Sea of Clouds Prison Heart Chapter 3

The Sea of Clouds Imprison the Heart

Chapter 3

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Fang Xiao Zai distractedly returned to his own room. Once the door was closed, as though all his strength was drawn out of him, he slid onto the floor. He couldn't believe it, yet he had no choice but to believe it. The thing he had always been most afraid of, even though it hadn't happened yet, but hearing those words was enough.

Why would G.o.d play such a trick on him? Was it because he had sinned or did he deserve death?

That's why he was made to suffer deeply with anxiousness, endlessly punished by his own conscience.

Ye Qingyun's voice echoed persistently in his ear.

"Your hands are also covered in blood; the number of people you've killed is no less than mine!"

Fang Xiao Zai lowered his head, s.p.a.ced out as he looked at his hands. It's as though he could see the blood dripping off his hand in the darkness. He couldn't tell if the intense stench of blood on him was just picked up or if it had long been stained on him.

It can't be washed off, it will never wash off!

No!

With a start, he abruptly snapped out of his thoughts. He rose from the floor and made his way over to the table, amid trips and stumbles. He felt the bronze candle holder on the table but his fingers trembled so badly, he failed to hold it properly, several times. In the end, he still managed to pick it up and hold the pointed end to his throat.

Maybe, him waking up was a mistake!

He shouldn't have woken up, so…he wouldn't allow the mistake to continue!

The pain from the sharp object piercing his skin could be clearly felt. He was once fearful that in his death, he wouldn't be able to report his name and life to the guard in h.e.l.l, but all these things were inconsequential…

A sinful person deserved eternal d.a.m.nation and shouldn't be allowed to ever reincarnate!

His fingers shook harder and harder. He then thought to himself, he only needed to stab and everything would end…

"…it isn't even sure if he's the real deal. You know it too, don't you? That when the Madam acts up, she doesn't recognize anyone; and when she sees anyone who looks like the second-in-command, she would call out the second-in-command's name. She was the one who picked him up. The first-in-command might have just gone along with her to appease her. He doesn't remember anything anyway, so it wouldn't have much impact."

Just as he was about to apply the force, for some reason, the conversation between the subordinates suddenly surfaced in Fang Xiao Zai's mind and his hand stopped.

Fang Xiao Zai stood silently, trying his best to recall and so, all sorts of images flocked to mind. Those inexplicable dreams, the people in those dreams and the unfamiliar ways of addressing him…

"Ge, I made this wine myself, I won't let outsiders drink."

"Fang Da Ge, when you return, Ruochen will personally brew tea for you."

"Young master, quick, leave!"

Fang Xiao Zai cast his eyes downwards and his expression became grave.

Maybe, he… shouldn't make his decision now!

With that thought, he slowly lowered the bronze candle holder. He was already suspicious of his own ident.i.ty, and with the subordinates' conversation, his suspicions only deepened. He was just overly shocked by the events that followed after and had lost his sense of proportion in panic.

He shouldn't have believed Ye Qingyun so easily, especially the hesitance and avoidance when it came to talking about his past. Even though it wasn't known what his actions and thoughts were, he shouldn't be so resolute before he understood the situation fully.

Having thought it through, he felt much more at ease. He touched his injured neck and laughed at his own foolish actions earlier on.

Knock, knock!

There were soft knocks on the door, the strength the person used to knock was just right and accompanying the knocks was Ye Qingyun's deep, mellow voice, "Yinfeng, are you in?"

Fang Xiao Zai stilled. He remembered the person's violent behavior and didn't really want to meet with him, but he knew that there was no room for rejection.

"I am, the door isn't locked." He replied.

The door creaked as it opened and there was the sound of shoes scuffing on the floor.

"Why didn't you light the candle?" he asked and the sound of the footsteps drew closer.

He tried to hurriedly hide the candle holder that was still in his hand behind him, but accidentally knocked it into the cabinet. The candle holder fell to the floor with a clang and rolled away, rattling.

"Is it because the candle finished burning?"

Ye Qingyun asked and Fang Xiao Zai heard the persons footfalls moving away from him. Then there was the sound of the cabinet opening, followed by the clicking of the flint and the hiss of something lighting up. He could feel a very dim light before a shadow blocked it.

