Witchful Thinking Part 6

After I announced that I was searching for my cell phone, Sinjin made a big fuss about helping me find it and accidentally (or not) brushed up against me a few times and then said he hoped I hadnat gotten into atroublea for his antics earlier in the evening. And as much as I wanted to be angry with him (because he is the quintessential troublemaker), there is just something about Sinjin that allows him to get away with murder. I canat stay angry with him. And he knows it, the smug jerk.

So I basically just ignored him, my mind racing with thoughts about what in the heck he and Mercedes had been talking abouta"and even more, about why Sinjin had almost seemed to panic when I interrupted them. The vampire was up to no good; that was as obvious as the fact that Christa needs a s.e.x therapist.

The more I thought about it, the more I had to wonder why Sinjin has always had this preoccupation with the prophetess. There were all those times when head been training me for battle and asked me to try to locate her telepathically. And as if that werenat enough, when I first met Sinjin and he was pretending to be on Bellaas side, he showed more than just a casual interest in my few attempts to reanimate that old bag whom Bella thought was the prophetess.

Yep, Sinjin definitely has something up his sleeve, and Iave decided to make it my personal mission to find out what that asomethinga is.

And I also canat help being disappointed by the fact that I canat completely trust him. I donat know why exactly but I like Sinjina"I always have. Itas actually hard not to like hima"heas incredibly charming and funny. And yes, incredibly good-looking too. I just wish he would tell me the truth. Even though I know Rand is the one for me, or at least I hope he is, it would be nice to know if Sinjin really cares about me or if Iam just a means to an end. I canat help but think Iam a p.a.w.n on his chessboard, nothing more.

After obviously not finding my supposedly missing phone, Sinjin excused himself, saying he was hungry and had to go find a willing donor. Then he hightailed it out of the courtyard as quickly as he could.

When I asked Mercedes what theyad been talking about, she was vague and just told me he was interested in where shead been, how she was able to bring me back to 1878, and what her plan was. Did I believe her? Yes, Mercedes really has no reason to lie to mea"especially not to protect Sinjin. But even though I believed Mercedes, I definitely didnat believe that Sinjin just happened to be curious about those things.

Back to Mercedes a apparently she thinks Iam an incredibly powerful person. I have noticed that she never refers to me as a witch, which I find increasingly interesting a And that brings me to my next thought. When I was Bellaas abductee, and I attempted to resurrect the old woman whom she thought was the prophetess, the old woman said something that Iad never quite understood. When I touched her, she reeled back from me then announced I wasnat a witcha"and that I had no idea what I was. Then, poof, she died. Yeah, talk about bad timing a Even back then, I thought the old womanas words were strange and just a little ominous but I sort of dismissed them as the ravings of a sick, old woman on the brink of death. But maybe I was wrong a What if Iam not a witch? What if Iam a totally different creature or something no one knows about? What if Iam like a mermaid or something nuts? Of course, Iave never sprouted a tail in the shower and I donat particularly enjoy The Little Mermaid. But that aside, wouldnat my being something other than a witch explain the fact that Mercedes wonat refer to me as onea"and wouldnat it also explain that old womanas comments?

I hate having unanswered questions.

Iam probably just spinning my wheels, though, because if Iam not a witch, who in the h.e.l.l would know exactly what I was? Maybe Mercedes? Note to self: Ask Mercedes if Iam something other than a witch and if so, what that something is.

So leaving that subject alone for a little bit, the other interesting thing that Mercedes mentioned last night was that as Queen, Iall have to find a suitable home. And this was the part of my evening that kept me up all d.a.m.n night. Iam happy in my butleras quartersa"Iam happy living in the shadow of Pelham Manor and knowing Rand is only two miles away if I ever need him. I donat want to move.

When I told Mercedes as much, she wouldnat even listen to me. She said it was out of the question for a Queen to be living in a servantas quarters. So then I sort of freaked out and said I didnat want to be Queen and she went on and on about how it was my destiny and how it was an honor I should stop resisting. Then she proceeded to tell me that if I didnat rise up and accept my role as Queen and unite our species, wars will continue to be fought and creatures will continue to die.

Talk about a guilt trip.

The more I think about it now, the more Iam starting to realize this might actually be my destiny and something I canat run away from. And really, if I run away from my so-called responsibility and our society falls victim to our enemies, I would never forgive myself, even if it costs me the love of the one man I adore with all my heart.

I wasnat sure why but I woke up.

I glanced at the green glow of the clock just beside my bed and noticed it was three a.m. Groaning to myself, I rolled onto my other side and closed my eyes, willing myself to go to sleep. But there was something keeping me from losing myself to unconsciousness. A worry that had started in my gut and was quickly building momentum, boarding my bloodstream and traveling throughout my body.

