All the Days of My Life: An Autobiography Part 57

He deserved it. If England had not so urgently needed him, he would have accompanied his friend, Long John Wentworth, to Ma.s.sachusetts. If Mr. Adams had only told the New Englanders, that Cromwell was the best ball player in England, and that Wentworth was the only man who could match him, they would doubtless have taken the statue into serious consideration.

At the end of August I finished "A Song of a Single Note" and Mary and Kirk fortunately came from Florida, to pay me a visit. My days of remembrance, the fourteenth, fifteenth, and sixteenth of September, I spent reading Professor James's "Varieties of Religious Experience," a wonderful, wonderful book, which none who read thoughtfully can ever forget. I have read it through many times; it always makes a good time for me, spiritually.

On October, the twenty-sixth, Mr. Hearst gave me fifty dollars for permission to copy my article on "Divorce" from the _North American Review_ into his paper; and on the sixth of December I went to the Marlborough House in Atlantic City. Alice and I spent Christmas alone; she was very sweet and reflective, and talked to me long of the Christmases gone forever. "So fair! So sad!" I said; and she answered with a smile, "They are with G.o.d."

On February fifteenth, I was again settled at Cherry Croft, and began "The Black s.h.i.+lling," but on the twenty-sixth I tore up all I had written, and began it over again. On the twenty-ninth of March, my seventy-third year of travail through this life, I write gratefully, "I have good health, a good home, good daughters, good servants, many friends, and one hundred three pages of 'The Black s.h.i.+lling' written to my satisfaction. Lilly was here, and Alice is quite well, and Rutger remembered my birthday and sent me one hundred thirty dollars royalty." I finished "The Black s.h.i.+lling" on the twenty-ninth of July; and my eyes were so tired, I went into a darkened room for three weeks, and on the thirtieth of October I went to New York in order to be under the care of Dr. Hunter, a fine oculist, and no alarmist. He told me there was not the slightest evidence of any disease, they only wanted rest; and the relief his verdict gave me was unspeakable, and in itself curative.

From the fourteenth to the nineteenth of December I went to Princeton to stay with the Libbeys. I had sent out no cards this winter, and I saw no one but Dr. and Mrs. Klopsch, and Rutger Jewett. On the whole 1903 was a hard year, and my eyes were so troublesome that I only wrote "The Black s.h.i.+lling," and a few little articles for the daily press.

"_Jan. 1st, 1904._ When I opened my Bible this morning my eyes fell upon this cheering verse, 'Having obtained help of G.o.d, I continue unto this day.' (Acts, 26:22.)" Three days afterwards I went back to Cornwall, and on the sixteenth I had a visit from Mr. Platt of the _Smart Set_, about writing for him. He was an English gentleman of a fine type, but I am sure he understood at once, that I could not write for a set I knew nothing about. Nevertheless I enjoyed his visit. I read all January for "The Belle of Bowling Green," which I began on February, the eighth, and finished on June, the twenty-seventh. All August, I was writing for Mr. Rideing and Dr. Klopsch; but on September, the eighteenth, I began "Cecilia's Lovers," which I finished on February eighth, 1905.

All April, May and June I was writing articles for the _Globe_ on social subjects, such as slang, bored husbands, colossal fortunes, et cetera. On November fifteenth, I had an invitation to a dinner given to Mark Twain on his seventieth birthday. I did not go to the dinner, but I sent Mr. Clemens the wish that Dr. Stone wrote to me on my seventieth birthday. "The days of our life are three score years and ten, and if by reason of strength it be four score years, yet is it labor and sorrow. _May you have the labor without the sorrow._"

On November, the twenty-fourth, I made a contract with Mr. Lovell to write him a novel for five thousand dollars. I wrote him one called "The Man Between," and it was finished and paid for on March thirty-first, 1906. In April of 1906, I began "The Heart of Jessy Laurie," which was sold to Mr. Dodd on September the seventeenth. In November I began a book that is a great favorite, and whose writing gave me constant pleasure, "The Strawberry Handkerchief."

I began 1907 in the Fifth Avenue Hotel, and on the fifteenth had finished the first chapter of "The Strawberry Handkerchief," but on the thirtieth I took pneumonia, and was very near to death. With G.o.d's blessing on the skill of Dr. Charles Nammack, and Lilly's faithful care, my life was saved. Her husband gave me an equally loving service. Every afternoon he came to the hotel, read and answered my letters, and sat with Alice, while Lilly had a long, sound sleep. Then he went for medicines, and if likely to be needed, remained all night.

