A Will and No Will or A Bone for the Lawyers Part 11

_Bell._ How so, Sir?

_Shar._ By the Laws of Roguery, Sir--in which it is a fundamental Maxim that in Cheats of this Kind, all people are upon a par, and have a right to an equal Snack.

_Bell._ Impudent Rascal!

_Shar._ But if you think, Sir, that I have behaved in this Affair selfishly or unbecoming a Rogue of Honour, I will send in for Doctor Leatherhead and Mr. Littlewit, for they are still in the next Room, and cancel the Will directly.

_Bell._ No, Rascal, you know my Love to Harriet will not let me consent to that.

_Shar._ This is just the way of the great World--the poor Rogues are Men of parts and do all the Business--and the rich ones not only arrogate the Merit to themselves, but are for running away with all the Plunder.

(_Enter_ LUCY)

_Lucy._ O Sir!

_Bell._ What's the matter?

_Lucy._ Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't speak--but your Uncle's alive--that's all.

(_Sets down a great Chair_)

_Shar._ And that's enough to hang one, I'm sure.

_Bell._ Alive!

_Lucy._ Ay, alive, Sir.

_Shar._ This comes of your begrudging me my Snack of the Spoil, Sir.

_Bell._ Why I thought you saw him senseless and dead.

_Lucy._ I thought so too; but it seems while we were about the Will, Monsieur du Maigre, the Apothecary, came in and bled him in an Instant, which has unfortunately recovered him. He is within with him now, and one Councellour Cormorant who is come upon some Law Business to him--O here they all come.

_Bell._ What a malicious turn of Fortune this is.

_Shar._ Why Sir, if you will not be ungrateful, now I believe I can secure a Retreat and such a one as the greatest General in Europe in our Situation would not be ashamed of.

_Bell._ Dear Shark, I will do anything thou wilt.

_Shar._ Ay, now it is dear Shark, but know, Sir, you have to deal with an Englishman, and a Man of Honour who scorns to put an Enemy to Death when he begs for Quarter--tho' you have been an ungenerous Ally as ever vowed Fidelity to the Crown of England--but no matter, I'll serve you still and completely.

_Bell._ But how, dear Shark?

_Shar._ I won't tell you--and I defy you to guess now--or anybody else that's more--I must step into the next Room for a Moment and whisper the Lawyers, and in the meantime, do you persist in your Uncle's having made a Will; that's all.--Don't you be like an ignorant Thief before a noisy Magistrate, confess and hang yourself. And you, Madam, do you embronze your Countenance, and keep up your Character to the last. (_Exit_)

(_Enter_ SKINFLINT _supported by Councellour_ CORMORANT _and Monsieur_ DU MAIGRE, LUCY _settling his great Chair_)

_Skin._ Auh! auh! gently, gently. Let me down gently, pray. Oh, oh, oh. (_Sits down_) O Nephew, how could you let me lie for dead so long and never come near me?

_Bell._ Really, Sir, I never heard a word that you were in any Danger of Dying.

_Skin._ And Lucy, how could you be so cruel to neglect me so long?

_Lucy._ Me! Lord, Sir, I never knew anything of it 'till Monsieur du Maigre informed me.

_Maigre._ No, Pardie, she not have any knowledge 'till dat me make her de Intelligence.

_Lucy._ I thought you were in a sound Sleep, Sir, and was extremely glad of it.

_Bell._ And so was I, I do a.s.sure you, Sir.

_Skin._ I am obliged to you Nephew, but I had like to have slept my last.

_Maigre._ It is very true indeed upon my word. But dat Monsieur la avocat--here--Monsieur la what is your name, si'l vous plait--I always forget.

_Coun._ Cormorant, Sir.

_Maigre._ Mais oui Monsieur la Cormorant--but dat he and I come in together, just after one another; I believe I come in one, two Minute before you, Monsieur la Cormorant--I say but dat me come in the Nick upon a my word, Sir Isaac, you be defunct.--And then I lose my Annuity upon your Life, and by Gar, dat be very bad for Monsieur du Maigre.

_Skin._ I am obliged to you, Monsieur--are the Lawyers come, Lucy? Mr.

Littlewit and Doctor Leatherhead?

_Lucy._ Yes Sir, they have been here a considerable time.

_Skin._ Desire them to walk in.

_Lucy._ So now the Murder's coming out. (_Exit Lucy_)

_Skin._ Nephew, I am at last resolved to make my Will; I shall make a proper provision for you in it. But as our Soul is the immortal part of us,[4] I must take Care of that the first thing I do. Therefore I am resolved to appropriate so much of my Fortune as will be sufficient for that purpose to the building of an Almshouse.

(_Enter Doctor_ LEATHERHEAD, _Mr._ LITTLEWIT, _Lady_ LOVEWEALTH, [HARRIET,] SHARK _and_ LUCY)

_Skin._ So Gentlemen! I have altered my Mind, Mr. Littlewit, since I saw you last.

_Little._ Concerning what, Sir?

_Skin._ My Will, Sir.

_Little._ It is now too late, Sir; you have put it out of your Power.

_Skin._ Out of my Power?

_Doct._ Ay, and out of the Power of Westminster Hall! Sir Isaac, you know I gave you my Opinion upon it before you made it.

_Skin._ What, is the man mad?

_Doct._ No, Sir, I am not mad; and I would advise you not to be foolish and whimsical as you owned about half an hour since you were subject to.

_Skin._ Why the men are drunk or mad, I think.