I sat up and glanced around, taking in nothing more than the moon as it reflected through my windows, battling to breach the wall of my curtains. The night air was chilly and calm, quiet and relaxed. So why wasnat I?

I took a deep breath and that was when I felt ita"like the worst headache you can ever imaginea"the uglier sister to a migraine. I grabbed my head and reeled back, dropping myself against my pillows as I cradled my forehead in my hands, willing the pain to go away. As a witch, I can cure myself of most maladies, but even though I was sending reinforcing white light to the center of my forehead, the apex of the pain, nothing was happening. Instead the pain was beginning to throb, reaching out its tendrils of agony until I felt like my eyes might explode.

Panic began welling up within me but I held it at bay and focused my energies even more resolutely, imagining the white light of my power battling whatever this pain was.

Still nothing.

As fear began wending its way through me, the pain behind my eyes started to dissipate into a gentle drumming before it vanished completely. I felt my heart rate decrease as relief flooded me. But the relief was short-lived once I tried to open my eyes and found they were locked down a tight. It was as if I had no control over my own body.

Suddenly there were images floating before me, the black of my eyelids acting as a canvas. I didnat fight the images; instead I focused on them, allowed them to cl.u.s.ter into a movie, a story unfolding. And what I witnessed frightened me.

It was open land, as far as my eyes could seea"devastated and barren. The brown of the hills was the same color as the sky and it looked as if a bomb had gone off and decimated what I had to imagine was once verdant farmland. I could only concentrate on the dinginess of the sky and hills for so long, though, because my vision slowly began to take in the rows and rows of lumps, mounds of more lackl.u.s.ter color. The more I focused, the more the shapes delineated themselves, revealing them to be people. People facedown in muck, others on their sides, and some facing the malodorous sky. All were dead.

That image was suddenly yanked from my mindas eye and another dropped in its place. It was a throne, empty. A scepter and a crown stood unattended at either side of the golden chair. It was as if they were both awaiting the return of their monarch, of their King or Queen. And before I could take another breath, that image was plucked away and I was again gazing at the barren landscape. Only this time, the people werenat dead yet. No, they were fighting. And the enemies they were fighting were like nothing Iad ever seen before. Even though they appeared to be humans, they were fast, lightning fast and just as strong, hurtling their foes left and right, the glow of their mini fangs glinting in the moonlight.

The more I watched the two sides battle against each other, the more I realized the losing side were Underworld creaturesa"weres, vamps, and witches. But they were outnumbered and outskilled. Not only were the creatures attacking them stronger and faster, but there was something about them a something magical. Light radiated off them, wove in and around them as they delivered their death blows.

Lurkers.

The word suddenly infiltrated my head and it wasnat like Iad thought it myself. It was as if someone had fed me a clue, someone had placed the word inside my head. And with the dawning realization that the creatures before me were the biggest threat to the existence of the Underworld, I was suddenly keenly aware of the fact that not only were they vampire-like with their strength, speed, and fangs, but they were also magic.

The Lurkers possessed magic.

Reeling with that observation, I again attempted to fight against the images, to gain control over myself. Iad seen enough. But the vision wouldnat release me. Instead pictures of the empty throne returned, and as I watched, the crown and the scepter began melting into the base of the golden chair. Something inside me again started panicking as I watched the scepter and the crown meld into the throne and it, too, began dripping into a puddle of gold.

Fear shot through me and I pushed against the images with my mind, fought them with the glow of my own power, and little by little they began to fade into the darkness of my closed eyelids. I took a deep breath and blinked, found myself surrounded by the blackness of night. My heart raced within my chest and when I attempted to stand up, I had to lean against the post of my bed. I was exhausted, weak.

Even though I was at a complete loss as to what Iad just experienced, the thing I was sure of was that Iad just had a premonition of the future. I had just seen a brief window into the destruction of the Underworld at Lurker hands. Whether it had been a mere vision concocted of my own power or whether someone had sent it to me, I had no idea. But I absolutely knew that the only way to stop this vision from becoming reality was for me to take the throne. I mean, what else could the empty throne mean?

I took another deep breath and steadied myself against my bed.

I was going to accept my role as Queen because if I didnat, the destruction that Iad just witnessed would become real. If I didnat become Queen, the Underworld would perish.

aJolie!a I heard Randas voice outside accompanied by the sounds of his fists banging against the door.

