Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop Part 15

She says he took John Bunyan by the shoulders 'n' shook him hard 'n'

asked him 'f he didn't know a radish 'n' a beet when he saw one, 'n'

John Bunyan spoke right up 'n' said, 'Course he knowed a radish 'n' a beet when he saw 'em, but how was any one to see a radish or a beet till after he pulled it up first?' Oh my! but Mrs. Fisher says Mr.

Fisher was hot about it, 'n' it was all of a half hour afore he got over his mad enough to be ready to teach John Bunyan anythin' else, 'n' then he wanted to show him the first principles of graftin', 'n'

so she put a big plate of apples where they was handy for the boy to reach, 'n' come down town herself."

Mrs. Lathrop had approached the fence step by step, and now leaned in a confidence-inspiring att.i.tude against its firm support. The sight seemed to affect Miss Clegg without her being conscious of the fact, and she abandoned her first position on the doorstep and advanced also.

"After all, we might 's well be comfortable while we visit," she commented simply, when they found themselves adjusted as of old, "'n'

come to think it over I really did hear quite a piece o' news in town.

Mrs. Duruy says she's set Felicia Hemans to makin' Sam some s.h.i.+rts 'n'

Sam is runnin' the sewin'-machine for 'em. Now o' course 'f it comes to such doin's the first day any one can figger on a week ahead, 'n' I had a good mind to say 's much to Mrs. Duruy, but then I thought if I had it in me to do any warnin' I'd best warn Felicia, 'n' as far 's my experience goes a woman afore she marries a man always admires him full 's much or maybe even more 'n' his own mother can, so it's breath wasted to try 'n' tell either of 'em a plain truth about him. Now you know, Mrs. Lathrop, 's I was never one to waste my breath, so when Mrs. Duruy said 's she was thinkin' o' goin' over to Meadville to visit her cousin, now 's she had somebody to keep her house for her, I jus' remarked as I hoped she'd get her house back when she come back 'n' let it go at that. Mrs. Allen was in after mail, 'n' she said Brunhilde Susan was in bed, 'n' the cow was all milked for the night, 'n' her mind was easy over 'em both; 'n' Gran'ma Mullins was to the drug-store after some quinine to put on little Jane's thumb. She says this week as she has little Jane she 'll jus' cure her o'

thumb-suckin' once an' f'r all time by keepin' it dipped in quinine.

"I didn't see none o' the others, but I didn't hear o' their bein' in difficulties, so I come home. Mrs. Macy says Roxana sits 'n' weeps straight along, but she says she didn't have no choice as to her drawin', for between her bein' No. 9 'n' only havin' a trundle-bed Roxana was just forced right down her throat, so she ain't botherin'

over her a _tall_. She come out to make calls this afternoon, 'n' she says she sh'll see to her own marketin' same 's ever, 'n' Roxana c'n weep or not weep to suit herself."

"I'm glad you--" said Mrs. Lathrop thoughtfully.

"I am too," said Susan quickly, "I'm glad 'n' I sh'll always stay glad. I just had that one time o' carin' for children, 'n' the Lord dealt me a lion instid of a baby, 'n' I 'm free to confess 't I've never seen no occasion to say other than Thy Will be Done. The sparrows do build awful in the notches of that lion, 'n' the nest in his mouth aggravates me so I d'n' know what to do some days, but still when all's said 'n' done a sparrow's nest in the mouth of your father's tombstone ain't any such trial as gettin' a child to bed nights 'n' keepin' its hands clean would be. 'N' if I had adopted a child, Mrs. Lathrop, I sh'd cert'nly 'a' kept it clean, f'r, if you'll excuse me remarkin' it right in your face, I was raised to wash 'n'

dust 'n' be neat. That's why that nest in my lion's mouth with the straws stickin' every way do try me so. Mr. Kimball 's forever askin'

me if the lion 's raisin' a beard against the winter, 'n' the other day he said he was give to understand 't it was tippin' a little, 'n'

I was recommended to brace him up by givin' him raw eggs for his breakfast. Well, maybe all Mr. Kimball says is very witty, but it's a poor kind o' wit, I think. He makes good enough jokes about the rest of the c'mmunity, but I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, 't I ain't never heard one joke 't he's told on me 't I considered even half-way amusin'."