"Yinfeng, what happened to your neck?"

Naturally, Fang Xiao Zai didn't want him to discover what he was about to do earlier, so he turned around, "noth…" but before he could complete the word, the other person's presence was already near him. A warm palm was placed against his neck, while a finger pressed the area where he was about to stab. It was at the top of his neck and incidentally, the same place that he'd strangled not too long ago…

Fang Xiao Zai trembled involuntarily, but felt the finger caressing the place gently, as though afraid that it would hurt him, as though pained and with concern.

"Sorry, I wasn't able to control my emotions during the day." Ye Qingyun apologized softly.

Actually, he had already been outside for some time and when he'd seen the person pointing the sharp end at his own throat, Ye Qingyun almost burst into the room.

This person did nothing wrong, rather, due to his presence, Su Ye's condition had stabilized a lot. Yet…he forcibly made this person bear burdens that weren't his to bear.

After chasing a life of excitement and bloodshed on the river, placing himself in such a corrupted place, for such a long time, he'd almost forgotten that in this world, pure and kind people still existed… just like him. He obviously couldn't remember anything and obviously couldn't even see, yet he still persisted in the principles that he thought were right.

At that moment, Ye Qingyun had a reverie. What was the person like, before he lost his memories? However… once he regained his memories, wouldn't he leave this place?

At that thought, Ye Qingyun realized he actually didn't want him to leave…

Why?

Ye Qingyun thought it could be because he was similar to Yinfeng in certain aspects, which was why he felt reluctant to part with him when he thought this person would leave…that must be it.

Fang Xiao Zai found it a little difficult to imagine how an arrogant, violent person like Ye Qingyun would look when he lowered himself and apologized, even though it wasn't the first time it had happened. He gulped but was unable to speak. It wasn't that he didn't want to speak, but more like, he didn't dare to and didn't know what to say.

About forgiving? Or should he continue to ask about his past?

Seeming to have noticed his hesitance, Ye Qingyun spoke again, "First, it was amnesia, and now you can't see, anyone would feel upset. The physician said to relax and not to worry too much, so I didn't want to tell you about your past. I was afraid that you would think too much and that would be bad. Furthermore, there are many things that aren't what they seem to be now…"

Fang Xiao Zai lifted his head and looked over, following the direction of the voice, "Then, will you tell me in the future?"

The other person moved his hand away from his neck and placed it on his cheek, patting it gently, as though he was comforting him, "If your eyes were to recover, then, I'll tell you."

The tiny bit of antic.i.p.ation that had been at the bottom of his heart was scattered like the clouds and dispersed like smoke. Fang Xiao Zai lowered his head a little dejectedly. He didn't even know if he would ever be able to see again, for the rest of his life.

"Don't worry. The physician's capable of saving even those who have one leg in the gates of h.e.l.l." Ye Qingyun was still comforting and after a short silence, he continued, "I a.s.sure you, I won't just kill people again, including all the subordinates in the manor. Is that good?"

Fang Xiao Zai was practically stunned, not daring to believe what he had just heard.

"Seeing as how you had such a huge reaction during the day, since you dislike it, I've ordered that in future 'dealings' as long as they do as asked, we'll let them go." Ye Qingyun helped him to the side to sit down, "Actually, I've had plans for a long time. Quite a few of the hall leaders are already married and have children, so, I thought of sending part of the manor's hands to do proper business. This way, it'll also make it easier for the hall leaders to take care of their families."

The hall leaders Ye Qingyun spoke of, Fang Xiao Zai had seen them before; those few could be regarded as Ye Qingyun's trusted subordinates. They each had quite a bit of authority, and they each handled a part of the affairs in various parts of the manor.

Fang Xiao Zai didn't say if it was good or bad because he didn't know if those words were actually plans Ye Qingyun had originally thought of before, or if it was said to coax him.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"That's not it." Fang Xiao Zai replied, against his conviction as he spoke contrary to his thoughts, "You make the decisions in this manor, whatever you decide, is good."

"Haha!" Ye Qingyun laughed as he patted Fang Xiao Zai's head out of habit, "Of course, I dislike those restrictive businesses but if you think that it's good, then it's good."

