Cast No Stones Part 6

My wife's closest family member was her younger sister also called Josie. We told Josie and her husband Jim what had happened. They were flabbergasted. They always believed that my father was Charlie Mach.e.l.l and that we had never had any relations.h.i.+p and neither was I interested in having one. Learning not just about the story, but the fact that I had known of this and kept it a secret was a complete surprise to them. It didn't take long before there was some leg pulling and joking about what I might find on my visit.

Fortunately, I had sufficient savings to be able to make the trip in comfort. Because I couldn't be sure of just what I might find, it was necessary to take enough money to cover any contingency. I arranged with the bank to allow a possible overdraft and for them to supply American currency. I also bought a very expensive state of the art VCR camera. These machines were still in their infancy and it cost 1,500 at the time. I intended taking as much footage as possible because in all probability, I thought I would never see him again after this visit.

We searched through all the photograph alb.u.ms for pictures that we believed Harry might like, particularly photos of our children and my mother. My mother also wrote Harry a lovely letter and bought him a gift. It was a beautiful crucifix. We bought some gifts, a bottle of Scotch whisky for Harry and a gift for Ethel for accommodating us. We also bought something for the other two sisters, Avilla and Oscella.

During these days of hurriedly making arrangements and mounting nervousness and excitement, I was also conscious of my children's feelings. We were leaving them for the first time in their lives. We were going on a huge adventure thousands of miles away and they were not included. I tried very hard to include them in all the preparations. I would ask them for advice and encourage them to give me ideas about what to say and do.

At last the day arrived and we set off on our journey. The airplane captain welcomed everyone aboard and told us to sit back, relax and to have a pleasant flight. However, for me it was impossible to relax. I am never a good flyer at the best of times, but today I was particularly nervous. The flight was going to take eight hours and because Chicago was six hours behind us, we would be landing shortly after lunchtime.

Everything was going through my mind; the jeep, the cowboy suit, the story that my mother had told me. I thought about the things that Avilla had told me. Would I recognize him? Do I really look like him? Would he like me? Would his sisters like me? Am I doing the right thing? What happens if it is all not very nice when I get there? I felt Margaret's hand on mine, I turned to her. She was smiling and asked if I was feeling nervous and asked about the things she knew would be going through my mind. She sat holding my hand and was a great comfort. The main thing that bothered me was what I should call him. Dad was out of the question. Father was also a nonstarter. After all, for whatever reason, he had not been a father to me. Harry also seemed inappropriate. I decided that inappropriate or not, Harry would have to do.

The flight pattern took us south of Greenland and just East of Newfoundland. It looked like a barren frozen wasteland. I remembered the suggestion in one of the letters that the Ledrew name originated in Newfoundland. I thought of Harry growing up there in this frozen wilderness. I wondered if he had had a happy childhood.

Eventually, we began our initial descent. I spotted the skysc.r.a.pers of Chicago in the distance; the iconic Sears Tower was easily identifiable. Oh my G.o.d, I thought, we are almost there! Of course after landing there was still a long bus ride to make, but the nerves really kicked in at this point. As the plane began its final descent the size of the buildings became very noticeable. Not just the size but the style and magnitude were like nothing I had ever seen before. Everything was huge, modern, loud and fantastic to me. And at this point, I hadn't even left the aircraft!

I was in complete awe of Chicago's International O'Hare Airport. Everywhere I looked there were things out of this world. The restrooms had automatic flus.h.i.+ng systems worked from invisible rays. The wash basin fixtures dispensed soap and water automatically. There were restroom attendants, shoe s.h.i.+ne boys, police with guns - laser shows decorated the walkways. The whole scene was one of prosperity and affluence.

One thing in particular struck me. Although there was a high incidence of black workers in the airport, in the main, they only did the menial tasks. The higher positions of employment were afforded to white Americans - or so it seemed at the time. Everyone was very pleasant, courteous and helpful to us.

At Customs and Immigration, we were given the third degree. The official wanted to know the reason for our visit. I told him that we were visiting family. He wanted to know the actual address that we were staying at. He wanted to know just how much money we had with us and indeed he even wanted to see it. He also insisted on seeing our return flight tickets. At last we were cleared and were able to collect our luggage. We now had to find the bus station.

The first thing that hit us after leaving the comfort of the airport was the intense cold. It was very, very cold. Recent snow still lay about and icicles were everywhere. Eventually we found the bus station. At least, what was supposed to be the bus station. In actual fact, the station of the bus line we wanted was only a small waiting room with a booking desk. Buses ran from here to South Bend/Mishawaka every four hours. We bought our tickets and waited. The bus arrived and we got on board. I asked the driver if he would kindly inform us when we got to Mishawaka and in particular to the Big Bear at the Town and Country Shopping Center. He said that he would. I hoped he would because I had no clue what Mishawaka looked like neither had I any idea what the Big Bear was!

