Innocent : her fancy and his fact Part 8

"I will not cry," she said,--"I will not fret. I promise you, Dad!"

She came close up to him as she spoke. He took her gently in his arms and kissed her.

"That's a brave girl!" And holding her by the hand he drew her towards the open window--"Look out there! See how the stars s.h.i.+ne! Always the same, no matter what happens to us poor folk down here,--they twinkle as merrily over our graves as over our gardens,--and yet if we're to believe what we're taught nowadays, they're all worlds more or less like our own, full of living creatures that suffer and die like ourselves. It's a queer plan of the Almighty, to keep on making wonderful and beautiful things just to destroy them! There seems no sense in it!"

He sat down again in his chair, and she, obeying his gesture, brought a low stool to his feet and settled herself upon it, leaning against his knee. Her face was upturned to his and the flickering light of the tall candles quivering over it showed the wistful tender watchfulness of its expression--a look which seemed to trouble him, for he avoided her eyes.

"You want to know what the London doctor said," he began. "Well, child, you'll not be any the better for knowing, but it's as I thought. I've got my death-warrant. Slowton was not sure about me,--but this man, ill as he is himself, has had too much experience to make mistakes. There's no cure for me. I may last out another twelve months--perhaps not so long--certainly not longer."

He saw her cheeks grow white with the ashy whiteness of a sudden shock.

Her eyes dilated with pain and fear, and a quick sigh escaped her, then she set her lips hard.

"I don't believe it," she said, adding with stronger emphasis--"I WON'T believe it!"

He patted the small hand that rested on his knee.

"You won't? Poor little girl, you must believe it!--and more than that, you must be prepared for it. Even a year's none too much for all that has to be done,--'twill almost take me that time to look the thing square in the face and give up the farm for good."--Here he paused with a kind of horror at his own words--"Give up the farm!--My G.o.d! And for ever! How strange it seems!"

The tumult in her mind found sudden speech.

"Dad, dear! Dad! It isn't true! Don't think it! Don't mind what the doctor says. He's wrong--I'm sure he's wrong! You'll live for many and many a happy year yet--oh yes, Dad, you will! I'm sure of it! You won't die, darling Dad! Why should you?"

She broke off with a half-smothered sob.

"Why should I?" he said, with a perplexed frown; "Ah!--that's more than I can tell you! There's neither rhyme nor reason in it that I can see.

But it's the rule of life that it should end in death. For some the end is swift--for some it's slow--some know when it's coming--some don't,--the last are the happiest. I've been told, you see,--and it's no use my fighting against the fact,--a year at the most, perhaps less, is the longest term I have of Briar Farm. Your eyes are wet--you promised you wouldn't cry."

She furtively dashed away the drops that were s.h.i.+ning on her lashes.

Then she forced a faint quivering smile.

"I'm not crying, Dad," she said. "There's nothing to cry for," and she fondled his hand in her own--"The doctors are wrong. You're only a little weak and run down--you'll be all right with rest and care--and--and you shan't die! You shan't die! I won't let you."

He drew a long breath and pa.s.sed his hand across his forehead as though he were puzzled or in pain.

"That's foolish talk," he said, with some harshness; "You've got trouble to meet, and you must meet it. I'm bound to show you trouble--but I can show you a way out of it as well."

He paused a moment,--a light wind outside the lattice swayed a branch of roses to and fro, shaking out their perfume as from a swung censer.

"The first thing I must tell you," he went on, "is about yourself. It's time you should know who you are."

She looked up at him startled.

"Who I am?" she repeated,--then as she saw the stern expression on his face a sudden sense of fear ran through her nerves like the chill of an icy wind and she waited dumbly for his next word. He gripped her hand hard in his own.

"Now hear me out, child!" he said--"Let me speak on without interruption, or I shall never get through the tale. Perhaps I ought to have told you before, but I've put it off and put it off, thinking 'twould be time enough when you and Robin were wed. You and Robin--you and Robin!--your marriage bells have rung through my brain many and many a night for the past two years and never a bit nearer are you to the end of your wooing, such fanciful children as you both are! And you're so long about it and I've so short a time before me that I've made up my mind it's best to let you have all the truth about yourself before anything happens to me. All the truth about yourself--as far as I know it."

He paused again. She was perfectly silent. She trembled a little--wondering what she was going to hear. It must be something dreadful, she thought,--something for which she was unprepared,--something that might, perhaps, like a sudden change in the currents of the air, create darkness where there had been suns.h.i.+ne, storm instead of calm. His grip on her hand was strong enough to hurt her, but she was not conscious of it. She only wished he would tell her the worst at once and quickly. The worst,--for she instinctively felt there was no best.

"It was eighteen years ago this very haymaking time," he went on, with a dreamy retrospective air as though he were talking to himself,--"The last load had been taken in. Supper was over. The men had gone home,--Priscilla was clearing the great hall, when there came on a sudden storm--just a flash of lightning--I can see it now, striking a blue fork across the windows--a clap of thunder--and then a regular downpour of rain. Heavy rain, too,--buckets-full--for it washed the yard out and almost swamped the garden. I didn't think much about it,--the hay was hauled in dry, and that was all my concern. I stood under a shed in the yard and watched the rain falling in straight sheets out of a sky black as pitch--I could scarcely see my own hand if I stretched it out before me, the night was so dark. All at once I heard the quick gallop of a horse's hoofs some way off,--then the sound seemed to die away,--but presently I heard the hoofs coming at a slow steady pace down our muddy old by-road--no one can gallop THAT, in any weather. And almost before I knew how it came there, the horse was standing at the farmyard gate, with a man in the saddle carrying a bundle in front of him. He was the handsomest fellow I ever saw, and when he dismounted and came towards me, and took off his cap in the pouring rain and smiled at me, I was fairly taken with his looks. I thought he must be something of a king or other great personage by his very manner. 'Will you do me a kindness?' he said, as gently as you please. 'This is a farm, I believe. I want to leave my little child here in safe keeping for a night. She is such a baby,--I cannot carry her any further through this storm.' And he put aside the wrappings of the bundle he carried and showed me a small pale infant asleep. 'She's motherless,' he added, 'and I'm taking her to my relatives. But I have to ride some distance from here on very urgent business, and if you will look after her for to-night I'll call for her to-morrow. Poor little innocent! She's hungry and fretful. I haven't anything to give her and the storm looks like continuing. Will you let her stay with you?' 'Certainly!' said I, without thinking a bit further about it.