Fang Xiao Zai was stunned again. He knew that Ye Qingyun wasn't the type of person to compromise easily, but when it came to him, he always gave in.

"Qingyun, you need not care about my feelings, if I remember the past…"

Ye Qingyun broke him off mid-sentence, "We'll talk about it when it happens."

It seemed like Ye Qingyun had decided, and Fang Xiao Zai knew it was pointless, even if he were to continue speaking, so he stopped talking. Ye Qingyun told him a few more things. They were nothing more than words telling him not to worry too much and to relax, once he was done, he left.

Faced with a room of silence, Fang Xiao Zai started to a.n.a.lyze the man named Ye Qingyun.

Arrogant, domineering, stubborn but sometimes also so gentle and thoughtful that it becomes his nature.

If he isn't Luo Yinfeng, then, what is Ye Qingyun's motive for keeping him here? If he's the real deal, then as brothers, their relations.h.i.+p really was quite good. He was being cared for in every aspect and the other person is also so accommodating…

As his thoughts trailed off, he couldn't help but reach towards his own cheek, the place where Ye Qingyun had touched earlier.

It's not that he wasn't able to differentiate after losing his memories; Ye Qingyun got along with the few hall leaders like brothers as well, but it was the type of relations.h.i.+p where they'd share alcohol and meat, as well as go through thick and thin together. Compared to how he treated him, there's always a hint of different emotions in it. There is some feeling of suppression, some ambiguity and it's not just because they're related by blood.

He severed his train of thought abruptly and stopped his guesses. He felt like he shouldn't think of Ye Qingyun in that light.

In the following days, Fang Xiao Zai spent all his thoughts on cooperating with the physician for his treatment.

The effect of the golden needle acupuncture method[1] was very successful and within a few days, Fang Xiao Zai was able to see blurry figures.

When Ye Qingyun found out that his condition had improved, Ye Qingyun was inexplicably happy. It was as though there was nothing else in the world that could make him happier. Hence, Ye Qingyun started to force and coax him into eating all the expensive herbs that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. As long as it was the physician's order, Ye Qingyun would also do exactly as told without a single peep. He was never seen so obedient before.

When the day came for him to remove the medicine-soaked bandages from his eyes, Ye Qingyun was beside him the whole time. The bandage went round and round and when it was finally taken off, it was as though the air in the room froze. There was only the bubbling of the medicine on the stove, simmering on gentle flames, everyone else held their breath as they waited for his response.

Fang Xiao Zai blinked his dry eyes and light flooded his eyes. His surroundings turned from blurry to clear and the first thing he saw was anxiety and worry among the many other emotions that were on Ye Qingyun's face.

"How is it?" Ye Qingyun asked tentatively as he moved closer.

Fang Xiao Zai blinked and then nodded.

Ye Qingyun frowned, "Don't just nod, tell me, can you see?"

"I can see…" Fang Xiao Zai said softly and saw Ye Qingyun's eyes widen. It was a look of total disbelief.

"Say it again."

He smiled, "I can see."

"Say it clearer."

"I can see, I can see very clearly!"

Ye Qingyun was stunned as he looked at him for a while before he released a loud "ah", pulled Fang Xiao Zai off the chair and into his arms. He spun them around on the spot while laughing, "This is great! It's really great!"

Joy, which Ye Qingyun hadn't felt for many years, filled his chest. Even the person himself didn't understand, it was merely the recovery of another person's sight, why did he feel so happy? It was as though it was he who had made a recovery.

Seeing the light return to his pair of clear eyes, seeing his eyes filled with disbelief and the interesting expression he had, not knowing what to do, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry, an uncontrollable urge to bring him into his embrace grew in Ye Qingyun's heart.  After that, he really did do so.

The feeling of embracing him, fulfilled the empty s.p.a.ce that had always existed, whether it was physically or mentally. Ye Qingyun couldn't help but think that it would be nice if he was unable to remember forever…that way, he could stay here and be his Yinfeng forever.

Because he recovered his sense of sight, the whole manor celebrated for three days.

Of course, Fang Xiao Zai was happy but after the happiness, he was even more uneasy. During the golden needle acupuncture, and after his sight completely recovered, images that weren't related to the present would frequently pop into his mind, like the ones in the dreams that he had. The people and things in those quick flashes were definitely not from Su Ye Manor.