We traveled through Chicago along the Dan Ryan expressway; it was a kind of urban motorway, as we call them in Britain, but had approximately 16 lanes all going in different directions. After a while we left the city behind and drove through rural countryside. For mile after mile we pa.s.sed farms and agricultural buildings. Often we would pa.s.s old farms with ramshackle old buildings that clearly belonged to a different age. Scattered around were dilapidated farm vehicles and equipment. Margaret commented that after the war, many British brides of American servicemen emigrated to the U.S. expecting to live on impressive ranches in the country. Instead, they discovered that their husbands had lied to them and in fact, they lived in places similar to what we were seeing. It almost seemed that in this area, time really had stood still.

After an hour or so the bus driver shouted down the bus, 'Is there a Kevin Mach.e.l.l on board?' I raised my hand to acknowledge him. He was talking on the radio to his controller back in the office. 'Yep, we got him on board.' he said. I found out later that Ethel had called the bus company to check on my whereabouts and estimated time of arrival at the Big Bear.

Mishawaka was situated right next to South Bend and was like a sister town. It was approximately eighty miles east of Chicago, ten miles south of the Michigan State Line and eighty miles west of Ohio State. After traveling on the bus for a couple of hours we arrived at South Bend. I spotted the local airport and shortly afterwards I saw Notre Dame University. I knew that Mishawaka would be the next stop. As we pulled into the Mishawaka Town and Country Shopping Center I could see a big bear - literally, or least a model of one about twenty feet tall. It was a few hundred yards ahead of us and was outside of a restaurant/diner. As we drew closer, Margaret grabbed my hand and pointed out two old ladies standing waiting for the bus. 'It's them!' she said. I looked to where she was indicating. 'It's Ethel and Avilla. I just know it's them.' she added.

I began to get very nervous now.

Margaret got off the bus first and approached the old ladies. They hugged each other and I knew we had arrived at the right place. I struggled off the bus with various bags and things and helped the driver to retrieve my suitcases from the hold. As the bus pulled away I stood facing them. Their faces were beaming with smiles. I introduced myself and we all hugged each other again. It was freezing cold. The cold made my eyes water and a tear ran down my cheek.

Ethel piled us all into her car. She drove a Chevrolet but because of her eyesight and age, she was only licensed to drive in her own town and only during daylight hours. She drove us the short journey to her home. She only lived half a mile away from the bus stop. She and her two sisters lived in the same plot of condominiums, so could easily walk to each other's homes. We unloaded our suitcases and Ethel made us a drink of tea to refresh us after our journey.

We sat chatting about everything that had happened when suddenly the phone rang. Ethel answered it. Harry was calling! After establis.h.i.+ng that we'd arrived safely he demanded to know from Ethel why she was keeping me at her house. He instructed her to bring us to see him immediately. He had been waiting all day and in his mind, Ethel was monopolizing us. I thought it was pretty endearing. I hadn't occurred to me that he would be as nervous and anxious to see me as I was to see him.

We drank our tea and piled back into Ethel's car. I was now going to meet my father for the very first time in my life. I felt very nervous again. But at the same time I also felt strangely comfortable. I was tired from a very long and emotional journey. The initial meeting with Ethel and Avilla had gone well. I sensed that they liked me. They were constantly looking at me and observing my mannerisms. They commented about my very Englishness. They said that I had the same gait as Austin, as they all referred to him. We are similar in coloring, height, weight and eyes and forehead. I thought that they were trying to establish some kind of genetic proof in their minds that I really was Harry's son.

The journey took ten minutes. We arrived at Lincoln Way East. We pulled up at a ten floor high rise apartment block for senior citizens. Jim Byrne the medium immediately came to my mind. I had actually forgotten all about him until then. I began to feel very nervous now, it wasn't just the prospect of being minutes away from seeing my father, it was also the words of the medium that made me feel weird.

We took the elevator up to the tenth floor. My heart was almost beating out of my chest. Harry's apartment was next to the elevator. The sisters asked us to wait in the corridor while they went in and made sure he was clean and tidy and ready to receive us. I was extremely nervous now and was a little relieved that I had been asked to wait a few minutes before going into the apartment. I tried to compose myself. I didn't want him to think that I was as nervous as I actually was. I wanted to give the impression of being calm, disciplined, self-controlled and relaxed about the whole occasion. After all, I had informed him in my letters that I was not dwelling on the past and that I was pretty philosophical about all that had happened in my life. I still had no idea how I was going to greet him or just what I was going to say to him. Would shaking hands suffice or would it be more appropriate to hug him? I had never hugged another man in my life. It didn't seem right and I was not comfortable with the thought. It didn't occur to me that he would be feeling nervous about meeting me. After about five or ten minutes Ethel emerged from the doorway and beckoned us to come in. I took a deep breath and walked towards the door.

