The English Spy Part 29

And now the wrathful rabble rave, And quick returne withe club and stave; And heades righte learn'd in cla.s.sic lore Felt as they'd never felt before. Now fierce and b.l.o.o.d.y growes the fraye: In vaine the mayore and sheriffe praye For peace--to cool the townsmens' ire, Intreatie but impelles the fire. Downe with the Towne! the scholairs cry; Downe with the Gowne! the towne reply. Loud rattle the caps of the clerkes in aire, And the citizens many a sortie beare; And many a churchman fought his waye, Like a heroe in the bloodie fraye. And one right portlie father slewe Of rabble townsmen not a fewe. And now 'mid the battle's strife and din There came to the Easterne gate, The heralde of our lorde the kinge, With his merrie men all in state. "G.o.d help us!" quoth the courtlie childe, "What means this noise within? With joye the people have run wilde." And so he peeped him in, And throughe the wicker-gate he spied, And marvelled much thereat, The streets withe crimson current dyed, And Towne and Gowne laide flat. Then he called his merrie men aloud, To bringe him a ladder straighte; The trumpet sounds--the warlike crowde In a moment forget theire hate. Up rise the wounded, down theire arms Both Towne and Gowne do lie; The kinge's approache ye people charmes, And alle looke merrilie. For howe'er Towne and Gowne may fighte, Yet bothe are true to ye kinge. So on bothe may learning and honour lighte, Let all men gailie singe.{1}

~265~~

1 The above imitation of the style of the ancient ballad is founded on traditional circ.u.mstances said to have occurred when the pacific king James visited Oxford.--_Bernard Blackmantle_.

_Intestine broils and civil wars of Oxford_.--Anthony Wood, the faithful historian of Oxford, gives an account of a quarrel between the partisans of St. Guinbald and the residents of Oxford, in the days of Alfred, on his refounding the university, A.D. 886. After his death the continual inroads of the Danes kept the Oxonians in perpetual alarm, and in the year 979 they destroyed the town by fire, and repeated their outrage upon the new built town in 1002. Seven years after, Swein, the Danish leader, was repulsed by the inhabitants in a similar attempt, who took vengeance on their im-placable enemy by a general ma.s.sacre on the feast of St. Brice. In the civil commotions under the Saxon prince, Oxford had again its full share of the evils of war. After the death of Harold, William the Conqueror was bravely opposed by the citizens in his attempt to enter Oxford, which effecting by force, he was so much exas- perated at their attachment to Harold, that he bestowed the government of the town on Robert de Oilgo, a Norman, with permission to build a castle to keep his Oxford subjects in awe. The disturbances during the reign of Stephen and his successor were frequent, and in the reign of John, A. D.

1209, an unfortunate occurrence threatened the entire destruction of Oxford as a seat of learning. A student, engaged in thoughtless diversion, killed a woman, and fled from justice. A band of citizens, with the mayor at their head, surrounded the hall to which he belonged, and demanded the offender; on being informed of his absence, the lawless mult.i.tude seized three of the students, who were entirely unconnected with the transaction, and ob-tained an order from the weak king (whose dislike to the clergy is known), to put the innocent persons to death--an order which was but too promptly obeyed. The scholars, justly en-raged by this treatment, quitted Oxford, some to Cambridge and Reading, and others to Maidstone, in Kent. The offended students also applied to the Pope, who laid the city under an interdict and discharged all professors from teaching in it. This step completely humbled the citizens, who sent a deputation of the most respectable to wait on the Pope's legate (then at Westminster) to acknowledge their rashness and request mercy; the legate (Nicholas, Bishop of Tusculum, ) granted their pet.i.tion only on the most humiliating terms. The mayor and corporation were en-joined, by way of penance, to proceed annually, on the day dedicated to St. Nicholas, to all the parish churches bare-headed, with hempen halters round their necks, and whips in their hands, on their bare feet, and in their' s.h.i.+rts, and there pray the benefit of absolution from the priests, repeating the penitential psalms, and to pay a mark of silver per annum to the students of the hall peculiarly injured; in addition to which they were, on the recurrence of the same day, to entertain one hundred poor scholars "_honestis refectionibus_," the abbot of Evesham yearly paying sixteen s.h.i.+llings towards the festival expense A part of this ceremony, but without the degrading marks of it, is continued to this day. Henry III. occasionally resided at Oxford, and held there many parliaments and councils: in the reign of this king the university flourished to an unexampled degree, the number of students being estimated at fifteen thousand. Its popularity was about this time also greatly increased from the circ.u.mstance of not less than one thousand students quitting the learned inst.i.tutions of Paris, and repairing to Oxford for instruction; but these foreigners introduced so dangerous a levity of manners, that the Pope deemed it necessary to send his legate for the purpose of reforming " certain flagrant corruptions of the place." The legate was at first treated with much affected civility, but an occasion for quarrel being soon found, he would, in all probability, have been sacrificed upon the spot, had he not hidden himself in a belfry from the fury of the a.s.sailants. This tumult was, by the exercise of some strong measures, speedily appeased; but the number of students was at this period infinitely too great to preserve due subordination. They divided themselves into parties, among which the north and south countrymen were the most violent, and their quarrels hara.s.sing and perpetual.