A bustling town, a large residence, a brewery with the fragrance of wine wafting out, the rich young man who called him "Da Ge", the gentle, refined-looking young man who saw him off at the pier, and… the fire, the killings, the raid and being in the middle of a sea of fire!

He remembered that when he'd just regained consciousness, he was told a head injury had caused him to lose his memories. If those images really were his memories, then, could his amnesia have something to do with the killing and raiding?

After he was able to see again, Fang Xiao Zai had been waiting for Ye Qingyun to follow up on his promise to tell him about his past. However, Ye Qingyun seemed to have forgotten about it or he might have been avoiding the topic on purpose…

Actually, Fang Xiao Zai no longer held much hope that Ye Qingyun would tell him about it. Had Ye Qingyun wanted to tell him, he would and if he didn't, there was nothing anyone could do. Instead of placing his hopes in Ye Qingyun, investigating it by himself would be more realistic. However, the images and parts in his mind were only the few repeating ones, so, there wasn't much to go on.

One day, a servant from the manor came to report that an old friend of the second-in-command found out that he had returned to the manor and because they hadn't met in a very long time, he missed him a lot. Hence, he had specially sent someone to come over and invite the second-in-command over for a chat.

After hearing that, Fang Xiao Zai couldn't help but feel doubtful, but also a little excited. It was the first time since he woke up, that someone who knew the "him from the past" came looking for him. There hadn't been a situation like this before. He didn't know if it really was because no one came to look for him or if they had all been stopped by Ye Qingyun.

Thinking of Ye Qingyun, he asked the servant if he'd seen the first-in-command. The servant replied, saying that the first-in-command and the hall leaders had gone out for "business". It was then that he understood. It must've been because Ye Qingyun wasn't around and the servant couldn't make a decision that he was informed about it.

Fang Xiao Zai stood up and tidied his robes, "Take me to him."

He told the servant if Ye Qingyun asked, he should say that he'd gone to the town for a walk because he was very bored. Then, he left with the servant who'd been sent by the other person to pa.s.s the message.

Su Ye Manor was built near a mountain and the place he was following the servant to, required them to travel by water for a while, before they arrived at a small island.

The island was covered in fog, strange looking rocks and plants could be seen everywhere, as thought it was a wonderland.

Fang Xiao Zai was guided to an octagonal, crystal pavilion by a body of water. In front of the stone table in the pavilion, there sat a man. He wore a simple white robe, his hair was lightly pulled together and was boiling water to prepare tea.

Hearing a voice, he turned his head. A gentle wind blew by and the thin fog was slightly lifted, revealing his clean, elegant, handsome features.

Fang Xiao Zai brought his hands together in a greeting and searched through the fragmented memories but didn't find this person. The other party merely smiled and didn't speak; he only made a gesture inviting him to take a seat.

Fang Xiao Zai didn't stand on ceremony either. He walked over, held up the bottom part of his robe and sat down.

"Young sir, I heard from the person who brought me here that you are an old friend of mine. However, I was slightly injured a while back and am unable to remember past events. Hence, I ask for your understanding if I offend you."

The other party had a mysterious smile on his lip. He picked up the purple goldstone[2], copper kettle that was on the charcoal stove, and with an elegant posture, he poured water into a cup before bringing the teacup to Fang Xiao Zai.

"I grew up together with Yinfeng and Qingyun, we were close but…" Even though the other party was smiling, the eyes that looked at him were filled with coldness and unfamiliarity, "I have never known you."

Fang Xiao Zai felt as though something had gone off in his mind, he was stunned for quite a while before slowly coming back to his senses. His hands were shaking so hard, he almost couldn't hold the cup of tea. He looked at the man in front of him fixedly, "You are not lying to me?"

"I have no relations with you, is there a need to lie to you?"

"Luo Yinfeng really is someone else?"

"Indeed. Despite it having been many years since I last saw him, Yinfeng was born with a body that is good for practicing martial arts. He is suave, modest, forbearing, gentle and kind. Compared to your gentle and frail looks… the difference is large."