Chapter 20 h.e.l.lo Albert.

Margaret was holding my hand. She gave it a squeeze of support, smiled and without actually speaking conveyed her encouragement to me. I went in first. The room was stuffy and carried a heavy smell of stale cigarette smoke. There were no windows open and I found it uncomfortable to breathe. At least that's the excuse I gave myself for my labored breathing. There sitting in an armchair was an old man. I held my breath for a moment as I looked at him. He in turn was searching for a facial expression from me that signified all was well. There were signs on his face of him having had a slight stroke in the past. Then he smiled. His smile was as big as the room. He wore a clean freshly ironed s.h.i.+rt. His face was wrinkled with age. He could not get up to greet me. He held my gaze and put out both hands as I approached him. He didn't speak. n.o.body spoke. Everyone stood back and watched. Many times I had tried to rehea.r.s.e in my mind just what I would say and do at this moment. It had never occurred to me that he would not be able to stand to greet me. Right now, my standing above him and offering my hand didn't seem appropriate. But I did offer my hand which he took gladly in both of his. I turned to kneel on his right next to his chair so that our heads were at the same level. I placed my left arm round his shoulder and said 'I am very pleased to meet you. I have waited a long time for this moment.'

My heart was beating very quickly. He said, 'h.e.l.lo Albert. How are you doing?' He had only known my name to be Albert. He told me that he was equally pleased to see me. He had already met me so he said, 'It's nice to see you again after all this time.' That little joke was the ice breaker. We all had a nervous laugh and started to relax a little.

I studied his features. His face was older than his years. His speech was slightly slurred due to the stroke. He had a very full head of grey hair. I also have a full head of hair and now I realized that I would not go bald! Although his eyes had a sparkle of mischief in them, I decided that he didn't look anything like me. The more I studied him, the more his features seemed familiar but I didn't know where from. In fact, something was making me uncomfortable. His features were not pleasing to my eyes. How could my mother have said that I look very much like him? Later, I figured that throughout my life I must have held an idealized, yet indistinct, mental image of how he might have looked, and seeing him for real, the two images simply didn't match. Whatever the reason for my uncharitable musings, I can't deny that these were my immediate thoughts.

I now introduced Harry to Margaret. She hugged him and kissed him and told him how pleased she was to meet her father-in-law. He was positively delighted with her and her personality. He said he had never been kissed since he couldn't remember when. He took to Margaret immediately. He seemed genuinely thrilled with his visitors. Avilla and Ethel took a back seat. They were transfixed by what was going on. Harry wanted to know all about us, not just me and Margaret, but our children. He was thrilled at being a grandfather. I tried to tell him things about us; things about our lives, where we lived, about our children and everything else he didn't know. There was just far too much to take in at once and we all agreed that we should do it slowly over the course of our visit.

We talked happily about ourselves and our lives, but at this meeting I didn't learn a great deal about Harry. All too quickly it was time for us to go. Harry was upset that we were leaving after so short a visit. Ethel was conscious that it was getting late. She needed to get home before it went dark and we needed to have something to eat. I was feeling hungry and quite tired. It had been a momentous day and we would all benefit from a little rest. We said our goodbyes and told Harry that we'd see him again the following day. But before we left I felt like I wanted to give this care-worn old man another big hug. I did so and then we returned to Ethel's place.

Although it was only about 7pm, according to our body clock it was early the following morning. We were tired and emotionally drained. Back at Ethel's we had something to eat and a chat about the way the day had gone. When I mentioned that I had brought Harry a bottle of whisky, Ethel was mortified. I must absolutely not give it to him she informed me. 'It would probably kill him.' It transpired that Harry suffered from numerous medical complaints all connected to his liver and kidneys. In particular, he suffered from neuropathy in various parts of his body. It had something to do with his nerve endings. It rendered him incapable of writing or feeling sensitivity in certain parts of his body. Avilla and Ethel were both qualified nurses. They fully understood his condition and took care of his health needs. They knew that alcohol would not be tolerated by his body.

After our chat we decided to go to bed. I was so tired I fell asleep immediately my head hit the pillow.

