such instances calls for each partner to pay attention to the meanings that the other one brings to the conflict, and try also to help the other say what he means, for his own and the sake of the other. In this way, constructive communication may be resumed.

_The Purpose of Communication_

The question now needs to be raised: What is the purpose of communication? There is a tendency on our part to regard consensus and a.s.sent as the goals of communication. The attempt to get people to sign on the dotted line, as it were, makes our communications aggressive and imperialistic. The hearer is not respected as an autonomous, deciding person, and this may cause him to decide against the message because of the alienating way in which it is being presented. When the gospel is preached without respect for the autonomy and integrity of the individual, the effect is alienating. The same results occur when parents act imperialistically in relation to the educational opportunities in the home.

The goal of communication is not to secure a.s.sent and agreement, but is, rather, to help the individual make a decision and translate it into action. We have to face the possibility that we may not like his decision, but that it may be the decision he must make now. For the moment, the child may say "No" to some admonition or instruction that his parent is giving him, which may seem like a breakdown and failure of communication. On the other hand, if it is the child's own decision and if the parent can respect it, while at the same time protecting the child from its unfortunate consequences, it may be a step in the process by which the child will eventually say "Yes." Reflection will reveal how often we have arrived at an affirmative response by the route of a negative one. The negative response was then seen as part of the process by which we moved toward accepting a truth.

Preparation for church members.h.i.+p of both young and old needs to employ this concept of communication. The instruction of many church members has been so ambiguous that they are not clear about what they have decided for or against. After all, we cannot say "Yes" to anything without also saying "No" to other things. People who are prepared for church members.h.i.+p should understand and be able to state the reason for the faith they affirm, and know what alternatives they rejected.

They need help also in discovering what their affirmations and denials mean for their way of life. Only then will they be able to make strong and enabling commitments. One reason for the uncertain witness of many so-called Christians and church members is that they have been persuaded to be Christians without either having that relations.h.i.+p or its alternatives explained to them. Young people in particular need help in knowing what they are choosing against in order that they may be unambiguously for what they have chosen. In an age when values are confused and people's need for clear-cut loyalties is great, it is tragic that the church's communication is confused. Let us try, therefore, to communicate in ways that will help people to speak their own "yeas" and "nays" with clarity and conviction.

_The Agent of Communication_

This thought brings us naturally to a consideration of the church as the agent of communication. The church, as the fellows.h.i.+p of the Holy Spirit, is the instrument that G.o.d created to speak and act for Him in each generation. Our human response to His calling us to be His people and servants produced the church as an inst.i.tution, with its organizational and denominational divisions. As any perceptive person realizes, there is often conflict between the church as the fellows.h.i.+p of the Holy Spirit and the church as inst.i.tution. As inst.i.tution, the church faces the temptation of being more concerned about itself than about G.o.d and His purposes for His people. As we saw in Mr. Churchill's remarks, in Chapter I, the church can become so preoccupied with itself that it loses its sense of responsibility for its mission to the world.

We saw also that the relations.h.i.+p between the church and the world is intended to be close, for the world is the sphere of G.o.d's action, and the church is the means of His action. The church, therefore, must be found at work in the world, and must feel within itself the tension between the saving purposes of G.o.d and the self-centered purposes of man. This is what might be called creative tension.

The maintaining of this creative tension requires that the church as inst.i.tution be open constantly to the reforming vitality of the Holy Spirit, and church people should be open-minded, adaptable, and ready to live for G.o.d experimentally. They must be prepared to face the crises of life as they occur individually and socially with courage and a desire to lead the way for their fellow men. Instead of this, we find that church people have the reputation of being ultra-conservative, reactionary, and lovers of the _status quo_. The children of light, as it were, are being dragged along by the children of darkness, and are being compelled by them to face up to responsibilities which they ought to have a.s.sumed in the name of G.o.d years before anyone else. Of course, the record of the church is not altogether negative. In many places the leaders.h.i.+p and the members.h.i.+p of the church have courageously pioneered the way in times of crisis and change. This experimental approach to life and crisis ought to be more characteristic of the church than it is. Where it does not exist, it is safe to a.s.sume that the members.h.i.+p is serving itself rather than the Spirit of G.o.d.

