George Washington's Rules of Civility Part 6

Chapter vi. 7. Si vous promenez auec vne personne seule dans la maison, & qu'il soil d'vne conditi qui luy fa.s.se meriter quelque deference, des le premier pas de la promenade, ne manquez pas de luy donner la droite: Ne cessez point de marcher, s'il ne vient a s'arrester: Ne changez pas le premier le diuertiss.e.m.e.nt, & en vous tournant, ne luy montrez iamais les epaules; mais tousiours le visage. Si elle est dans vne charge releuee, gardez bien de marcher d'vn pas tout a fait egal; mais suiuez tant soit pen derriere, auec tant de iustesse pourtant & de moderati, qu'elle vous puisse bien parler sans s'incmoder. Si elle vous est egale allez d'un mesme pas tout le long de la promenade, & ne tournez pas tovsiours le premier, a chaque bout de champ; ne faites pas si souuent des pauses au milieu du chemin sans suiet. Car cette liberte ressent sa grandeur & donne du mecontentement. Celuy qui tient le milieu dans vne compagnie dont il est enuironne, si ceux qui la composent, sont egaux, ou presque egaux, il se doit tourner vne fois a droit dans la promenade, & s'ils se rencontrent notablement inegaux, il se doit plus souuent tourner vers le plus qualifie. Enfin que ceux qui l'enuironnent, viennent tousiours a se detourner de son coste & en mesme temps que luy, non point deuant ny apres; puis qu'il est comme le but de la promenade.

If you are walking about the house alone with a person whose rank demands some deference, at the very first step be sure and give him the right hand: Do not stop walking if he does not wish to stop: Be not the first to change the diversion, and, in turning, never show him your shoulder but always your face. If he has a high public appointment take care not to walk quite side by side with him but a very little behind him with so much exactness and moderation that he may be able to speak to you without inconvenience. If he is your equal in rank, keep step with him during the whole walk, and do not always turn first at every end of the walk. Do not stop often midway without reason, such liberty touches his dignity and gives dissatisfaction. He who is the centre of the company by whom he is surrounded ought, if those of whom it consists are equal or nearly equal in rank, always to turn to the right once during the walk, and if they are manifestly unequal, he should oftenest turn towards the most distinguished. Lastly those who are about him should always turn round towards his side and at the same time as he, neither before nor after, as he is, so to say, the object of the walk.

58th. let your conversation be without malice or envy, for 'tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature: & in all causes of pa.s.sion admit reason to govern

Hawkins v. 9. Let thy conversation be without malice or envye, for that is a signe of a tractable and commendable nature. And in all causes of pa.s.sion, admit reason for thy governesse. So shall thy Reputation be either altogether inviolable, or at the least not stayned with common Tinctures.

59th. Never express anything unbecoming, nor Act against the Rules Moral before your inferiours

[Sidenote: Walker: 'A man should not divertise himself with his Inferiors, nor make his Servants privy to his infirmities and failures.']

Hawkins v. 10. Never expresse any thing unbeseeming, nor act against the Rules morall, before thy inferiours, For in these things, thy own guilt will multiply Crimes by example, and as it were, confirme Ill by authority.

60th. Be not immodest in urging your Friends to Discover a Secret

[Sidenote: Hawkins uses the word 'Farce' instead of 'Stuff.']

Hawkins v. 11. Be not immodest in urging thy friend to discover his secrets; lest an accidentall discovery of them work a breach in your amitye.

61st. Utter not base and frivilous things amongst grave and Learn'd Men nor very Difficult Questions or Subjects, among the Ignorant or things hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with Sentences amongst your Betters nor Equals

Chapter vii. 1. dans la conuersation de gents doctes & habiles ne debitez pas des bagatelles, & n'auancez pas des discours trop releuez parmy les ignorants, qu'ils ne soient po[note: word missing here] capables d'entendre, ou qu'ils ne puissent pas croire fort facilement. ne debutez pas toujours par des prouerbes, particulierement parmy vos egaux, & bien moins auec vos superieurs.

ne parlez point de choses a ctr[~e]teps, ou qui puissent choquer les esprits de vos auditeurs. parmy les banquets, & dans les iours de resiouissance ne mettez point sur le tapis de tristes nouuelles, point de recits de rudes calamitez, point d'ordures, point de deshnestetez, point d'afflictions. bien au ctraire si tels discours se trouuent entamez par quelqu'autre, faites vostre possible pour en detourner adroictement la suitte. ne contez iamais vos songes qu'a de vos confidents, & encore que ce soit pour profiter de leur interpretation; vous gardant bien d'y donner aucune croyance.

[Sidenote: Walker says--'nor tell your dreams when perhaps your best waking actions are not worth the reciting.']

When talking with learned and clever men, do not introduce trifles, and do not bring forward too advanced conversation before ignorant people which they cannot understand nor easily believe. Do not always begin with proverbs, especially among your equals, and still less with your superiors. Do not speak of things out of place, or of such as may shock your hearers. At banquets and on days of rejoicing do not bring up sorrowful news or accounts of sad calamities, no filth, nothing improper, nothing afflicting. On the contrary, if such conversation is begun by any one else, do your best adroitly to turn the subject. Never relate your dreams except to your confidants, and then only to profit by their interpretation, taking care not to put the least belief in it.

62d. Speak not of doleful Things in a Time of Mirth or at the Table; Speak not of Melancholy Things as Death and Wounds, and if others Mention them Change if you can the Discourse tell not your Dreams, but to your intimate Friend

_(The substance of Rule 62 is in the French Maxim quoted under the previous Rule (61), beginning with the third sentence, 'Ne parlez point, etc.')_ 63d. A Man ought not to value himself of his Atchievements or rare Qua[lities, his Riches, t.i.t]les Virtue or Kindred[; but he need not speak meanly of himself.]