We awoke early the next morning. The bedroom was stiflingly hot. Ethel had centrally controlled heating and air conditioning and she liked it very warm. I tried to open the bedroom window to cool the room down but it would only open a fraction. I got up and had a coffee. We desperately needed some fresh air, so decided to go for a walk. I knew that just a few minutes' stroll away was a very large K-Mart store. Ethel was concerned that we might get lost, but I a.s.sured her that if I could find my way here from Manchester, then I could find the K-Mart and get back safely! Reluctantly she agreed to let us go while she prepared some breakfast for us.

We no longer had a gift for Harry so we took the opportunity to look for something for him in the store. Unfortunately we couldn't find anything suitable, so returned to Ethel's.

Today was 17th March and St Patrick's Day. We hadn't realized just how big St Patrick's Day is in the USA. Everywhere businesses were advertising some event or other. Virtually all the restaurants were advertising special offers. Later in the day we were going out for a meal with Ethel and Avilla. The meal was going to be a St. Patrick's Day special of corned beef and cabbage. After breakfast we took a cab to Harry's apartment. We'd bought sandwiches for our lunch. We spent the rest of the day with him.

Every hour or so he would get very tired and needed to lie down. He was very reluctant to lie down and go to sleep because he feared that when he woke we would be gone. Despite this, we had a most interesting day. We learned a great deal from him. He had amazing stories to tell about his exploits during the war. He also had a wonderful sense of humor and joked very frequently.

Most importantly, he told us his side of the story regarding his relations.h.i.+p with my mother. Following the war he was posted back to the United States. He was among the first soldiers repatriated due to having been in the army for several years prior to the outbreak of war. Had the war not occurred he would have been back in 'Civilian Street' much sooner. His account seemed to confirm everything that my mother had told me. Nevertheless, it was interesting to hear the story from his viewpoint.

Here's what he told us: 'I was born in Nova Scotia, Canada. My parents came from St. Johns in Newfoundland. Our family migrated south to the USA and we eventually settled in Gary, Indiana. I was already serving in the U.S. Army at the outbreak of war. I was posted to England in the spring of 1942 and originally stationed in Liverpool. Sometimes I would have to go to the docks at Salford to collect supplies that had been offloaded from the s.h.i.+ps that had sailed down the Manchester s.h.i.+p Ca.n.a.l.'

'It was at Salford Docks that I first met Laura, although I had often seen her before. She used to wave to the convoys driving past the shop where she lived. I thought she was a good looking girl but I never imagined that one day we would meet up. We actually met in the restaurant at the docks. I could tell that she liked me by the way she kept looking at me and smiling; you know, kind of giving me the eye. At first she tried playing hard to get. I think she was doing it for her colleagues in there; you know, not wanting to appear easy. I'm telling you the truth Albert. I guess after all this time you want the truth?' I told him that I wanted the truth good or bad.

'Well, I didn't have to work very hard - if you get my meaning? She climbed into my truck and I took her for a drive. She was a good looking girl and I really liked her. We started a relations.h.i.+p that lasted a long time. You weren't just a roll in the hay Albert, you know, you were meaningful. I knew she was married but what the h.e.l.l, her husband was away in the British army and she was alone. He wasn't good to her you know cheated on her often. There was a little girl, your sister?' I nodded in agreement. 'Laura also had a sister, we called her Ginger.' He was of course referring to my Aunty Edna.

'I would see Laura as often as I could but sometimes my duties intervened for a few weeks. Her husband caught me in the house with her at one time. He came home at six in the morning. It was fortunate that I had a couple of pals with me or else there would have been a fight. We had all been drinking and my pals stayed over the night. He ordered us out of the house otherwise he would call the police. I warned him not to harm Laura otherwise he would have us all to deal with. I think Laura left him soon after that.'

'I couldn't afford to get properly involved with her, we were being sent to France soon. I didn't know if I would come back. To tell you the truth, Albert, I wasn't even sure if I fully trusted her.' I asked him what he meant. 'Well, the way I saw it, she had cheated on her husband so she might be cheating on me!' I wasn't quite prepared for this comment but I suppose it was fair comment under the circ.u.mstances.

'We went out as often as we could. Couldn't always find a babysitter. Ginger used to babysit sometimes with her boyfriend so that was ok. One day Laura told me that she was pregnant and that it was mine. I was shocked and I didn't believe her at first. I thought I was sterile. I had serious doubts that you were mine until I saw you after the war. You looked like me. At the time I didn't know if I would ever see you. I knew that Laura had gone into hospital to give birth to you, but I stayed away. I attempted to go in but I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I had those doubts about you being mine. I went to the hospital but I just wasn't sure about things and it was awkward you know- going in and them all knowing. I went back to camp to wait until you came home. I was in deep upset, Albert. If you were really mine then I had done you and Laura wrong. I had been irresponsible and it was bothering me deeply. I didn't know if I had a son or a daughter. The thought of a child of mine being born and living in those slums was distressing for me.'