The church that is preoccupied with itself can no more express love for others than can a self-centered individual. Church members who are primarily concerned about the maintenance of a church and its educational unit on a particular corner in a certain town create a diseased organization. It suffers from a condition which, in an individual, would be called hypochondria. It is necessary, of course, for an individual to give some attention to his diet, cleanliness, and health in order that he may live his life and do his work. Likewise, the church needs to give some attention to its maintenance, for it needs to be nourished in its gathered life in order that it may do its work in its dispersed life.

The decisive role of the church is not in the church's church, but in the world: ministering to people at the beginning of and during their married lives, accompanying them in and through their marital failures, and helping them to learn from their experiences so that if they marry again they may do so with more understanding and resourcefulness; guiding them in the raising of their children, and helping them to correlate the insights of the social sciences that throw light on the nature and meaning of human development, especially the ultimate or religious meanings of that development; helping them find their place in the world's work with as much meaning as possible, and nurturing in them a faith and courage that makes it possible for them to face the conflicts, temptations, and sins of modern industrial life; standing by them in all the crises that they encounter in the course of their human existence; encouraging them to advance in company with the most creative minds on the frontier of human exploration and experimentation; and fearlessly traveling with them as they wrestle with the changing value structures of each new generation, and guiding them in the use of their leisure. But most of all, in and through all of these ways, the church's task is to try to reveal to men that, though their ident.i.ty in the world may be confused and lost, in their relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d they are known and loved. The church, as a fellows.h.i.+p of men, should exist not only to proclaim this truth in the abstract, but to live it in the sphere of the personal and social.

_Various Concepts of Ministry_

Every congregation and every member of a congregation needs to ask what image of the church governs its life, because our images can be idols that keep the church from being the instrument of G.o.d's action, and because that image can keep us from being persons in whom the Spirit of G.o.d can be incarnate. Such an examination calls for that sort of rethinking of our conception of the ministry that the Reverend Mr. Gates called for in our first chapter. The conception of the ministry held by both ministers and laymen will naturally reflect their conception or image of the church. Here both the ordained member and the lay member are caught in the grip of stereotypes that threaten to stifle the vitality of the church's ministry. Especially is this true in a time like our own, when the social order is undergoing radical changes.

All too often lay people a.s.sume that the problems of the ministry and of the church belong to the clergy alone. Many conscientious ministers today, erroneously a.s.suming this responsibility, are confused as to what their role is. The problem of ministerial roles belongs to the whole church. It is not easy in this time of transition for ministers to be sure of what is expected of them. They sense or see clearly that the old images and patterns of the minister of the gospel do not fit the present time, and, therefore, are not safe ones to follow. Nor do the unsettled conditions of our civilization give very clear-cut clues for the formation of new and relevant concepts of the ministry. Consequently, many ministers, including far too many young ones, seek refuge in different stereotypes which fail to serve the church, and only provide them with the means of evading the real challenges of their task. What, then, are some of these stereotypes?

First, some ministers settle for a stereotype of the priesthood. They seek to recapture and transplant in our age an earlier and relevant priestly vitality that succeeds today only in a.s.sembling the dry bones or external forms of that role. Or, they may succ.u.mb to the preacher stereotype. Under the influence of that image, they think of the preacher as a performer, a sermon as a performance, and the congregation as an audience. That image is partly a product of the monological understanding of communication, and partly a result of the human need to justify oneself by an oversimplified function. The proclamation of the Holy Word as mere content and without dialogical intent is not true preaching of the gospel. Holy words were never meant to be used to justify ministerial function. The Word of G.o.d justifies us, but our words about the Word of G.o.d do not justify us. Furthermore, the Living Word did not enter the world imperialistically, and that Word should not be preached presumptively now, but with the expectation of having to engage the world responsibly. Still other ministers try to find a contemporary concept of ministry by modeling themselves after one of the respected patterns of our society: the business executive, the physician, or the group therapist. But as controlling images of the church's ministry, these are not comprehensive, and they too tend to become constricting stereotypes.

Then there is the stereotype of the local church, which is still thought of as a parish in a nineteenth-century neighborhood sense. In most places the parish community is no longer the center of people's common life. The neighborhood in which the church is located is an area to which people come home from their varied activities in order to sleep.