Chapter vii. 2. Vne personne bien nourrie ne s'amuse iamais a faire parade de ses belles actions, de son esprit, de sa vertu, & de ses autres bonnes & louables qualitez, au ctraire il ne faut iamais s'entretenir auec les autres de sa haute naissance, ou de la n.o.blesse de ses parents, de ses richesses, ny de ses grandeurs, si l'on n'y est contrainct. II ne faut pas aussi se raualler entierement.

A well-bred person never makes parade of his good actions, wit, virtue, and other good and praiseworthy qualities; on the contrary, one ought never to speak with another about his high birth, the n.o.bility of his parents, his wealth or dignities, unless obliged to do so. But one need not efface himself altogether.

64'th Break not a Jest where none take pleasure in mirth Laugh not aloud, nor at all without Occasion, deride no man's Misfortune, tho'

there seem to be Some cause

Chapter vii. 3. Il ne faut pas se mettre sur la raillerie, qud il n'est point temps de solastrer. Gardez-vous bien d'eclater en risees, d'y pa.s.ser les bornes de la bienseance, & de le faire sans un suiet raisonnable, pour suiure l'inclinati qui vous porte a rire. Ne prenez iamais suiet de rire du malheur d'autruy, quoy qu'il semble en quelque facon digne de risee.

Jesting must be avoided when it is out of season. Beware of bursting out into laughter, beyond the limits of decorum, and of doing so without reasonable cause, merely from an inclination to laugh. Never laugh at the misfortunes of others, although they seem in some sort laughable

65th Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion

Chapter vii. 4. Ne donnez iamais de sobriquet, soit dans le jeu, ou bien hors du jeu. Gardez vous bien de picquer qui que ce puisse estre; ne vous mocquez d'aucune personne, particulierement d'entre celles qui sont qualifiees, quoy qu'auec occasion.

Never give nicknames, whether in fun or not. Take care not to hurt anybody, whoever it may be; do not mock any one, especially persons of distinction, although there be occasion.

66th Be not forward but friendly and Courteous; the first to Salute hear and answer & be not Pensive when it's a time to converse.

Chapter vii. 5. Ne vous rendez point morne & de facheux abord; mais affable & prompt a rendre de bons offices, & soyez toujours le premier a saluer. Entendez bien ce que l'on vous dit & y respondez; Ne vous retirez point a l'ecart, quand le deuoir vous engage a la conversation.

Do not be glum and unfriendly of approach; but affable, prompt in rendering kind offices, and always the first to salute. Listen carefully to what is said and respond; do not keep aloof when duty requires you to take a share in the conversation.

67th. Detract not from others neither be excessive in Commending.

Chapter vii. 6. Gardez vous bien de medire d'aucune personne ou de vous entretenir des affaires d'autruy. Et mesme souuenez vous de garder la moderation dans vos louanges.

[Sidenote: Walker says: 'Carry even between adulation and soureness.']

Take care not to speak ill of any one or to gossip of other people's affairs. At the same time do not forget moderation in your praises.

_(Dr. Toner thinks the last word of Rule 67 is written 'Commanding.' Sparks has 'commending.')_ 68th. Go not thither, where you know not, whether you Shall be Welcome or not. Give not Advice whth being Ask'd & when desired do it briefly

Chapter vii. 7. Ne vous ingerez pas dans les entretiens & les consultations, ou vous ne serez pas a.s.seure d'estre le bien venu.

Ne dites iamais vostre aduis des affaires que l'on ne vous l'ait demande, si toutesfois vous n'estes le premier en authorite, & que ce ne soit point a contre-temps, ou sans apparence de quelque auantage. Quand vous en estes prie, abregez vostre discours, & prenez de bonne heure le noeud de l'affaire a demesler.

Do not force yourself into interviews or consultations at which you are not sure of being welcome. Never give your advice on matters when it has not been asked, unless you happen to be the highest in authority; and do not let it be done out of place or without prospect of any benefit. When your opinion is requested, be brief, and reach quickly the knot of the matter under discussion.

69th If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your Opinion, in Things indiferent be of the Major side.

Chapter vii. 8. Si deux personnes out quelque chose a decider ensemble, ne prenez le party ny de l'vn, ny de l'autre, si quelque grde raison ne vous y oblige. Ne soustenez pas vos sentiments auec vne trop grande obstination. Dans les matieres ou les opinis sont libres, prenez tousiours le party qui est le plus appuye.

[Sidenote: Walker says: 'Thrust not your self to be Moderator or Umpire in Controversies, till required']

If two persons have anything to decide between themselves do not take the part of either unless some pressing reason obliges you to do so. Do not maintain your ideas too obstinately. In matters in which opinions are free, always take the side which has the most support.

70th Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to Parents Masters and Superiors.

Chapter vii. 9. Ne faites pas le censeur & le juge des fautes d'autruy, car cela n'appartient qu'aux maistres, aux peres, & a ceux qui out quelque superiorite. Il vous est toutesfois permis de faire paroistre l'auersion que vous en cceuez. Et vous pouuez bien quelquesfois dner aduis avantageux au defaillants.

Do not be the censor and judge of other peoples' faults, for that only belongs to masters, fathers, and those who have some superiority. But it is nevertheless allowable for you to show an aversion you have conceived. And at times you may give advantageous advice to those who are in the wrong.

71st. Gaze not at the marks or blemishes of Others and ask not how they came. What you may Speak in Secret to your Friend deliver not before others