Charles Bukowski: Locked in the Arms of a Crazy Life Part 13

'Why do you let yourself be pushed by this kind of s.h.i.+t, you idiot?'

'I've told you a thousand times to leave. You won't leave,' said Bukowski. He said he was going to get a Jewish attorney to throw her out. It would happen so fast she would feel her a.s.s was skinned. Linda Lee smirked at that. 'She thinks I don't have the guts,' Bukowski told Schroeder, who was still filming. 'She thinks I can't live without her ... You think you're the last woman on Earth that I can get?'

'I hadn't thought about it.'

'Yeah, well, you better start thinking.' He was ready to turn her over to the next fellow and he wouldn't be the least bit jealous, being sick and tired of her 'Meher Baba bulls.h.i.+t' and her staying out every night.

Linda Lee protested that she did not stay out every night. 'I don't want you to give these people that impression because it's not true.'

'What a f.u.c.kin' hunk of phony s.h.i.+t you are,' he said, menacingly. 'I hate liars. You lied right into their faces, you c.u.n.t.' She had been out past midnight, several nights running: 5.30 a.m. one night, 3.30 a.m. another. The night before last she came home at 2.01 in the morning.

'Why are you so offended by me doing something else?'

'I don't want a woman out six nights a week after 2 a.m. I don't care what the reasons ... The month of May you were out fifteen nights past midnight.' She couldn't help but laugh. 'That's true; the calendar is marked,' he said.

'So what?'

'So what? This is why I am going to get an attorney to get you off my a.s.s.'

'Why are you offended by me doing something else?'

'I live with a woman, or she lives with me. She doesn't live with other people.'

'I do live with other people, and I'm going to for the rest of my life.'

Something snapped in Bukowski when she said that. Moving slowly, but with deliberate violence, he swung his legs onto the sofa and kicked her.

'You f.u.c.king c.u.n.t,' he snarled, his face pushed towards hers. 'You think you can walk out on me every f.u.c.king night? You f.u.c.king wh.o.r.e! You b.i.t.c.h! Who do you think that I am?' he asked. Then he swung at her. 'You f.u.c.king s.h.i.+t ...'

In the morning, Bukowski had no memory of what had happened, and Linda Lee says he was contrite when she told him. 'I remember thinking afterwards, everybody is going to think this is the way we live our life: he beats me and this and that. I swear he never had before and he never did again.' Linda Lee says she thinks Bukowski's outburst was funny, and believes she was made powerful by it. 'I mean, it's humiliating but also, in a way, it's so good, it's so real.'

While Barbet Schroeder was making his doc.u.mentary, and struggling to get the money together to make Barfly, the Italian director Marco Ferreri, best known for making La Grand Bouffe, secured the rights to several stories from Erections, e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns, Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness. He raised the money in Europe and the American actor Ben Gazzara signed on for the lead part as the Bukowski-like poet, Charles Serking.

The film, Tales of Ordinary Madness, would be based primarily on Bukowski's The Most Beautiful Woman in Town, a short story about a prost.i.tute who mutilates herself and then commits suicide. Ferreri also wanted to use Animal Crackers in my Soup which Bukowski had written for the soft p.o.r.n magazine, Adam. The heroine of the story has s.e.x with a tiger and Ferreri and Gazzara met with an actress to discuss the possibility of filming with a real tiger. Ferreri said they could use gla.s.s to protect her. 'It was the most amusing dinner I ever had,' says Gazzara. 'She was sitting there taking it very seriously, until Marco said it was too much trouble.'

Bukowski was unhappy that Ferreri began work before paying him his money remarking in a letter to John Martin that even Hitler hadn't trusted the Italians but had mellowed by the time the crew came to Los Angeles, and met Ben Gazzara for a drink.

'I'm really disappointed; you have gone up-scale, Buk,' said Gazzara when he saw Bukowski and Linda Lee had brought bottles of good French wine with them to his hotel room.

'Well, I made a little money, Ben,' said Bukowski. 'I thought I'd live well.'

'I think he was proud that we were making a film about him, but low-key proud,' says Gazzara. 'He had this sardonic sense of humor that precluded his gus.h.i.+ng about anything. But I think he was excited by it.'

The US premiere of Tales of Ordinary Madness was held at the Encore Theater in Hollywood on a wet evening in 1981. Bukowski sat at the back drinking from a bottle in a brown paper bag as he watched the Gazzara character giving a poetry reading whilst wearing dark gla.s.ses a bad beginning, in Bukowski's opinion and drinking out of a bottle in a brown paper bag. Serking molests a twelve-year-old girl before having s.e.x with a blonde played by actress Susan Tyrell. (Gazzara says that as he was carrying Tyrell to the bed to be whipped and raped, she whispered in his ear: 'My father's a minister, wait until he sees this picture!') Bizarre scenes follow with the m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic character of the prost.i.tute harming herself in various ways, including putting a safety pin through her v.a.g.i.n.a. At one stage, she lies across Gazzara's bed, enticing him to join her, but he carries on writing.