Fang Xiao Zai lowered his eyes as he processed his thoughts. After which, he held onto the edge of the table as he leaned forward slightly, "Then, do you know who I am?"

The other party brought the teacup in front of himself up, leisurely pushed the tea leaves with the cover and took a sip before saying, "I do not know."

Hearing the reply, Fang Xiao Zai couldn't help but look depressed. Even though he had suspected it to be so, but now that it had actually been confirmed, his feelings were so complicated, it was indescribable.

Disappointed, forlorn, lost and some fear.

He thought for a while and forced himself to be positive. Propping a smile onto his face, he picked up the cup of tea, drank from it and said softly, "Great tea!" He lifted his head and immediately saw the other party's face was filled with an expression of interest while observing him.

He nodded and smiled, "Since I have drunk the young sir's tea, we can be said to be acquainted. How should I address you, young sir?"

The other party who had looked indifferent from the start, lightened, he brought his hands together in front of himself and said, "I am Shangguan Lanrong, the owner of the water and islands in the area."

"Pleasure." Then, slightly mocking himself, he said, "But I really don't remember who I am. If young sir Shangguan doesn't mind, do call me Yinfeng for now. Names are only for people to call and do not mean much."

The other party laughed too, "That is true. Names are only for people to call. As long as you know who you are in the future, it's fine. Truth be told, when I first heard that the second-in-command of Su Ye Manor had returned, I knew that that person was not the real Luo Yinfeng…"

Fang Xiao Zai put the teacup down and looked at the other party with sincerity in his eyes, his face spoke of his wish to hear the details.

Shangguan Lanrong contemplated for a while before he said, "Because the real Luo Yinfeng definitely will not return to Su Ye Manor ever again. As for the reason I sent someone to invite you over while Qingyun was not around, is because I was a little curious with regards to this 'subst.i.tute'…"

"Then why did you not confront Qingyun about it and instead invite me in secret?"

"Qingyun's temper, I think you might have seen it before as well. Actually, outside of the manor, very few people know that you exist. It is evident that Qingyun does not wish for too many people to find out. If I had confronted him directly, I would probably be unable to sit here safely, drinking tea and speaking with you today."

Fang Xiao Zai pondered over Shangguan Lanrong's words. So, for the past few months, no one came to look for him…because he wasn't Luo Yinfeng to begin with!

It's just, why would Ye Qingyun do it? Or was it as the subordinates from the previous time had said, because Madam Su Ye, who wasn't of sane mind, took him as 'Luo Yinfeng', so he just made use of the mistake and kept him here to use him to comfort Su Ye?

However, towards a subst.i.tute, Ye Qingyun seemed to be treating him overly well. Tending to his injuries and also treating his eyes. Ye Qingyun even did almost everything exactly as he had asked, as long as he said it before.

Fang Xiao Zai was immersed in his own thoughts when he was pulled back by the other person calling him "Yinfeng" a few times.

Shangguan Lanrong seemed to have guessed what he was confused about, and said, "I too, do not fully understand Qingyun's motive for his actions, but you know it too, Madam Su Ye is not sane and when her illness acts up, it becomes more troublesome. If you can calm her down, Qingyun keeping you here is not exactly for no reason. Either way, you have lost your memories and would not be a threat to the manor."

At which point, he paused and his expression became a little grave, "I think Qingyun will not harm you but there are some things that I still need to tell you…"

"Please, continue."

"Qingyun and Yinfeng, even though they are cousins…but Qingyun's feelings for his cousin didn't seem as simple as those only for a cousin…"

Fang Xiao Zai was slightly stunned and he lowered his eyelids as he thought of the other's sentence carefully.

Not just simply the feeling for a cousin…then, what other feelings are included?

The bottom of his heart quivered gently; he seemed to have some understanding, but also seemed to have not fully understood it.

"Young sir Shangguan, why are you telling me this?" He asked.

Shangguan Lanrong heard him and started laughing. Pouring another cup of tea for Fang Xiao Zai, he then said, "Harboring unseemly feelings of love towards his own brother, is not something tolerated by the world. Qingyun would not make it so obvious, but I grew up with them. A look or a movement from Qingyun and I can accurately guess what he is thinking of. Besides that, I have seen it before with my own eyes…"

Shangguan Lanrong didn't continue on after that sentence.