And for an increasing number of men whose work keeps them on the road, even sleeping at home occurs only on occasional week ends. These and other stereotypes stifle the full power of the ministry and keep it from being equal to today's task. Too many ministers, in consequence, feel alone and separated from their people, and are bewildered by the complexity of their work and the ambiguous results of their efforts.

Lay people, on the other hand, receive little help in overcoming their stereotypes of the ministry and gravitate to a concept of the church that is hard to distinguish from a middle-cla.s.s country club or a social service center. Another complicating influence is the current emphasis on the lay ministry. The general stress on the priesthood of all believers had made both clergy and laity less sure about the role of the clergy, even to the point, figuratively speaking, of seeming to unordain the ordained, and without clearly defining the ministry of the lay member.

Is there an answer to these confusions and ambiguities? What can clergy and laity now do to find their present and new role in the life of the church and world? There is an answer to these questions which, if followed, will open the ministry of the whole church to the renewing vitality of the Holy Spirit.

First, the role of the clergy and the concepts of it are the responsibility of the whole church. But the clergy are more conscious of the problems of the church and of the ministry, and they should, therefore, share them with the laity. Ministers make the mistake of keeping "their" problems, which are really the problems of the church, to themselves, instead of making sure that the rest of the church members are aware of and a.s.suming responsibility for them.

Second, if the clergy are to share these concerns with the laity, they must break through the stereotypes held by both groups as described earlier. There is evidence that both ministers and laity are suffering restraints as a result of their false images of each other. The question is: Do the clergy dare to reveal themselves as spiritual leaders who do not always know the answers, and who themselves need desperately to be a part of a church that is a supportive and accepting fellows.h.i.+p? When asked why they do not discuss problems of the church within the church, ministers often reply: "What would my people think of me? I'm supposed to be the answer man." The truth is that many laymen welcome being released from false images of the clergy.

Third, ministers, therefore, need to be dialogists rather than monologists. This might turn out to be the appropriate concept of their role for this day. As representatives of the gospel, which was born of the full meeting and full interchange between G.o.d and man in Christ, the minister must learn to engage in dialogue with his people, and to partic.i.p.ate in that dialogue with G.o.d which goes on in their living. The great questions of the church and the ministry are not going to be solved by the ordained ministers alone, but by the clergy and the laity accepting communication with each other as a part of their common ministry, and together bringing the gospel into dialogue with the world.

It is imperative that ministers and people talk to each other deeply, not about the housekeeping of the church, but about the church and its message, about its place in and relation to the world, and about its ministry, including the respective roles of clergy and laity. This kind of persistent, continuing talk is imperative for two reasons: first, it brings out and correlates the truth that is in man about these matters; and, second, the Holy Spirit reveals the truth of Christ to and through men who give themselves to each other in earnest search for the truth.

_The Church and the World in Dialogue_

We may conclude, therefore, that the problems of the ordained ministry in the world today are the problems of the church. Members of the church, including the clergy, must take the risks of communication, which are the risks of creativity, and talk with one another about their concerns. We must do this with the expectation that G.o.d will speak and act through our dialogue together, so that it will become our dialogue with Him. Out of this will come new insights and concepts for our respective roles, with a new awareness of our task for Christ in the world. It would seem, then, that our most effective starting point for a new and relevant image of ourselves for our task today is that of men who are in dialogue with G.o.d through their dialogue with their people.

The spirit of this dialogue, however, must be the Spirit of Christ. The form of the ministry needs to be rethought in each age, but it must be formed by a double focus on Christ's ministry and the need of the world today.

Some of this dialogue, of course, has already been going on, and out of it certain insights have already appeared about the relation of the clergy and the laity. In the _gathered_ church, with the focus on the wors.h.i.+p, pastoral, educational, and organizational life, the ordained member is the chief minister and the lay members are his a.s.sistants.

This does not mean that the lay people are working for the pastor and that their loyalty is to him. Instead, it means that both are working together for Christ and their loyalty is to Him. Within that relations.h.i.+p the congregation has called a member, usually trained and ordained, to direct it in performing the church's functions. The minister is entrusted, for example, with the educational work of the church. Some of his educational responsibility is delegated to the organization known as the church school. A few laymen are selected and professionally trained to be directors of Christian education; others from the congregation are trained to be the teachers, but, as such, they are serving as a.s.sistants to the one who is officially responsible for that activity. Likewise, when laymen are used in church visitation, they do so as a.s.sistants to the minister, to whom this official responsibility is delegated.

