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h.e.l.lo everyone! This chapter is kinda sweet yet sad at the same time. But can I say, I really adore this family? ❤ Su Yue-ah~~~ Also, Lu Xi has moved a step forward in his pursuit~ Yay for progress~
Join for Perfect Fiancé to discuss more awesome updates or other novels too~ Alrighty, let’s get on with Chapter 14!
Chapter 14: Yearning for the unattainable What goes along with alcohol? Joy, happiness, toasts and well… In this case, sorrow.Until the soiree ended, Su Jin and Lu Xi both remained the focus of the evening. If Su Jin had not been one of the stars tonight, she would have secretly pulled Lu Xi away to leave the venue early.
Because he lived closest to their villa, Lu Xi remained until the very end and was the last to leave. Under the teasing gazes of her family, Su Jin accompanied him to the door.
In the warm glow of the yellow lights, Su Jin raised her head to gaze at the handsome man standing before her. She then took out the jade pendant that she had been holding throughout the evening.
Lu Xi raised an eyebrow in surprise.
"Um…" Su Jin paused to think for a bit before she continued, "the song was lovely, however, this present-" She raised the hand holding the jade pendant, "I can't accept it."
Slightly lowering his head, Lu Xi looked thoughtfully at her for a while before he received the jade pendant in her palm.
At the brush of their fingertips, a warm atmosphere emanated. Su Jin then heaved a sigh but strangely, a slight sting seemed to seep into her heart.
With a light smile, Lu Xi untied the red string holding the jade pendant and his body slightly leaned forward. Then, he tied it around the girl's alabaster and jade-like neck.
Due to being held in her hands for such a long period, the jade should have been slightly warm but somehow it had grown hotter. However, that gentle touch was just like the previous one; quickly removed without delay. His slender fingertips brushed lightly across her neck and brought about a slightly itchy feeling.
Su Jin was stupefied for a while before she reacted.
She reached out and touched the jade pendant around her neck and raised her head to look towards the man who had already stood upright once again. Gaping for a bit, she finally found her voice to speak.
"Lu Xi…"
Her words were unfinished but the man before her smiled all of a sudden. His outstanding features were filled with joy. As the warm yellow light of the lamp fell on his beautiful peach blossom eyes, they were shaded with a thread of warmth.
Even if Su Jin was used to seeing good-looking people, she could not help being stunned and was speechless in shock.
"Jin'er, I'm so happy." He honestly remarked without a trace of suppressing his emotions. Due to their closeness, his tone was even more mellow and gentle than before; it seemed increasingly mesmerising.
"Huh?" As Su Jin returned to her senses, she was somewhat suspicious.
Lu Xi did not reply and stared fixedly at her for a bit. With a crinkle of his eyes, he laughed, "I have never felt that my name was this pleasant to hear."
Su Jin immediately reacted.
As she was too surprised, those two words 'Lu Xi' had slipped out of her mouth.
Speaking of which, although she had known him for a while now, she had always politely and detachedly called him Mr Lu. This was actually the first time she had called him by his name.
Because of this, he was this happy?
Su Jin was a little surprised and baffled at the same time. To have all of his emotions connected and tied to another person like this, what did this feel like? She had always been independent and apathetic. No matter how gentle and polite her looks appeared to be, her heart remained unmoved. Such strong emotions, she could not understand them and also… In her heart, there were slightly faint traces of fear that had seeped in without her knowing.
As she composed herself, she lightly touched the jade pendant that laid upon her chest again and spoke, "this jade pendant…"
"Things that have been given, how could one possibly have it returned." Lu Xi shook his head and did not give her another chance to refuse. He then bid her farewell and turned to leave for his own villa.
As the man's tall figure gradually dissolved into the darkness, Su Jin bit her lips and finally averted her gaze. She then turned to enter her home.
As she went upstairs, coincidentally, she saw a familiar, but unclear, silhouette appear on the balcony of the second floor.
Gege?
She was slightly startled for a bit, then she suddenly thought of that scene during the evening soiree when Ming Xuan had pulled Gege away. In the original work, this birthday soiree was muddled up by Su Jin who felt she had lost everything. Therefore, Su Yue had no chance to b.u.mp into Ming Xuan. Yet now…
Moving a few steps forward, she called out, "Gege."
It was strange that Su Yue had not turned around, and remained hunched as he leaned against the railings with something in his hands which she could not see clearly.
Frowning, Su Jin walked until she stood beside Su Yue and clearly saw what was in Su Yue's hands; to think that it was actually the remaining dregs in a brandy bottle.
Su Yue had lowered his head with an indecipherable look on his face.
"Gege!" Su Jin reached out to lightly shake him as she cried out.