'If that were me, I would have stopped typing long ago,' Bukowski heckled from the back of the theater, adding that he had never seen a rooming house so clean (the interiors were far from authentic having been filmed in a studio outside Rome, Italy).

'Shhh,' hissed a member of the audience.

'Hey, I'm the guy they made the movie about. I can say anything I want!'

'Shut up!'

'You shut up!'

Bukowski thought Ben Gazzara totally wrong for the part, referring to him mockingly as 'Ben Garabaldi' (sic) and later writing that he had 'appealing eyes like a constipated man sitting on the pot straining to c.r.a.p.' Lawrence Ferlinghetti, who had sold the film rights to Ferreri, agreed. 'The trouble was [Gazzara] was too good-looking. They should have had a really ugly hero and then the film would have really made it. But the producers didn't have the nerve to do that. They had to go for the Hollywood approach. It could have been a great film if they had a real Quasimodo-type playing Bukowski.' Gazzara defends himself by saying he was not trying to play Bukowski, 'not having lived with him to study his mannerisms. I had to invent my own. I didn't go for putting the pock-marks in the skin and doing the make-up to uglify. I thought the important thing was the artist, the interior man.'

The stories used as the basis for Tales of Ordinary Madness are not among Bukowski's best work, being the sensationalist stuff he wrote for the underground press and p.o.r.nographic magazines when he was short of money, and the Italian director also had difficulty with American material. The press unanimously agreed the film was a non-starter. 'By turns repellent, naive and risible,' reported Sight and Sound. 'They just dismissed the picture out of hand,' says Gazzara. 'n.o.body came, reviews were bad, and that was it.' The movie did reasonably well in Europe, however, particularly in Paris where it opened in six theaters with queues around the block.

After the premiere, Bukowski and a small entourage trailed along Melrose Avenue. Drunk and tired of being followed around, he walked out into traffic and shouted: 'Hey, I thought you guys would follow me wherever I go!'

They went into a bar where he baited a group of men: 'Look at the faaaags,' drawing the word out to be as insulting as possible. Later, at Dan Tana's restaurant, he told the maitre d' he had an 'empty face'.

Driving back to San Pedro that night, Bukowski was stopped by the police, ordered to get out of the BMW and lay face-down on the road while they put handcuffs on him. It was raining. His clothes were getting soaked and, when he looked up at the cops, rain splashed into his eyes.

earlier that night I had attended the opening of a movie which portrayed the life of a drunken poet: me.

this then was my critical review of their effort.

('the star') The arrest didn't bother him unduly. In Los Angeles, drunk drivers were sent to 'alcohol studies' cla.s.s and given a diploma if they completed the course. Bukowski already had one diploma, framed and hanging on the wall as a joke.

His behavior after the premiere, and when he kicked Linda Lee off the sofa, appears to be that of an out-of-control alcoholic, a man in need of help, but Linda Lee completely rejects this perception of Bukowski's drinking. She says he was a 'smart drunk' and adds that he did not think of himself as an alcoholic because, however much he drank, and whatever he did when he was drunk, he always got up the next day and worked, even if he didn't get up until noon. 'I know a lot of alcoholics, but Hank remained prolific. I don't call that alcoholism. I think alcoholism is when you drink and you can't do anything anymore.'

It's certainly true that he remained productive. Apart from the Barfly screenplay, Bukowski quickly completed the text for the travelogue, Shakespeare Never Did This. He was working on a new novel, and Black Sparrow published a new anthology of his poetry.

Play the Piano Drunk/Like a Percussion Instrument/Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit is an off-putting t.i.tle for a book, but this 1979 anthology includes some of Bukowski's best and most unusual poetry, great work like 'blue moon, oh bleweeww mooooon how I adore you!' which treats the subject of infidelity with typically dark Bukowskian humor: I care for you, darling, I love you, the only reason I f.u.c.ked L. is because you f.u.c.ked Z. and then I f.u.c.ked R. and you f.u.c.ked N.

and because you f.u.c.ked N. I had to f.u.c.k Y. But I think of you constantly, I feel you here in my belly like a baby, love I'd call it, ...