'Leave her here by all means. We'll see she gets all she wants.' He gave me the child at once and said in a very soft voice: 'You are most generous!--"verily I have not found so great a faith, no not in Israel!" You're sure you don't mind?' 'Not at all!' I answered him,--'You'll come back for her to-morrow, of course.' He smiled and said--'Oh yes, of course! To-morrow! I'm really very much obliged to you!' Then he seemed to think for a moment and put his hand in his pocket, but I stopped him--'No, sir,' I said, 'excuse me, but I don't want any pay for giving a babe a night's shelter.' He looked at me very straight with his big clear hazel eyes, and then shook hands with me.

'You're an honest fellow,' he said,--and he stooped and kissed the child he had put into my arms. 'I'm extremely sorry to trouble you, but the storm is too much for this helpless little creature.' 'You yourself are wet through,' I interrupted. 'That doesn't matter,' he answered,--'for me nothing matters. Thank you a thousand times!

Good-night!' The rain was coming down faster than ever and I stepped back into the shed, covering the child up so that the drifting wet should not beat upon it. He came after me and kissed it again, saying 'Good-night, poor little innocent, good-night!' three or four times.

Then he went off quickly and sprang into his saddle and in the blur of rain I saw horse and man turn away. He waved his hand once and his handsome pale face gleamed upon me like that of a ghost in the storm.

'Till to-morrow!' he called, and was gone. I took the child into the house and called Priscilla. She was always a rough one as you know, even in her younger days, and she at once laid her tongue to with a will and as far as she dared called me a fool for my pains. And so I was, for when I came to think of it the man was a stranger to me, and I had never asked him his name. It was just his handsome face and the way he had with him that had thrown me off my guard as it were; so I stood and looked silly enough, I suppose, while Priscilla fussed about with the baby, for it had wakened and was crying. Well!"--and Jocelyn heaved a short sigh--"That's about all! We never saw the man again, and the child was never claimed; but every six months I received a couple of bank-notes in an envelope bearing a different postmark each time, with the words: 'For Innocent' written inside--"

She uttered a quick, almost terrified exclamation, and drew her hand away from his.

"Every six months for a steady twelve years on end," he went on,--"then the money suddenly stopped. Now you understand, don't you? YOU were the babe that was left with me that stormy night; and you've been with me ever since. But you're not MY child. I don't know whose child you are!"

He stopped, looking at her.

She had risen from her seat beside him and was standing up. She was trembling violently, and her face seemed changed from the round and mobile softness of youth to the worn pallor and thinness of age. Her eyes were luminous with a hard and feverish brilliancy.

"You--you don't know whose child I am!" she repeated,--"I am not yours--and you don't know--you don't know who I belong to! Oh, it hurts me!--it hurts me, Dad! I can't realise it! I thought you were my own dear father!--and I loved you!--oh, how much I loved you!--yet you have deceived me all along!"

"I haven't deceived you," he answered, impatiently. "I've done all for the best--I meant to tell you when you married Robin--"

A flush of indignation flew over her cheeks.

"Marry Robin!" she exclaimed--"How could I marry Robin? I'm nothing!

I'm n.o.body! I have not even a name!"

She covered her face with her hands and an uncontrollable sob broke from her.

"Not even a name!" she murmured--"Not even a name!"

With a sudden impulsive movement she knelt down in front of him like a child about to say its prayers.

"Oh, help me, Dad!" she said, piteously--"Comfort me! Say something--anything! I feel so lost--so astray! All my life seems gone!--I can't realise it! Yes, I know! You have been very kind,--all kindness, just as if I had been your own little girl. Oh, why did you tell me I was your own?--I was so proud to be your daughter--and now--it's so hard--so hard! Only a few moments ago I was a happy girl with a loving father as I thought--now I know I'm only a poor nameless creature,--deserted by my parents and left on your hands. Oh, Dad dear!

I've given you years of trouble!--I hope I've been good to you! It's not my fault that I am what I am!"

He laid his wrinkled hand on her bowed head.

"Dear child, of course it's not your fault! That's what I've said all along. You're innocent, like your name,--and you've been a blessing to me all your days,--the farm has been brighter for your living on it,--so you've no cause to worry me or yourself about what's past long ago and can't be helped. No one knows your story but Priscilla,--no one need ever know."

She sprang up from her kneeling att.i.tude.

"Priscilla!" she echoed--"She knew, and she never said a word!"

"If she had, she'd have got the sack," answered Jocelyn, bluntly. "You were brought up always as MY child."

He broke off, startled by the tragic intensity of her look.

"I want to know how that was," she said, slowly. "You told me my mother died when I was born."

He avoided her eyes.

"Well, that was true, or so I suppose," he said. "The man who brought you said you were motherless. But I--I have never married."