How to Ruin Series Part 60

A moment? Is she kidding me? A moment of l.u.s.t, perhaps, but not love.

Oh, man. I know how much she wants to go to the Valentine's Dance. It's not about the dance. It's not about love. It's about being wanted and accepted.

I wish I could stop her from looking in the mirror again, but it's no use. One more wipe of the running mascara and I can see the defeat in her eyes. "I'm going home.

Tell Nathan and Miranda I'll see them at school."

She moves past me and out the door. I don't even try and stop her because I've been best friends with Jessica long enough to know I can't convince her to stay.

Besides, what more can I say? I can't tell her Tarik isn't awesome, because he is.

Speaking of awesome guys, I've left mine alone enough tonight. Heading back to the big crowd, I scan the area and find Avi sitting at the table with Miranda.

They're surrounded by a bunch of people, talking and laughing. Two girls who I've never seen before are standing right near Avi. I can tell they're flirting by the way one is flipping her hair and the other girl is licking her lips. My protective radar goes off (okay, my jealousy radar goes off, too) and I weave through the ma.s.s of people with my chest held high, and steer toward my boyfriend like a paper clip to a magnet.

The hair-flipping girl is telling a story about her trip to Israel two summers ago and how she's dying to go back. It's hard to hear the details of her adventures because music is blaring in the background and I'm stuck standing behind Miranda.

There's no room next to my boyfriend.

The lip-licker is laughing while lip- licking, which I think she's practiced in the mirror before. She does it frighteningly well. Avi is so intrigued with her conversation he doesn't know I'm standing here.

Miranda looks up at me. "Maya is telling us about her trip to Israel," Miranda tells me. "She went to Gadna for a week.

It's a military training camp."

Oh, great. Flippy-haired Maya can talk guns with my commando boyfriend. I'm feeling sick and might just follow Jessica out the door so I can go home, too. "I went to Israel, too," I blurt out.

I have nothing else to say. I didn't go to an Israeli military training camp and I don't have hair I can flip over my shoulder and make it look like I just got it styled at a salon.

When I get Avi's attention, he gives me a small smile. The lip-licker sneers at me and the salon girl says, "Did you go on a Birthright trip or Shoras.h.i.+m?"

"Neither. I went with my dad ... He's Israeli."

"Oh," she says, then her friend boasts about her trip to Ireland with her Irish family.

While everyone talks about their adventures abroad, Avi reaches out and snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me toward him. "There's no chair for me,"

I say to him.

Guiding me onto his lap, he says, "Yes, there is." He taps the hair-flipper on the shoulder and I'm wondering if he wants to keep up the military talk until I hear Avi tell her, "This is my girlfriend, Amy."

While my heart opens up and loves Avi for telling a girl who's obviously hitting on him that he belongs to me, Miss Hair- Flipper gives me a small nod and turns her back to us to talk to another guy.

"Why is it every time I turn around another girl is talking to you?"

"I was talking to everyone, Amy. Don't be so paranoid. That guy over there, Dale, is from the South Side and that dude, Kyle over there, goes to your school. He wondered if I met you on an online dating service."

"What did you tell him?"

"I said he should get a life. Where's Jessica?"

"She left. It's kind of a long story," I tell him.

I guess I shouldn't be jealous of any other girl. I know how Avi feels about me.

I guess a little part of me ... that insecure part that shows its ugly head once in a while, knows the reality of it all. He's going back to Israel and I'm here. In less than twenty-four hours Avi will be back on a plane flying far away from me. And who knows what'll happen. I know what I want to happen, but how realistic is it?

"Don't look all serious, Amy," Avi tells me as he guides my chin down so I'm face to face with him.

Avi and I are in our little imaginary coc.o.o.n looking into each other's eyes as if no one else in the world matters.

A loud "Ahem" interrupts us.