'The following morning all leave was cancelled. We were given twelve hours to pack up and move to Portsmouth on the south coast. I wrote a note to Laura but didn't get any opportunity to give it her. At the same time, in my mind I was thinking that I might not be coming back. I thought it might be better for all concerned if I didn't. Within two weeks I was involved in the invasion of France.'

'The D-Day landings were absolute h.e.l.l. Our beach was the bloodiest of them all. We lost a lot of men. I never expected to get off the beach alive. Someone must have been looking down on me because I survived the day. For a long time to come I was chasing the Germans back to Germany. I felt a little safer being the pursuer rather than the pursued, but it was always extremely dangerous and many times I thought I would get killed. The war was horrible. I experienced so many bad things. One of the worst things I saw was the concentration camp at Belsen. It was after this that I knew just why this war had to be fought. Throughout my time fighting, I was consoled with the thought that at least you and Laura were relatively safe back in England. I knew that the RAF had destroyed the German Air Force and that you were safe from any more bombings.'

'The war ended the following year and I was given a few weeks leave before I was sent back to the U.S. I had decided not to visit Salford and Laura and the baby. I was going to do the cowardly thing and just leave you both to your fate. I knew that I would be safely back in America in a few weeks and it would all be left behind - along with all the other accidents of war. I stayed in a hotel in London for the first week and had a good time. After this, my conscience began p.r.i.c.king me again. Eventually, I realized that I couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave you both. I had to see you and decide what to do.'

'The next day I got on the train and made my way up to Salford. When I found out that I had a son, I wanted to believe it was mine. When I saw you, there was no mistaking that you were indeed mine. I was overjoyed and overcome with emotion. I had been giving a lot of thought about what to do and I thought that I had the answer. I wanted Laura to let her husband Charlie have the girl and for us to go to the States as a family. It all made sense to me, but I guess I hadn't thought it through properly. The only other thing that I could have done would have been to return to England after my discharge and marry Laura once she was divorced. I wasn't happy at the prospect of living in England. Most of all though, the thought of living in the slums of Salford gave me nightmares. I decided to return to the States and give it more thought. I never thought any more about it after a while. I never returned again to England. I guess you haven't liked to hear that story, Albert.'

I told him that if it is what happened, and if that is what he felt, then that is what I wanted to hear. He said that he was sorry for everything that had happened but I made it very clear to him that there must be no apologies for anything. What happened is history. Good or Bad, we can't change anything that happened all those years ago, neither would I wish to.

He wanted to know about Laura's second husband Bill Burns. I told him all about the violence and the unhappy years. He tried to say he was sorry again but I wouldn't let him. He said that he knew from letters from Laura that she had remarried. He thought it was funny that this marriage didn't work out either. He joked that maybe he had a lucky escape. We talked about their communications for a few years. He told me about gifts he had sent. I found out at last where the jeep had come from and the cowboy suit.

I gave him the letter from my mother and the crucifix she had sent. He chuckled and asked what the crucifix was all about. I asked him if he was a Catholic because my mother seemed to remember that he was. He informed me that he wasn't Catholic and he never had been! It was then that he told me about trying to get me baptized in St James Catholic Church in Salford. It wasn't because he was of that faith, he just happened to be pa.s.sing the church when he saw the priest coming out. He believed in G.o.d and he thought that I should be baptized in order to try and ensure that I got looked after from above. He knew that if he wasn't going to be around to look after me himself. He hated the thought of leaving me behind to live in the dirty slums of Salford. But what could he do?

After a little more conversation, Harry asked what my mother's reaction would be if he was to telephone her. I told him that she would happy to get a call from him. After all, she had tried to help me in my search and had only said positive things about him. He dialed my home number and my mother answered. He smiled a very wide but mischievous smile. 'Is that you Laura?' he asked. They spoke for a few minutes. It was only small talk and mainly to do with my search for him. They discussed what a good son I was. Harry told her that he felt proud of his son. I took the opportunity to check out with my mother how things were at home with our children and I was told that there was nothing to worry about and that everyone was fine. My mother sounded like an excited schoolgirl. I told Harry what she sounded like to me and we had a good laugh.

At about 4 pm, Ethel and Avilla arrived to take us for our corned beef and cabbage meal. We said goodbye to Harry and arranged to see him the next day.

Following our meal we went back to Ethel's for a while then she took us to visit her sister, Oscella. She was a retired teacher and was a lovely woman. Sadly she was very ill with cancer. Unfortunately, I only saw her the one time. She was so sickly and thin she was embarra.s.sed for me to see her in this way, but she also knew that it would be the only opportunity to meet her brother's son. Sadly, she died a few months after my visit.

