The History of John Bull Part 11

LEWIS BABOON.--Just as much as you have to do with the affairs of Lord Strutt.

JOHN BULL.--Ay, but my trade, my very being was concerned in that.

LEWIS BABOON.--And my interest was concerned in the other. But let us drop both our pretences; for I believe it is a moot point, whether I am more likely to make a Master Bull, or you a Lord Strutt.

JOHN BULL.--Agreed, old boy; but then I must have security that I shall carry my broadcloth to market, old boy.

LEWIS BABOON.--That you shall: Ecclesdown Castle! Ecclesdown! Remember that. Why wouldst thou not take it when it was offered thee some years ago?

JOHN BULL.--I would not take it, because they told me thou wouldst not give it me.

LEWIS BABOON.--How could Monsieur Bull be so grossly abused by downright nonsense? they that advised you to refuse, must have believed I intended to give, else why would they not make the experiment? But I can tell you more of that matter than perhaps you know at present.

JOHN BULL.--But what say'st thou as to the Esquire, Nic. Frog, and the rest of the tradesmen? I must take care of them.

LEWIS BABOON.--Thou hast but small obligations to Nic. to my certain knowledge: he has not used me like a gentleman.

JOHN BULL.--Nic. indeed is not very nice in your punctilios of ceremony; he is clownish, as a man may say: belching and calling of names have been allowed him time out of mind, by prescription: but, however, we are engaged in one common cause, and I must look after him.

LEWIS BABOON.--All matters that relate to him, and the rest of the plaintiff's in this lawsuit, I will refer to your justice.

CHAPTER XIX. Nic. Frog's letter to John Bull: wherein he endeavours to vindicate all his conduct, with relation to John Bull and the lawsuit.

Nic. perceived now that his Cully had eloped, that John intended henceforth to deal without a broker; but he was resolved to leave no stone unturned to cover his bubble. Amongst other artifices he wrote a most obliging letter, which he sent him printed in a fair character.

"DEAR FRIEND,--When I consider the late ill-usage I have met with from you, I was reflecting what it was that could provoke you to it, but upon a narrow inspection into my conduct, I can find nothing to reproach myself with but too partial a concern for your interest. You no sooner set this composition afoot but I was ready to comply, and prevented your very wishes; and the affair might have been ended before now, had it not been for the greater concerns of Esquire South and the other poor creatures embarked in the same common cause, whose safety touches me to the quick. You seemed a little jealous that I had dealt unfairly with you in money-matters, till it appeared by your own accounts that there was something due to me upon the balance. Having nothing to answer to so plain a demonstration, you began to complain as if I had been familiar with your reputation; when it is well known not only I, but the meanest servants in my family, talk of you with the utmost respect. I have always, as far as in me lies, exhorted your servants and tenants to be dutiful; not that I any way meddle in your domestic affairs, which were very unbecoming for me to do. If some of your servants express their great concern for you in a manner that is not so very polite, you ought to impute it to their extraordinary zeal, which deserves a reward rather than a reproof. You cannot reproach me for want of success at the 'Salutation,' since I am not master of the pa.s.sions and interests of other folks. I have beggared myself with this lawsuit, undertaken merely in complaisance to you; and if you would have had but a little patience, I had still greater things in reserve, that I intended to have done for you. I hope what I have said will prevail with you to lay aside your unreasonable jealousies, and that we may have no more meetings at the 'Salutation,' spending our time and money to no purpose. My concern for your welfare and prosperity almost makes me mad. You may be a.s.sured I will continue to be

"Your affectionate

"Friend and Servant,

"Nic. Frog."*

* Substance of the States letter.

John received this with a good deal of sang-froid; "Transeat," quoth John, "c.u.m caeteris erroribus." He was now at his ease; he saw he could now make a very good bargain for himself, and a very safe one for other folks. "My s.h.i.+rt," quoth he, "is near me, but my skin is nearer. Whilst I take care of the welfare of other folks, n.o.body can blame me to apply a little balsam to my own sores. It's a pretty thing, after all, for a man to do his own business; a man has such a tender concern for himself, there's nothing like it. This is somewhat better, I trow, than for John Bull to be standing in the market, like a great dray-horse, with Frog's paws upon his head. What will you give me for this beast? Serviteur Nic. Frog, though John Bull has not read your Aristotles, Platos, and Machiavels, he can see as far into a mill-stone as another." With that John began to chuckle and laugh till he was like to have burst his sides.