My own son could have done no more for me, nor done it any more lovingly.

On the twenty-third of February, I had one of the most wonderful spiritual experiences of my life. Lilly had gone home, and taken Alice with her, and I was quite alone. The room which they occupied, while in the hotel, opened into my room; but it was now empty, and the proprietors had promised to put no one into it, unless obliged by stress of business; for it had been very convenient, for changing the air in my room. I awoke from sleep about three A.M. and found my room distressingly hot. I rose, put on wool slippers, stopped at the table, ate a few grapes, and drank a gla.s.s of milk, and then thought I would open the door between the two rooms. I was very weak, but I reached the door, and had my hand on the key. Then Some One in the adjoining room thrust quickly a heavy bolt across the other side of the door. I concluded the room had become occupied while I was asleep, was a little annoyed at not being informed, but thought no more of the circ.u.mstance, until the chambermaid came to me in the morning.

"Do you know," she said, "I left both the windows in the next room open, and it has been the coldest night of the winter. The room was like an ice box this morning; for the heat was turned off and the wind blowing, and freezing as it blew."

"But the room was occupied," I answered.

"No, indeed!" she continued. "I went in an hour ago, and shut the windows and put on the heat, and I will take you there while I make this room comfortable." She did so, and I was lying wrapped in a blanket upon a sofa, when I remembered the almost angry drawing of the bolt, and turned my head to look at the door. _There was no bolt there._ There was nothing but a little bra.s.s screw in the lintel, that a child's finger could turn noiselessly. Yet the bolt I heard was one of the large iron bolts, used in the farm and manor houses of Westmoreland, and the North Country. They crossed the whole door, and fell into the socket provided, with a great noise--the noise I had heard early that morning. _Who_ had been watching me through the long night hours? One step into that freezing room would have chilled the spark of life in me. _Who_ had prevented it, and that in such a manner as should convince me that it was no mortal hand, and no mortal bolt that saved me? That day, I could do nothing but pray and wonder, and then pray again. I thought I was alone, and I was not alone. Some angel had charge over me, and I remembered that there was just a touch of impatience in the driving of the bolt, as if the watcher had the feeling of a mother, vexed at her child's imprudence. I have had many spiritual experiences but few that affected me more than this one.

About the eighteenth of March I resolved to go home, and Lilly's husband went to Cornwall, had the water put on, and the fires lighted; and on the twentieth Lilly and Alice followed, taking a servant with them. I waited as patiently as I could for Lilly to send me word the house was warm and comfortable; then Mr. Munro came and packed my trunks, and on the twenty-sixth my captivity ended. G.o.d let me go home, and I found Love and every comfort waiting for me.

On March, the twenty-ninth, I wrote: "I am getting well. This is a new birthday. A happy day." I had written two chapters of "The Strawberry Handkerchief" when I was taken ill, but I was not able to return to it until May, the nineteenth, and I did not finish it until January, the seventh, A.D. 1908, when we were staying at Bretton Hall Hotel, for the three cold months.

On January, the thirty-first, Mr. and Mrs. Dodd gave me a "Bow of Orange Ribbon" dinner. All decorations were in the dominant color, and it was a very pretty affair. Mrs. Dodd is a charming hostess, and Mr.

Dodd knows the exact tone at which a company of happy, sensible people should be kept. He sets it, and he keeps it, and every one follows his lead, as naturally in pleasure, as they do in business.

On February, the twenty-ninth, I was guest of honor at the Press Club Reception, held at the Waldorf Astoria. I enjoyed this occasion thoroughly, for I like the men and women of the press. I sat beside Mr. Pollock, a man of extraordinary genius. I had a very sore throat that day, but his speech made me forget I had anything but a heart and a brain. Bishop Potter sat near me. I had a pen and ink acquaintance with him, but had never before met him personally. As a man, he was delightful; as a bishop, he fell below my ideal. But then my ideal had been formed on the English Spiritual Lords, and I thought of Carpenter, and others, and wondered if they ever forgot their office so far as to tell a great public a.s.semblage funny stories. The stories were excellent, and quite in keeping with what one of them called "his job," but somehow they fell below the office he filled in the church.