He never published love poems about Linda Lee equal in pa.s.sion to those he wrote about Linda King, Cupcakes or Jane c.o.o.ney Baker. Indeed the most heartfelt poems in the new Black Sparrow anthology were for Jane, seventeen years after her death. But the book was, at least, dedicated to Linda Lee and contained some work specifically about their relations.h.i.+p, like 'mermaid' in which he describes finding her soaping herself in the tub: you looked like a girl of 5, of 8 you were gently gleeful in the water Linda Lee.

you were not only the essence of that moment but of all my moments up to then you bathing easily in the ivory yet there was nothing I could tell you.

Compared with calling her a f.u.c.king c.u.n.t, and kicking her off the sofa, this shows some tenderness towards his girlfriend, but it was not necessarily a truer reflection of their daily life. 'We had a lot of crazy arguments, verbal arguments and stuff like that,' she admits. Bukowski complained to friends that she had been a good woman when he met her, but had changed. He said she wanted 'soul-expansion' and sometimes he feared she was unbalanced.

In the summer of 1981, Bukowski wrote to Joan Smith, the former go-go dancer, that he was finished with Linda Lee and had given up the search for the perfect mate, but hinted it would be nice to see Joan. 'I thought, well, this might be my big chance, you know, to finally be alone with Bukowski,' says Joan, who had always held a torch for the writer.

She telephoned Bukowski and he said she should come over to see the new house. A date was set and, a few days later, Joan called again to confirm. A woman answered and handed the telephone to Bukowski. 'Joan Smmmiiiiiiittthhhh?' he said, giving her two-syllable surname about twenty syllables, as if he couldn't quite remember who she was.

It seemed that Linda Lee was back.

Bukowski's fourth novel, Ham on Rye, his thirty-seventh book, was published in the summer of 1982. It addresses his childhood and relations.h.i.+p with his father. The t.i.tle is a pun on The Catcher in the Rye, one of Bukowski's favorite novels, as well as meaning Chinaski was trapped between his parents, like ham in a sandwich. The novel is the most straight-forwardly autobiographical of all his books, taking Chinaski from his earliest memories of living in America, going to grammar school, junior high, high school and delivering him at the beginning of World War Two a frightened and bitter young man. Bukowski was writing with the objectivity of hindsight, rather than having his nose up close to the mirror, as he said of Women, and the book is better for it. At the same time it lacks humor, dealing with the one area of his life where he found almost nothing to laugh about.

There was irony in writing a long book about his disgust for his parents and their suburban lifestyle when Bukowski was now living the suburban dream himself even more so and the irony was not lost on Linda Lee. One day when Bukowski was cutting the lawn with his new electric mower she decided to test whether he was over the traumas of his past, got down on the gra.s.s and pointed to something. Finally Bukowski switched off the mower and asked what the h.e.l.l she thought she was doing.

'You missed a blade!' she said.

'Oh s.h.i.+t,' he sighed, 'my father has gone but you are here.'

* John Fante died on 8 May, 1983.

14.

HOLLYWOOD.

Most week days, Bukowski drove to wherever the horses were running at that time of year: Hollywood Park in the mainly black district of Inglewood; Del Mar, just north of San Diego; or Santa Anita, near Temple City where his father died. He went to the maiden races and harness racing. He even went to the track when the races were telecast from out of state, feeling that something was missing from life if he didn't get a bet on.

The inside lane was best if he had to take the freeway. He opened the sun roof and tuned the radio to a cla.s.sical station, driving at a leisurely speed while the other fellows raced to their appointments.

driving in for a wash and wax with nothing to do but light a cigarette and stand in the sun ... no rent, no trouble ...

hiding from the wh.o.r.es ...

(From: Horsemeat) He arrived at the track mid-morning and had the BMW valet-parked, its bodywork glistening after its wash.

'Hey, champ!' the valets greeted him. 'Got any tips?'

Bukowski smiled and took his ticket. He bought the Daily Racing Form, a program, a cup of coffee and went and sat in the grandstand, away from the finis.h.i.+ng line crush, but within view of the tote board. Then he studied the morning line and handicapped the runners, marking the program with one of the Pentels he carried in his s.h.i.+rt pocket. Bukowski liked long shots, horses not fancied to win, but which paid better odds if they did. A few minutes before the first race he placed a regular win bet, between $10 and $40 depending on how sanguine he was. He never bet heavily so he rarely won more than $300, and there were plenty of times he didn't win. By 1982, after nearly thirty years studying horses, he estimated he was $10,000 in the hole. As he was making more than ten times that every year from writing, it hardly mattered. The track was just a way of pa.s.sing the time because, prolific though he was, he couldn't write all day and all night.

