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CHAPTER V.
But I ought to be hard at work preparing myself for Cambridge. The deuce! how can I? The point in academical education on which I require most preparation is Greek composition. I come to my father, who, one might think, was at home enough in this. But rare indeed it is to find a great scholar who is a good teacher.
My dear father, if one is content to take you in your own way, there never was a more admirable instructor for the heart, the head, the principles, or the taste,--when you have discovered that there is some one sore to be healed, one defect to be repaired; and you have rubbed your spectacles, and got your hand fairly into that recess between your frill and your waistcoat. But to go to you cut and dry, monotonously, regularly, book and exercise in hand; to see the mournful patience with which you tear yourself from that great volume of Cardan in the very honeymoon of possession; and then to note those mild eyebrows gradually distend themselves into perplexed diagonals over some false quant.i.ty or some barbarous collocation, till there steal forth that horrible Papce!
which means more on your lips than I am sure it ever did when Latin was a live language, and Papce a natural and unpedantic e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n!--no, I would sooner blunder through the dark by myself a thousand times than light my rushlight at the lamp of that Phlegethonian Papce!
And then my father would wisely and kindly, but wondrous slowly, erase three fourths of one's pet verses, and intercalate others that one saw were exquisite, but could not exactly see why. And then one asked why; and my father shook his head in despair, and said, "But you ought to feel why!"
In short, scholars.h.i.+p to him was like poetry; he could no more teach it you than Pindar could have taught you how to make an ode. You breathed the aroma, but you could no more seize and a.n.a.lyze it than, with the opening of your naked hand, you could carry off the scent of a rose.
I soon left my father in peace to Cardan and to the Great Book,--which last, by the way, advanced but slowly; for Uncle Jack had now insisted on its being published in quarto, with ill.u.s.trative plates, and those plates took an immense time, and were to cost an immense sum,--but that cost was the affair of the Anti-Publisher Society. But how can I settle to work by myself? No sooner have I got into my room--penitus ab orbe divisus, as I rashly think--than there is a tap at the door. Now it is my mother, who is benevolently engaged upon making curtains to all the windows (a trifling superfluity that Bolt had forgotten or disdained), and who wants to know how the draperies are fas.h.i.+oned at Mr.
Trevanion's,--a pretence to have me near her, and see with her own eyes that I am not fretting; the moment she hears I have shut myself up in my room, she is sure that it is for sorrow. Now it is Bolt, who is making bookshelves for my father, and desires to consult me at every turn, especially as I have given him a Gothic design, which pleases him hugely. Now it is Blanche, whom, in an evil hour, I undertook to teach to draw, and who comes in on tiptoe, vowing she'll not disturb me, and sits so quiet that she fidgets me out of all patience. Now, and much more often, it is the Captain, who wants me to walk, to ride, to fish.
And, by St. Hubert (saint of the chase) bright August comes, and there is moorgame on those barren wolds; and my uncle has given me the gun he shot with at my age,--single-barrelled, flint lock; but you would not have laughed at it if you had seen the strange feats it did in Roland's hands,--while in mine, I could always lay the blame on the flint lock!
Time, in short, pa.s.sed rapidly; and if Roland and I had our dark hours, we chased them away before they could settle,--shot them on the wing as they got up.
Then, too, though the immediate scenery around my uncle's was so bleak and desolate, the country within a few miles was so full of objects of interest,--of landscapes so poetically grand or lovely; and occasionally we coaxed my father from the Cardan, and spent whole days by the margin of some glorious lake.
Amongst these excursions I made one by myself to that house in which my father had known the bliss and the pangs of that stern first-love which still left its scars fresh on my own memory. The house, large and imposing, was shut up,--the Trevanions had not been there for years,--the pleasure-grounds had been contracted into the smallest possible s.p.a.ce. There was no positive decay or ruin,--that Trevanion would never have allowed; but there was the dreary look of absentees.h.i.+p everywhere. I penetrated into the house with the help of my card and half-a-crown. I saw that memorable boudoir,--I could fancy the very spot in which my father had heard the sentence that had changed the current of his life. And when I returned home, I looked with new tenderness on my father's placid brow, and blessed anew that tender helpmate who in her patient love had chased from it every shadow.