Mrs. Lathrop shook her head sadly.

Then they went in.

The Sunday which followed this particular Sat.u.r.day was of a heat truly tropical. All the blinds of the Clegg and Lathrop houses stayed tightly closed all day, and it is only fair to surmise that those who remained behind them were not sorry that the minister's absence allowed them to do so with a clear conscience.

But about half-past seven in the evening Susan's shutters began to bang open with a succession of blast-like reports, and shortly after she emerged from her kitchen door and started down town. Mrs. Lathrop, who was of course cognizant of every movement on her neighbor's part, saw her go and made haste to be ready against her home-coming. To that end she set her front door hospitably open, drew two rockers out upon the porch, laid a palm-leaf fan in one, and deposited herself in the other.

It was nearly an hour before Miss Clegg returned from town. She appeared very warm, but pleased with herself for having gone. As she sank down in the chair and began to agitate the fan, Mrs. Lathrop's eyes fairly gleamed with antic.i.p.ation.

"I s'pose--" she began.

"Well, no," said Susan, "seems they ain't, after all. The air down town is more like a revival than anythin' else, everybody 's up tellin' their experience an' callin' out on Heaven to save 'em. 'N'

the worst of all is Mrs. Brown!--she _never_ knew 't Henry Ward Beecher walks in his sleep! No more did I nor n.o.body else, 'n' I must say 't I do think 't the minister 'd ought to 'a' told some of us so's we could 'a' been a little prepared, for there's many a night 's I've left clothes out on the line 's I'd never risked 'f I'd been aware o'

the possibility o' Henry Ward Beecher bein' broad-cast. Mrs. Brown says, though, 's it ain't his walkin' in his sleep as is troublin'

her, it's his eatin' in his walkin'. Mrs. Lathrop, you never hear the like o' what she told me! It's beyond all belief! He eat the Sunday layer-cake 'n' the Sunday-dinner pie 'n' the whole week's tin o'

doughnuts, 'n' then went back to bed 'n' never turned a hair. Why, she says she never _did_--in all her life. She says when she see the jelly streaks on the bed an' felt his sticky door-k.n.o.b, she was all used up, for Babes in the Woods was criminal beside the way he looked to be sleepin'. 'N' he don't remember nothin' a _tall_ to-day, not one livin' doughnut does that boy recolleck, 'n' she says 'f she didn't know it to be so on a'count o' the empty tin she'd doubt herself an'

believe him by choice, he looks so truthful. But empty tins is empty tins, 'n' no one can deny that fact.

"I see Mrs. Craig too. Mrs. Craig's some altered as to her yesterday's view in regard to Augustus. That cat 't she makes so much over 's gone, 'n' she's most crazy as a consequence. It's him as she warms her feet on winters, 'n' when I asked her how under the sun she come to feel the need o' it to-day she didn't even smile. She says she asked Augustus right off 's quick 's she missed it, 'n' all he said was, 'Wash zhat? Zhat a cat? Zhi a cat? Zhu a cat?' 'n' she see 't there wasn't no information to be got out o' him. She says, though, that if you bar the cat he's pretty good, only he's so tiresome. He follows her all over, sayin', 'Wash zhat? Zhat a hair-pin? Zhi a hair-pin? Zhu a hair-pin?' She says it ain't nothin' to really complain of, but it's gettin' a little wearin', 'n' she was lookin' more worried 'n her talk bore out, but Miss White come up 'n' begun about Fox, 'n' that kind o'

ended Augustus. Miss White says 'f the minister wanted to name a child after Fox's Martyrs he was welcome, but she 'n' her family never bargained on bein' the martyrs. She says 't Fox takes fits o' yellin'

'n' when he begins he don't never stop. Her mother's deaf, 'n' said to let the child yell it out 'n' teach him a lesson, but Deacon White has got his ears same as ever, 'n' he couldn't stand the noise, 'n' so he hired Fox to stop by promisin' him a trumpet 's soon as the store is open to-morrow mornin'. Miss White says her mother said buyin'

trumpets was a poor kind o' discipline, 'n' Mrs. Fisher come along just then 'n' said her notion o' discipline was rewardin' the good instead o' the bad, 'n' 't she was goin' to give John Bunyan a dish o'

cookies to keep in his washstand drawer, 'cause he went out in the garden this mornin' while Mr. Fisher was down for the mail, 'n' he tried his last night's lesson in graftin' on things in general there, 'n' he grafted corn 'n' potatoes 'n' asparagus all back 'n' forth 'n'

killed 'em all. She says Mr. Fisher was awful mad 'n' wanted to shake John Bunyan, but she jus' up 'n' told Mr. Fisher 't she'd been tellin'

him 't there was a mighty big difference between theory 'n' practice f'r these many years, 'n' 't now John Bunyan was sent by the hand o'

Providence to show him jus' what she meant.