According to the rude temper of the age, these disputes were not settled by argument, but by dint of blows; and the peace of the city was in this way so often endangered, that the king thought it expedient to add to the civil power two aldermen and eight burgesses a.s.sistant, together with two bailiffs. From petty and intestine broils, the students appear to have acquired a disposition for political inter- ference. When Prince Edward, returning from Paris, marched with an army towards Wales, coming to Oxford he was by the burghers refused admittance, "on occasion of the tumults now prevailing among the barons:" he quartered his soldiers in the adjacent villages, and "lodged himself that night in the royal palace of Magdalen," the next morning proceeding on his intended journey; but the scholars, who were shut in the town, being desirous to salute a prince whom they loved so much, first a.s.sembled round _Smith-gate_, and demanded to be let into the fields, which being refused by one of the bailiffs, they returned to their hostels for arms and broke open the gate, whereupon the mayor arrested many of them, and, on the chancellor's request, was so far from releasing them that he ordered the citizens to bring out their banners and display them in the midst of the street; and then embattling them, commanded a sudden onset on the rest of the scholars remaining in the town; and much blood-shed had been committed had not a scholar, by the sound of the school-bell in Saint Mary's church, given notice of the danger that threatened the students, then at dinner. On this alarm they straightways armed and went out, and in a tremendous conflict subdued and put the townsmen to flight. In consequence of this tumult, the king required the scholars to retire from the city during the time of holding his parliament; the chief part of the students accordingly repaired to Northampton, where, shortly after the insurgent barons had fortified themselves, on the king's laying siege to the place, the scholars, offended by their late removal, joined with the n.o.bility, and repaired to arms under their own standard, behaving in the fight with conspicuous gallantry, and greatly increasing the wrath of the king; who, however, on the place being subdued, was restrained from pur-suing them to extremities, from prudential motives.

As the kingdom became more settled, the disturbances were less frequent, and within the last century a.s.sumed the character of sportive rows rather than malicious feuds. On a recent lamentable occasion (now happily forgotten) the political feelings of the Gown and Town in some measure revived the spirit of the "olden time;" but since then Peace has waved her olive-branch over the city of Oxford, and perfect harmony, let us hope, will exist between Town and Gown for evermore.

~266~~

The veil of night was more than half drawn, ere the youthful inmates of the Mitre retired to rest; and many of the party were compelled to put up with sorry accommodation, such was the influx of ~267~~gownsmen who, shut out of lodging and college, had sought this refuge to wait the approaching morn;--a morn big with the fate of many a scholastic woe--of lectures and reprovals from tutors, and fines and impositions and denunciations from princ.i.p.als, of proctorial reports to the vice-chancellor, and examinations before the _big wigs_, and sentences of expulsion 268~~and rustication: coming evils which, by antic.i.p.ation, kept many a man awake upon his pillow, spite of the perilous fatigue which weighed so heavy upon the exhausted frame. The freshman had little to fear: he could plead his ignorance of college rules, or escape notice altogether, from not having yet domiciled within the walls of a college.

Although I had little to expect from the apprehension of any of these troubles, as my person was, from my short residence, most likely unknown to any of the authorities--yet did Morpheus refuse his soporific balsam to the mind--I could not help thinking of my young and giddy companions, of the kind-hearted Eglantine, immured within the walls of a dungeon; of the n.o.ble-spirited Echo, maltreated and disfigured by the temporary loss of an eye; of the facetious Bob Transit, so bruised and exhausted, that a long illness might be expected; and, lastly, of our Eton s.e.xtile, the incomparable exquisite Lionise, who, if discovered in his dangerous frolic, would, perhaps, have to leap out of a first floor window at the risk of his neck, sustain an action for damages, and his expulsion from college at the same time. Little d.i.c.k Gradus, with his usual cunning, had s.h.i.+rked us at the commencement of hostilities; and the Honourable Mr. Sparkle had been carried home to his lodging, early in the fray, more overcome by hard drinking than hard fighting, and there safely put to bed by the indefatigable Mark Supple, to whose friendly zeal and more effective arm we were all much indebted. In this reflective mood, I had watched the retiring shadows of the night gradually disperse before the gray-eyed morn, and had just caught a glimpse of the golden streaks which illumine the face of day, when my o'er-wearied spirit sank to rest.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page269]

A little before seven o'clock I was awoke by Echo, who came into my room to borrow some clean linen, to enable him to attend chapel prayers at Christ Church. Judge my surprise when I perceived my one-eyed ~269~~warrior completely restored to his full sight, and not the least appearance of any partic.i.p.ation in the affair of the previous night.