Looking up, I'm shocked at the person standing in front of me. Okay, I knew Nathan was going to be playing tonight at the bar. But I didn't know that Nathan was going to transform into a rock star look- alike. His hair is spiked up, he's got eyeliner on, ripped faded jeans with a faded gray vintage T-s.h.i.+rt, and a black leather necklace hanging from his neck. I might add that he's not wearing gla.s.ses, either.

"Nathan?" I ask, not really sure if the guy in front of us is a Nathan look-alike or the real deal.

Nathan leans in and says to me, "The guys in the band call me Nate. And ...

well, this is me. You said to be me, right?"

Wow. Talk about going from geek to ...

wow. "Yeah."

When he leans back, I'm aware that Avi's grip has gotten tighter around my waist. I look down at my boyfriend, whose eyes are a little darker and intense like he's ready to fight for me.

"Avi?" I say.

He's still glaring at Nathan when he says, "What?"

"Look at me."

He does.

"Nathan's my friend, like a brother. Stop glaring at him like he's the enemy."

"I can't help it. Besides, if he's going to be your friend I liked it better when he wore gla.s.ses and the pants that were too short."

"Dude, don't be so lame," Nathan says.

"The girl is in love with you. Or are you really all muscles and lack in the brain department?"

I feel Avi's muscles tense up, but before he can respond, I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him back. Luckily, the announcer starts introducing the band and Nathan is all too happy to jump up on stage and avoid another confrontation with Avi. I notice Nathan still has a cut and bruise from yesterday when Avi decked him.

"Nathan looks so hot, doesn't he?"

Miranda says as Nathan, now the lead singer for Lickity Split, takes the mic.

Okay, so he's the subst.i.tute singer for Lickity Split. It's not permanent, but it's still super cool.

Avi pulls me closer. "I never want you to look at him the way you look at me, Amy."

Nathan aka Nate Greyson puts the mic to his mouth, points to me, and says, "Amy, this one's for you."

What?

Did he just dedicate a song to me?

My arms are still around my boyfriend, and his arm is still holding me tight while Lickity Split starts the loud music. Nathan belts out lyrics I've never heard before: She'll freak you out, she'll screw with your head She'll kiss you once, then leave you for dead I stop listening after the word dead. Nathan and I are going to have a long talk about this song. It's too angry. Is Nathan angry?

I'm sure with his past there's a lot of anger built up inside, but I can help him with that.

Isn't that what friends are for? And to set the record straight I kissed Nathan twice, not once. And I did not leave him for dead.

I knew after Avi kicked his a.s.s last night he was alive ... and left in very good care.

I shake my head and listen to the rest of the song. I can tell the crowd is getting into the lyrics and the fast beat. Nathan is a hit.

The song tells the story about a guy falling for a girl who he thinks is playing games with him but in the end is just being herself. He realizes that the friends.h.i.+p is the real deal; the attraction was just a facade.

The ma.s.s of people in the bar are jumping up and down, shaking their heads to the song, and waving their hands in the air like crazy people. Or more like people who are totally engrossed in the beat and lyrics. Nathan aka Nate is jumping on stage like the rest of the crowd, getting totally into the song.

"Let's dance," Avi says loudly so I can hear over the speakers right near our table.

Me? Jumping around and head-banging?

Yeah, I might do that in my room with n.o.body watching, but there's a bunch of kids from school here and I'm not used to losing control in front of an audience.

"You go," I say, standing so Avi can mingle with the crowd. "I'm not the getting-sweaty-in-front-of-other-people kind of person." I'd rather he stay with me, but I'm not going to be the loser girlfriend who tells him what he can and can't do. If he's not afraid of people staring at him . . .

Avi stands and pulls me into the middle of the dance floor, which has become a pit of sweaty people drowning themselves in the music. Nathan is on his second song.

This one is about rough times and even tougher times ahead. Very depressing, if I say so myself ... and I'm a pessimist.

Avi starts getting into the music. The music is so loud I think my brain is rattling and we're all going to suffer brain damage and wake up deaf tomorrow morning. I can't stop watching Avi and how masculine and cool he looks while he's waving his fist in the air and moving to the pounding ba.s.s.

