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GRICE. (_Contemptuously_) They asked you to lay a corner stone?
TARVER. They had to have a _personage_.
OMNES. A personage!
TARVER. You see, the beastly ground was full of puddles and, just as I stepped forward with a trowel in my hand, I slipped, and----
GRICE. And sat down in one of them, I suppose.
TARVER. That's exactly what I did do. Oh! How they all yelled. (_All laugh_, ADMIRAL _loudest. Coming_ C. _and limping_) It's all very well for you to laugh, Admiral, but that puddle may cost us the seat.
FARADAY. Tarver!
GRICE. Tarver! Bring a trowel and a pail of mortar to my garden to-morrow morning at eleven o'clock sharp. I'll teach you _how_ to lay a corner stone. (_Gets his cup, goes up and crosses above sofa to teatable, and puts his cup down_.)
(PHYLLIS _comes_ C. _to_ TARVER.)
TARVER. Oh, Phyllis, where are my voice lozenges?
PHYLLIS. (_Taking his arm sympathetically_) They're all gone, Bobby, but Celia said she would fetch you some.
TARVER. That's kind of her. My throat's awful. Where's the spray?
(PHYLLIS _runs up and around to_ R. _of sofa, getting spray_. TARVER _sits on stool below sofa and_ PHYLLIS _comes down to_ R. _of him_.)
PHYLLIS. (_Spraying his throat_) Never mind, Bobby, there are only ten days more.
TARVER. (_Chokes_) I don't think I can last out the ten days. When that bench broke last night in the middle of my speech, I really thought it was my nervous system gone at last.
GRICE. (_Thunderously. Coming_ C.) Tarver!
TARVER. (_Jumps_) Oh, Admiral, don't speak to me like that or I shall cry.
(PHYLLIS _sits on foot of sofa, her arm on_ TARVER'S _shoulder_.)
GRICE, You made a mistake last night. Canada is not to the north of Alaska.
TARVER. Did I say it was? (PHYLLIS _shakes her head. Looks toward_ PHYLLIS) Oh, how awful!
GRICE. Tarver, you are dining with me to-night.
TARVER. Yes, sir.
GRICE. Bring your Atlas. We will go slowly through the countries of the world in my study afterwards.
PHYLLIS. (_Rises quickly_) Oh, but you can't, Admiral. There's the Philharmonic concert after your dinner party, and we all have to go to it.
TARVER. Yes, and my _opponent_ is going to be there.
PHYLLIS. If Bobby were late, it would produce a bad impression.
GRICE. Then come before dinner.
TARVER. (_Rising_) But, Admiral, I haven't written a word of my election speech yet except "Gentlemen" and that's a _lie_.
GRICE. (_Threateningly_) Tarver! Wilson is not the only elector in the Lumley division who is wavering.
PHYLLIS. (_Starts_) Oh, Admiral!
FARADAY. (_Seated_ L.) You, Grice, you?
PHYLLIS. Oh, you couldn't vote _against Bobby!_
GRICE. Perhaps not, but I might try.
TARVER. Oh! I'll bring my Atlas! (_Speaks despairingly. Turns up_ R., _looking for tonic_.)
PHYLLIS. (_Running to_ ADMIRAL) Oh, yes, Bobby will be delighted to bring his Atlas.
GRICE. Bobby will be delighted to _take away_ his Atlas. (MARTIN _enters_ L.I _with copy of the "London Times" and a small folded periodical on salver_.) Tarver, geography, eight o'clock sharp.
Dinner, eight fifteen. (_Turns to table_.)
MARTIN. The Times, sir.
FARADAY. At last.
GRICE. Ah, the Times!
AUNT IDA. (_Rising in alarm and backing up stage from chair_. GRICE _takes her place in chair_.) Oh, the Times, the Times!
TARVER. Oh, Phyllis, where is that bottle of Guy's tonic?
PHYLLIS. It is out here, Bobby. (_Exit in the morning room_.)
TARVER. (_Following her_) Thanks awfully. I needed it badly.
(MADGE _takes periodical and begins to read_. FARADAY _takes the outer sheet of the Times, pulls it off, and throws it across table. It falls to floor_ R. _of table_. GRICE _stoops to pick it up_. EVELYN _takes it from his hand as he rises, saying, "Thank you, Admiral."_ GRICE looks at her disgustedly and sits twiddling his thumbs_. NOTE: _The outer sheets of the Times must be stuck together in order to have them fall properly_. NOTE: The birth, marriage and death column of the Times is in the upper left hand corner of the first page_. EVELYN, MADGE _and_ FARADAY _have become absorbed in their papers_. GRICE _looks about him and then, exasperated, seizes a book and sits_ R. _of table_ L., _reading it_.)
FARADAY. (_After a pause_) I never saw a paper like this. (_Strikes paper with back of his hand_.) There is absolutely nothing in this paper.
