The So-called Human Race Part 35

The King was on the golf links, chopping up the ground; The Queen was in the garden, planting seeds around.

When the King returned, after many wasted hours, "Don't ever say," the Queen exclaimed, "that you are fond of flowers."

Mike Neckyoke drives a taxi in Rhinelander, Wis., and you have only one guess at what he used to drive.

From Philadelphia comes word of the nuptials of Mr. Tunis and Miss Fisch. Tunis, we leapingly conclude, is the masculine form!

We have the card of another chimney sweep, who is "sole agent for wind in chimneys and furnaces." His name is MacDraft, which may be another nom de flume.

The anti-fat brigade may be intrigued to learn that Mr. George Squibb of Wareham, Eng., sought death in the sea at Swanage, but was unable to stay under the water because of his corpulence.

Not long ago a mule broke a leg by kicking a man in the head, and this week a horse broke a leg in the same way; in each case the man was not seriously injured. Is this merely luck, or is evolution modifying the human coco?

More building is the solution of the unemployment problem. The unemployed are never so occupied and contented as when watching the construction of a sky-sc.r.a.per.

Her publishers having announced that Ellen Glasgow has "gone into leather," Keith Preston explains that going into leather is "like receiving the accolade, taking the veil, or joining the American Academy of Arts and Letters." And we suppose that when one goes into ooze leather, or is padded, one may be said to be fini.

A FEW MORE "BEST BAD LINES."

Why leapest thou, Why leapest thou So high within my breast?

Oh, stay thee now, Oh, stay thee now, Thou little bounder, rest!

--Ruskin (at 12).

Something had happened wrong about a bill, Which was not drawn with true mercantile skill, So to amend it I was told to go To seek the firm of Clutterbuck & Co.

--George Crabbe.

But let me not entirely overlook The pleasure gathered from the rudiments Of geometric science.

--Wordsworth.

Israel in ancient days Not only had a view Of Sinai in a blaze, But heard the Gospel too.

--Cowper.

Flashed from his bed the electric message came; He is no better; he is much the same.

--A Cambridge prize poem.

A household hinter advises that "if the thin white curtains blow into the gas and catch fire sew small lead weights into the seams." Before doing this, however, it would be wise to turn in an alarm.

The orchestra was playing too loud to suit the manager, so he complained to the leader. "The pa.s.sage is written in forte," said the latter.

"Well, make it about thirty-five."

SEIZE HIM, SCOUTS!

Sir: I submit for the consideration of the new school of journalism the following, recently perpetrated by an aspiring young journalist: "Information has been received that Mrs. Blank, who was spending a vacation of several weeks in Colorado, was killed in an automobile accident over long distance telephone by her husband."

Calcitrosus.

"THAT'S GOOD."

Sir: A man and three girls were waiting for the bus. The driver slowed up long enough to call, "Full house!" "Three queens!" responded the waiting cit, and turned disgustedly away.

X. T. C.

WHY BANK CLERKS ARE TIRED.

Sir: Voice over the telephone: "Please send me two check books."

B. C.: "Large or small?"

V. o. t. t.: "Well, I don't write such very large checks, but sometimes they amount to a hundred dollars."

Jane.