The man seemed to be somewhat aware and raised his head. Shocked, he glanced at the person standing before him for a while. Then, he finally spoke, "so it was Xiao Jin."
His voice was somewhat flat and hoa.r.s.e. This man was usually urbane and unfl.u.s.tered. However, at this moment, his collar was a little messy, it seemed that his tie was forcefully tugged loose, and even the top two b.u.t.tons of his dress s.h.i.+rt were missing.
"Ge, what's wrong?" Frowning, Su Jin asked.
"No, hic…" Su Yue shook his head and hiccuped before he continued, "nothing's wrong."
Nothing's wrong? The frown on Su Jin's forehead deepened, this could be glossed over as everything was right and dandy? She would be a fool to believe that!
"What did Ming Xuan jie say to you?" In a heavy tone, she pressed on.
"Ming Xuan…" Hearing this name, Su Yue seemed to be shocked for a bit and there was a light flicker of light in his inky eyes. "Ming Xuan…"
He mumbled lightly.
"What about Ming Xuan?" Changing her tone into a coaxing one, she lowly encouraged him.
"Ming Xuan said that she was going to be engaged soon."
Engaged?
Su Jin was startled, with Shen Anyan- that man who, through his hard work, lived a life that seemed like a rags-to-riches story?
"She's getting engaged…" Su Yue lowly mumbled, and suddenly loosened his hand on the brandy bottle and the crisp sound of shattering gla.s.s was heard.
Raising her head, Su Jing then realised that the man who covered his eyes with his hands actually showed traces of an indistinct trail of tears that rolled down his face.
Su Yue… was crying?
Su Jin had yet to react. In the novel, Su Yue and Ming Xuan's feelings were hidden and never disclosed. The two had a mutual and tacit understanding of their feelings but it was never revealed due to the two families' standing and background. Shortly after, Ming Xuan married the business development manager of the Ming clan who had joined and taken up the bride's family name.
Shen Anyan was born from the lowest rung of society and yet through his outstanding talent and hard work, had gained a foothold in the city. Su Yue had also married, a woman named Chen Feifei, a well-matched marriage partner from a family of similar status. Although they were not in perfect harmony, they had mutual respect for one another as husband and wife.
The book did not mention this scene so Su Jin was unaware that Su Yue… was once in this sort of agony.
"Gege…" She opened her mouth, yet, she did not know what else to say.
That's true, what else could she do? Even if she was familiar with the direction of the storyline, with Ming Xuan as the only successor to the Ming family, this sort of conundrum could absolutely not be resolved. Moreover, unpredictable changes had long since appeared as soon as she came to this world.
"If Gege wants to cry, then cry." Su Jin lowly spoke as she sighed and reached out to hug the man leaning against the balcony.
Su Yue patted his younger sister's head and a vaguely pained smile curled upon his face. It seemed he had somewhat sobered up. Or perhaps… With alcohol-laden worries, all he needed was a channel to vent out his feelings that had been suppressed for too long.
"In this world, there are eight unpleasant human experiences(1): birth, aging, illness, death, separation from loved ones, a.s.sociation with the ones we hate, the unattainable and the five skandhas(2). He gently closed his eyes and his soft voice lowered, "it was not until today that I truly understood what is called yearning for the unattainable."
(1) bā kǔ (八苦) – This is a phrase referring to an important Buddhist concept of Dukkha. A term found in ancient Indian literature (where it originated from before being popular in ancient Chinese till date), it refers to anything that is uneasy, uncomfortable, unpleasant and difficult that causes pain and sadness. The term has no one word English translation and embodies diverse aspects of human suffering. These eight kinds of suffering are mentioned above.
(2) wǔ yīn chì shèng (五阴炽盛) – This is a phrase referring to a Buddhist concept meaning groupings or aggregates. It refers to the five factors that const.i.tute and explains a sentient being's mental and physical existence. These five aggregates are form or body, sensations or feelings received from the body, perceptions, mental activity and consciousness.
Through purification of all of these five through meditation and virtues, the being transcends to reach a state of realization that there is neither person nor self within and everyone and everything is without self or substantiality and is a cl.u.s.ter of changing and physical and mental processes.
As Su Jin listened to this, she comfortingly spoke, "Gege will meet someone who suits you more."
"Even better suited…" Su Yue was a little astonished and smiled bitterly as he shook his head, "that's right, I will definitely meet someone better suited for me."
Su Jin bit her lips and did not reply.
That's right after all was said and done, he would definitely find someone even better suited for him, but that was not love.
She scarcely realised… That when one had seen the world, he could no longer stop to admire the small things around him(3).