Later in the evening Harry rang Ethel and they had a few strong words. Harry was again complaining that she was monopolizing my visit and depriving him of spending time with me. I had to agree with Harry and I told Ethel that as much as I appreciated what she was doing for me, I had come to see him and to spend as much time with him as I could. I might never see him again after this visit. She agreed but said that she really liked me and she hoped that maybe I could visit her in the future. We left that option open.

Chapter 21 - My Hard-living Father.

The next morning we took a cab again to Harry's apartment. Just before lunchtime Ethel and Avilla arrived accompanied by Willard. He was a nephew. His father Carmen was Harry's brother who had died some years ago. Willard was about 10 years older than me. He was a lovely man and it was nice to have some slightly younger company. I'd mentioned to Harry and Ethel that while I was visiting the U.S. I would love to have a nice big American steak. They obviously told Willard because that day he took Margaret and me to a local restaurant that was well-known for the quality and size of its steaks. After enjoying a delicious meal we went to a bar for some drinks and a chat.

Willard was also intrigued with my story. He told me he'd known about my existence. He and Harry had worked together for many years. During conversations, Harry had told him about me. They were bricklayers. They specialized in building kilns and heat retaining structures. I told Willard why I had only just found out about Harry and that in some way it had been a waste of a lifetime. What Willard told me next truly amazed me. He informed me that this was in fact the best time that I could have come! If I had come twenty or thirty years ago I would have been so upset. My father had developed a serious and long-standing drink problem. For a number of years he lived in Avilla's cellar because he was homeless. He had been involved in a couple of serious car crashes through driving while drunk. He'd lost all his self-respect and abused his body. Once the shock of this revelation had diminished, I speculated to myself that Harry's drink problem was almost certainly due to him trying to forget the horrors of war and his personal irresponsibility in the immediate aftermath of the conflict.

As a consequence of his drinking, he now had serious health issues. Ethel and Avilla didn't want to tell me about this aspect of his life. But now I knew why Ethel acted the way she did over the bottle of whisky.

Willard thought a lot about his Uncle Harry, but he didn't want me to suffer any delusions. He advised me to make the most of my visit and to take back home with me just the happy memories. Following our conversation, we went back to Harry's apartment. Willard stayed for another hour or so then left to go over to Ethel's where he was staying. We'd decided to spend the rest of the night with Harry. We wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. He was thrilled that we were staying over.

During the evening we talked a great deal and we were pretty much able to bring Harry up to date with my life story.

He again recalled Laura's younger sister, Edna or Ginger as he delighted in calling her. He said that she was a good looking girl and all the men were chasing her for a date. His men used to try and bribe him to fix them up with Ginger. There were one or two occasions when he and a friend went on a double date with Laura and Edna. Laura was never keen on double dates so she put a stop to it. He asked about Edna and what had become of her in life. I told him that she'd been married to the same man all of her life and they had four children all girls. He enjoyed reminiscing about those days. He said they all seemed so very long ago - almost in another lifetime.

He'd been wondering how Laura was managing. It seemed to him that she'd had a hard life. He asked us if she would like to come and have a vacation. He suggested that maybe she might like to come and spend a long vacation - stay as long as she liked. He said he would be willing to pay for her airfare. He asked me what I thought her reaction might be. I told him that I really didn't know. After all, I am only just finding out things about the two of them that I never knew. I really didn't know him well enough yet. With an impish grin he said it wouldn't be proper for Laura to be staying in his apartment alone with him - she was likely to get a reputation. We all had a good laugh. He then said that she might even take advantage of him and he wasn't fit enough to be able to defend himself. Once again he gave us another good laugh. We chuckled and talked about a great many things. I will always remember his great sense of humor.

He decided to telephone Laura again. It was early evening in the UK and Laura had just washed up the dishes after supper and was watching TV when the phone rang. He told her that he was sending her enough money for her airfare and asked if she would she like to come to America for a vacation and to see him. He said she could stay for as long as she wished. He told her that he thought it would be good for them both. He said to her that if she was worried about her reputation, then they would have to get married. She had a good laugh with him and called him a 'cheeky b.u.g.g.e.r.' He said he had not heard that saying since the war days in Salford. At the end of their conversation he said, 'Ta-rah' to her and again had a good laugh. He enjoyed reminiscing about the Salford colloquialisms such as, 'Ta-rah' and 'What's up with your face?' His favorites were, 'You'd better straighten your face.' A term used to depict that you were sulking, and, 'He's seen his a.r.s.e.' This applied when you were sulking even more!

