The F- It List Part 13

We ended up hanging out in his adopted room, not talking much but watching The Big Bang Theory reruns from his bed. Nothing happened the fi rst day, but I sensed he wanted it to.

A week later, sans Katie, he invited me over again. I went more as a spy for Becca, who seemed to think that Norwegians were the s.e.xi- est human beings alive and vowed to catch at least a glimpse of one of their uncirc.u.mcised p.e.n.i.ses. Besides, Aleks smelled nice. I had never been one for perfume or cologne and felt downright revulsion for Axe body spray, but Aleks smelled like he cared about his appearance. It was a little salty and minty, as I imagined the water around Norway smelled.

As we lay on his bed, again watching The Big Bang Theory, I asked him to teach me some swears in Norwegian.

"Dritsak," he explained, meant "sack of s.h.i.+t." "Hestekuk" meant "horse c.o.c.k." I laughed that he would think to teach me "horse c.o.c.k"

as a swear, and I swooned a little at the cultural diff erence. Yes, I swooned at "horse c.o.c.k."

I wore a b.u.t.ton- down s.h.i.+rt that day, and after we laughed about --1 -0 -+1

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horse c.o.c.k, Aleks began to unb.u.t.ton it. We hadn't yet kissed, but he was already taking off my s.h.i.+rt. I let him, curious what this Norwegian would do next. He watched my expression, maybe waiting to see if what he was doing was okay. I a.s.sisted him with the many b.u.t.tons, letting him know it was. When my s.h.i.+rt was completely undone, he kissed me, a little too wet and tonguey. I guided his face down to my chest, and he lightly kissed above, then under my bra. He worked off my s.h.i.+rt, and I sat up enough for him to unhook the back of my bra, which he did adeptly. I guess bra hooks were international. I tugged his gray sweater over his head and ran my fi ngers up his torso and chest. He was lean and not very muscular. His chest was bare of hair.

I remember kissing on the lips very little. He kept his mouth on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s most of the time, and I didn't mind. His strong jaw tickled me as he nibbled.

That was as far as it went that day. Katie's pom- poms charged up the stairs about a half hour after we started, and I got dressed and left.

Becca was disappointed I hadn't seen his p.e.n.i.s yet and handed me a condom the next time I saw her.

Two days later, armed with the Trojan, I followed Aleks back to his house once again. This time the TV stayed off and we immedi- ately began removing each other's clothes when we entered his room.

He was qualifi ed at clothing removal but not as much with fi nger placement. I had to fi sh his pokey fi ngers out of my undies twice before he got the hint to give that up.

Me in my underwear, him in his blue boxers, we moved over to the bed. "Wait-" I told him, the fi rst word spoken that afternoon. I found Becca's condom in my backpack and brought it up to the bed.

-1- He yanked off his underwear in an overly excited manner, then got 0- on his knees to help me work off mine. I looked at his p.e.n.i.s, studying

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it to get the details for Becca before he slapped on the condom. I lay down on the bed, and he lay on top of me. The initial pain wasn't excruciating, although I never got much plea sure out of it. It was over quickly, and Aleks rolled off me and promptly fell asleep. Hestekuk.

I got dressed and immediately called Becca from my cell on the way out of the house. "His p.e.n.i.s was wearing a saggy hat," I reported.

"Really? That's so depressing. Did it at least feel good?"

"It felt fi ne." I shrugged to the phone.

"Well, that's not how s.e.x should feel. Go back in there and do it again!"

"Um, no thank you. Not today at least."

"They go back to Norway next week, you know."

"Well, then we better hurry and have as much bad s.e.x as we can before he leaves."

"Was it really bad?" She pouted over the phone.

"No. Don't worry. It just wasn't really good. I'll try again, maybe.

Just for you."

"You're the best."

"Tell that to my v.a.g.i.n.a."

"You're the best, Alex's v.a.g.i.n.a."

"My v.a.g.i.n.a thanks you."

