Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop Part 11

"It's the plaster!" she exclaimed; then, starting towards the door, "I 'll run 'n' get the axe 'n' hack you right out."

"No--no," screamed Mrs. Lathrop, "not the axe."

"Then I 'll bring up the teakettle 'n' pour boilin' water on it till it softens 'n' comes off."

"No, I don't want--"

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop,"--Susan looked her disapproval,--"seems to me you 're jus' a little fussy. I must say if you ain't willin' to have it broke off or soaked off, I can't well see how it's goin' to be got off."

Mrs. Lathrop bunched herself somewhat, and a grating and powdering noise resulted.

"I drew it right up!" she cried joyfully.

Susan's expression became enigmatic.

Mrs. Lathrop manoeuvred further.

"I straightened it out!" she announced further.

Miss Clegg approached the bed.

"I don't believe 's it was ever broke," she said in deep disgust.

"Dr. Brown said he wa'n't sure," the invalid continued, elongating and contracting herself, caterpillar-like,' "he said 's he 'd wait the windin'--"

"Mrs. Lathrop," said Susan suddenly, "I 've jus' thought! It's this afternoon 's the butcher 'n' the man 's mends church spires 's comin'

together to get the cow out o' the mill-wheel. The whole c'mmunity 's goin' down to look on, 'n' I can't see no good 'n' s'fficient reason why you should n't go too. I 'll help you dress, 'n' we 'll scurry along right now. 'F we meet Mr. Weskin 'n' he says lawsuit to you, you jus' up 'n' tell him 's you 're goin' to sue him for throwin' you head foremost into a fever on a'count o' not knowin' where your only son 's been gone all night, 'n' 'f young Dr. Brown _ever_ has the face to so much 's hint at a bill, you jus' out 'n' ask him 'f he knows a whole leg when he sees one, 'n' if he don't answer, say 't you 've got two in spite o' his plaster. There's always a way out o' anythin' 'f a person only don't try to think it out, but jus' speaks up sharp 'n'

decided. Come on 'n' get up now, 'n' I 'll help you hurry, 'n' your leg won't miss nothin' after all."

Mrs. Lathrop got out of bed at once.

IV

SUSAN CLEGG'S COUSIN MARION

Mrs. Lathrop was of a placid disposition, and not inclined towards even that species of mental activity which a more than usual amount of astonishment demands. Therefore when she saw Susan going out one very rainy day she merely wondered where her energetic neighbor was going, and when, an hour later, she observed the same lady returning, she continued her usual trend of thought by the mildest possible further development of a species of curiosity as to where she had been.

Miss Clegg perceived the interested gaze directed towards her out of the kitchen window and decided to go in next door for a little visit.

To that end she pa.s.sed her own gate, entered Mrs. Lathrop's, proceeded up the front walk, stacked her dripping umbrella against one of the piazza posts, carefully disposed her rubbers beside the umbrella, and then entered the house.

She found Mrs. Lathrop seated in the kitchen.

"Why," said that lady, "I thought you was gone on up to see--"

"No," said the visitor, "I was to see her last week and I sha'n't go again for one while. Mrs. Brown 'n' me has been friends 'n' good friends for too many years to break off sudden, but still I never 'xpected 's she'd be one to try a new receipt on me 'n' never give me my choice's to whether I'd risk it or not until a good fifteen minutes after I'd swallowed the last bite. I can't feel anythin' but bitter still when I think of yesterday 'n' last night. I was sittin' there 's innocent 's a mule eatin' thistles, 'n' all of a sudden I felt to say, 'Mrs. Brown, did you put bakin' powder or yeast in that cake?' It was then 's she told me 't she'd up 'n' made it with suthin' 's a peddler throwed in at the door. 'Where's the label?' I says, puttin' my hand to where I felt the most need o' knowin' what in creation to come I had got in me. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, 'f she hadn't burned up the label; so there was nothin' f'r me to do but go home 'n' come nigh to dyin'

of I did n't know what. I 've got a book, 'The Handy Family Friend,'

's tells what you 'd ought to take after you 've took anythin', 'n' I read it 'way through to see 'f there was any rule f'r when you don't know what you 've took, but there wa'n't no directions, 'n' so I jus'

calmly spent the night hoppin' about like mad, 'n' I 'm free to confess 't there'll be a coolness in my feelin's towards Mrs. Brown henceforth. I ain't said nothin' direct to her herself, but I spoke my full mind to Mrs. Macy, 'n' Mrs. Macy give me to understand 's she should let Mrs. Brown know my sufferin's, 'n' I mentioned to Mr.