I had received one letter from Vivian a few days after our arrival. It had been re-directed from my father's house, at which I had given him my address. It was short, but seemed cheerful. He said that he believed he had at last hit on the right way, and should keep to it; that he and the world were better friends than they had been; that the only way to keep friends with the world was to treat it as a tamed tiger, and have one hand on a crowbar while one fondled the beast with the other. He enclosed me a bank-note, which somewhat more than covered his debt to me, and bade me pay him the surplus when he should claim it as a millionnaire. He gave me no address in his letter, but it bore the postmark of G.o.dalming. I had the impertinent curiosity to look into an old topographical work upon Surrey, and in a supplemental itinerary I found this pa.s.sage: "To the left of the beech wood, three miles from G.o.dalming, you catch a glimpse of the elegant seat of Francis Vivian, Esq." To judge by the date of the work, the said Francis Vivian might be the grandfather of my friend, his namesake. There could no longer be any doubt as to the parentage of this prodigal son.
The long vacation was now nearly over, and all his guests were to leave the poor Captain. In fact, we had made a considerable trespa.s.s on his hospitality. It was settled that I was to accompany my father and mother to their long-neglected Penates, and start thence for Cambridge.
Our parting was sorrowful,--even Mrs. Primmins wept as she shook hands with Bolt. But Bolt, an old soldier, was of course a lady's man. The brothers did not shake hands only,--they fondly embraced, as brothers of that time of life rarely do nowadays, except on the stage. And Blanche, with one arm round my mother's neck and one round mine, sobbed in my ear: "But I will be your little wife, I will." Finally, the fly-coach once more received us all,--all but poor Blanche, and we looked round and missed her.
CHAPTER VI.
Alma Mater! Alma Mater! New-fas.h.i.+oned folks, with their large theories of education, may find fault with thee. But a true Spartan mother thou art: hard and stern as the old matron who bricked up her son Pausanius, bringing the first stone to immure him,--hard and stern, I say, to the worthless, but full of majestic tenderness to the worthy.
For a young man to go up to Cambridge (I say nothing of Oxford, knowing nothing thereof) merely as routine work, to lounge through three years to a degree among the (Greek word),--for such an one Oxford Street herself, whom the immortal Opium-Eater hath so direly apostrophized, is not a more careless and stony-hearted mother. But for him who will read, who will work, who will seize the rare advantages proffered, who will select his friends judiciously,--yea, out of that vast ferment of young idea in its l.u.s.ty vigor choose the good and reject the bad,--there is plenty to make those three years rich with fruit imperishable, three years n.o.bly spent, even though one must pa.s.s over the a.s.s's Bridge to get into the Temple of Honor.
Important changes in the Academical system have been recently announced, and honors are henceforth to be accorded to the successful disciples in moral and natural sciences. By the side of the old throne of Mathesis they have placed two very useful fauteuils a la Voltaire. I have no objection; but in those three years of life it is not so much the thing learned as the steady perseverance in learning something that is excellent.
It was fortunate, in one respect, for me that I had seen a little of the real world,--the metropolitan,--before I came to that mimic one,--the cloistral. For what were called pleasures in the last, and which might have allured me, had I come fresh from school, had no charm for me now. Hard drinking and high play, a certain mixture of coa.r.s.eness and extravagance, made the fas.h.i.+on among the idle when I was at the University, console Planco,--when Wordsworth was master of Trinity; it may be altered now.
But I had already outlived such temptations, and so, naturally, I was thrown out of the society of the idle, and somewhat into that of the laborious.
Still, to speak frankly, I had no longer the old pleasure in books. If my acquaintance with the great world had destroyed the temptation to puerile excesses, it had also increased my const.i.tutional tendency to practical action. And, alas! in spite of all the benefit I had derived from Robert Hall, there were times when memory was so poignant that I had no choice but to rush from the lonely room haunted by tempting phantoms too dangerously fair, and sober Town the fever of the heart by some violent bodily fatigue. The ardor which belongs to early youth, and which it best dedicates to knowledge, had been charmed prematurely to shrines less severely sacred. Therefore, though I labored, it was with that full sense of labor which (as I found at a much later period of life) the truly triumphant student never knows. Learning--that marble image--warms into life, not at the toil of the chisel, but the wors.h.i.+p of the sculptor. The mechanical workman finds but the voiceless stone.