"I see Mrs. Macy too, 'n' she's happy for the whole town. Seems Roxana was so lonesome for the other dozen 't she jus' sat 'n' rolled down tears steady, 'n' this afternoon when Mrs. Sperrit drove in to see her sister she jus' took Roxana home with her. She says Roxana 'll be happy with Bobby on the farm, 'n' it's easy to be seen as Mrs. Maxwell is envyin' Mrs. Macy, for she says 't it's as plain 's the nose on the outside o' your face 't 'Liza Em'ly 's nothin' to rip."

Miss Clegg ceased speech to rock and fan for a minute or two.

"Did you see--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"I see every one almost," replied the other. "I see Polly Allen wheelin' Brunhilde Susan around the square. Polly said 't the heat was hard on the cow 'n' hard on Brunhilde Susan. She says the cow's got to have suthin' on 'n' Brunhilde Susan's got to have everythin' off or they ain't neither of them peaceable to live with long. I ain't so happy over Brunhilde Susan 's I would be if she had more sense. She was cryin' 'Moo--moo' at every dog she see, 'n' I give her a nickel to keep her quiet, 'n' then she up 'n' lost it. We hunted an' hunted 'n'

did everythin' in kingdom come to find it--for I naturally didn't feel to come away without it--'n' finally Polly said 's she must 'a'

swallowed it, 'n' she asked her, 'n' she said 'Yes,' 'n' I was more 'n disgusted. It was a full minute before I could remember to thank my stars as it wasn't a half-dollar--'s it might easy 'a' been, for bein'

the namesake of a child kind o' obliges you to be nice to 'em.

Brunhilde Susan can't never expect to get nothin' out o' her front half, for I was give to understand 't the Brunhilde 's Felicia Hemans was so book-took with is long dead, 'Dragged at horses' tails,' she had the face to tell me--the joint G.o.dmother!--''N' who by?' I couldn't in decency but ask.--'By the horses,' says Felicia Hemans, a-gigglin' fit to beat the band. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I'm pretty patient with the young in general, but I must say 's I can't but feel 't when them s.h.i.+rts o' Sam Duruy's is done 'n' their consequences is added up, it's a even thing which draws the least,--him or Felicia.

Mrs. Macy told me 't Mrs. Duruy has her things all washed 'n' ironed to go to Meadville to-morrow, 'n' I reckon 't a woman 's is as blind 's that 'll be jus' 's happy in Meadville as anywhere else."

Susan paused and rose from her seat.

"Are you a--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Looks like it, don't it?" replied Miss Clegg. "'S a matter o' fact, Mrs. Lathrop, I'm that hot 'n' tired 'd it 'd take a long sight more 'n you to keep me any longer, so I 'll say good-bye 'n' go."

On Monday the thermometer bounded higher than ever. It was wash-day too, which rendered one half of the community infinitely hotter yet.

As the burden of the minister's vacation fell upon the same half that the was.h.i.+ng did, one might have looked for very little friendly exchanging of personal trials on the evening that followed such a trying day. Susan felt such to be the case and concluded not to try and go down town. Mrs. Lathrop took two or three wilted clovers, and sat on her steps and chewed submissively after tea,--too much overcome even to waft a questioning glance across the interim of parched gra.s.s which stretched between her kitchen stoop and that of her friend; but the latter saw her sitting there and felt a keen, remorseful stab.

"I guess I 'll go down in the square f'r jus' five minutes," she called to the dejected figure, and forthwith sallied out to the conflict.

The five minutes stretched to an hour, and Mrs. Lathrop was frankly asleep when her vigil was terminated by her neighbor's return. The latter came up and sat down on the steps, heaving a mighty sigh as she did so.