"What? you can't comprehend how I managed my black optic? hey, old fellow," said Echo; "you shall hear: knocked up Transit, and made him send for his colours, and paint it over--looks quite natural, don't it?--defy the big wigs to find it out--and if I can but make all right by a sop to the old Cerberus at the gate, and _queer_ the _p.r.i.c.k bills_ at chapel prayers, I hope to escape the _quick-sands of rustication_, and pa.s.s safely through the _creek of proctorial jeopardy_. If you're fond of fun, old fellow, jump up and view the Christ Church men proceeding to _black matins_ this morning. After the Roysten hunt yesterday--the dinner at the Black Bear at Woodstock--and the _Town and Gown row_ of last night, there will be a motley procession this morning, I'll bet a hundred." The opportunity was a rare one to view the effect of late drinking upon early risers (see Plate); slipping on my academicals, therefore, I accompanied my friend Tom to morning prayers,--a circ.u.mstance, as I have since been informed, which would have involved me in very serious disgrace, had the appearance of an _ex college_ man at vespers attracted the notice of any of the big wigs.

Fortunately, however, I escaped the prying eyes of authority, which, on these occasions, are sometimes as much under the dominion of Morpheus--and literally walk in their sleep from custom--as the young and inexperienced betray the influence of some more seductive charm. The very bell that called the drowsy student from his bed seemed to rise and fall in accordant sympathy with the lethargic humour that prevailed, tolling in slow and half-sounding notes scarcely audible beyond the college gates. The broken light, that shed its misty hue through the monastic aisle of painted windows and cl.u.s.tered columns, gave an increased appearance of drowsiness to the scene; while the chilling air of the ~270~~morning nipped the young and dissolute, as it fell in hazy dews upon the bare-headed sons of _alma mater_, within many of whose bosoms the fires of the previous night's debauch were but scarce extinguished. Then came the lazy unwashed _scout_, crawling along the quadrangle, rubbing his heavy eyes, and cursing his hard fate to be thus compelled to give early notice to some slumbering student of the hour of seven, waking him from dreams of bliss, by thundering at his _oak_ the summons to _black matins_. Now crept the youthful band along the avenue, and one by one the drowsy congregation stole through the Gothic ante-chamber that leads to Christ Church chapel, like unwilling victims to some pious sacrifice. Here a lengthened yawn proclaimed the want of rest, and near a tremulous step and heavy half-closed eye was observed, pacing across the marble floor, with hand pressed to his _os frontis_, as if a thousand odd and sickly fantasies inhabited that chamber of the muses. Now two friends might be seen, supporting a third, whose ghastly aspect bespoke him fresh in the sacred mysteries of college parties and of Bacchus; but who had, nevertheless, undergone a tolerable seasoning on the previous night. There a jolly Nimrod, who had just cleared the college walls, and reached his rooms time enough to cover his hunting frock and boots with his academicals, was seen racing along, to 'scape the _p.r.i.c.k bill's_ report, with his round hunting cap in his hand, in lieu of the square tufted trencher of the schools. Night-caps thrown off in the entry--shoes and stockings tied in the aisle--a red slipper and the black jockey boot decorating one pair of legs was no uncommon sight; while on every side rushed forward the anxious group with gowns on one arm, or trailing after them, or loosely thrown around the shoulders to escape tribulation, with here and there a sentimental-looking personage of portly habit and solemn gait moving slowly on, filled up the motley picture. The prayers were, indeed, brief, and ~271~~hurried through with a rapidity that, I dare say, is never complained of by the _togati_; but is certainly little calculated to impress the youthful mind with any serious respect for these relics of monkish custom, which, after all, must be considered more in the light of a punishment for those who are compelled to attend than any necessary or instructive service connected with the true interests of orthodoxy. In a quarter of an hour the whole group had dispersed to their respective rooms, and within the five minutes next ensuing, I should suppose, the greater part were again comfortably deposited beneath their bedclothes, snoozing away the time till ten or twelve, to make up for these inroads on the slumbers of the previous night. A few hours spent in my friend's rooms, lolling on the sofa, while the scout prepared breakfast, and Tom decorated his person, brought the awful hour of the morning, when all who had taken any very