Yet everyone enjoyed them, and my quibble may be laid to my English superst.i.tions about sacred things.

I had a little reception after the meeting, and never in all my life had I been so petted and praised. The young women crowded round me and kissed my hands, and my cheeks, and I wished they were all my daughters. Mrs. Klopsch had sent me an immense bouquet of violets, and I gave every flower away to them. If ever fame tasted sweet to me, it was during that half hour among the lovely women of the New York press.

On March, the first, I went back to Cornwall, and on the fifteenth I began a novel called "The Hands of Compulsion," which I finished on June, the twenty-seventh. It is one of the best of my Scotch stories.

All July I was reading for "The House on Cherry Street," which I began on August, the second. I was busy on it all summer, for it was a very difficult period to make interesting, the fight for freedom of the press. The winter came on early, and I went to the city on the first of November, as I needed the Historical Library for my work. On November, the eighteenth, I took dinner at Mr. Dodd's and among the guests were Mr. George McCutcheon, and Mr. Maurice of the _Bookman_, a handsome, interesting young man, whom I should like to know better.

On November twenty-seventh, I went to Dr. Klopsch's to dine with the Honorable Lyman Gage, one of the most widely cultivated men I ever met. I supposed he would not talk of anything but finance or politics.

These subjects were never named. During dinner we were talking of evolution and Orlando Smith's great book on eternalism; after dinner Mr. Gage read aloud some pa.s.sages from Plato with wonderful beauty and expression; notably the death of Socrates. This began a conversation lasting until midnight concerning death and reincarnation. I shall never forget this evening, which was duplicated on December fourth, with the addition to our company of the Reverend Dr. Chamberlin.

On December, the sixth, I dined with my friend and physician, Dr.

Charles Nammack, and his family. Mrs. Nammack and I had long been friends, for they occupied the cottage next to my place on Storm King for two summers. On December, the fifteenth, I went with Dr. and Mrs.

Klopsch to the theatre to see "The Servant in the House." After these compliances for the sake of friends.h.i.+p, I went out no more, for I was busy writing "The House on Cherry Street" until my return home on the eleventh of February.

On the twentieth of February, A.D. 1909, the house was in most comfortable order, and Lilly had gone home the previous day. I was writing well all morning, and was called to dinner as the clock struck twelve. I went into Alice's rooms to summon her, and we left them hand-in-hand, happily telling each other, how glad we were to be home again. We took one step of the long stairway together, and then in some inscrutable way, I lost my footing, and fell headlong to the bottom. I remember one thought as I fell, "So this is the end of all!"

I was insensible, when I reached the lower floor, and knew nothing until I found myself in bed. Alice had run to our nearest neighbor and brought help, and they had telephoned to Lilly to come at once.

Dr. Winter, my own physician, did not arrive for three hours, but I was quite conscious by that time. I had not broken a bone, nor received any internal injury, and he looked at me incredulously. It appeared miraculous, but it was the truth. My right side, however, was severely bruised, and my right shoulder, arm and hand, so much so, as to be practically useless for many months. For neuritis took possession of the bruised member, and I suffered with it, and the nervous consequences of the shock, more than I can express.

And there was my work! How was I to finish it? And it must be finished. I needed the money it would bring. As soon as the pain subsided a little, I began to practice writing with my left hand--tracing letters on the bedspread, and by the time I was able to sit up a little, I was ready to take a pencil and pad. The result was, that I finally wrote very plainly with the left hand, and through sleepless, painful nights and days, I finished the ma.n.u.script of "The House on Cherry Street," on July the twenty-fifth. And by that time, I was able to superintend the typewriter, and to see that it was copied faithfully.

On my seventy-ninth birthday I wrote, "I do not sleep two hours any night. I am racked with pain in my right shoulder, arm and hand. Weak and trembling and unfit to work, but trying to do as well as I can. My left hand stands faithfully by me."