Kimball 's I felt some hurt over bein' pierced to the core with cake 's n.o.body knowed what had raised it, 'n', although he laughed 'n' said mebbe Cain raised it, still I feel he 's safe to tell every one in town. I want 's every one sh'd know it. I consider 't when a woman goes to see another woman she 's unsuspectin' o' any new species o'

cake-raisin', 'n' 'f there is any new species in the wind my view o'

the matter is 's it 'd ought to be tried on somebody else 'n' not on me."

Miss Clegg stopped and shook her head hard.

"Where have you--" began Mrs. Lathrop.

"Oh, that reminds me," said the caller with a sudden start. She paused a second, as if to gather force for the proper delivery of her next speech; a wondrous glow of unconscious but exalted triumph rose to her visage. "I went," she announced, her voice high-keyed with confidence as to what was about to fall upon the totally unprepared placidity of the unsuspecting Mrs. Lathrop,--"I went to post a letter to Cousin Marion!"

Mrs. Lathrop's jaw dropped. A sudden and complete paralysis of all her faculties seemed to be the immediate effect of her friend's astounding communication.

For a full half-minute there was silence in the kitchen while Susan rocked and enjoyed the sight of the havoc wrought by her speech.

But at last Mrs. Lathrop gathered some fragments out of the wreck of her sensibilities and said feebly,--

"Why, Susan, I never hear as you had one single--"

"Nor me, neither," said the caller,--and then the sluice-gates opened, and the stream swept through and madly on again,--"nor me, neither, Mrs. Lathrop. I never even dreamed o' any such goin's on, 'n' I c'n a.s.sure you 's the shock 's come 's heavy on me 's on you. I went up garret this mornin' 's innocent 's a babe whose mother 's yet unborn, 'n' there I found her."

"In the garret!" cried Mrs. Lathrop.

Miss Clegg drew a long breath.

"In a trunk. 'N' jus' 's unexpected 's the comin' o' Judgment Day.

Mrs. Lathrop, you c'n believe me or not jus' 's you please, but I give you my Gospel word of honor as when I turned down the flap o' a trunk 'n' see that old mousey letter stuck in it cornerways, I no more thought o' findin' a cousin than I did o' findin' a moth, 'n' _you_ know how scarce moths is with me; I ain't so much 's seen one 'xcept on your side o' the house in twenty years, I do believe. 'N' I could n't in conscience say 's I was pleased when I did see the letter, f'r I thought's like 's not it was a bill, 'n' anyhow I wa'n't inclined to be over-pleased at anythin' this mornin'--I persume you saw how the minister come in on me?"

"Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, "I see him. What--"

"Wanted to name the baby after me, 'n' I call it a pretty time to come namin' a baby when a woman has got one leg on a ladder 'n' her head tied up for bats. I thought he was the tin-peddler from Meadville, 'n'

I run f'r my rag-bag, 'n' then there it was only the minister after all! Well, I was n't pleased a _tall_, 'n' I did n't ask him in, neither. I stood fair 'n' square in the doorway, 'n' 'f he was 'xpectin' to see me look happy over havin' a compliment paid me, 't was one more time 's he did n't get what he 'xpected. That was what he called it,--'payin' me a compliment,'--'n' I mus' say 's it struck me 's pretty high-flown language f'r jus' simply wantin' to name a thirteenth baby after the richest woman in the c'mmunity. Seems to me thirteen was a good many to wait afore thinkin' o' me anyhow, 'n' I ain't noways sure 's I want a thirteenth baby named after me anyway. I never was foolish like some folks, 'n' you know _that_ 's well 's I do, Mrs. Lathrop, but still you know, too, 's it's never nothin' but safe to keep away fr'm the under side o' ladders 'n' the number thirteen. I 've heard Gran'ma Mullins tell a dozen times 's how 'f she 'd never 'a' gone picnickin' on twice thirteen--that's twenty-six--o'