conspicuous share in the events of the previous night were likely to hear of their misdoings, and receive a summons to appear before the vice-chancellor in the Divinity school, better known by the name of _Golgotha_, or the place of skulls, (see Plate); where, on this occasion, he was expected to meet the big wigs, to confer on some important measures necessary for the future peace and welfare of the university. The usual time had elapsed for these unpleasant visitations, and Echo was chuckling finely at his dexterity in evading the eye of authority, nor was I a little pleased to have escaped myself, when a single rap at the oak, not unlike the hard determined thump of an inflexible dun, in one moment revived all our worst apprehensions, and, unfortunately, with too much reason for the alarm. The proctors had marked poor Tom, and traced him out, and this visit was from one of their bull-dogs, bringing a summons for Echo to attend before the vice-chancellor and dignitaries. "What's to be done, old fellow?" said Echo; "I shall be ~272~~expelled to a certainty--and, if I don't strike my own name off the books at the b.u.t.tery hatch, shall be prevented making a retreat to Cam roads.--You're out of the sc.r.a.pe, that's clear, and that affords me some hope; for as you are fresh, your word will pa.s.s for something in extenuation, or arrest of judgment." After some little time spent in antic.i.p.ating the charges likely to be brought against him, and arranging the best mode of defence, it was agreed that Echo should proceed forthwith to _Golgotha_, and there, with undaunted front, meet his accusers; while I was to proceed to Transit and Lionise, and having instructed them in the story we had planned, meet him at the _place of skulls_, fully prepared to establish, by the most incontrovertible and consistent evidence, that we were not the aggressors in the row. A little persuasion was necessary to convince both our friends that their presence would be essential to Echo's acquittal; they had too many just qualms, and fears, and prejudices of this inquisitorial court not to dread perhaps detection, and a severe reprimand themselves: having, however, succeeded in this point, we all three compared notes, and proceeded to where the vice-chancellor and certain heads of houses sat in solemn judgment on the trembling _togati_. Echo was already under examination; one of the _bull-dogs_ had sworn particularly to Tom's being a most active leader in the fray of the previous night; and having, in the contest, suffered a complete disorganization of his lower jaw, with the total loss of sundry of his _front rails_, he took this opportunity of affixing the honour of the deed to my unlucky friend, expecting, no doubt, a very handsome recompense would be awarded him by the court. Expostulation was in vain: Transit, Lionise, and myself were successively called in and examined very minutely, and although we all agreed to a letter in our story, and made a very clever ~273~~defence of the culprit, we yet had the mortification to hear from little Dodd, who kept the door, and who is always best pleased when he can convey unpleasant tidings to the Gown, that Echo had received sentence of rustication for the remainder of the term; and that Eglantine, in consideration of the imprisonment he had already undergone, and some favourable circ.u.mstances in his case, was let off with a fine and imposition.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page273]

Thus ended the row of the _Town and Gown_, as far as our party was personally concerned; but many of the members of the different colleges were equally unfortunate in meeting the heavy censures and judgments of authority. I have just taken possession of my _hospitium_, and set down with a determination _to f.a.gg_; do, therefore, keep your promise, and enliven the dull routine of college studies with some account of the world at Brighton.

Bernard Blackmantle.

On what dread perils doth the youth adventure, Who dares within the Fellows' Bog to enter.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page273b]

[Ill.u.s.tration: page274]

THE STAGE COACH,

OR THE TRIP TO BRIGHTON.

_Improvements in Travelling--Contrast of ancient and modern Conveyances and Coachmen--Project for a new Land Steam Carriage--The Inn-yard at the Golden Cross, Charing Cross-- Mistakes of Pas-sengers--Variety of Characters--Advantages of the Box-seat--Obstructions on the Road--A Pull-up at the Elephant and Castle--Move on to Kensington Common--Hew Churches--Civic Villas at Brixton--Modern Taste in Architecture described-Arrival at Croydon; why not now the King's Road?--The Joliffe Hounds--A Hunting Leader-- Anecdotes of the Horse, by Coachee--The new Tunnel at Reigate--The Baron's Chamber--The Golden Ball--the Silver Ball--and the Golden Calf--Entrance into Brighton._

