Redemption and two other plays Part 10

FeDYA. No, just what I owe him.

[Exit IVaN PETROVICH, whistling. FeDYA sighs with a sense of relief, takes the revolver, c.o.c.ks it, stands at mirror on wall up R., and puts it close to his temple. Then s.h.i.+vers, and lets his hand drop.

I can't do it. I can't do it.

[Pause. MASHA is heard singing. MASHA bursts into the room.

MASHA (breathless). I've been everywhere looking for you. To Popov's, Afremov's, then I guessed you'd be here. (Crosses to him. Sees revolver, turns, faces him quickly, concealing it with her body, stands very tense and taut, looking at him.) Oh, you fool! You hideous fool! Did you think you'd----

FeDYA (still completely unnerved). Awful! It's been awful! I tried---- (With a gesture of despair.) I couldn't----

[Crosses to table L. C.--leans against it.

MASHA (puts her hand to her face as if terribly hurt). As if I didn't exist. (Crosses over to table L. C., puts down revolver.) As if I weren't in your life at all. Oh, how G.o.dless you are! (Brokenly.) Tell me, tell me, what about all my love for you?

FeDYA (as if suddenly aware of a great fatigue). I wanted to set them free. I promised to--and when the time came I couldn't.

MASHA. And what about me? What about me?

FeDYA. I thought you'd be free, too. Surely my torturing you can't make you happy.

MASHA. Oh, I can look out for myself. Maybe I'd rather be unhappy, miserable, wretched with you every minute than even think of living without you.

FeDYA (up R.--half to himself). If I'd finished just now, you would have cried bitterly perhaps, my Masha, but you would have lived past it.

MASHA. Oh, d.a.m.n you, don't be so sure I'd cry at all. Can't you even be sorry for me?

[She tries to conceal her tears.

FeDYA. Oh G.o.d, I only wanted to make everybody happier.

MASHA. Yourself happier, you mean.

FeDYA (smiling). Would I have been happier to be dead now?

MASHA (sulkily). I suppose you would. (Suddenly in a tender voice, crossing to him.) But, Fedya, do you know what you want? Tell me, what do you want?

FeDYA (R). I want so many things.

MASHA (impatiently and clinging to him). But what? What?

FeDYA. First of all, I want to set them free. How can I lie? How can I crawl through the muck and filth of a divorce? I can't. (Moves to end of table and stands there facing front.) But I must set them free somehow. They're such good people, my wife and Victor. I can't bear having them suffer.

MASHA (R. of table L. C.--scornfully). Where's the good in her if she left you?

FeDYA. She didn't. I left her.

MASHA. She made you think she'd be happier without you. But go on---- (Impatiently.) Blame yourself, what else.

FeDYA. There's you, Masha. Young, lovely, awfully dear to me. If I stay alive, ah, where will you be?

MASHA. Don't bother about me. You can't hurt me.

FeDYA (sighing). But the big reason, the biggest reason of all, is myself. I'm just lost. Your father is right, my dear. I'm no good.

MASHA (crossing to him, at once tenderly and savagely). I won't unfasten myself from you. I'll stick to you, no matter where you take me, no matter what you do. You're alive, terribly alive, and I love you. Fedya, drop all this horror.

FeDYA. How can I?

MASHA (trying to project the very essence of her vitality into him).

Oh, you can, you can.

FeDYA (slowly). When I look at you, I feel as though I could do anything.

MASHA (proudly, fondly). My love, my love. You can do anything, get anywhere you want to. (FeDYA moves away impatiently up R. She sees letter.) So you have been writing to them--to tell them you'll kill yourself. You just told them you'd kill yourself, is that it? But you didn't say anything about a revolver. Oh, Fedya, let me think, there must be some way. Fedya--listen to me. Do you remember the day we all went to the picnic to the White Lakes with Mama and Afremov and the young Cossack officer? And you buried the bottles of wine in the sand to keep them cool while we went in bathing? Do you remember how you took my hands and drew me out beyond the waves till the water was quite silent and flas.h.i.+ng almost up to our throats, and then suddenly it seemed as if there were nothing under our feet? We tried to get back. We couldn't and you shouted out, "Afremov," and if he hadn't been almost beside us and pulled us in--and how cross he was with you for forgetting that you couldn't swim, and after, how wonderful it was to stretch out safely on the sands in the sunlight. Oh, how nice every one was to us that day and you kept on being so sorry for forgetting you couldn't swim! And, Fedya, don't you see? Of course, she must know you can't swim. Oh, it's all getting as clear as daylight. You will send her this beautiful letter. Your clothes will be found on the river bank--but instead of being in the river you will be far away with me--Fedya, don't you see, don't you see? You will be dead to her, but alive for me. (Embraces FeDYA.)

[The lights down and out.

CURTAIN

SCENE VI

The PROTOSOVS' drawing-room.

KAReNIN and LISA.

KAReNIN (sitting chair R.). He's promised me definitely, and I'm sure he'll keep to it.

LISA (sitting chair R. C.). I'm rather ashamed to confess it, Victor, but since I found out about this--this gypsy, I feel completely free of him. Of course, I am not in the least jealous, but knowing this makes me see that I owe him nothing more. Am I clear to you, I wonder?

KAReNIN (coming closer to her). Yes, dear, I think I'll always understand you.

LISA (smiling). Don't interrupt me, but let me speak as I think. The thing that tortured me most was I seemed to love both of you at once, and that made me seem so indecent to myself.

KAReNIN (incredulously amused). You indecent?

LISA (continuing). But since I've found out that there's another woman, that he doesn't need me any more, I feel free, quite free of him. And now I can say truthfully, I love you. Because everything is clear in my soul. My only worry is the divorce, and all the waiting to be gone through before we can---- Ah, that's torturing.

KAReNIN. Dearest, everything will be settled soon. After all, he's promised, and I've asked my secretary to go to him with the pet.i.tion and not to leave until he's signed it. Really, sometimes, if I didn't know him as I do, I'd think he was trying on purpose to discomfort us.

LISA. No. No. It's, only the same weakness and honesty fighting together in him. He doesn't want to lie. However, I'm sorry you sent him money.

KAReNIN. If I hadn't, it might have delayed things. Lisa. I know, but money seems so ugly.

KAReNIN (slightly ruffled). I hardly think it's necessary to be so delicate with Fedya.