Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 37

written upon them (see Chapter III.).

Until this intimation has been given, society does not venture to intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning.

Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule.

=Funerals.=--When a death occurs in a family, as soon as the day and hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of the family should write to those relatives and friends it is desired should follow, and should ask them to attend, unless the date, time, and place of the funeral, and the train by which to travel to the cemetery, are mentioned in the newspaper, together with the announcement of the death.

=It is a Mistake to suppose that Friends= will offer to attend a funeral, even if they are aware of the date fixed, as they are naturally in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the family only, or whether friends are to be included also.

=In the Country, when a Doctor= has attended a family for some years, it is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members. In town this is seldom done, unless a medical man is the intimate friend of the family.

In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service, but in town, when the funeral takes place at Kensal Green, Brookwood Cemetery, or elsewhere, a friend of the family is usually asked to officiate; in which case it is necessary to make an early application at the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular hour.

=It is customary for Ladies to attend= the funeral of a relative if disposed to do so, in which case they wear their usual mourning attire, and follow in their own carriages.

=The Doctor's Certificate= as to the cause of death is of primary importance, and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment.

=Memorial Cards should not be sent= on the death of a relative, being quite out of date as regards fas.h.i.+on and custom.

=Wreaths and Crosses= of white flowers are very generally sent by relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral, unless "No flowers, by request" follows the announcement of the death.

When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the friends should be invited to luncheon. When it takes place in the afternoon, they should be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment.

CHAPTER XLIII

ENGAGED

It greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of action accorded to a daughter during her engagement. Some entertain the strictest ideas on this head, and strenuously put them in force.

By "strict ideas" is meant that an engaged couple, except in the presence of a chaperon, are never, under any circ.u.mstances, permitted to enjoy a _tete-a-tete_, sit together, walk together, ride together, or meet during any part of the day.

Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of action for the consideration of parents, neither granting too much nor withholding too much.

=The length of an engagement= determines in most instances the degree of lat.i.tude allowed. If it is to last two months, or even less, it is usual to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society. The circ.u.mstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position of the parents; if wealthy, and a country house is part of their possessions, the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged to his daughter on a visit, or one or two visits, during the engagement.

Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight.

Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her near relatives at all public places of amus.e.m.e.nt.

If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet frequently at the houses of mutual friends; they are sent in to dinner together when dining out.

To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous, and this is precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they should run the gauntlet of general criticism.

=The usual course for engaged couples= to take is to go as little into society as possible during their engagement, and to make the engagement as brief as circ.u.mstances will permit. If from various causes it must of necessity be a long one, the only alternative for an engaged couple is to render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as a mutual understanding will permit.

=When an engagement is first announced=, if the families are not previously acquainted, the father, mother, and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the father and mother of the bride-elect at an early date, to make the acquaintance of the bride and her family, and they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval of the engagement.

The calls should be returned and the letters answered with the least possible delay.

The engagement should be announced to relatives and intimate friends by the mother of the engaged young lady, and if the announcement is to appear in the papers it should be sent by her.

The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the bridegroom to act as bridesmaids in conjunction with her own sisters and cousins.

When an engagement is broken off, all letters and presents should be returned on both sides.

All wedding presents received by the bride-elect should be likewise returned to the donors.

The mother of the bride should announce to all whom it may concern, the fact that the engagement is at an end.

CHAPTER XLIV

SILVER WEDDINGS

The German custom of celebrating Silver Weddings has become thoroughly recognised in this country. It is an interesting custom to celebrate the first twenty-five years of married life under the poetic t.i.tle of a Silver Wedding, but those who can do so must be for many reasons the few, rather than the many; Royal personages, and distinguished and prominent ones for instance, and again, those in humbler walks of life "far from the madding crowd," are also inclined to do so; but the "crowd" that divides them, formed of different cla.s.ses and different sets in society, will hardly avail itself of the opportunity of celebrating this period of married life. Husbands as a rule dislike the fuss and parade and prominency it entails, and wives are disinclined to announce to their friends and acquaintances that they have been married five and twenty years, and are consequently not so young as they were.

=The entertainments given to celebrate a Silver Wedding= are: An afternoon reception and a dinner-party. A dinner-party followed by an evening-party. A dinner-party followed by a dance. Or a dinner-party only, of some twenty or thirty covers.

The invitations are issued on "at home" cards some three weeks beforehand, the cards being printed in silver, and the words "Mr. and Mrs. White at home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding" printed on them, with day and date, etc. The dinner cards should also be printed in silver, with the words "Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure of Mr.

and Mrs. Black's company at dinner to celebrate their Silver Wedding,"

etc.

For a dance the invitations should be worded "Mr. and Mrs. White at home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding." "Dancing" printed in the corner of the card.

=Each person invited= is expected to send a present in silver, costly or trifling as the case may be, whether the invitation is accepted or not.

These presents should be exhibited in the drawing-room on the day of the Silver Wedding with a card attached to each bearing the name of the giver.

At the afternoon reception the husband and wife receive the congratulations of their friends as they arrive. They enter the tea-room together almost immediately afterwards followed by those guests who have arrived. Refreshments are served as at an afternoon wedding tea. (See page 143.) A large wedding-cake is placed in the centre of the table, and the wife makes the first cut in it as a bride would do. The health of the husband and wife is then proposed by one of the guests, drunk in champagne, and responded to by the husband.

At the dinner-party the husband and wife go in to dinner together, followed by their guests, who are sent in according to precedency. The health of the husband and wife is proposed at dessert and responded to.