By now we were all feeling tired and in need some sleep. Margaret was able to make herself comfortable on the couch and I slept in the armchair *****

The following morning we got a taxi cab to Ethel's for a change of clothes. We again stayed with Harry all that day. It was another really interesting day. He had an electric disability scooter which he hardly ever used. Today he decided to use it and to go out of his apartment. Apparently, he had not left his apartment for over 12 months. He took us to his next door neighbor and introduced us to a wonderful old lady called Virginia. They had been living next door to each other for the last ten years. Harry told her very proudly that I was his son and that I lived in England. Virginia was a very knowing and wise old lady and giving him a wink she immediately understood the situation. She said that she came from Chicago and was ninety years old. She told us that she had enjoyed a wonderful life and had met a lot of famous people. She added that she'd also met a lot of infamous people. Harry laughed and told her to tell us what she meant by that. She told us that she was the girlfriend of Al Capone in her younger days!

We got into the elevator - Harry was quite skillful in maneuvering his scooter. At first floor level he took us into the community room and proudly introduced us to some of his friends. He had no hesitation in introducing me as his son, and although some looked on in amazement, he offered no further explanation. There was one man though who he introduced me to and went on to tell him that I lived in England and was born during his wartime stay in the UK. The man nodded his head knowingly and nothing more was said. I supposed that to an old soldier who may have also been posted to the UK, this would come as no great surprise.

In his more able days, Harry had become a member of a local Christian church. Now that he was virtually housebound he received regular visits from a member of the church pastoral team; they provided some company and conversation. A church visitor and his wife came to visit while we were at Harry's. They told us they'd been regular visitors for the past two or three years. They said that in the next few weeks they were being transferred to another state. They had been extremely concerned about leaving Harry and they worried how he was going to manage. To this end they had been praying regularly together for some miracle to occur. Of course, they viewed us both as the miracle. Even though we would be thousands of miles away, our meeting would be something for Harry to focus on, but more importantly, they thought it would be something for him to live for.

During the afternoon Ethel arrived to take Margaret and I for tea. She took us to a pretty little tea shop that could have been in any English country village. They served tea and scones complete with jam and clotted cream. Ethel was extremely proud to introduce her English nephew and his wife. The staff in the shop fussed about us as though we were royalty. Princess Diana was very popular with the townsfolk and all things English were held in high regard. Some of the other customers introduced themselves - one even asked if we would demonstrate the correct way to crook one's little finger when drinking tea from a tea cup!

On the sixth day of our visit we again spent the day at Harry's. This was actually the last day that we could spend with him because we were flying home the following day. We spent some of the day talking and exchanging our particular views on current issues and events that interested us. I told him that I liked soccer and that I supported Manchester United. Harry was a huge baseball fan and he supported the Chicago Cubs. He watched all of their games on TV. In his younger days he used to go to the stadium to watch them play. He wasn't interested much in American Football and even less interested in soccer. He'd heard of Manchester United and told us that he'd actually seen their Old Trafford stadium. He began reminiscing about Salford and particularly its pubs. He asked if all the pubs on Cross Lane still existed. He wanted to know about the Rialto Dance Hall. One of his favorite pubs was the Church Inn at the top of Church Street in Pendleton. He remembered the Woolpack Hotel. He was amazed to learn that Salford now had its own university, and that the racecourse was now a part of the university campus - it was a student accommodation village.

He enjoyed talking about his time in Salford, but had hated the thought of his child having to live and grow up there. We talked about things relating to me growing up with a stepfather and how I was treated by him.

Harry said he wanted to say how sorry he was for not being there for me throughout the years. I tried to a.s.sure him that it was not a problem for me. I felt a little uncomfortable and would have much preferred it if we just skipped this issue. It was never my intention to get into this area of conversation. But it was my last day. He must have been thinking deeply about his past and clearly thought this was the time when certain things should be said. He felt that he should be apologizing to me. He wanted to say this to me and it would have been unfair to him if I had not let him.

When he first went back to the U.S. after the war, he said he thought about me often. However, with the pa.s.sage of time, he admitted that he only thought about me on odd occasions. He realized now that it would have been a big thing in my life, especially since I was deprived of knowledge about him for all those years. He said I had carried out a ma.s.sive search to find him and he was impressed with that. He also said I had gone to great lengths and expense to visit him. Now that he'd seen me, he felt so proud of me and I had made an old man very happy. He told Margaret that he was proud to have her as his daughter-in-law, she was a wonderful woman and he loved her. He said he was going to miss us dreadfully and he didn't know how he was going to survive knowing that he might not ever see us again.