Fang Xiao Zai weighed it in his heart, this Shangguan Lanrong kept going around in circles as he spoke. Even though he looked kind and was friendly, who knows if those civilities were real or fake.

Shangguan Lanrong picked up the cup of tea and took a sip before he continued, "The reason why I am giving you a reminder, is to let you understand…that person's kindness towards you might not actually be real kindness. If there ever comes a day when you are no longer 'Yinfeng', Qingyun will also become a person who you have never known."

Fang Xiao Zai's hand trembled and the tea in the cup spattered onto his finger, scalding it red, but he had no idea it had happened.

On the way back, Fang Xiao Zai kept pondering on Shangguan Lanrong's last sentence.

"The plenty and colorful flowers gradually try to mesmerize the eyes, the moon in the water and the flowers in the mirror give needless sorrow. Do take care not to fall deeply into it or it will be hard to free yourself."

Why would the flowers mesmerize him? Why would he fall deeply into it? And why would… it be difficult to extract himself?

He thought during the entire way back but was still unable to make sense of it.

He had originally thought of returning to the manor silently, not letting Ye Qingyun find out. But what could he have done, when a shadow flitted out just as he reached the door?

There were worry and anger on Ye Qingyun's face, "Where did you go?"

He was immediately intimidated by the other party's demeanor and the hand that grabbed his arm was also surprisingly strong.

"I-I was just a little bored… so…so I went down the mountain for a walk…" It was a lie that he had drafted and repeated in his head a thousand times. He had also told the servants. Yet, after receiving a scare from Ye Qingyun, he still said in a stuttering manner, while feeling extremely guilty.

Ye Qingyun's hand which had grabbed his arm loosened a little, but there was still reproach and an interrogative tone to his words, "Why didn't you take a single servant? Your eyes have just regained their sight, what would you do if something was to happen?"

The man in front of him, whose face was originally supposed to be filled with ruthlessness and arrogance was, at that moment, filled with unease and anxiety. The sun slanted and the remaining rays of sunlight from the sunset scattered as it shone down, adding a few hints of gentleness to the handsome face that seemed to have been carved out of granite. It made his entire being look much gentler as well.

"I won't do it again." Fang Xiao Zai lowered his head as he said softly; like a child who knew that he was wrong.

The other party seemed to have noticed that his own tone was a little strict, and the force exerted by his hand weakened somewhat, "That's enough, let's have dinner, the dishes have become cold already."

He followed him into the dining hall, where dinner seemed to have been set up quite some time ago, but the dishes were still steaming. Having missed lunch, his stomach was empty, so the moment he sat down, he started eating without a care for his image.

However, Ye Qingyun wasn't able to enjoy the meal properly. Just as he picked up a pair of chopsticks, a hall leader came in, bent down to the level of his ear and whispered something. With a table between them, he couldn't hear clearly but was able to catch a few terms that happen to spill out. They seemed to be about some 'territory', 'Du Qi', 'severely injured'. Fang Xiao Zai thought about it, but was still unable to guess what they were saying.

When the hall leader finished reporting and Ye Qingyun let him leave, he had already cleaned out most of the dishes.

Ye Qingyun started laughing when he saw the sc.r.a.ps of dishes and drops of soups left, "You must have been famished, right? It's rare to see your appet.i.te so healthy." He didn't pick up the chopsticks, and just simply looked on as Fang Xiao Zai ate.

"Qingyun, why aren't you eating?" Seeing as how the other party hadn't started eating, even after some time, he put his bowl down and asked. It was then that he caught a glimpse and noticed that the dishes on the table were almost, entirely gone. He couldn't help but feel secretly embarra.s.sed and a little apologetic. "I was famished. What do you want to eat? I'll get the kitchen to prepare more for you."

Ye Qingyun shook his head, "Seeing you eat so deliciously, even I feel full." He picked up a chicken wing as he said it and placed it in Fang Xiao Zai's bowl, "Eat more, I don't know if you've noticed after you recovered your eyesight, but the weight that took so much effort to gained before, was all lost again."

