Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend Part 23

"Like what?" she whispers.

I press the crinkle between her eyebrows and smooth it out. "Scared."

A flicker of a smile crosses her face, and she holds my hand to her cheek. I know it's not the right time, but I'm leanin' toward her anyway. Ready to press my lips to hers. To take away all the pain I know she's feelin' but not tellin' me about. She's so beautiful. Even scared and sad like this.

I get close enough to taste her breath, then she drops my hand and turns, giving me her cheek.

I don't mean to growl, but I do.

She looks back at me, catching my face between her hands. "I'm sorry." She's not lyin'. "I want you to kiss me, I do."

"But...?"

Another flicker of a smile. "It's my first time kissing someone. I want it to... I want to make sure it really means something."

Ouch.

"It won't mean somethin' with me?"

She drops her hands. "You mean more to me than you should. But, I still think you're hung on Quynn. I don't want to let you in only to have you run off with her."

My mouth hangs open. I'm pretty sure I look like a fool. Is this really what she thinks? I'll pull a Gabe?

I'm. Not. Like. That.

"You think I could do that to you?" d.a.m.n it, now I'm p.i.s.sed. Not the time for it since there's somethin' a lot worse buggin' her. Still, it sucks she thinks that about me.

"Not on purpose."

I sit back as far as I can on the other end of the couch, shakin' my head at my feet. "I don't understand, Hayles. I need you to tell me what's goin' on. Why you'd think I'd do that to you. Why you won't let anyone in. Why you called me to pick you up on Monday. Why you were sittin' in the rain. Why you don't want me to meet your mom." I bury my face in my hands. "I want to help, be there for you, but I can't if I don't know anythin'. I can't if you don't let me."

Yeah, I said that all out loud. Well, m.u.f.fled into my fingers. I won't look at her, too afraid she's p.i.s.sed and she'll just walk away, leavin' me with the list in my pocket.

I hear a deep breath from the other end of the couch. Still won't look at her, and I can't tell if she's frustrated, hurt, or what, just off that sigh.

"She doesn't want me to meet him."

My eyebrows pinch together, and I glance at her through my hands. She's pickin' at a loose thread on the pocket of the hoodie. "What?"

"That's why I was sitting outside. My mom doesn't want me to meet Daniel until I'm... thinner."

I gulp, sitting up straight. "Who's Daniel?"

"Mom's boyfriend."

That small part of me that was worried about whoever this Daniel was whoops for joy in my stomach.

"So you were sittin' in the rain because...?"

She throws her head against the cus.h.i.+on of the couch and talks to the ceiling. "She told me she was going to go over some menus and stuff with me tonight. She's making me see a health specialist. But Daniel pulled up and surprised her with a date. She shoved me outside, and I guess she forgot to leave the door unlocked when she left."

She sighs, tilting her head forward. Tears are forming at the outer corners of her eyes. "I didn't tell you because it's embarra.s.sing. It just confirms what I've been trying to ignore."

"Which is what?"

"That I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm too... big to have someone like me the way you say you do."

The tears finally spill over, and she quickly swipes them away. I scoot closer to her again, takin' it all in. All the pieces comin' together about why she looks at herself the way she does. I had no idea it was so bad. *Cause she never told me.

"On Monday, I had my first appointment with the health specialist. She told my mom I needed more exercise, you know, the same old c.r.a.p they all say. Well, my mom thought it would be good for me to walk home. So she took me to where you picked me up, and left me there. Said if I didn't get home within an hour, I wouldn't get dinner." She chuckles, but it sounds off. "It's like I'm five."

I shake my head. "That's messed up." I know I should say somethin' better than that, but she laughs and swipes another tear from her face.

"So, I called you because, well, you saw that place! It was freaking scary! And who cares if I got dinner that night? It was probably a gla.s.s of water and a broccoli floret."

She's laughin' now, but still cryin'. I know I'm pus.h.i.+ng my boundaries when I clasp her wrist and guide her onto my chest. She goes, but hesitantly.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this c.r.a.p." So eloquent, Brody. "For the record, I don't think you need to see a health specialist. I don't think you need to change anythin' about you. You're...you're perfect."

She traces the design on my s.h.i.+rt, not sayin' anythin'.

"And... uh..." I gulp. "Thanks."

She looks up at me. "For what?"

"Trustin' me enough to tell me all of that."

Her face goes back into my armpit. "Can I ask you a silly question?"

I let out a breathless chuckle. "Sure."

"You don't mind touching me?"

Man, I want to touch her more. "That is a silly question," I say, squeezing her. "I feel like I'm tryin' to grope you every time we're together."

We laugh together, her head jiggling around on my stomach.

"Why would you think I minded?"

"Well, *cause I'm probably, uh, squis.h.i.+er than most girls."

Darn girl.

"You know, whenever you let me touch you, even when it's just like this, laying on my chest, you make me feel like I've won some sort of prize. You need to stop bein' so self-conscious, Hayles. I love touchin' you."

She shrugs out of my grasp, and I get real confused for a second, *cause I thought I nailed that one. Then she leaps on top of me, straddling me and hugging me around my neck.

Holy h.e.l.l, this is happenin'! I knew I nailed it!

I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her closer to me. We're both laughin', and I'm not sure why. Her laugh just makes me laugh.