There was much about the track he didn't like. He hated the thirty minutes between races, time for the crowd to buy hot dogs and beer. It was dead time. He tried writing in a note book, but found himself reading the newspaper instead: Ann Landers, the financial pages, sports and crime stories. 'I am up to date on all the c.r.a.p in the world,' he wrote in Horsemeat, a limited edition book about racing. He disliked his fellow gamblers, 'the lowest of the breed', florid with stress and chewing on cigars. They were always yelling, like his father yelled throughout his life, yelling between races about which horse would win, behaving like maniacs when the animals were running and then cursing the 'salami' when their horses lost, tearing betting slips into confetti, even eating them. They didn't seem to know there was nothing generous about the track. 'It is not a place to go to jump up and down and holler and drink beer and take your girlfriend,' Bukowski wrote in Horsemeat. 'It is a lifedeath game and unless you apply yourself with some expertise, you are going to get killed.'

Above all else, he became irritated when punters spoke to him, either because they were fans, or because they wanted company.

the pimpled young man with his cap on backwards came up to me at the racetrack and asked, 'who do you like?' and I answered, 'don't you know that when you talk about that the horse never runs?'

in a further effort to delete him from the scene I stated, 'I don't bet daily doubles, parlays, quinellas or trifectas.'

it was useless: 'who do you like in this race?' he asked again.

'Your Mother's a.s.s,'

I informed him.

as he checked his program I walked off.

('horse fly') If they were really persistent, he put rubber plugs in his ears.

After eating an evening meal with Linda Lee at home in San Pedro, Bukowski usually took a bottle of wine up to his study where he worked late into the night. Sometimes Linda Lee complained, saying she was alone when he went upstairs. He replied that when she was out late with her friends, in the $10,000 sports car he'd bought her, he was alone. In the late summer of 1982 they split again.

With only his cats for company as he grew older Bukowski became increasingly fond of stray cats and little more than drinking and horse racing for recreation, he became melancholy about the manwoman conflict which had taken up so much of his time in recent years. He complained to friends that women thought they were doing him a favor by living with him. They made excessive demands, inviting friends over and wanting him to accompany them to parties. In a letter to Linda King he wrote that he knew why men died earlier than women, it was because women killed them.

With little to distract him, he worked harder than ever, writing on a sophisticated IBM Selectric typewriter, which his accountant said was tax deductible, and drinking expensive French wine. If there was Mozart on the radio, or 'The Bee' as he affectionately called Beethoven, he kept going into the early hours of the morning, producing a new book of short stories, Hot Water Music, and a large anthology of poems, War All the Time, the last Black Sparrow book he did original paintings for.

R. Crumb was commissioned to ill.u.s.trate two Bukowski short stories which were published in individual editions. Bring Me Your Love concerns a man whose wife is in an asylum. There's No Business describes the declining fortunes of c.o.c.ktail lounge comedian Manny Hyman. His old-fas.h.i.+oned routine is failing to entertain the customers at Joe Silver's lounge at the Sunset Hotel: Joe shook his head: 'Manny, you're going out there like a bitter old man. People know the world is s.h.i.+t! They want to forget that.'

Manny took a hit of vodka. 'You're right, Joe. I don't know what's got into me. You know, we got soup lines in this country again. It's just like the 30's [sic] ...'

Although these new stories were written in the third person about characters other than Henry Chinaski, showing a greater sophistication in Bukowski's prose style, there was still a strong element of autobiography underlying the work. John Martin believes that in creating a loser like Manny Hyman, Bukowski was writing about what he feared he might become if people stopped buying his books. He had been down so long it seemed logical hard times might return. And the impression that Manny is Bukowski is reinforced by R. Crumb's ill.u.s.trations, as Crumb explains: 'The character Manny Hyman was such a close variation on Bukowski's own self-portrayals, I ended up making him look Bukowski-like, but maybe a little more Jewish, not quite so heavy-set or seedy-scruffy as Bukowski.'

Bukowski and Linda Lee lived apart for much of 1983, although he saw her regularly and helped with her domestic crises and depressions. He felt she was not coping well without him and decided to alter his will in her favor to give her some long-term security if he dropped dead. In April, 1984, Bukowski informed his attorney that Linda Lee was to receive one third the value of his estate, including royalties and property, upon his death. Marina, who had previously stood to inherit everything, was not informed. In August he amended his will again, increasing Linda Lee's share to half. This was not an inconsiderable sum as Bukowski earned in excess of $110,000 in 1984 alone, and most of his income was saved.*

He was making so much money he was able to write a check to clear his mortgage. Bukowski remembered how his father nagged at him when they lived at Longwood Avenue, saying he had no ambition. 'Son, how are you ever going to make it?' he repeatedly asked. Well, he had made it. The car was paid for. The house was paid for, and there was money in the bank.

