Cobwebs from an Empty Skull - LightNovelsOnl.com
You're reading novel online at LightNovelsOnl.com. Please use the follow button to get notifications about your favorite novels and its latest chapters so you can come back anytime and won't miss anything.
F.--Speak to your guest of symptomatic diagnosis. If he is an angel, he will not resent it.
III.
SOLDIER (_reading from "Napier"_).--"Who would not rather be buried by an army upon the field of battle than by a s.e.xton in a church-yard!"
FOOL.--I give it up.
S.--I am not aware that any one has asked you for an opinion.
F.--I am not aware that I have given one: there is a happiness yet in store for you.
S.--I will revel in antic.i.p.ation.
F.--You must revel somehow; without revelry there would be no soldiering.
S.--Idiot.
F.--I beg your pardon: I had thought your profession had at least taught you to call people by their proper t.i.tles. In the service of mankind I hold the rank of Fool.
S.--What, ho! without there! Let the trumpets sound!
F.--I beg you will not.
S.--True; you beg: I will not.
F.--But why rob when stealing is more honourable?
S.--Consider the compet.i.tion.
FOOL.--Sir Cut-throat, how many orphans have you made to-day?
SOLDIER.--The devil an orphan! Have you a family?
F.--Put up your iron; I am the last of my race.
S.--How? No more fools?
F.--Not one, so help me! They have all gone to the wars.
S.--And why, pray, have _you_ not enlisted?
F.--I should be no fool if I knew.
FOOL.--You are somewhat indebted to me.
SOLDIER.--I do not acknowledge your claim. Let us submit the matter to arbitration.
F.--The only arbiter whose decision you respect is on your own side.
S.--You allude to my sword, the most impartial of weapons: it cuts both ways.
F.--And each way is peculiarly objectionable to your opponent.
S.--But for what am I indebted to you?
F.--For existence: the prevalence of me has made you possible.
S.--The benefit is not conspicuous; were it not for your quarrels, I should enjoy a quant.i.ty of elegant leisure.
F.--As a clodhopper.
S.--I should at least hop my clods in a humble and Christian spirit; and if some other fellow did did not so hop his--! I say no more.
F.--You have said enough; there would be war.
SOLDIER.--Why wear a cap and bells?
FOOL.--I hasten to crave pardon, and if spared will at once exchange them.
S.--For what?
F.--A helmet and feather.
S.--G "hang a calf-skin on those recreant limbs."
F.--'T is only wisdom should be bound in calf.
S.--Why?
F.--Because wisdom is the veal of which folly is the matured beef.
S.--Then folly should be garbed in cow-skin?
F.--Aye, that it might the more speedily appear for what it is--the naked truth.
S.--How should it?