I took a step forward and, finding my strength returning, forced myself into the living room. Before I could reach the door, Rand opened it with a burst of magic and faced me, his expression betraying his worry.

aWhat the b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l happened to you?a I shook my head. aI donat know but I a I aa He closed the door behind him and, seeing me leaning against the couch back, strode up to me. aI could feel your distress and when I tried to contact you, I didnat get any response.a I was surprised that he could feel me, considering Iad convinced myself that we werenat bonded. But that was a subject for another day. At the moment I was more curious to find out what the h.e.l.l had just happened to me.

aIt was like someone took control of my body,a I started. I tried to take another step forward but I was too weak and gripped the back of the couch again. Rand caught me in his arms.

aWhy canat you stand?a aI donat know,a I answered weakly.

Rand shook his head and I could tell he had a million questions floating through his mind as he set me on the couch and sat beside me. aYouare safe now, Jolie,a he said in a soft voice, pulling me into his broad chest. aBut I need you to tell me what happened. Start from the beginning.a So I did. I told him everything I could remember.

aI think it was a vision,a I finished. aA sign that Iam meant to be Queen in order to stop the Lurkers from destroying us.a Rand shook his head like he wasnat convinced. aWe donat know that for certain.a aWhat else could the images mean, then?a I demanded, feeling suddenly exhausted again.

Rand sighed deep and long and his gaze settled on my window as he absently stroked my upper arm. aI donat know.a It was the evening after Iad witnessed the horrible images of the Lurkers destroying the creatures of the Underworld. Rand had scheduled a meeting at Pelham Manor to discuss the future of our legion and, more important, the future of the Underworld in general. Like last time, there were representatives of each race. In attendance were Rand, me, Odran, Sinjin and Varick, Mercedes, Mathilda, and Trent.

With the help of Rand, Iad just explained the experience of the night before, describing in vivid detail everything I could recall about the vision. Everyone seemed dumbstruck, their expressions revealing shock and concern.

aThe Lurkers have magic,a I finished.

aPerhaps they do,a Mercedes said and offered me an unenthusiastic frown.

aI saw and felt it,a I argued.

She shook her head. aWe do not know anything for certain. Yes, you had a vision, but as you well know, Jolie, visions can be flawed. They can reveal part of the picture, but not necessarily the whole thing.a aWe must consider them possessing magic as a possibility,a Mathilda offered.

I glanced at her and smiled. She lowered her head and faced Mercedes again.

aOf one thing I am certain a the Queen will require protectors,a Mercedes announced, addressing the entire room. She was sitting next to the fireplace, and the fire burning in the hearth highlighted the strong planes of her face, making her look like an omniscient deity.

At the mention of athe Queen,a I glanced at Rand. His attention was riveted on Mercedesa face, but he wasnat allowing any reaction to show. It was like he was trying to imitate a statue and doing a d.a.m.n good job.

aProtectors?a Trent repeated and raised his eyebrows in an expression I didnat know how to read. As I mentioned earlier, Trent and I had a history, although not exactly a deep one. We dated until he told me he was too dangerous and basically dumped me. Then a week later, I saw him sporting some werewolf girl on his arm. Later I had the displeasure of meeting up with him at an Underworld function chaired by Rand, where Trent tried to get back together with me. Of course I told him where he could shove that idea and then, to make a long story short, he got p.i.s.sed off, accused Rand of trying to be with me, and then sucker-punched him right across the face.

I guess it was kudos to Rand that Trent was even sitting at the table this eveninga"Rand could be forgiving when it suited him. Although I imagine heall never forgive Sinjin for a being Sinjin.

Mercedes faced Trent and nodded, her lips drawn in a tight, stern line, her expression one of Donat question me, you peon, Iam the prophetess.

aYes, we will need to a.s.semble a band of soldiers dedicated solely to the Queenas protection,a she said with finality.

aI offer my protection,a Sinjin said. When I glanced at him, wondering if he was joking, he wouldnat look at me. Instead he faced Mercedes resolutely, looking every bit sincere.

aNo,a Rand answered at the same time Odran began chuckling.

aPerhaps I could have protected her from the vision,a Sinjin started.

aNo one could have protected me from it,a I intercepted. aI believe it was just a vision, an unbelievably lucent one but a vision all the same.a Sinjin nodded but by the twinkle in his eyes, it didnat seem head given in. aRegardless, I will protect our Queen.a aAye, boot who will protect aer against your advances?a Odran then erupted into another hearty laugh, which Trent echoed. In fact, it had come to my attention that Trent had recently taken up the position of Odranas shadow. They reminded me of a poorly cast Batman and Robina"just missing the tights.

aOdran is right,a Rand offered. aSinjin would be the worst person to protect Jolie.a aThe child would be vulnerable in the day,a Mathilda added in a soft voice.

aWould you prefer to take the task upon yourself?a Mercedes demanded of Rand, seemingly ignoring Mathildaas comment for the moment.