At my uncle's, such a thing as a newspaper rarely made its appearance.
At Cambridge, even among reading men, the newspapers had their due importance. Politics ran high; and I had not been three days at Cambridge before I heard Trevanion's name. Newspapers, therefore, had their charms for me. Trevanion's prophecy about himself seemed about to be fulfilled. There were rumors of changes in the Cabinet. Trevanion's name was bandied to and fro, struck from praise to blame, high and low, as a shuttlec.o.c.k. Still the changes were not made, and the Cabinet held firm. Not a word in the "Morning Post," under the head of "fas.h.i.+onable intelligence," as to rumors that would have agitated me more than the rise and fall of governments; no hint of "the speedy nuptials of the daughter and sole heiress of a distinguished and wealthy commoner:" only now and then, in enumerating the circle of brilliant guests at the house of some party chief, I gulped back the heart that rushed to my lips when I saw the names of Lady Ellinor and Miss Trevanion.
But amongst all that prolific progeny of the periodical Press, remote offspring of my great namesake and ancestor (for I hold the faith of my father), where was the "Literary Times"? What had so long r.e.t.a.r.ded its promised blossoms? Not a leaf in the shape of advertis.e.m.e.nts had yet emerged from its mother earth. I hoped from my heart that the whole thing was abandoned, and would not mention it in my letters home, lest I should revive the mere idea of it. But in default of the "Literary Times" there did appear a new journal, a daily journal too,--a tall, slender, and meagre stripling, with a vast head, by way of prospectus, which protruded itself for three weeks successively at the top of the leading article, with a fine and subtle body of paragraphs, and the smallest legs, in the way of advertis.e.m.e.nts, that any poor newspaper ever stood upon! And yet this attenuated journal had a plump and plethoric t.i.tle,--a t.i.tle that smacked of turtle and venison; an aldermanic, portly, grandiose, Falstaflian t.i.tle: it was called The Capitalist. And all those fine, subtle paragraphs were larded out with recipes how to make money. There was an El Dorado in every sentence. To believe that paper, you would think no man had ever yet found a proper return for his pounds, s.h.i.+llings, and pence; you would turn up your nose at twenty per cent. There was a great deal about Ireland,--not her wrongs, thank Heaven! but her fisheries; a long inquiry what had become of the pearls for which Britain was once so famous; a learned disquisition upon certain lost gold mines now happily re-discovered; a very ingenious proposition to turn London smoke into manure, by a new chemical process; recommendations to the poor to hatch chickens in ovens like the ancient Egyptians; agricultural schemes for sowing the waste lands in England with onions, upon the system adopted near Bedford,--net produce one hundred pounds an acre. In short, according to that paper, every rood of ground might well maintain its man, and every s.h.i.+lling be, like Hobson's money-bag, "the fruitful parent of a hundred more." For three days, at the newspaper room of the Union Club, men talked of this journal: some pished, some sneered, some wondered; till an ill-natured mathematician, who had just taken his degree, and had spare time on his hands, sent a long letter to the "Morning Chronicle," showing up more blunders, in some article to which the editor of "The Capitalist" had specially invited attention, than would have paved the whole island of Laputa. After that time, not a soul read "The Capitalist." How long it dragged on its existence I know not; but it certainly did not die of a maladie de langueur.
Little thought I, when I joined in the laugh against "The Capitalist,"
that I ought rather to have followed it to its grave, in black c.r.a.pe and weepers,--unfeeling wretch that I was! But, like a poet, O "Capitalist"!
thou Overt not discovered and appreciated and prized and mourned till thou Overt dead and buried, and the bill came in for thy monument.
