The Queer, the Quaint and the Quizzical Part 3

He makes General Braddock ride out from Williamsburg (he never was there) in "his own coach, a ponderous, emblazoned vehicle," with Dr.

Franklin, "the little postmaster of Philadelphia" (Franklin's average weight was 160 pounds), over a muddy road, in March, through a half-wilderness country of more than one hundred miles, to dine with Madam Esmond, in Westmoreland county, near Mt. Vernon.

_A Stupid Critic._

Commentators are sometimes stupid, and their criticisms so absurd as to be amusing. A German critic, in explaining the text of Shakespeare's comedy "As You Like It," came to the following pa.s.sage-

"Tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, Sermons in stones, and good in every thing."

He made this comment upon it: "The lines as they now stand are manifestly wrong. No one ever found books in the running brooks, or sermons in stones. But a slight transposition of words reduces the pa.s.sage to sense. Shakespeare's meaning is clear, and what he meant he must have written. The pa.s.sage should read thus"-

"Stones in the running brooks, Sermons in books, and good in every thing."

_Crooked Coincidences._

A pamphlet published in the year 1703, has the following strange t.i.tle-

"The _Deformity_ of Sin Cured, a sermon preached at St. Michael's, _Crooked_ Lane, before the Prince of Orange, by the Rev. James _Crook_shanks. Sold by Matthew Dowton, at the _Crooked_ Billet, near _Cripple_gate, and by all other Booksellers." The words of the text are, "Every _crooked_ path shall be made straight," and the Prince before whom it was preached was _crooked_, i. e., deformed.

_The Bride of Abydos._

In this poem of Byron's there is no _bride_, for the heroine dies heart-broken and unwedded.

_Grandiloquent Outbursts._

There is a volume printed at Amsterdam, 1657, ent.i.tled: "Jesus, Maria, Joseph; or the Devout Pilgrim of the Everlasting Blessed Virgin Mary, in his Holy Exercises, Affections and Elevations, upon the sacred Mysteries of Jesus, Maria and Joseph." We append a few extracts from this curious book, as a specimen of the language employed at that time in addressing the Virgin-

"You, O Mother of G.o.d, are the Spiritual Paradise of the second Adam; the bright cloud carrying him who hath the cherubims for his chariot; the fleece of wool filled with the sweet dew of heaven, whereof was made that admirable robe of our royal shepherd, in which he vouchsafed to look after his sheep; you are pleasing and comely as Jerusalem, and the aromatical odours issuing from your garments outvie all the delights of Mount Lebanon; you are the sacred pix of celestial perfumes, whose sweet exhalations shall never be exhausted; you are the holy oil, the unextinguishable lamp, the unfading flower, the divinely-woven purple, the royal vestment, the imperial diadem, the throne of the divinity, the gate of Paradise, the queen of the universe, the cabinet of life, the fountain ever flowing with celestial ill.u.s.trations."

"All hail! the divine lantern encompa.s.sing that crystal lamp whose light outs.h.i.+nes the sun in its midday splendour; the spiritual sea whence the world's richest pearl was extracted; the radiant sphere, the well-fenced orchard, the fruitful border, the fair and delicate garden, the nuptial bed of the eternal world, the odoriferous and happy City of G.o.d, etc., etc."

_Dialect Rhyme._

The subjoined is a specimen of the dialect spoken in the county of Lancas.h.i.+re, England. The verse is a description of a lost baby, by the town-crier, or bellman, who still plies his trade in out-of-the-way parts of England-

Law-st oather [either] to-day or else some toime to morn, As pratty a babby as ever wur born; It has cheeks like red roses, two bonny blue een, Had it meauth daubed wi' traycle th' last toime it were seen; It's just cuttin' it teeth, an' has very sore gums, An' it's gettin' a habit o' suckin' it thumbs; Thoose at foind it may keep it, there's n.o.b'dy'll care, For thoose at hav lost it, hav lots moor to spare!

_In Search of a Rhyme._

Luttrell made this couplet on the wife of "Anastatius" Hope, famous for his wealth and her own jewels-

"Of diamond, emerald and topaz, Such as the charming Mrs. Hope has!"

_Noted Anachronisms._

Shakespeare makes Lear, an early Anglo-Saxon King, speak of not wanting spectacles, which were not known until the fourteenth century. Cannon were first used in the year 1346, but in relating Macbeth's death, in 1054, and King John's reign in 1200, he mentions cannon. In his Julius Caesar, he makes the "clock" strike three.

Schiller, in his "Piccolomini," speaks of a "lightning-conductor" as existing about 150 years before its invention.

_Diogenes and his Tub._

Modern scepticism about the practical stoicism of the ancients is surely brought to a climax by a living writer, M. Fournier, who maintains that the so-called tub of Diogenes was in reality a commodious little dwelling-neat but not gorgeous. It must be supposed, then, that he spoke of his tub much as an English country gentleman does of his "box."-_The Book Hunter, by Burton._

_Slave Advertis.e.m.e.nts._

The following announcements are curious, showing the merchandise light in which the negro was regarded in America while yet a colony of Great Britain:

FRANCIS LEWIS, HAS FOR SALE,

A Choice Parcel of Muscovado and Powder Sugars, Tierces and Barrels; Ravens, Ducks and a Negro Woman and Negro Boy. The Coach-House and Stables, with or without the Garden Spot, formerly the property of Joseph Murray, Esq.; in the Broadway, to be let separately or together:-Inquire of said Francis Lewis.-_New York Gazette_, April 25th, 1765.

This Day Run away from JOHN MCCOMB, Junier, an Indian Woman, about 17 Years of Age, Pitted in the Face, of a middle Stature and Indifferent fatt, having on her a Drugat, Wast-coat, and Kersey Petticoat, of a Light Collour. If any Person or Persons shall bring the said Girle to her said Master, shall be Rewarded for their Trouble to their Content.-_American Weekly Mercury_, May 24th, 1726.

A Female Negro Child (of an extraordinary good Breed) to be given away.

Inquire of Edes and Gill.-_Boston Gazette_, Feb. 25th, 1765.

TO BE SOLD, FOR WANT OF EMPLOY,

A Likely Negro Fellow, about 25 Years of Age. He is an extraordinary good Cook, and understands setting or tending a table very well, likewise all kind of House Work, such as was.h.i.+ng, scouring, scrubbing, &c. Also, a Negro Wench, his Wife, about 17 Years old, born in this City, and understands all Sorts of House Work. For farther Particulars, inquire of the Printer.-_New York Gazette_, March 21st, 1765.

_Sir John Moore not Buried at Night._

It has been generally supposed that the burial of Sir John Moore, who fell at the battle of Corunna, in 1809, took place during the night, an error which doubtless arose from the statement to that effect in Wolf's celebrated lines. Rev. Mr. Symons, who was the clergyman on the occasion, states, however, in Notes and Queries, that the burial took place in the morning, in broad daylight.

_Cleopatra a Myth._

Commentators of no mean standing insist that Cleopatra

"Star-eyed Egyptian, Glorious sorceress of the Nile,"

is merely a creature of the imagination; in plain words, that the Cleopatra of history never existed, though there were two or three women who bore the name.

_Abelard and Heloise._

Though they may have lived about the same time, the romance of their love is now gravely denied by scholars and antiquarians.

_Odd t.i.tles of Old Books._