Aleks and I had s.e.x once more before he fl ew back to Norway. It was better the second time around, with some added foreplay and a near climax. But near isn't the same as the real deal, which was why I wasn't in a hurry to try again when I started dating Davis.

Would the f.u.c.k- It List magically help me fall in love and have s.e.x in a way that I couldn't before Becca got cancer? Was it fair for --1 either of us to live or die with that kind of pressure?

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No email from Becca waited on my computer. Her mom sent another report: The news (not in order of importance): We will be home Sat.u.r.day.

Becca will have seven days of chemo in a row, then a two and a half week break, then three to fi ve more treatments followed by a short radiation treatment to zap any remaining tumor cells.

Morphine seems to be working for pain management, and Becca is able to sleep a little, thank G.o.d.

After G.o.d, she thanked everyone else for being so supportive, but I skimmed that part. It sounded like Becca was in h.e.l.l, and would be in h.e.l.l, for a very long time.

I typed Becca an email: You will be happy to learn that masturbating wasn't the only thing I did on your list. I ate a hot pepper for you. You're welcome. You can thank my burning b.u.t.t tomorrow morning.

Leo stopped by Cellar. We kissed again. I have no idea what's going on, but he's a really good kisser. Far better than that Norwegian.

Sweet, circ.u.mcised dreams, my friend.

-1- 0-

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CHAPTER.

13.

Jenna Brown caught my eye during the morning hallway rush and gave me a sympathetic actorly smile. I threw up a middle fi nger and scratched my cheek with it, but she was already off and running with her audience. At lunch I decided to join the living and ate with some of my old stage- crew friends. Damien West had shoulder- length black hair and was a practicing Wiccan. He had been hospital- ized for depression three times since I'd known him. I think he was just too smart for his parents, and they had no idea what to do with him. His girlfriend, Eliza Klise, was wafer thin and white- out pale with light blond hair she dyed in various colors as it washed out. Cur- rently it was a pukey shade of green. Not her best. Lastly was Brandon Hathaway, tall and thin, with olive skin and rich brown eyes. I was madly in love with him freshman year, even kissed him once, until he came out. I was p.i.s.sed at him for a while, going far enough to kiss me, but he said he did it because he felt bad for me. Apparently I really --1 looked like I wanted him to kiss me. I wish someone would take a -0 -+1 105-54406_ch01_1P.indd 79 105-54406_ch01_1P.indd 79 4/17/13 8:57 PM.

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picture of that face so I'd stop making it. Once I got over the humili- ation, he was still fun to be around. And he was an excellent judge of character. He advised me heavily against dating Davis, but I didn't listen. Obviously.

"How's our little dev il child?" Brandon patted my head as I sat down at the table with a c.o.ke and vending machine packs of cheese and peanut b.u.t.ter crackers. He liked to pretend I was satanic because of my love for horror movies.

"Okay. I guess. You guys heard about Becca?"

"Yeah. How is she?" Damien asked, concerned.

"I don't know yet. I mean, she offi cially has cancer and is going through chemo and all that. That's pretty much it." I bit into my cheese crackers, while Eliza stared at me. "What?" Bright orange crumbles sprayed from my mouth.

"It's just, how can you eat? At a time like this?"

"Some of us need food to survive," I reminded her.

"Sha, but I don't know, I'd be crying all the time if Damien had cancer. I don't know how I'd make it through the day."

"Alex doesn't cry," Brandon explained. "She's on the spectrum."

I sneered at Brandon, and he added, "Maybe just a little bit?"

"I don't know. But why do I have to cry all the time? To prove to you that I'm upset? f.u.c.k that noise. Becca likes to be the dramatic one anyway."

"That's why you guys make such good friends. She's the actress, and you're on the spectrum." Brandon stuck to his brilliant theory.

"I'll shove a spectrum up your a.s.s if you don't stop talking about it."

-1- "Duly noted."

0- "Is there anything we can do for her?" Damien off ered.

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