It was a hard summer in every way. Mr. Munro was in the hospital for a dangerous operation, and Lilly broke down with care and nursing. But through it all, Dr. Winter stood by me, full of hope and encouragement, and promises of final recovery. Mrs. Klopsch sent me constantly pretty hampers of fresh fruits, my friends in Cornwall did all they could to evince their sympathy, and I had almost a wicked joy in my success in training my left hand. Some malign influence had found a moment in which to injure me, but I was hourly getting the better of it. Every page I wrote was a triumph, and Dr. Winter reminded me, also, that the enforced idleness was resting my eyesight, which it sorely needed, and that as I would mind neither physician nor oculist, there was nothing for it, but a fall down stairs, to make me give my eyes a chance. He thought upon the whole it had been a very merciful and necessary fall. So I made the best of it.

On August, the twenty-third, I began "The Reconstructed Marriage,"

which I finished on the sixteenth of December. It was a very cold winter, and Alice and I went to the Garden City Hotel, and I felt its healthy influence at once, but I could not escape company, which in my weakened condition was very fatiguing. So I bought a larger furnace, and then my home was warm enough to return to. I only received one thousand dollars for "The Reconstructed Marriage," but Mr. Dodd had many reasons for cutting my price--the advance in wages, and the price of paper, et cetera, all just reasons, no doubt, but they pressed hard on me, for my long sickness asked for more, instead of less.

On March first, 1910, I heard of Dr. Klopsch's death. I put away all work that day. He was my best friend! My truest friend! The friend on whom I relied for advice or help in every emergency. I think there were few that knew Dr. Klopsch. He was a man of the widest charity, if you take that word in its n.o.blest sense. And my heart ached for Mrs.

Klopsch, whom I love with a strong and true affection, for I knew the lonely suffering she was pa.s.sing through.

On March, the twelfth, I began "Sheila Vedder." It was really a continuation of "Jan Vedder's Wife." I wrote it at the request of Mrs.

Frank Dodd, who said she wanted "to know something more about the Vedders." The writing of this book was a great pleasure to me, therefore I know that it has given pleasure to others; for if the writer is not interested, the public will not be interested, that is sure.

On April, the sixteenth, I make the short pitiful note, and it brings tears to my eyes yet, "My sweet Alice's birthday. I could not afford to give her any gift. I asked G.o.d to give it for me."

I finished "Sheila Vedder" on August twenty-fourth, and began making notes for my Stuyvesant novel on August, the twenty-eighth. I was three months in getting the material I wanted, and in fixing it clearly in my mind, but I began this book on the fifteenth of December.

This year, A.D. 1910, I was too poor to keep Christmas. I was not without money, but taxes, insurance, servants' wages, and a ton of coal every six days, with food, clothing, doctors and medicines, took all the money I could make. And Christmas was not a necessity, though I had always thought it one, and had never missed keeping it for seventy-nine years.

While writing this Stuyvesant novel--which Dodd Mead called "A Maid of Old New York"--a name I do not like, my own choice being "Peter Stuyvesant's Ward," I became persistently aware of a familiarity, that would not be dismissed; in fact I recognized in Theodore Roosevelt, a reincarnation of Peter Stuyvesant, Roosevelt having all the fiery radiations of Peter's character, modified in some cases by the spirit of a more refined age, and intensified in others, by its wider knowledge.

I sent this book to Colonel Roosevelt myself and received the following reply to my letter:

November 8, 1911.

MY DEAR MRS. BARR:

Any book of yours I am sure to read. I look forward to reading the volume just sent me, which of course has a peculiar interest to me, as a descendant of some of old Peter Stuyvesant's contemporaries. It would be a pleasure if I could see you some time.

With warm regards, and all good wishes and thanks, I am

Sincerely yours,

THEODORE ROOSEVELT.

The thing that delights me in this pleasant note, is that all the kind words, good wishes and thanks, are written by his own hand, interpolated as it were. I prize it very highly. I would not part with it for anything.

This March twenty-ninth was my eightieth birthday, and I had one hundred and thirty letters and cards full of good wishes, from men and women whom I have never seen, and who were scattered in many states and far distant places.

I finished the Stuyvesant novel on August, the first, 1911, and on September, the eighth, 1911, I began to write this story of my life, which is now drawing rapidly to its conclusion on October twenty-eighth, A.D. 1912.

It has been a grand lesson to me. I have recalled all G.o.d's goodness, remembered all His mercies, lived over again the years in which I have seen so much sorrow and labor, and I say gratefully, yes, joyfully, they were all good days, for always G.o.d has been what He promised me--"_Sufficient!_"