Rand narrowed his eyes but said nothing more, merely leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms against his chest, looking p.i.s.sed off. Instantly my stomach seemed to drop to the ground as I wondered why Rand didnat champion my causea"why didnat he stand up and announce that, yes, he would defend me, that he would continue protecting me as he always had?

aI offer my complete and total loyalty to our Queen,a Sinjin continued, now looking at me. aIt is true that I cannot protect her while the sun commands the sky, but I will arrange for others who can.a Mercedes nodded. aI believe that solves the issue.a She glanced at Mathilda. aMathilda?a Mathilda merely nodded as Sinjin cleared his throat, returning our attention to him.

aAnd as long as my employer does not find fault with the arrangement, I dedicate myself entirely to the Queenas preservation.a Varick seemed to weigh the subject for a few seconds before he nodded. aI find this arrangement to be quite satisfactory.a aVery good.a Mercedes slapped her hands together. aSinjin, I will leave it to you to a.s.semble a force strong enough to protect your Queen.a Sinjin bowed his head in what appeared to be humble acceptance and then glanced at me, the beginnings of a smile working on his lips. It was an expression of triumph and I had to wonder why being named my protector would cause him to feel victorious.

Rand exhaled deeply and then pushed himself away from the table to walk to the opposite side of the room. He was dressed casually in loose, dark jeans that hinted at the athletic lines of his b.u.t.t and legs. He wore a chocolate-brown polo-necked, short-sleeved T-s.h.i.+rt, and I tried to pull my attention away from his incredibly shapely arms, ignoring how his biceps seemed to pop whenever he s.h.i.+fted.

aI believe we should release the legion from Pelham Manor,a he said. I wondered if I was just imagining it or if he was making eye contact with everyone but me.

aYour ledger is finalized, then?a Varick asked.

Rand nodded and crossed his arms against his chest, leaning against the wall. He still refused to look at me.

aYes, and our soldiers are eager to return to their families. If all of you agree, I will dispatch them and tell them to await further instruction.a He paused for a second or two and then faced Sinjin with razor-sharp eyes. aIn fact, I will require everyone to vacate Pelham Manor by tomorrow evening.a Sinjin arched a brow and relaxed into his seat, as if to say he wasnat going anywhere. aAgreed, Randall, though any soldiers deployed in the safety of the Queen must remain a with the Queen.a aNo,a Rand said quickly, almost cutting Sinjin off. Randas voice was rough, like a raspy file grating on cement. aYou are most certainly no longer welcome here.a Sinjin dropped his smile but didnat lose the intensity of his glare, which was aimed at Rand. If looks could kill a aI am the Queenas sworn protectora"I go wherever she goes.a aWhich brings up another issue, Rand,a Mercedes interrupted. aI informed Jolie yesterday that she will need to make her home elsewherea"somewhere more suitable for a Queen.a Rand didnat say anything but shook his head and started pacing from one side of the room to the other in usual perturbed-Rand form. I personally hated the fact that I had to move, and seeing the anger chip away at Randas face made the subject even harder to swallow.

Finally Rand stopped pacing and faced Mercedes. aI do not support a monarchy,a he said simply.

The silence in the room seemed to pound against my mind with fists of mute frustration. I tore my gaze from Randas face and looked around the table, noting the surprise in everyoneas eyes.

Odran cleared his throat. aYe have noo choice,a he said.

aThis is preordained, Rand.a Mathilda glanced up at him with eyes of understanding. Aside from me, Mathilda really was the only other person in the room who cared about Rand. I thought of her as his surrogate mother in some ways.

aI donat care,a Rand answered, shaking his head. aI couldnat tolerate the idea of Bella being Queen, and although I care deeply for Jolie, I canat support monarchy in any form.a I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, like I might vomit right then and there. This was what Iad been afraid of all along, though Iad known it was coming all the same. Really, I should never have expected otherwisea"Rand was too stubborn, too dedicated to his ideals of democracy to ever sway from them. And for that, I actually admired him.

aRand,a I started but was drowned out by the voices of everyone else around the table. It was suddenly a cacophony of dissidencea"questions tumbling over comments of surprise and anger.

aThis is Jolieas destiny.a Mercedes quieted everyone in an instant. It was as if she could control sound, so that only her voice could be heard. It sort of freaked me out.

aI believe in freedom of choice, not destiny,a Rand responded, his voice constricted and tight.

aJolieas fate is to become Queen and unite the creatures of the Underworld. Without her, our societyas existence is perilous,a Mercedes said.