Choking with emotion at what he'd just said, I changed the conversation back to the possible visit of my mother. He cheered up and said that would be a real tonic for him. He asked me to promise to help her if she wished to visit him. I agreed to do all that I could but first we needed to sit and talk everything through. I also explained that as soon as I got home, I would buy a ca.s.sette tape recorder and mail it to him. That way, even though he struggled to hold a pen, he could at least communicate. I had a tape recorder of my own and I arranged to send him weekly tapes. The tapes would contain messages from all of us and would be better than letters. He in turn could record something and arrange to have it mailed to me. He also talked about sending money for Laura to purchase a flight to see him. He insisted that I should arrange everything for her. I promised to discuss the possible visit with her on his behalf.

All too quickly our final day was coming to an end and we had to leave him. It was very emotional for the three of us. We stayed with Harry until ten o'clock that night. We each, in our hearts, knew that in all probability we would never see each other again - although it was not said. We left him on a positive note; I told him I would telephone him as soon as I had spoken to my mother.

After goodbye hugs, we left the apartment and made our way downstairs to await the cab. Both Margaret and I were very upset and shed a tear or two. I was thankful that the cab arrived ten minutes late. We returned to Ethel's, had a nightcap and went to bed. I didn't sleep that night. I relived every bit of my life story in my mind. Soon the dawn broke and we had to get dressed and ready in time to catch the bus at the Big Bear for O'Hare Airport.

Ethel and Avilla drove us to the bus stop and waved us off. The journey to the airport was spent quietly. We both had a lot of things to think about. It had been an amazing trip. We had finally met my father. We had learned a lot of things about him - particularly about his relations.h.i.+p with my mother and much about his life. Some we learned from Willard because understandably, Harry never told us anything about his hard-living days. He did however tell us about nearly being killed in a car crash and that he'd lain injured in the wreckage for more than a day before he was found.

We had met three aunts and one cousin who had flown from Florida especially to meet me. I had done a great deal of observing of Harry. I had compared personalities and idiosyncrasies. I had questioned att.i.tudes and beliefs. At last I had the missing jigsaw pieces of my life and was now able to start fitting them together. I should have been happy, yet other things were now bothering me: What happens next? Where do I go from here? Has my visit been as good for Harry as it was for me? Have I left him heartbroken in his old age? On reflection, should I have carried out my search? Should I have visited him? Have I done the right thing?

I told Margaret about the things on my mind. She empathically confirmed that I had absolutely done the right thing. Not just for me, but for Harry. She had never seen such pleasure in anyone than the pleasure my visit had given to the old man. She said that if he was to die tomorrow, he would die a happy man. She was very glad that I had done everything that I had. Not just for Harry, but also for me. She was very proud of me. She was very pleased to have been able to help me and she was delighted with her father- in-law. It had never occurred to her until then that my newly found father was indeed her father-in-law. She had been married for twenty-five years now suddenly she had a father-in-law!

We boarded the plane and took off for Manchester. As the skysc.r.a.pers of Chicago faded into the distance, I tried to put my visit to the back of my mind and think instead about seeing my children again. I would have so much to tell them and they would want to know everything. Try as I could, the farewell in Harry's apartment would not leave my mind. He sat in his chair and smiled a very brave but sad smile as we hesitated momentarily at his door and waved one last time.

By this time members of the cabin crew were serving drinks. I ordered a very stiff drink followed by another one. Eventually, the drone of the aircraft combined with the effect of alcohol and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter 22 - Laura's Visit.

We arrived home at about 9 o'clock in the morning. Our girls had already gone to school. My mother was waiting excitedly for us. She was chain smoking with nervousness and excitement. She wanted to know about everything that had happened. We spent all day relating our experience to her. Although we explained as fully as we could about every detail of our visit, it was obvious to us that she wasn't listening to it all. She appeared to be filtering out the details that she wasn't particularly interested in and getting excited about anything to do with her making a trip to see Harry. 'I've got nothing to wear. I need to sort my clothes out.' she said repeatedly. She really was behaving like a giddy schoolgirl.

She seemed almost oblivious of anything except her thoughts about going to America. She insisted that such a trip would be very nice for both of them. It was as if she had already decided that she was going to make the trip, irrespective of anything I might have to say to her about what she would find. I realized that I had something of a problem on my hands. She didn't seem to care about practical considerations regarding the trip. As far as Harry's health was concerned, she kept insisting that she could look after him. She said it would be a very worthwhile thing to do. After all, she reasoned, she has nothing to do over here. With her continual interruptions, I hadn't yet had any real opportunity to explain to her about Harry's history of drinking.

After Kay and Amy arrived home from school, we had to repeat our stories for their benefit. The girls loved every minute of it. Of course my mother was involved in the conversation and frequently interjected with comments regarding her own memories and her antic.i.p.ations about what she would find when she went over there. It was very clear from the way she was talking that she fully intended going, despite anything I might say to put her off.