~275~~ That every age is an improved edition of the former I am not (recollecting the splendid relics of antiquity) prepared to admit; but that the present is particularly distinguished for discoveries in science, and vast improvements in mechanical arts, every accurate observer must allow: the _prodigious_ inventions of late years cannot fail in due time of producing that perfectibility, the great consummation denominated the Millennium. Of all other improvements, perhaps the most conspicuous are in the powers of motion as connected with the mode and means of travelling. With what astonishment, were it possible to reanimate the clay-cold relics, would our ancestors survey the accelerated perfection to which coaching is brought in the present day! The journey from London to Brighton, for instance, was, half-a-century since, completed at great risk in twenty-four hours, over a rough road that threatened destruction at every turn; and required the most laborious exertion to reach the summit of precipices that are now, like a ruined spendthrift, cut through and through: the declivities too have disappeared, and from its level face, the whole country would appear to have undergone another revolutionary change, even to the horses, harness, and the driver of the vehicle. In such a country as this, where a disposition to activity and a rambling propensity to seek their fortunes forms one of the most distinguis.h.i.+ng characteristics, it was to be expected that travelling would be brought to great perfection; but the most sanguine in this particular could never have antic.i.p.ated the rapidity with which we are now whirled from one end of the kingdom to the other; fifty-two miles in five hours and a quarter, five changes of horses, and the same coachman to whisk you back again to supper over the same ground, and within the limits of the same day. No _ruts or quarterings_ now--all level as a bowling-green--half-bred blood cattle--bright bra.s.s harness--_minute and a half time_ to change--and a well-bred gentlemanly fellow for a coachman, who amuses you ~276~~with a volume of anecdotes, if you are fortunate enough to secure the box-seat, or touches his hat with the _congee_ of a courtier, as he pockets your tributary s.h.i.+lling at parting. No necessity either for settling your worldly affairs, or taking an affectionate farewell of a long string of relations before starting; travelling being now brought to a security unparalleled, and letters patent having pa.s.sed the great seal of England to ensure, by means of _safety coaches_, the lives of her rambling subjects. There requires but one other invention to render the whole perfect, and that, if we may believe the newspapers, is very near completion--a coach to go without horses: to this I beg leave to propose, the steam apparatus might be made applicable to all the purposes of a portable kitchen. The coachman, instead of being a good judge of horse-flesh, to be selected from a first rate London tavern for his proficiency in cooking, a known prime hand at decomposing a turtle; instead of a book of roads, in the inside pocket should be placed a copy of Mrs. Gla.s.se on Cookery, or Dr. Kitchener on Culinaries; where the fore-boot now is might be constructed a glazed larder, filled with all the good things in season: then too the accommodation to invalids, the back seat of the coach, might be made applicable to all the purposes of a shampooing or vapour bath--no occasion for Molineux or his black rival Mahomed; book your patients inside back seat in London, wrap them up in blankets, and give directions to the cook to keep up a good steam thermometer during the journey, 120, and you may deliver them safe at Brighton, properly hashed and reduced for any further medical experiments. (See Engraving, p. 274.) The accommodation to fat citizens, and western _gourmands_, would be excellent, the very height of luxury and refinement--inhaling the salubrious breeze one moment, and gurgling down the glutinous calipash the next; no ~277~~exactions of impudent waiters, or imposing landlords, or complaints of dying from hunger, or choking from the want of time to masticate; but every wish gratified and every sense employed. Then how jovial and pleasant it would appear to see perched up in front a John Bull-looking fellow in a snow-white jacket, with a night-cap and ap.r.o.n of the same, a carving-knife in a case by his side, and a poker in his hand to stir up the steam-furnace, or singe a highwayman's wig, should any one attack the coach; this indeed would be an improvement worthy of the age, and call forth the warmest and most grateful tributes of applause from all ranks in society. For myself, I have always endeavoured to read "men more than books," and have ever found an endless diversity of character, a never-failing source of study and amus.e.m.e.nt in a trip to a watering-place: perched on the top in summer, or pinched inside in winter of a stage-coach, here, at leisure and unknown, I can watch the varied groups of all nations as they roam about for profit or for pleasure, and note their varieties as they pa.s.s away like the retiring landscape, never perhaps to meet the eye again.

The excursion to Brighton was no sooner finally arranged, than declining the proffered seat in D'Almaine's travelling carriage, I packed up my portmanteau, and gave directions to my servant to book me outside at the Golden Cross, by the seven o'clock morning coach, for Brighton; taking care to secure the box-seat, by the payment of an extra s.h.i.+lling to the porter.