July she 'd never 'a' met her husband, 'n' might o' married Deacon White. They was both after her, 'n' she picked out the wrong one, 'n'

first he went to the war 'n' then he went to the dogs, 'n' now there she is in a four-room cottage 'n' Deacon White's wife orderin' a patent ice-box out o' a catalogue 'n' him never sayin' a word. She c'd 'a' took a world o' comfort with his daughter, 'n' I don't believe she takes none to speak o' with Hiram, 'n' anyway I was clean put out with the minister afore I even see him, f'r I can't abide that way he 'n'

his wife's both got o' talkin' 'n' talkin' 'n' never gettin' aroun' to sayin' what they set out to. I like folks 's is right quick 'n' sharp, 'n' these roamin', meanderin' kind o' everlastin' talkers ain't my idea a _tall_. 'N' I 'm free to confess 's I did get some tempered to-day standin' there listenin' to what did n't interest me no more 'n a p.u.s.s.y-willow, 'n' me wild to be rootin' up garret all the time.

"O' course he had to tell me all about the baby, 'n' how Felicia Hemans is jus' come to the silly readin' age 'n' 's wild to name it Brunhilde. Seems 's Felicia Hemans is out for Brunhilde 'n' the minister's out f'r me. I never hear o' no Brunhilde, 'n' I up 'n' told the minister so to his face. 'Who is she anyhow?' I says, flat 'n'

plain, for Lord knows 'f he'd found a rich relation I wanted my old flannels for cleanin' cloths hereafter. But he 'xplained 's Felicia Hemans got Brunhilde out o' a book--the Nibble suthin' 'r other. 'Oh, well,' I says, 'if you c'n be suited with namin' your family after rats 'n' mice I guess you c'n leave me out,' I says, 'n' I kind o'

backed off so 's to try 'n' set him a-goin', but he stood still, 'n'

o' course no true Christian c'n shut her door in her minister's face--even 'f she _is_ stark crazy to get to cleanin' her garret. 'Why don't you name her Minnie after yourself?' I says (Minister, you know), but I c'd see 't he didn't take to that a _tall_. 'Oh, well,' I says then, feelin' 't I must get rid o' him somehow, 'name her after me 'f you want to 'n' I'll give her--''n' I was jus' goin' to say 'my blessin',' 'n' such a look come over his face 'n'--well, Mrs. Lathrop, maybe I 'm too tender-hearted f'r my own good, but I jus' had the feelin' 't I c'd 's easy pull the legs off o' a live fly 's to disapp'int that face, 'n' so I says 'a dollar' right off quick before I really thought. 'N' what do you think?--what _do_ you think? 'F you 'll believe me he did n't look overly pleased, 'n' at that I _did_ warm up a little. You don't 'xpect much of a minister, 'n' I think as a general rule 't we 're pretty patient with ours, but you _do_ 'xpect grat.i.tude, 'n' a dollar's a dollar, 'n' considerin' the garret into the bargain, I felt my temper comin' pretty high, 'n' I jus' out with what I 'd been thinkin' all along 'n' I spoke the truth flat 'n' plain right to his face. 'I d'n' know,' I says, 'why I sh'd be 'xpected to give your baby more 'n a dollar. She ain't _my_ baby, 'n' you know 's well 's I do where the blame f'r _that_ lies,' 'n' then I banged the door in his face. Maybe it was n't jus' the proper thing to do, but 'f ever a woman had no need for a minister it was me this mornin'."

Susan paused, and Mrs. Lathrop seized the chance to interpose a question.

"'N' about your cousin--"

But Miss Clegg was already started again.

"I do get so aggravated when I think about the minister," she went on.