We sit there for a while, talkin' and she keeps herself planted on my lap. My legs are fallin' asleep, and I'm not all that comfortable, but who cares? She asks where my parents are, and I tell her the embarra.s.sing display I was witness to. She laughs and tells me she likes my parents already. Like she's plannin' on meetin' them someday. Someday soon. I like that. Makes things between us seem more real. She's startin' to get it.

The dryer buzzes, and that's when I stumble off the couch to get her clothes. I'm stompin' my feet a little harder than I normally do to get rid of the pins and needles in my legs.

I hand Hayley her clothes, and she hesitates. "Can I change in your room?" Her face is bloodshot.

"Sure." She can today, since it's clean. I lead her downstairs, then give her privacy after she makes fun of the swimsuit calendar I have on the wall. I'm puttin' the mugs in the sink when she comes back upstairs.

"I should probably head back home." She smiles, but it doesn't go up to her eyes. Yeah, I don't want her to leave either.

"I'll give you a ride."

There's some kind of awkward tension in the air as I grab the keys and open the door. She pauses in the doorstep, back towards me.

"You okay?"

She nods and turns around, pus.h.i.+n' her eyes up to meet mine. "Do you... I mean, you don't think I'm too f-"

"If you say the word *fat' one more time I'm going to knock you upside the head." I lean against the doork.n.o.b, watchin' the rain fall behind her. "You gotta stop believin' your mom. She's wrong. And if she's too embarra.s.sed by you, then she's not worth pleasin'. You're her daughter. That should be good enough." I pause to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I'm not afraid to touch her anymore. "You are good enough. At least I think so."

She smiles her Hayley smile. Then she glances over her shoulder at the pourin' rain. I really don't want her to go, but if she thinks her mom's going to be home, I don't want to get her in trouble either.

Her head whips back around, scaring me a little. The smile is still on her face, but she looks kind of nervous. And when she says somethin', I know why.

"Kiss me."

Reason 22: You smile when you kiss.

Wait. What did she just say? "Huh?"

"I want you to kiss me now." Her lips pull up into that amazing smile, and she lets out a nervous giggle.

"You... you sure?"

She nods and takes a step closer. I can't believe she's sayin' this to me now. After all that stuff with her mom and after the whole, *I want my first kiss to mean something', I didn't think she'd be ready for it... now. I mean, thought I'd have to wait at least a couple of days.

I gulp and close the distance between us. Man, I hope I do this right. Don't want to make her first kiss too s...o...b..ry or awkward or anythin' that'll disappoint her. She deserves to have a kiss that'll make her want more. A kiss that'll tell her exactly how I feel about her.

Cupping her face between my hands, I gauge her eyes before I go in farther. She closes them and lets out a small puff of air I can taste. Her mint chocolate smell makes me close my eyes too, and I pull her closer, noses touching, breath mixing.

"Um, Brody?"

The air rushes out of my lips, which are centimeters away from hers. "Yeah?"

"Can you like, not use your tongue?"

Can't help the chuckle that rumbles through my throat. "What?"

We both open our eyes, but I keep her face close.

"It's just, I already don't know what the c.r.a.p I'm doing, and if you stick your tongue in my mouth, I really don't know how I'm going to... like, I don't know how that all works, so if you could keep it to yourself this first time around-"

"Hayles," I interrupt. Darn girl is going a million miles a minute. "I won't use my tongue, I promise."

She sighs, her breath smacking me in the face again. "Okay, sorry." She smiles. "Continue."

I'm about to, taking my time again to relish the fact I'm freakin' going to kiss my girl, noses touching again, hands on her soft cheeks...

"Brody?"

I sigh, but it sort-of comes out like a growl. "Yeah?"

"Sorry," she says, pulling back. Wait, did she change her mind? No, she's smiling and kind of giggling. "So, like, what if I'm bad at this?"

"What?"

"You'll tell me if I'm bad at the whole kissing thing, right?" She reaches up and rubs her temples, closing her eyes tight. "Or at least you won't judge me too harshly for not knowing where to put my hands or how to move my lips or anything."

"Hayles," I say, pulling her back toward me, "don't over-think this, *kay?"

She takes a deep breath, grabs my hands and sticks them back on her cheeks. "Okay, sorry." Her eyes close. "Give it to me."

I chuckle, shaking my head. Girl is so amazing. How did I end up bein' the lucky first guy to give her this moment? I'm still smiling as our lips barely touch.

"Um..."

Ugh! This girl!

"What is it now?"

"Did I... gosh, did I put too much pressure on you?"

"What?"

"*Cause I didn't mean to. You're not worried about it, are you? Like, this is what you wanna do, right? You still want to give me my first kiss? Or am I just pressuring you into it? Or is there too much pressure now to make it perfect, *cause Brody, it doesn't have to be. I want it to be you *cause you're friggin' fantabulous and I like you so much and I didn't mean to, like fall so hard for you. It just happened and now I have no idea how this is supposed to go and if you even feel the same way you felt last week when you told me you were, like falling for me too or if you just feel bad *cause of my mom and all that junk. I mean, you haven't even given me any reasons yet and I'm not sure if it's *cause you couldn't think of them or if you were just trying to be nice or-"

"Hayles!"

She stops her blabbering, snapping her lips tight together and getting a little flushed. I'm smiling so she is too, but this girl needs to put on her perception gla.s.ses.

I take a deep breath, wrap one arm around her waist so she doesn't go anywhere again, and brush her hair back with the other.

"Give me five numbers between one and twenty."