An inn-yard, particularly such a well-frequented one as the Golden Cross, Charing Cross, affords the greatest variety of character and entertainment to a humorist. Vehicles to all parts of the kingdom, and from the inscription on the Dover coaches, I might add to all parts of the world, _via Paris_. "Does that coach go the whole way to France?"

said an ~278~~unsuspecting little piece of female simplicity to me, as I stood lolling on the steps at the coach-office door. "Certainly,"

replied I, unthinkingly. "O, then I suppose," said the speaker, "they have finished the projected chain-pier from Dover to Calais." "France and England united? nothing more impossible," quoth I, correcting the impression I had unintentionally created. "Are you going by the Brighton, mam?" "Yes, I be." "Can't _take_ all that luggage." "Then you sha'n't _take_ me." "Don't wish to be __taken for a waggon-man."

"No, but by Jasus, friend, you are a wag-on-her," said a merry-faced Hibernian, standing by. "Have you paid down the _dust_, mam?" inquired the last speaker. "I have paid for my place, sir," said the lady; "and I shall lose two, if I don't go." "Then by the powers, cookey, you had better pay for one and a half, and that will include luggage, and then you'll be a half gainer by the bargain." "What a cursed narrow hole this is for a decent-sized man to cram himself in at?" muttered an enormous bulky citizen, sticking half-way in the coach-door, and panting for breath from the violence of his exertions to drag his hind-quarters after him. "Take these hampers on the top, Jack," said the porter below to the man loading the coach, and quietly rested the baskets across the projecting _ultimatum_ of the fat citizen (to the no little amus.e.m.e.nt of the bystanders), who through his legs vociferated, "I'll indict you, fellows; I'll be----if I don't, under d.i.c.k Martin's act." "It must be then, my jewel," said the waggish Hibernian, "for overloading a mule."

"Do we take _the whole_ of you to-day, sir?" said coachee, a.s.sisting to push him in. "What do you mean by _the whole_? I am only one man."

"A master tailor," said coachee, aside, "he must be then, with the _pickings_ of nine poor journeymen in his paunch." "Ish tere any room outs.h.i.+de te coach?" bawled out a black-headed little Israelite; "ve shall be all shmotered vithin, ~279~~tish hot day; here are too peepels ins.h.i.+te, vat each might fill a coach by temselves." "All right--all right; take care of your heads, gemmen, going under the gateway; give the bearing rein of the near leader one twist more, and pole up the off wheeler a link or two. All right, Tom--all right--stand away from the horses' heads, there--ehewt, fee'e't!"--smack goes the whip, and away goes the Brighton Times like a Congreve rocket, filled with all manner of combustibles.

The box-seat has one considerable advantage--it exempts you from the inquisitive and oftentimes impertinent conversation of a mixed group of stage-coach pa.s.sengers; in addition to which, if you are fond of driving, a foible of mine, I confess, it affords an opportunity for an extra lesson on the n.o.ble art of _handling the ribbons_, and at the same time puts you in possession of all the topographical, descriptive, and anecdotal matter relative to the resident gentry and the road.

The first two miles from the place of starting is generally occupied in clearing obstructions on the road, taking up old maids at their own houses, with pug-dogs, pattens, and parrots, or pert young misses at their papas' shop-doors; whose mammas take this opportunity of delaying a coach-load of people to display their maternal tenderness at parting, while the junior branches of the family hover round the vehicle, and a.s.sail your ears with lisping out their eternal "good b'yes," and the old hairless head of the family is seen slyly _tipping_ coachee an extra s.h.i.+lling to take care of his darling girl. The Elephant and Castle produces another _pull-up_, and here a branch-coach brings a load of lumber from the city, which, while the porter is stowing away, gives time to exhibit the _lions_ who are leaving London in every direction.

King's Bench rulers with needy habiliments, and lingering looks, sighing for term-time and ~280~~a _horse_,{1} on one side the road, and Jews, newsmen, and _touters_, on the other; who nearly _give away_ their goods, if you believe them, for the good of the nation, or force you into a coach travelling in direct opposition to the road for which you have been booked, and in which your luggage may by such mischance happily precede you at least half a day. At length all again is declared right, the supervisor delivers his _way-bill_, and forward moves the coach, at a somewhat brisker pace, to Kennington Common. I shall not detain my readers here with a long dull account of the unfortunate rebels who suffered on this spot in 1745; but rather direct their attention to a neat Protestant church, which has recently been erected on the s.p.a.ce between the two roads leading to Croydon and Sutton, the portico of which is in fine architectural taste, and the whole building a very great accommodation and distinguished ornament to the neighbourhood. About half a mile farther, on the rise of Brixton hill, is another newly erected church, the portico in the style of a Greek temple, and in an equally commanding situation: from this to Croydon, ten miles, you have a tolerable specimen of civic taste in rural architecture.