"Well, I see Mrs. Brown," she began in a tone of reminiscent sympathy, "'n' I can tell you 't Mrs. Brown is in a situation not to be lightly sneezed over."

"What did--" remarked Mrs. Lathrop, rubbing her eyes.

"What did Henry Ward Beecher do? Well, he jus' up 'n' did the same 's the night afore. Ate the Sons o' Veterans' pudding 's Mrs. Brown had all ready for the Lodge meetin', 'n' all the baked beans 's was for to-day's luncheon too. She says she never dreamed as no human bein'

could hold what that boy can. She says young Dr. Brown says 't he wants to come 'n' observe him to-night 'f he don't have to go over to Meadville to get two of his saws sharpened. Mrs. Brown says he says he's goin' to write a paper for the Investigatin' Society, but I don't see how that's goin' to help the Sons o' Veterans none. Doctors'

observations 'n' investigations 's all right 's far 's they go, but I don' fancy as they can be made to take the place o' no eat up puddin'

inside o' no son of a veteran. 'N' anyhow, Henry Ward Beecher or no Henry Ward Beecher, Mrs. Craig 's jus' about frantic over her cat. She says there's cat's hair everywhere 'n' the cat ain't nowhere. She was doin' out her churnin' 'n' she found some hairs in the b.u.t.ter. I asked her 'f maybe Augustus hadn't fed the cat to the cow, 'n' she says they thought o' that, but her husband says 't ain't possible, for there ain't room for a cat to turn over in the place where a cow turns everything over afore she swallows it. Mrs. Craig says, besides, 't she asked Augustus, but he jus' said, 'Wash zhat?--Zhat a cow?--Zhi a cow?--Zhu a cow?' 'n' she see plain 'n' forever where he got the name o' bein' so bad, for she was dyin' to switch him 'n' couldn't in honor say as she had any real reason to. But all the same she says she's as sure as Fate 't him 'n' no one else 's at the bottom o' her cat--only how in all creation are you to get it out o' him? She says there was hairs in the washtub 'n' hairs in the bluein', 'n' when she gathered the sweet peas afore supper she see a hair on a sweet-pea pod. While we was talkin' suthin' tickled her 'n' she found a hair in her collar.

"Gran'ma Mullins came along up from the crick while we was talkin', 'n' she had her tale o' woe same 's the rest. Seems little Jane 's quit her thumb, owin' to the quinine, 'n' took to bitin' holes 'n'

chewin' 'n' suckin' everythin' that she can lay hands on. She's chewed her pillow-slip 'n' bit her sheet 'n' sucked right down to the bra.s.s on a number o' Gran'ma Mullins' solid silver things. They've tried scoldin' 'n' slappin', but she jus' keeps her mouth on the rampage, 'n' they can't get her to go back to her thumb f'r love nor money.

Mrs. Brown said she'd be glad to trade Henry Ward Beecher for little Jane, 'n' I strongly advised her to do it, f'r to my mind a chewin'

child 's more to be counted on than a eatin' sleep-walker, but we was evidently all o' the same way o' thinkin, f'r Gran'ma Mullins shook her head 'n' wouldn't change.

"I see Felicia Hemans down buyin' suthin' with Sam along with a basket to carry it home in. I asked 'f Mrs. Duruy was gone, 'n' they said yes, 'n' Sam grinned 'n' Felicia giggled, same 's usual. I c'n see 't the Allens is all put out 't Sam's bein' around with any one but Polly, 'n' Mrs. Allen asked me 'f I really thought Mrs. Duruy 'd ought to 'a' gone off like that. I said I thought it was a awful risk for Felicia Hemans 'cause o' course she _might_ marry Sam in consequence.

Mrs. Allen didn't like it, 'n' she bounced Brunhilde Susan's carriage-springs so hard 't she made Brunhilde Susan wake up. Mr.

Kimball was out in front o' his store, 'n' he hollered across to me 't he was giv' to understand as Brunhilde Susan was learnin' to hang onto money already. Every one laughed, 'n' I declare 't for the life o' me I don't see how no one c'n make a joke over a baby's swallowin' a lent nickel."

"Who--" queried Mrs. Lathrop.