On the other hand, in the work of the _dispersed_ church, which is active in and serving the world, the chief minister is the layman who, in the home or in the office, on the street or in the shop, in the school or in the university, or wherever the work of the world is going on, _is_ the church in that situation and must be the minister of Christ there. The ordained man, in this aspect of the church's work, is the a.s.sistant or resource person.

This concept of the complementary relations.h.i.+p between the ordained and the unordained should inform the church's gathered life. The sermon, the preparation for church members.h.i.+p, all adult education programs, and the general ministry of the church, need to be conditioned by the thought that the purpose of the official teachers and preachers and administrators of the church's program is to prepare and guide the people of G.o.d in the performance of their work _in the world_, as representatives of Christ there. Resources need to be created in the church's program whereby people can come back from their ministry in the world, be helped to understand what has happened, and by reflection upon it learn how more effectively to be the church in the world. For this reason, seminars for parents need to be held in order that they may receive a.s.sistance in understanding their role as ministers of the church in the home. Seminars for businessmen and professional people also are indicated for the same reason. A point of focus for all church members.h.i.+p courses should be the question: When you become a member of the church, how are you going to exercise your ministry in the world?

This orientation could be the source of a new evangelism that would make its witness heard in the depth and detail of human life.

_The Reunion of the Church_

We turn now to consider some of the implications of what we have been thinking for the reunion of the church. If the church is the instrument of G.o.d's action in the world, and its members are supposed to be the incarnations of His Spirit by means of which He accomplishes His purpose, the condition, as well as the concept of the church, is important. One of the tragedies of Christendom is the fact that the body of Christ is so divided and its parts live in such compet.i.tive relations.h.i.+p that the purposes of G.o.d are obscured and blocked.

Movements toward reunion have borne fruit, with the result that some denominations have resolved their differences and reunited. But much more progress needs to be made, if the church is to be equal to the demands that modern life is making on it for spiritual leaders.h.i.+p.

In each denomination there are clergymen and laymen who have erroneous concepts and understandings and expectations of the other denominations.

I direct a training center which is attended by clergy and laymen from many denominations. These people often are surprised to discover, as a result of studying together the church's nature and purpose, how much they have in common. They discover that doctrinal differences are not as great as they had thought, that there are no denominational differences built into human nature or into human problems, and that they have many resources in common, namely, the G.o.d-given and redeemed resources of human relations.h.i.+ps, the Scriptures, prayer, preaching, pastoral care, and teaching. Many of them have been heard to say, "I am glad to have had it revealed to me that in some ways our differences are more apparent than real." This kind of insight, however, is not possible unless a situation is created in which representatives of different denominations can begin to trust each other, and to think and communicate below the level of their differences. It is possible to do this, however, and more of it should be done. There is no reason why the local congregation should not invite neighboring congregations to come together with it for a study program for the purpose of finding their common brotherhood in Christ and their common responsibility for the community in which they live. A divided church does not make a good organ for the communication of love.

We come now to the distinctive contribution of our discussion thus far in this matter of the unity of the church. The work of reunion, of course, is the work of the Holy Spirit. But our response to Him in approaching reunion should be centered in a study of His purposes for the church _now_ and _in the future_, rather than on a reconciliation of the _differences that occurred in the past_. It is exceedingly difficult to undo the mistakes of the past and to change the rigid images and patterns that have been forged by the misunderstandings of our predecessors. Merely trying to adjust them to each other will not do. It is something else again to be willing to change these by giving ourselves to a responsible consideration of what G.o.d wants His church to be and to do _now_, and thus attempt the reunion in response to present and future values.

The images that Presbyterians and Methodists and Episcopalians and Baptists and Lutherans now have of themselves might be changed, thus making possible changes in their images of one another, and this would certainly open the way to deeper levels of communication. Instead of this, we have members of different denominations thinking rather rigidly about themselves and others. Our ident.i.ties and responsibilities are accepted in terms of differences that were laid down in the past, and may be held independently of what G.o.d may be wanting His church to do in this moment. The church is not the Kingdom of G.o.d; it is not the end of G.o.d's action. It is a means to an end, and, as circ.u.mstances of human life change, it is not inconceivable that G.o.d would like to have us make changes in that instrument for man's salvation which He created.