Then, as though he noticed something, Ye Qingyun moved closer and held his hand, "What happened to this? When did you get scalded?" And before the reply came, he turned his head around to get someone to bring the medicine box.

The medicine box was brought over very quickly and very carefully, Ye Qingyun applied the medicine to his hand. The medical balm was emitting a faint orchid smell, as well as intermittent coolness. Ye Qingyun's actions were exceptionally soft, gentle, careful and meticulous. Under his fingers' ministrations, the area that didn't have much of an issue was sending waves of numbing and ticklish feelings.

Fang Xiao Zai looked at the other person in a daze and Shangguan Lanrong's voice actually started ringing in his mind.

"That person's kindness towards you might not actually be real kindness. If there ever comes a day when you are no longer 'Yinfeng', Qingyun will also become a person who you have never known…"

Pa!

The chopsticks slipped out of his hand and fell onto the table. The person in front of him stopped his movements and looked at him, not understanding, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

Fang Xiao Zai withdrew his hand and hurriedly stood up, "No! I-I'm full now!" Once he finished the sentence, he turned and escaped, das.h.i.+ng away, towards his own room.

He isn't Luo Yinfeng, so he can't accept that person's kindness towards himself!

Bursting into his room as though he was escaping a foe after being defeated, he leaned against the door and took in deep breaths as he panted. He felt something thumping erratically in his chest, as though it was about to burst out.

The scene from earlier appeared in his mind, Ye Qingyun's worries, his meticulousness, and the gentleness that appeared only before him. He used to enjoy the care the other gave, without any worries, but from the moment the truth was revealed, he was no longer able to accept all of those with a clear conscience.

If he wasn't Luo Yinfeng, how would Ye Qingyun treat him?

Fang Xiao Zai caught sight of the fox fur coat hanging on the screen[3] from the corner of his eye and walked over slowly to take it down, as his fingers brushed it softly.

If, one day he was no longer Luo Yinfeng, would he still take care of him as meticulously as he does now? Would he still try different ways to find interesting things and stories to make him happy? Would he, be unable to think clearly because he lost his sight, to the point that he would even believe an extremely ridiculous method such as changing eyes? Would he wait for his return so anxiously at the entrance of the manor? Would he…?

After he woke up from the coma, it was Ye Qingyun who would talk to him, to keep him company, not letting him feel bored, letting him almost forget his own dejection; the day his eyes recovered he was really happy for him, too. He could even remember when he picked him up, his hands were shaking…

Fang Xiao Zai didn't dare to think any further. In this manor, only Ye Qingyun was the best to him, so nice that it was as though he was poisoned. So much so, that despite knowing this didn't belong to him, he just didn't want to lose it.

Now…what does he want to do?

What should he do?

Should he continue enjoying the other's kindness as "Yinfeng" or should he find himself, leave this place and "Luo Yinfeng's" shadow completely?

Fang Xiao Zai felt that he… was at a loss for what to do.

Translator: Yeong

Proofreader: Grumpykit

QC: Xiao

Xiao's Comments: Reading this d.a.m.n story puts me on edge…that is all.

Translator's Notes:

[1] Golden needle method(金针渡穴) - It literally translates to 'Golden needle pa.s.sing through acupuncture point'. It is a set of acupuncture treatments where inner energy would be sent through the gold needle and into the meridian channels during treatment.

2 Purple goldstone(紫金砂) - it's a dark purple color synthetic gla.s.s with specks of gold in it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldstone_(gla.s.s)

3 Screen(屏风) - this is a sort of room divider commonly used in ancient China, it's usually put in front of the bed or the was.h.i.+ng area where more privacy is wanted. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folding_screen

[1] Golden needle method(金针渡穴) - It literally translates to 'Golden needle pa.s.sing through acupuncture point'. It is a set of acupuncture treatments where inner energy would be sent through the gold needle and into the meridian channels during treatment.

[2] Purple goldstone(紫金砂) - it's a dark purple color synthetic gla.s.s with specks of gold in it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldstone_(gla.s.s)

[3] Screen(屏风) - this is a sort of room divider commonly used in ancient China, it's usually put in front of the bed or the was.h.i.+ng area where more privacy is wanted. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folding_screen

                                                                                                                     Chapter 4