"Come on," he says. "Lose control with me."

Me, lose control? Not my style. Besides, if I jump around then my b.o.o.bs are going to bob up and down like a buoy in the middle of a tsunami. I shake my head, refusing to make a spectacle of myself.

Scanning the people around me, though, makes me realize that I'm making a spectacle of myself by being the only one in the crowd right now standing still. Even Miranda is jumping around, waving her hands in the air like she's about to take flight. And she's got bigger and saggier b.o.o.bs than me.

I start by bending my knees up and down. Looking over at Avi, his hair wet from sweat, inspires me. I take a tentative jump to test my new bra to see how bounce-resistant my b.o.o.bs really are when they're strapped in tight. I look down as I take another test jump. The bounce rate is acceptable. But when I look up and see Avi's eyebrows furrowed as he watches me, I bite my bottom lip.

"People will stare at me," I try to explain over the loud music.

Avi shakes his head in frustration. "Let go, Amy. I want to see you without your inhibitions. If people stare, they're just jealous they're not having as much fun as you are."

I look down at my b.o.o.bs.

His eyebrows go up. "Just try it," he says. "I dare you."

I do not take dares lightly, and he probably knows it. With a deep breath and determination I never knew was in me, I start jumping to the music and shaking my head around like Mutt after he takes a swim in Lake Michigan. Surprisingly, it feels good to let go and lose control for once.

The pit of people has gotten more crowded, I'm being pushed and pulled around by the ma.s.s of dancing maniacs.

When I look up at the stage, Nathan is into his third song ... or maybe his fourth. The words are seeping into my body: Fight the fight worth fighting Fight it to the death Fight the fight worth fighting And give up all the rest As the words enter my consciousness, I wonder how many fights I've fought that weren't worth fighting. Nathan is totally into the performance. His face is fierce as he sings the words into the microphone.

He's still trying to figure out where he fits in this world and why his parents gave him up.

When Nathan opens his eyes, he catches me watching him and winks at me before bending down and singing to some girl in the front row.

Soon the music stops and the band takes a break. While my ears adjust to the absence of blaring music, I head back to our table and plop myself down on an empty chair.

"You should let go more often," Avi says from behind me.

"I looked stupid," I say, which pretty much sums it up. Yes, I admit I had fun looking like a dork having my arms flailing and my b.o.o.bs bopping around without caring what anyone thought. But in the end, I did look stupid. And in the end, I still do care what people think.

Avi bends down and kisses my neck.

"You looked s.e.xy, Amy."

"Will you two ever stop?" Nathan says as he joins our table.

I push Nathan away, but he's not paying attention to me. Something or someone at the other end of the bar is occupying him. I follow where his attention is focused.

"Bicky," Nathan whispers in shock.

The girl is even prettier in person and I hate her instantly. She has short, blonde hair pulled back with a headband and a half s.h.i.+rt showing off her amazing abs and bellyb.u.t.ton ring. And I swear her jeans must be painted on, they're hugging her body so tight. When I wear tight jeans I have to lie on my bed while I'm zipping them up. Bicky must have taken a dip in oil or grease in order to cram into her size zeros.

She sashays up to Nathan and puts her arms around his neck. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" she asks in a high, singsong voice.

Nathan is still in shock. His arms go slowly around her waist but he's looking at her like something isn't right. "What are you doing here? Did you break out of rehab?"

"You betcha." Bicky leans into him, almost tripping over her feet. "I heard you were performing. And besides, I wanted to meet the girl you kissed and wrote a song about." She looks me up and down.

"You're her, aren't you?"

Oh, boy, am I busted. But before I can deny anything, Nathan says, "You're wasted, Bic."

"That I am, baby," she purrs, looking up at him. "You used to like getting wasted with me, until you turned all geek on me."

She eyes his spiked hair and faded jeans.

"Glad to see you're back to normal."

He grabs her wrists and pries her arms off him. "What we did wasn't normal, Bic.