Mathilda nodded and I glanced at Rand as the sick feeling returned. He was still avoiding my eyes. I felt like I was a ghost, just observing a conversation in which I had no part. I was losing hima"I could almost feel him ripping away from me and I wanted to cry. Scratch that, I wanted to scream. But I couldnat argue with Mercedes because I knew that this was my destiny. And in accepting that there was a greater purpose for my life, I had to sacrifice Randas love.

aThen if he isnat with us, heas against us?a Trent continued, his voice laced with anger.

aRand is not against us,a I said in a vacant voice.

Rand was silent for a few seconds, staring at me as if head only just remembered I was in the room. I said nothing in return and met his stare, our eyes having a conversation of their own.

Finally he smiled sadly. aI will never be against you. I am merely opting out. I have always been a renegade so Iall go back to being a renegade.a And that was the truth. When I was first introduced to this world and learned that newbies needed some type of protector, Rand hadnat been exactly keen on the idea of becoming mine. Instead head informed me that he lived outside the rules, that he was a renegade. But once Bella made it known that she wanted to be my protectora"for less-than-n.o.ble reasonsa"Rand really had no choice but to take the task upon himself.

aNo one should exist outside the rules of the kingdom,a Varick said pointedly. aIf we are to have a Queen over our society, we must come to terms with the fact that rules must exist for everyone. Otherwise, there is no difference to how things used to be.a aYes, there would be a difference,a Rand began. aA monarchy would be in full effect but I would not consider myself an enemy of the state, merely a bystander.a aI doona like the idea,a Odran said and shook his head.

aFrankly, I donat care,a Rand answered.

I couldnat help but notice that Sinjin hadnat said anything. I was glad. I didnat want to know what was going through his head. But I did want to know what was going through Randas.

It can be different, Rand, a different form of rule than youare imagining it to be, I thought and glanced up at him, my expression hopeful.

This goes against everything I believe, Jolie, everything I stand for.

Even though I knew it was fruitless, I couldnat help but fight back. I had to try to convince him his idea of monarchy was old school, that the Underworld Queen of the twenty-first century could be as different as night is to day.

It doesnat have to contradict your values, Rand. We can shape this role to be anything we want it to be! And for the first time, I realized what my goal was, my hope in taking the so-called thronea"I didnat want to rule the Underworld alone. I wanted to lead with Rand by my side. The problem was that Rand was too stubborn to see it.

By its very nature, this goes against every fiber of my being, Jolie. I donat believe any creature should be subjugated to a ruler, whether Bella or a you.

Rand, please. Just give me a chance.

aAs I understand it, there are creatures who are waiting to be brought back to life?a Mercedes asked, focusing on Rand again. I had to wonder if shead been eavesdropping on our conversation or if she had just realized it was time for a change of subject matter.

Rand was quiet for a few seconds and then nodded. aI am ready if you and Jolie are.a Mercedes nodded and faced the table again. aI believe we should start with ten deceased at a time.a aTen?a I asked in surprise, pus.h.i.+ng all thoughts of being Queen to the back of my mind. aUm, Iave only ever reanimated one person at a time, Mercedes.a aJolie has a point,a Rand said, shaking his head. aTen seems overzealous.a Mercedes gave a smile that said she knew something we didnat. Iave learned to hate those types of smiles.

aWith the three of us, it will be an easy feat,a Mercedes said. aLet us rea.s.semble here tomorrow morning.a I just nodded although I had to wonder how in the h.e.l.l I was going to reanimate ten of our fallen soldiers at the same time.

Later that evening, I couldnat sleep. Memories of Rand a.s.saulted my mind and I couldnat seem to force them down. I sat up in my bed and sighed deeply. Sometimes I felt like I was living in the pasta"like I just couldnat allow the memories of my best moments with Rand to live in eternity as they were meant.

But tonight my memories were alive. And they centered on the moment when Rand had first told me he loved me. It was the evening before we were due to go to war with Bella, and Rand and I were in the midst of a telepathic conversation a Rand was quiet for a moment or two. Have you been crying?

Yes, Iave been so worried and I couldnat stomach the idea of you going to war and being angry with me.

I wasnat angry with you, Jolie. I was hurt.

Iam sorry.

There is something Iave wanted to tell you for a while. Iad hoped to tell you before tonight and I could kick myself for my own b.l.o.o.d.y foolish pride a but I want you to know there has never been a day I havenat thought of you. Sometimes I drive myself mad with debating over whether we should be together or not. Iave never acted on my feelings because Iave convinced myself Iam not in your best interests.

His comment amazed me. Not in my best interests? As if to say I was too good for him? How could you not be in my best interest?