The Toy Shop (1735) The King and the Miller of Mansfield (1737) Part 7

_Mil._ What has brought thee Home so unexpected?

_d.i.c.k._ You will know that presently.

_Mil._ Of that by-and-by then. We have got the King down in the Forest a hunting this Season, and this honest Gentleman, who came down with his Majesty from _London_, has been with 'em to Day it seems, and has lost his Way. Come, _Madge_, see what thou can'st get for Supper. Kill a Couple of the best Fowls; and go you, _Kate_, and draw a Pitcher of Ale. We are famous, Sir, at _Mansfield_, for good Ale, and for honest Fellows that know how to drink it.

_King._ Good Ale will be acceptable at present, for I am very dry. But pray, how came your Son to leave you, and go to _London_?

_Mil._ Why, that's a Story which _d.i.c.k_, perhaps, won't like to have told.

_King._ Then I don't desire to hear it.

_Enter_ KATE _with an Earthen Pitcher of Ale, and a Horn_.

_Mil._ So, now do you go help your Mother. Sir, my hearty Service to you.

_King._ Thank ye, Sir. This plain Sincerity and Freedom, is a Happiness unknown to Kings. [_Aside._]

_Mil._ Come, Sir.

_King._ _Richard_, my Service to you.

_d.i.c.k._ Thank you, Sir.

_Mil._ Well, _d.i.c.k_, and how do'st thou like _London_? Come, tell us what thou hast seen.

_d.i.c.k._ Seen! I have seen the Land of Promise.

_Mil._ The Land of Promise! What dost thou mean?

_d.i.c.k._ The Court, Father.

_Mil._ Thou wilt never leave joking.

_d.i.c.k._ To be serious then, I have seen the Disappointment of all my Hopes and Expectations; and that's more than one would wish to see.

_Mil._ What, would the great Man thou wast recommended to, do nothing at all for thee at last?

_d.i.c.k._ Why, yes; he would promise me to the last.

_Mil._ Zoons! do the Courtiers think their Dependants can eat Promises!

_d.i.c.k._ No, no, they never trouble their Heads to think, whether we eat at all or not. I have now dangled after his Lords.h.i.+p several Years, tantaliz'd with Hopes and Expectations; this Year promised one Place, the next another, and the third, in sure and certain Hope of----a Disappointment. One falls, and it was promis'd before; another, and I am just Half an Hour too late; a third, and it stops the Mouth of a Creditor; a fourth, and it pays the Hire of a Flatterer; a fifth, and it bribes a Vote; and the sixth, I am promis'd still. But having thus slept away some Years, I awoke from my Dream: My Lord, I found, was so far from having it in his Power to get a Place for me, that he had been all this while seeking after one for himself.

_Mil._ Poor _d.i.c.k_! And is plain Honesty then a Recommendation to no Place at Court?

_d.i.c.k._ It may recommend you to be a Footman, perhaps, but nothing further, nothing further, indeed. If you look higher, you must furnish yourself with other Qualifications: You must learn to say Ay, or No; to run, or stand; to fetch, or carry, or leap over a Stick at the Word of Command. You must be Master of the Arts of Flattery, Insinuation, Dissimulation, Application, and [_Pointing to his Palm_] right Application too, if you hope to succeed.

_King._ You don't consider I am a Courtier, methinks.

_d.i.c.k._ Not I, indeed; 'tis no Concern of mine what you are. If, in general, my Character of the Court is true, 'tis not my Fault if it's disagreable to your Wors.h.i.+p. There are particular Exceptions I own, and I hope you may be one.

_King._ Nay, I don't want to be flatter'd, so let that pa.s.s. Here's better Success to you the next Time you come to _London_.

_d.i.c.k._ I thank ye; but I don't design to see it again in haste.

_Mil._ No, no, _d.i.c.k_; instead of depending upon Lords Promises, depend upon the Labour of thine own Hands; expect nothing but what thou can'st earn, and then thou wilt not be disappointed. But come, I want a Description of _London_; thou hast told us nothing thou hast seen yet.

_d.i.c.k._ O! 'tis a fine Place! I have seen large Houses with small Hospitality; great Men do little Actions; and fine Ladies do----nothing at all. I have seen the honest Lawyers of _Westminster-Hall_, and the virtuous Inhabitants of _'Change-Alley_. The politick Mad-men of Coffee-Houses, and the wise Statesmen of _Bedlam_. I have seen merry Tragedies, and sad Comedies; Devotion at an Opera, and Mirth at a Sermon; I have seen fine Cloaths at _St. James_'s, and long Bills at _Ludgate-Hill_. I have seen poor Grandeur, and rich Poverty; high Honours, and low Flattery, great Pride, and no Merit. In short, I have seen a Fool with a t.i.tle, a Knave with a Pension, and an honest Man with a Thread-bare Coat. Pray how do you like _London_?

_Mil._ And is this the best Description thou can'st give of it?

_d.i.c.k._ Yes.

_King._ Why, _Richard_, you are a Satirist, I find.

_d.i.c.k._ I love to speak Truth, Sir; if that happens to be Satire, I can't help it.

_Mil._ Well, if this is _London_, give me my Country Cottage; which, tho' it is not a great House, nor a fine House, is my own House, and I can shew a Receipt for the Building on't.

_King._ I wish all the great Builders in the Kingdom could say as much.

_Mil._ Come, Sir, our Supper, I believe, is ready for us, by this time; and to such as I have, you're as welcome as a Prince.

_King._ I thank you. [_Exeunt._

_Scene changes to the Wood._

_Enter several_ KEEPERS.

_1 K._ The Report of the Gun was somewhere this Way I'm sure.

_2 K._ Yes, but I can never believe that any-body would come a Deer stealing so dark a Night as this.

_3 K._ Where did the Deer harbour to Day?

_4 K._ There was a Herd lay upon _Hamilton-Hill_, another just by _Robin Hood's Chair_, and a third here in _Mansfield Wood_.

_1 K._ Ay, those they have been amongst.

_2 K._ But we shall never be able to find 'em to Night, 'tis so dark.

_3 K._ No, no; let's go back again.

_1 K._ Zoons! you're afraid of a broken Head, I suppose, if we should find 'em; and so had rather slink back again. Hark! Stand close. I hear 'em coming this Way.

_Enter the_ COURTIERS.