On both sides of the road may be seen a variety of incongruous edifices, called villas and cottage _ornees_, peeping up in all the pride of a retired linen-draper, or the consequential authority of a man in office, in as many varied styles of architecture as of dispositions in the different proprietors, and all exhibiting (in their possessors' opinion) claims to the purest and most refined taste.

For example, the bas.e.m.e.nt story is in the Chinese or Venetian style, the first floor in that of the florid Gothic, with tiles and a pediment _a-la-Nash_, at the Bank; a doorway with inclined jambs, and a hieroglyphic _a-la-Greek_: a gable-ended gla.s.s _lean to_ on

1 A day-rule, so called.

~281~~one side, about big enough for a dog-kennel, is called a green-house, while a similar erection on the other affords retirement for the _t.i.t_ and tilbury; the door of which is always set wide open in fine weather, to display to pa.s.sers-by the splendid equipage of the occupier. The parterre in front (green as the jaundiced eye of their less fortunate brother tradesmen) is enriched with some dozens of vermilion-coloured flower-pots mounted on a j.a.panned verdigris frame, sending forth odoriferous, balmy, and enchanting gales to the grateful olfactory organs, from the half-withered stems of pining and consumptive geraniums; to complete the picture, two unique plaster casts of naked figures, the Apollo Belvidere and the Venus de Medici, at most a foot in alt.i.tude, are placed on clumsy wooden pedestals of three times that height before the parlour-windows, painted in a chaste flesh-colour, and guarded by a Whitechapel bull-cdog, who, like another Cerberus, sits growling at the gate to fright away the child of poverty, and insult the less wealthy pedestrian.

Happy country! where every man can consult his own taste, and build according to his own fancy, amalgamating in one structure all the known orders and varieties, Persian, Egyptian, Athenian, and European.

Croydon in 1573 contained the _archiepiscopal palace_ of the celebrated Archbishop Parker, who, as well as his successor Whitgift, here had frequently the honour to entertain Queen Elizabeth and her court: the manor since the reign of William the Conqueror has belonged to the Archbishops of Canterbury. The church is a venerable structure, and the stately tower, embowered with woods and flanked by the Surrey hills, a most picturesque and commanding object; the interior contains some monuments of antiquity well worthy the attention of the curious. The town itself has little worthy of note except the hospital, ~282~~founded by Archbishop Whitgift for a warder and twenty poor men and women, decayed housekeepers of Croyden and Lambeth: a very comfortable and well-endowed retirement.

"This was formerly the King's road," said coachee, "but the radicals having thought proper to insult his majesty on his pa.s.sing through to Brighton during the affair of the late Queen, he has ever since gone by the way of Sutton: a circ.u.mstance that has at least operated to produce one christian virtue among the inhabitants, namely, that of humility; before this there was no _getting change_ for a civil sentence from them."

To Merstham seven miles, the road winds through a bleak valley called Smithem Bottom, till recently the favourite resort of the c.o.c.kney gunners for rabbit-shooting; but whether from the noise of their harmless double-barrel _Nocks_, or the more dreadful carnage of the Croydon poachers, these animals are now exceedingly scarce in this neighbourhood. Just as we came in sight of Merstham, the distant view halloo of the huntsman broke upon our ears, when the near-leader rising upon his haunches and neighing with delight at the inspiring sound, gave us to understand that he had not always been used to a life of drudgery, but in earlier times had most likely carried some daring Nimrod to the field, and bounded with fiery courage o'er hedge and gate, through dell and brake, outstripping the fleeting wind to gain the honour of _the brush_. Ere we had gained the village, reynard and the whole field broke over the road in their scarlet frocks, and dogs and horses made a dash away for a steeple chase across the country, led by the worthy-hearted owner of the pack, the jolly fox-hunting Colonel, Hilton Jolliffe, whose residence caps the summit of the hill. From hence to Reigate, four miles farther, there was no circ.u.mstance or object of interest, if I except a very romantic tale coachee ~283~~narrated of his hunting leader, who had of course been bred in the stud of royalty itself, and had since been the property of two or three sporting peers, when, having put out a _spavin_, during the last hunting season, he was sold for a __machiner; but being since fired and turned out, he had come up all right, and was now, according to coachee's disinterested opinion, one of the best hunters in the kingdom. As I was not exactly the customer coachee was looking for, being at the time pretty well mounted, I thought it better to indulge him in the joke, particularly as any doubt on my part might have soured the whip, and made him sullen for the rest of the journey.

At Reigate a trifling accident happened to one of the springs of the coach, which detained us half an hour, and enabled me to pay a visit to the celebrated sand cavern, where, it is reported, the Barons met, during the reign of King John, to hold their councils and draw up that great _palladium_ of English liberty, _Magna Charta_, which was afterwards signed at Runnymede.