When their relations.h.i.+p was really rocky, Linda Lee went on a hunger strike refusing to eat or talk to him. Bukowski wrote to a friend that he feared she might die, so he asked her to marry him. That cheered her up. She was very nice again. A more romantic version of the proposal appeared in the limited edition book, The Wedding, where Bukowski wrote that he and Linda Lee were in the garden with their four cats when he suddenly said: 'Let's get married!' as the perfect end to the perfect day.

Linda Lee knew they would never have children together. She was still only forty-one, but Bukowski was sixty-four, 'old enough to be my father', and had absolutely no desire to go through fatherhood again. 'I knew I had to make a very big choice in my life: marry Hank and not have children, or not marry Hank. It was tough.' But she chose to marry and the wedding was arranged for the first Sunday after Bukowski's birthday.

Plants were brought in to prettify the house. A room was specially prepared for Linda Lee's mother. Timber arrived for the construction of a screen to hide the trash cans. A Persian rug was purchased to cover stains where Bukowski had spilt wine. Meanwhile builders were knocking through a wall so there would be easy access to the hot tub being installed in the garden.

Bukowski became anxious about paying for so much extravagance. The dollar was high against the European currencies, and he feared foreign royalties were declining, so he went back to writing for the p.o.r.n magazines. Some of the stories were incredibly strange and one, about three men having intercourse with a pig, was rejected as too strong even for Hustler.

It was while he was preparing for his second marriage, after almost thirty years as a bachelor, that Bukowski discovered the fate of his first wife, Barbara Frye. For a couple of years after they split she had sent Christmas cards and the occasional note about how well she was getting on with her new husband in Aniak, Alaska. They had two beautiful daughters and were very happy. She was writing children's books and had discovered she was psychic. Then there was a telephone call, but nothing since.

It turned out that one of Barbara's daughters developed a drug problem and burned down the family home. Unable to face rebuilding, Barbara and the daughter travelled to India where they became involved in a weird religious group and where Barbara died in mysterious circ.u.mstances. The daughter returned to the US without the body and the family never received a death certificate. The final macabre twist came when the daughter committed suicide.

The wedding was scheduled for 1 p.m. on Sunday 18 August, 1985, at the Church of the People in Los Feliz, east of Hollywood. As the big day approached, with thousands of dollars spent, and guests arriving from out of state to stay with them at the house, Linda Lee took to her bed with the flu, leaving Bukowski to cope with the arrangements on his own. She asked him to pray for her recovery. 'f.u.c.k IT ALL!' Bukowski exploded. 'DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT THERE ISN'T A G.o.d?'

He smashed a full-length mirror to the floor in exasperation. Linda Lee's mother, Honora, looked at him like he was the devil.

Marina arrived with her boyfriend, Jeffrey Stone. Michael Montfort and his wife arrived. Barbara and John Martin came down from Santa Barbara. They found that Bukowski had undergone an astonis.h.i.+ng sartorial transformation. For the first time since anyone could remember he was dressed in a suit. It was cream-colored with a blue pinstripe. He was also wearing a floral tie and snake skin shoes.

John Martin was best man and Bukowski insisted they had a gla.s.s of champagne together, even though Martin had never drunk alcohol in his life. He became dizzy after one sip and decided the room was spinning.

'I don't understand it,' growled Bukowski, as if encountering a form of alien life. 'How can you go your whole life without drinking?'

'How can you drink all your life?' asked Martin.

A doctor had been summoned to see Linda Lee and told Bukowski to take her to a clinic because she was not well enough to get married. Meanwhile the house was filling with people, all talking excitedly and looking at their watches. Just when it seemed Bukowski would have to tell them the wedding was called off, Linda Lee appeared on the stairs, in her wedding dress. 'Ladies and gentleman, the bride!' announced Bukowski, mightily relieved.

He led her out to a white Rolls Royce which whisked them along the freeway to the church. Handel's Water Music played and suns.h.i.+ne streamed in through the gla.s.s.

There was a reception afterwards for eighty friends and family at a Thai restaurant in San Pedro. As he pa.s.sed through the room greeting his guests, and accepting their congratulations, Bukowski reminded them that he was paying for everything so they better enjoy it. He also treated his friends Steve Richmond and Gerald Locklin to an impromptu speech about the shortcomings of women, perhaps not an entirely appropriate subject for a wedding reception. The bride and groom drank and ate, cut a giant cheesecake and danced to a reggae band. 'He was in a happy mood and laughing.' says Martin. 'People would jostle him and he would spill wine on himself.'