(3) céng jīng cāng hǎi nán wéi shuǐ, chú què wū shān bù shì yún (曾经沧海难为水,除却巫山不是云) – This is a poem that originated from the Tang dynasty by the author, Yuan Zhen who was a renowned poet and writer. In its literal meaning, these important phrases such as 'cang hai' refer to the azure ocean and 'wu shan' refers to the notable Wushan mountain region which stretches 45 kilometres or 28 miles that straddles between two gorges.
The entire phrases depict thus: after crossing the azure ocean once, any other river found elsewhere is no longer worth mentioning. Even after excluding the rosy clouds around the Wushan mountains, clouds elsewhere too would look the same and pale in comparison.
In the poem, the rosy clouds of the Wushan mountains and the ocean refer to the heart's loved one, and the clouds and rivers refer to the other women. Therefore, when one sees their fated person and future wife, all other women would pale in comparison to her brilliance; this also refers to the author or in this case, Su Yue's unwavering love for Ming Xuan.
"It's okay Xiao Jin, Gege is fine." Su Yue patted his younger sister's head and took a step back. With a curl of his lips, he smiled, "it's this late already, go get some rest."
Su Jin attentively stared at him and felt that Su Yue's eyes were clear and bright and no longer had the intoxicated haze that was present a moment ago. Seeing this, she then felt rea.s.sured and nodded her head, "alright, then Gege should sleep early too. You still have work tomorrow."
"I know." Su Yue reached out to poke the tip of her nose, "good night."
"Gege, good night." Su Jin obediently echoed and then turned and left.
"Xiao Jin…"
"Hm?" Su Jin turned her head and looked.
"Although I do not want to have any influence over your choice, I would still like to say," Su Yue pursed his lips as he continued, "Lu Xi truly likes you."
"If you feel the same, then don't be like me and miss the opportunity of your life…"
Like…
The gaze that Su Yue looked at Ming Xuan with… is the same as mine when I look at you.
The words that Lu Xi had spoken at the evening soiree resounded in her head. Su Jin stood blankly for a bit, shook her head and swiftly walked back to her room.
The lights were switched on and the curtains were drawn close.
In contrast, the lights in the room at the opposite villa remained bright and a faint silhouette could be seen sitting in the rocking chair on the balcony.
Su Jin had just finished her ablutions and got on the bed. Gege's words of yearning for the unattainable spun in her head and all of sudden, she inexplicably decided to send a message to the neighbour.
[Good night.]
On the opposite balcony, Lu Xi had coincidentally finished a call with his esteemed mother. He informed her about gifting his own jade pendant away and also made a pledge to ensure that he would definitely secure the young lady of the Su family as her daughter-in-law. Finally appeased, Madam Lu happily ended the call.
At this moment, he gazed at the sudden text that appeared on his phone. He could not help but smile and chuckled to himself for a while. He then replied with a word.
[Night.]
An(4).
(4) ān (安) – It has the meaning of night or good here. This word has many meanings however, Lu Xi is using it in the literal meaning of a good night greeting here and also, a corny way of using its pinyin letters to create an abbreviation of 'ài nǐ' in Chinese, which means, love you.
Love you.
Under the silvery moonlight, the distinctly handsome man who was slouched in the rocking chair had a faint smile on his thin lips and his face was br.i.m.m.i.n.g with happiness. That pair of peach blossom eyes were clear and glittering like all the stars were shattered and collected to collectively s.h.i.+ne in that gaze.
Unfortunately, there was no one to admire this scene.
The young woman who made his face lit up in such radiance had already entered into the dream world after she had received the reply.
In the early hours of the following morning, Su Jin uncharacteristically climbed out of the bed and stood by Su Yue's room door.
As he pushed the door open, Su Yue saw the eyes of the young girl that was still hazy with sleepiness and she was leaning against the wall beside his door. Feeling a warmth in his heart, he lightly chuckled.
To see this little girl appear here this early in the morning, how could he not understand what this meant?
"Gege is fine." Reaching out, he caressed Su Jin's rather disheveled long tresses and spoke in a gentle voice.
Looking carefully at him, Su Jin noticed that the man before her who was dressed in a light grey suit with his ramrod posture had a clear and bright expression which bore none of the traces of the sadness and dispiritedness that were present the day before. Subsequently, her heart recovered its constant unfl.u.s.tered state.
"I see…" Rea.s.sured, she nodded and her gaze followed him as he went downstairs. She was preparing to return to her room for an invigorating nap when the phone suddenly rang.
Frowning, Su Jin lowered her head to stare at it.
[ Xiao Jin, can we chat for a bit?]
It was Ming Xuan.
Translated by irisu-san
Edited by Ely, Th.o.r.n.yan