The first term of my college life was just expiring when I received a letter from my mother, so agitated, so alarming,--at first reading so unintelligible,--that I could only see that some great misfortune had befallen us; and I stopped short and dropped on my knees to pray for the life and health of those whom that misfortune more specially seemed to menace; and then, towards the end of the last blurred sentence, read twice, thrice, over,--I could cry, "Thank Heaven, thank Heaven! it is only, then, money after all!"
PART XI.
CHAPTER I.
The next day, on the outside of the "Cambridge Telegraph," there was one pa.s.senger who ought to have impressed his fellow-travellers with a very respectful idea of his lore in the dead languages; for not a single syllable, in a live one, did he vouchsafe to utter from the moment he ascended that "bad eminence" to the moment in which he regained his mother earth. "Sleep," says honest Sancho, "covers a man better than a cloak." I am ashamed of thee, honest Sancho, thou art a sad plagiarist; for Tibullus said pretty nearly the same thing before thee,--
"Te somnus fusco velavit amictu." (1)
But is not silence as good a cloak as sleep; does it not wrap a man round with as offusc and impervious a fold? Silence, what a world it covers,--what busy schemes, what bright hopes and dark fears, what ambition, or what despair! Do you ever see a man in any society sitting mute for hours, and not feel an uneasy curiosity to penetrate the wall he thus builds up between others and himself? Does he not interest you far more than the brilliant talker at your left, the airy wit at your right whose shafts fall in vain on the sullen barrier of the silent man!
Silence, dark sister of Nox and Erebus, how, layer upon layer, shadow upon shadow, blackness upon blackness, thou stretchest thyself from h.e.l.l to heaven, over thy two chosen haunts,--man's heart and the grave!
So, then, wrapped in my great-coat and my silence, I performed my journey; and on the evening of the second day I reached the old-fas.h.i.+oned brick house. How shrill on my ears sounded the bell! How strange and ominous to my impatience seemed the light gleaming across the windows of the hall! How my heart beat as I watched the face of the servant who opened the gate to my summons!
"All well?" cried I.
"All well, sir," answered the servant, cheerfully. "Mr. Squills, indeed, is with master, but I don't think there is anything the matter."
But now my mother appeared at the threshold, and I was in her arms.
"Sisty, Sisty! my dear, dear son--beggared, perhaps--and my fault--mine."
"Yours! Come into this room, out of hearing,--your fault?"
"Yes, yes! for if I had had no brother, or if I had not been led away,--if I had, as I ought, entreated poor Austin not to--"
"My dear, dearest mother, you accuse yourself for what, it seems, was my uncle's misfortune,--I am sure not even his fault! [I made a gulp there.] No, lay the fault on the right shoulders,--the defunct shoulders of that horrible progenitor, William Caxton the printer; for though I don't yet know the particulars of what has happened, I will lay a wager it is connected with that fatal invention of printing. Come, come! my father is well, is he not?"
"Yes, thank Heaven!"
"And I too, and Roland, and little Blanche! Why, then, you are right to thank Heaven, for your true treasures are untouched. But sit down and explain, pray."
"I cannot explain. I do not understand anything more than that he, my brother--mine!--has involved Austin in--in--" (a fresh burst of tears.)
I comforted, scolded, laughed, preached, and adjured in a breath; and then, drawing my another gently on, entered my father's study.
At the table was seated Mr. Squills, pen in hand, and a gla.s.s of his favorite punch by his side. My father was standing on the hearth, a shade more pale, but with a resolute expression on his countenance which was new to its indolent, thoughtful mildness. He lifted his eyes as the door opened, and then, putting his finger to his lips, as he glanced towards my mother, he said gayly, "No great harm done. Don't believe her! Women always exaggerate, and make realities of their own bugbears: it is the vice of their lively imaginations, as Wierus has clearly shown in accounting for the marks, moles, and hare-lips which they inflict upon their innocent infants before they are even born. My dear boy,"
added my father, as I here kissed him and smiled in his face, "I thank you for that smile! G.o.d bless you!" He wrung my hand and turned a little aside.
"It is a great comfort," renewed my father, after a short pause, "to know, when a misfortune happens, that it could not be helped. Squills has just discovered that I have no b.u.mp of cautiousness; so that, craniologically speaking, if I had escaped one imprudence, I should certainly have run my head against another."