There was something awful about this stupendous excavation that impressed me with solemn thoughtfulness; it lies about sixty feet from the surface of the earth, and is divided into three apartments with arched roofs, the farthest of which is designated the Barons' Chamber.

Time flowed back upon my memory as I sat in the niches hewn out in the sides of the cavern, and meditation deep usurped my mind as I dwelt on the recollections of history; on the

"Majestic forms, and men of other times, Retired to fan the patriotic fire, Which, bursting forth at Runnymede, With rays of glory lightened all the land!"

Near to the mouth of this cavern stands the remains of Holms Castle, celebrated in the history of the civil wars between Charles the First and his parliament; and on the site of an ancient monastic establishment, ~284~~near to the spot, has been erected a handsome modern mansion called the Priory of Holmsdale, the name of the valley in which the town is situate. Returning to the inn I observed the new tunnel, which we had previously pa.s.sed under, a recent work of great labour and expense, which saves a considerable distance in the approach to the town; it has been princ.i.p.ally effected by a wealthy innkeeper, and certainly adds much to the advantage and beauty of the place.

Coachee had now made all right, and his anxious pa.s.sengers were again replaced in their former situations to proceed on our journey. The next stage, ten miles, to Crawley, a picturesque place, afforded little variety, if I except an immense elm which stands by the side of the road as you enter, and has a door in front to admit the curious into its hollow trunk. Our next post was Cuckfield, nine miles, where I did not discover any thing worthy of narration; from this to Brighton, twelve miles, coachee amused me with some anecdotes of persons whom we pa.s.sed upon the road. A handsome chariot, with a most divine little creature in the inside, and a good-looking _roue_, with huge mustachios, first attracted my notice: "that is the golden Ball," said coachee, "and his new wife; he often _rolls down_ this road for a day or two--spends his cash like an emperor--and before he was _tied up_ used to tip pretty freely for _handling the ribbons_, but that's all up now, for _Mamsell_ Mercandotti finds him better amus.e.m.e.nt. A gem-man who often comes down with me says his father was a slopseller in Ratcliffe Highway, and afterwards marrying the widow of Admiral Hughes, a rich old West India nabob, he left this young gemman the bulk of his property, and a very worthy fellow he is: but we've another rich fellow that's rather notorious at Brighton, which we distinguish by the name of the _silver Ball_, only he's a bit of a _screw_, and has lately ~285~~got himself into a sc.r.a.pe about a pretty actress, from which circ.u.mstance they have changed his name to the _Foote Ball_. I suppose you guess where I am now," said coachee, tipping me one of his knowing winks. "Do you see that machine before us, a sort of cabriolet, with two horses drove in a curricle bar? that is another _swell_ who is very fond of Brighton, a Jew gentleman of the name of Solomon, whom the wags have made a Christian of by the new appellation of the _golden calf_; but his G.o.dfathers were never more out in their lives, for in _splitting a bob_, it's my opinion, he'd bother all Bevis Marks and the Stock Exchange into the bargain." In this way we trotted along, gathering good air and information at every step, until we were in sight of Brighton Downs, a long chain of hills, which appear on either side; with their undulating surfaces covered with the sweet herb wild thyme, and diversified by the numerous flocks of South-down sheep grazing on their loftiest summits.

After winding through the romantic valley of Preston, the white-fronted houses and glazed bricks of Brighton break upon the sight, sparkling in the sun-beams, with a distant glimpse of the sea, appearing, at first sight, to rise above the town like a blue mountain in the distance: we entered the place along what is called the London Road, with a view of the Pavilion before us, the favourite abode of royalty, shooting its minaret towers and gla.s.s dome upwards in the most grotesque character, not unlike the representations of the Kremlin at Moscow; exciting, at the first glance, among the pa.s.sengers, the most varied and amusing sallies of witticisms and conjectures.--Having procured a sketch of it from this view, I shall leave you to contemplate, while I retire to my inn and make the necessary arrangements for refreshment and future habitation.

By way of postscript, I enclose you a very entertaining scene I witnessed between D'Almaine and ~286~~his wife the night previous to my journey: they are strange creatures; but you love eccentrics, and may be amused with this little drama, which formed the motive for my visit.

Horatio Heartly.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page286]

THE PROPOSITION.

_Family Secrets--Female Tactics--How to carry the Point._

~287~~"It was ever thus, D'Almaine," said Lady Mary; "always hesitating between a natural liberality of disposition, and a cold, calculating, acquired parsimony, that has never increased our fortune in the sum of sixpence, or added in the slightest degree to our domestic comforts."