CHAPTER XX. The discourse that pa.s.sed between Nic. Frog and Esquire South, which John Bull overheard.*

* Negotiations between the Emperor and the Dutch for continuing the war, and getting the property of Flanders.

John thought every minute a year till he got into Ecclesdown Castle; he repairs to the "Salutation" with a design to break the matter gently to his partners. Before he entered he overheard Nic. and the Esquire in a very pleasant conference.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Oh, the ingrat.i.tude and injustice of mankind! That John Bull, whom I have honoured with my friends.h.i.+p and protection so long, should flinch at last, and pretend that he can disburse no more money for me! that the family of the Souths, by his sneaking temper, should be kept out of their own!

NIC. FROG.--An't like your wors.h.i.+p, I am in amaze at it; I think the rogue should be compelled to his duty.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--That he should prefer his scandalous pelf, the dust and dregs of the earth, to the prosperity and grandeur of my family!

NIC. FROG.--Nay, he is mistaken there, too; for he would quickly lick himself whole again by his vails. It's strange he should prefer Philip Baboon's custom to Esquire South's.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--As you say, that my clothier, that is to get so much by the purchase, should refuse to put me in possession; did you ever know any man's tradesman serve him so before?

NIC. FROG.--No, indeed, an't please your wors.h.i.+p, it is a very unusual proceeding; and I would not have been guilty of it for the world. If your honour had not a great stock of moderation and patience, you would not bear it so well as you do.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--It is most intolerable, that's certain, Nic., and I will be revenged.

NIC. FROG.--Methinks it is strange that Philip Baboon's tenants do not all take your honour's part, considering how good and gentle a master you are.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--True, Nic., but few are sensible of merit in this world.

It is a great comfort to have so faithful a friend as thyself in so critical a juncture.

NIC. FROG.--If all the world should forsake you, be a.s.sured Nic. Frog never will; let us stick to our point, and we'll manage Bull, I'll warrant ye.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Let me kiss thee, dear Nic.; I have found one honest man among a thousand at last.

NIC. FROG.--If it were possible, your honour has it in your power to wed me still closer to your interest.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Tell me quickly, dear Nic.

NIC. FROG.--You know I am your tenant; the difference between my lease and an inheritance is such a trifle as I am sure you will not grudge your poor friend. That will be an encouragement to go on; besides, it will make Bull as mad as the devil: you and I shall be able to manage him then to some purpose.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Say no more; it shall be done, Nic., to thy heart's content.

John all this while was listening to this comical dialogue, and laughed heartily in his sleeve at the pride and simplicity of the Esquire, and the sly roguery of his friend Nic. Then of a sudden bolting into the room, he began to tell them that he believed he had brought Lewis to reasonable terms, if they would please to hear them.

Then they all bawled out aloud, "No composition: long live Esquire South and the Law!" As John was going to proceed, some roared, some stamped with their feet, others stopped their ears with their fingers.

"Nay, gentlemen," quoth John, "if you will but stop proceeding for a while, you shall judge yourselves whether Lewis's proposals* are reasonable."

* Proposals for cessation of arms and delivery of Dunkirk.

ALL.--Very fine, indeed; stop proceeding, and so lose a term.

JOHN BULL.--Not so neither; we have something by way of advance: he will put us in possession of his Manor and Castle of Ecclesdown.

NIC. FROG.--What dost talk of us? thou meanest thyself.

JOHN BULL.--When Frog took possession of anything, it was always said to be for us, and why may not John Bull be us as well as Nic. Frog was us?

I hope John Bull is no more confined to singularity than Nic. Frog; or, take it so, the constant doctrine that thou hast preached up for many years was that thou and I are one; and why must we be supposed two in this case, that were always one before? It's impossible that thou and I can fall out, Nic.; we must trust one another. I have trusted thee with a great many things--prithee trust me with this one trifle.

NIC. FROG.--That principle is true in the main, but there is some speciality in this case that makes it highly inconvenient for us both.

JOHN BULL.--Those are your jealousies, that the common enemies sow between us: how often hast thou warned me of those rogues, Nic., that would make us mistrustful of one another!